Business Meeting Humor
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Doing big data buzzwordy jazz at my job here, and I was involved in a meeting in which the analysts are trying to come up with various metrics for counting customers that doesn't involve barcoding everyone and scanning them as they come in the door.
One way to try to get a customer count is to proxy count through certain items. It was at that point that I noticed that a sale of a whole pie was being counted as 3 people.
I helpfully raised my hand and pointed out that using 3 as an estimate for pie might not be accurate enough, and that we should probably use the more precise measure of 3.14159265358979....
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@darkmatter I guess they immediately cancelled any recurring meeting events where you were invited?
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@JBert Mission accomplished
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+1 for 14 dp, but is it accurate enough?
Filed under: I know pi to 10 dp from memory
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@JBert said in Business Meeting Humor:
@darkmatter I guess they immediately cancelled any recurring meeting events where you were invited?
if they hadn't blackballed me from meetings yet, this certainly wasn't going to make it happen.
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I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob!
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@boomzilla weird that his phone would autocorrect conference to brief.
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@darkmatter said in Business Meeting Humor:>
One way to try to get a customer count is to proxy count through certain items. It was at that point that I noticed that a sale of a whole pie was being counted as 3 people.
I helpfully raised my hand and pointed out that using 3 as an estimate for pie might not be accurate enough, and that we should probably use the more precise measure of 3.14159265358979....
Way to get written up for behaving irrationally....
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@boomzilla said in Business Meeting Humor:
No wonder she's so pissed off. Who wants that to be "brief".
Though, Toby Faire, if he's counting 30 minutes as a "brief" session...
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@darkmatter said in Business Meeting Humor:
@boomzilla weird that his phone would autocorrect conference to brief.
No, no, it clearly autocorrected "conference" to "beforehand".
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@boomzilla
The thing that always bothers me about explicit "omg autocorrects" like that is... how badly do you have to mangle "conference" before your phone decides you were talking about going down on someone?
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@izzion Don't assume the person typed the whole word before autocomplete kicked in.
@Zecc said in 🙅 THE BAD IDEAS THREAD:
Autocorrect ... Sometimes I wonder why I bother.
: p, a, r, a (NB: "para" is a word meaning "to" in Portuguese) : parapsicopataYes, it means "psychopath". No, no I've never used the word in my phone.
e, s, c, r, i, t— (NB: "escritório" means "office") : escritescroto"Scrotum". Never used either.
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@Zecc
But then he still had to type something like "cun" and hit the autocomplete box or space. If "u" was adjacent to "o", then maybe I'd see that. But it's two freaking keys over!
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@izzion said in Business Meeting Humor:
@Zecc
But then he still had to type something like "cun" and hit the autocomplete box or space. If "u" was adjacent to "o", then maybe I'd see that. But it's two freaking keys over!2 keys means very little on a dinky phone keyboard, especially if it's swiping
however, usually autocorrect chooses something relatively normal, OR something you use a lot.
so while he may not have wanted cunnilingus from her in that specific case, he's sure asked for it a lot in the past.
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In my first job i misunderstood a stationary order form and ordered a whole pallet of Tipp-Ex (correction fluid) instead of just one bottle..................... BIG MISTAKE!
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@Helix
At least the order form wasn't moving while you were trying to read it?
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@izzion A lot of these seem to be Swype-os, where you use vague, often confusing finger gestures to input a word and the phone takes its best guess which word you meant. It usually gets the starting letter right, and often the ending one, but sometimes it registers letters next to the one you want, or misinterprets the little wiggle for "repeat that letter" to mean "include these other three letters", and the best guess can be way off.
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@Helix At least you didn't accidentally order 28000 tons of coal.
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@izzion
?
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@Helix said in Business Meeting Humor:
stationary order form
stationary = not moving
stationery = paper used in business or writing fancy letters (or related office supplies, such as Tipp-Ex)
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@Yamikuronue
I guess. Personally, I can "type" fast enough, even on a phone keyboard, that Swype wouldn't save me enough time to be worth the higher error rate. But why are Swype users not in the habit of religiouslyusing a phone condomchecking to make sure their phone isn't going to get them sued for sexual harassment? Come on, people, Swype responsibly!
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@hungrier said in Business Meeting Humor:
coal
I know your right, mine was a miner mistake compared to that story
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@izzion
can't believe i missed that
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@izzion I don't use Swype, but I started using that method of entering text when G-board (Google Keyboard) introduced that functionality. Works mostly well, but I do check what words I get as I swipe so I can correct anything it gets wrong. It even can do several languages at once now, which is useful because I switch between English and Swedish a lot while at a computer. I don't however understand why people fully trust that it will always enter the intended word, because the error rate is high enough that you'd account for it when entering text.
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@Atazhaia ppl r lazy
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@Atazhaia I've recently turned Flow back on in Swiftkey, and I'm still not sure if it's faster than just normal Swiftkey overall. It's real good for long words, but then again maybe it would suggest the right word after a few keystrokes anyway.
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@Atazhaia I use the Google Keyboard as well, and have noticed that for certain words in my dictionary, no matter how much I use them ("fuck"), if they're flagged a certain way they won't appear as the result of a swipe; you have to type it out. So that effectively negates "damn you auto correct" and makes me a lot more dubious of screenshots like that as I assume most other keyboards are doing that by now as well.
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@heterodox Add a contact on your phone named "fuck goddammit", it should add both words to they swipe dictionary.
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@heterodox Google search suggestions do the same - once you include certain words it just stops suggesting searches entirely.
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@heterodox there's an option in the keyboard settings to disable naughty words and it's ticked by default. so i'm assuming these people, like me, have unchecked that option because it's 2017 and i should not have to type out my curses letter by letter
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@Zecc said in Business Meeting Humor:
Don't assume the person typed the whole word before autocomplete kicked in.
