The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨
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This farmer is upset. "The kids have been 'writing' their name in the snow!" His neighbor says, "Calm down, all the boys fool around that way some time or other." The farmer says, "Yeah, I know, but this is in my daughterβs handwriting!"
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@jbert said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
This farmer is upset. "The kids have been 'writing' their name in the snow!" His neighbor says, "Calm down, all the boys fool around that way some time or other." The farmer says, "Yeah, I know, but this is in my daughterβs handwriting!"
Females can do it too! Just takes more effort!
Filed under: Yes I know the actual context and punchline of the joke. I think
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@tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
@jbert said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
This farmer is upset. "The kids have been 'writing' their name in the snow!" His neighbor says, "Calm down, all the boys fool around that way some time or other." The farmer says, "Yeah, I know, but this is in my daughterβs handwriting!"
Females can do it too! Just takes more effort!
Most of the ones I know can't write their names, but they can dot the i's.
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How did Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it
Filed under: Not historically accurate, so sue the dude who told it to me...
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@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
My friend is addicted to brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time.I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it
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True story:
Last night, I was watching something on the TV where a character was talking about going to see a psychic who was 4'6".
Oh, a small Meduim
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@jaloopa I heard a similar joke once:
What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison?
A small Medium at large
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@vault_dweller If they're annoyingly cheerful it does make you want to strike a happy medium
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@jaloopa But the true test of a psychic is to be able to look at a person and sense how they like their steak. It's supposed to be very difficult to pull off. As they say, it's a rare medium well done.
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Fun fact: if you gather all the people in the world and line them up along the equator around three fourths of them will drown.
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Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me!
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.
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People think Iβm weird because I swallowed an abacus. Donβt they realize itβs whatβs inside that counts?
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Cross posting from the random thread I posted it in
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My optometrist is a great guy, the kind who'll look you straight in the eye and tell you the truth.
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@masonwheeler said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
My optometrist is a great guy, the kind who'll look you straight in the eye and tell you the truth.
A pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
An optometrist wants to know if you see the glass as more full like this? Or like this?
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What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
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@obeselymorbid brilliant!
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@el_heffe said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
Wait, what are "fellas" supposed to be thinking here?
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https://www.reddit.com/r/harrypotter/comments/82358q/i_really_love_harry_potter_but_after_rereading/
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@tsaukpaetra
The Bahamas are not really Caribbean. They are sometimes called Caribbean, but that is technically wrong.The Caribbean islands, consisting of the Greater Antilles on the north and the Lesser Antilles on the south and east (including the Leeward Antilles), are part of the somewhat larger West Indies grouping, which also includes the Lucayan Archipelago (comprising the Bahamas and Turks and Caicos Islands). The Lucayans and, less commonly, Bermuda, are also sometimes considered Caribbean despite the fact that none of these islands border the Caribbean Sea.
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@tsaukpaetra /me intensifies
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@pie_flavor said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
@tsaukpaetra /me intensifies
You know, I wasn't intentionally thinking of you when posting this, I was reposting from work chat, but I'm going to cross-cross-post because that's pretty funny.... :D
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Archaeologists have discovered a new tomb. Unusually, the mummy within was found covered in hazelnuts and chocolate. They believe this mummy was known as Pharaoh Rocher.
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I used to play Rugby at school. I wasn't very good, despite trying my best. The nicest thing people ever said about my playing was "nice try".
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Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet?
Because the P is silent!
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@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
I used to play Rugby at school. I wasn't very good, despite trying my best. The nicest thing people ever said about my playing was "nice try".
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@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
I used to play Rugby at school. I wasn't very good, despite trying my best. The nicest thing people ever said about my playing was "nice try".
Ah, I could feel I was missing out on the terminology. Thanks!
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"Imagine you are walking through a forest and see a girl lying on the ground who has just been raped. What would you do?"
"Grab my GPS because it looks like I'm going in circles."
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"Mom, there's a monster in my bed."
"It's your problem, you yourself brought her here from the club last night."
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@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic π΄πΉπ¨:
"Imagine you are walking through a forest and see a girl lying on the ground who has just been raped. What would you do?"
"Grab my GPS because it looks like I'm going in circles."Woooowwww....
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@obeselymorbid the horrific jokes topic is... huh, that's not a thing yet.
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@doctorjones We have a boomzilla's offcolor joke thread, but I was too lazy to look for it.
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"How come you can't swim despite having lived on the seacoast for all your life?"
"Well, you live next to an airport and still haven't learned to fly."
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"Had a fight with your wife again? What was it this time?"
"She says I've ruined her birthday. But how could I have ruined it, I don't even remember what date it was."
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The doctor told me exercising would add years to my life.
He was right, I just did 5 push-ups and I already feel like I'm about 85.
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If a cop asks you whether you had any drugs in the last 24 hours,
immediately looking at your watch is not the best idea.