That drove me nuts on my phone. Had to turn it off so it only makes suggestions. (tho some of the suggestions are ... ??? (guess I let some misspellings get thru, so now they get suggested - anyone know how to edit those? s8 on andriod7.0)
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@heterodox said in Business Meeting Humor:
I use the Google Keyboard as well, and have noticed that for certain words in my dictionary, no matter how much I use them ("fuck"), if they're flagged a certain way they won't appear as the result of a swipe; you have to type it out. So that effectively negates "damn you auto correct" and makes me a lot more dubious of screenshots like that as I assume most other keyboards are doing that by now as well.
I think SwiftKey doesn't. Or maybe I turned it off because to be honest, I use these words a lot.
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@bb36e said in Business Meeting Humor:
@heterodox there's an option in the keyboard settings to disable naughty words and it's ticked by default. so i'm assuming these people, like me, have unchecked that option because it's 2017 and i should not have to type out my curses letter by letter
OH, hey, there it is! That option is certainly not easy to find. :D
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@dcon said in Business Meeting Humor:
@Zecc said in Business Meeting Humor:
Don't assume the person typed the whole word before autocomplete kicked in.
That drove me nuts on my phone. Had to turn it off so it only makes suggestions. (tho some of the suggestions are ... ??? (guess I let some misspellings get thru, so now they get suggested - anyone know how to edit those? s8 on andriod7.0)
If you see something incorrect in the suggestion area, you should be able to press down on it and drag it to a trash icon. That's with Gboard though.
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Or you could just get a phone with a real keyboard and not have to put up with any of this stupid crap.
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@Helix said in Business Meeting Humor:
@izzion
?I remember learning about this in business law. https://news.tradedefender.com/2016/08/26/accidentally-ordering-28000-tons-of-coal/ The thing that shocked me is that the article contains a link to thedailywtf.
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@Helix said in Business Meeting Humor:
In my first job i misunderstood a stationary order form and ordered a whole pallet of Tipp-Ex (correction fluid) instead of just one bottle..................... BIG MISTAKE!
A lot of our local grocery stores now offer deliveries, which is a big time saver for parents and working professionals, etc. The other day the wife decides to give it a try, takes an inventory, makes her list, sits down at the computer and places her order. An hour or so later a young fellow rings our doorbell and carries in the groceries and places them on our island. Nifty. Very pain-free.
As we are unpacking I realize that we have a hell of a lot of bananas in the box of produce. Like, a metric fuckload. More than an Imperial fuckload. So I ask the wife how many bananas she ordered.
"I only ordered 10 bananas, what the hell is this??"
"If I had to guess, I would reckon it to be about 10 pounds of bananas. I think you misunderstood the order form."
Nope. I look for myself and it only says "Quantity" but mentions no denomination. So, I would also assume it to be number of fruit.
Funny thing is, this UI break is on a very inexpensive line item. Bananas are like ~$0.45/lb so she also did not notice that the bill was ~$4 higher than it should be.
That all happened a couple of weeks ago. I am now very tired of banana bread and banana oatmeal. This weekend I stop in to that store for some hamburger buns and when I went in the banana display was barren. I assume it was because they still have not clarified the UI.
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@Polygeekery
I suspect they'll have an easier time fixing it once an enterprising soul such as yourself reports the problem
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@Polygeekery surprising that all of their produce doesn't suffer the same issue.
You buy pretty much all produce by weight, so it only seems logical to me that the entry on the form would be some measure of weight... but whether it's Oz or Lbs would be up in the air. At least she didn't try to order 16oz of bananas.
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@darkmatter said in Business Meeting Humor:
@Polygeekery surprising that all of their produce doesn't suffer the same issue.
You buy pretty much all produce by weight, so it only seems logical to me that the entry on the form would be some measure of weight... but whether it's Oz or Lbs would be up in the air. At least she didn't try to order 16oz of bananas.
That all depends on what you are buying. Avocados, bell peppers, bunches of herbs, lots of things are priced per item.
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@darkmatter said in Business Meeting Humor:
You buy pretty much all produce by weight
What? I don't buy tomatoes by weight. If I want two tomatoes, I buy two tomatoes, not 0.243346 lbs of tomatoes. The store might charge me by weight, but that's their problem, not mine.
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@NedFodder said in Business Meeting Humor:
If I want two tomatoes, I buy two tomatoes
and if I want to make sauce, I'll buy a pound of tomatoes.
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@darkmatter said in Business Meeting Humor:
You buy pretty much all produce by weight, so it only seems logical to me that the entry on the form would be some measure of weight
Bananas are a bit of an edge case. I think of them as per banana, since I eat one at a time rather than one measure at a time
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@NedFodder said in Business Meeting Humor:
@darkmatter said in Business Meeting Humor:
You buy pretty much all produce by weight
What? I don't buy tomatoes by weight. If I want two tomatoes, I buy two tomatoes, not 0.243346 lbs of tomatoes. The store might charge me by weight, but that's their problem, not mine.
For tomatoes you may not buy them by weight, but you will pay for them by weight.
Toby faire, it is a difficult thing to write UI around without making things really clunky. With 3 seconds thought, it would seem that each product item would need two blanks where you could choose. You could request two tomatoes and if @Yamikuronue is making sauce she could enter in a different box that she wants 1lb.
But then, how do you process their checkout screen. For you they would have to go get two tomatoes and weigh them before you could really checkout. Especially so considering that tomatoes can vary a lot in weight through the year. Or, you could program in a fudge factor for the per item shoppers and then have anal retentive types that weigh their tomatoes after they are delivered start bitching.
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@Polygeekery Or you could stop being lazy and buy them at the store.