The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@PleegWat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Jaloopa It does mean !B=>!A
There's no proof that this isn't a drunk post, so therefore it must be!
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Reports are coming in of an explosion in a French cheese factory.
Initial indications are that there's nothing left but de Brie.
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@PJH Did you miss my awesome series of "explosion in France" jokes a while back?
There was also an explosion at a flooring factory. Lots of Linoleum Blown apart.
And a dam also exploded, if you can imagine that. Fortunately the water was l'eau.
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@Zecc said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@PJH Did you miss my awesome series of "explosion in France" jokes a while back?
It would appear so. Along with (at the time of writing) 6 others...
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@PleegWat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Jaloopa It does mean !B=>!A
As in, the horse did not exist, so there was no thought.
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Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
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In the cemetery i saw 4 men carrying a coffin round and round, 3 hours later i saw the same men with the same coffin and i thought to myself......They've lost the fucking plot!!!
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https://i.imgur.com/O684xYC.jpg
I only have one leg, so I'm allowed to laugh at this.
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@El_Heffe said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
https://i.imgur.com/O684xYC.jpg
I only have one leg, so I'm allowed to laugh at this.
Since when do people have up to 10 faces? Or 10 chests?
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This occurred some decades ago. A physicist had spent many years trying to figure out the best shape for a nuclear particle accelerator. Thus far, he had made no progress, and the department was losing patience with him. One day, at his desk, he suddenly shrieked, "Eureka! I have found it! The ideal shape for a nuclear particle accelerator!" His colleagues gathered around him. He quickly drew a circle on a blank piece of paper, and eagerly showed it to them. They jeered and heckled him, and finally someone grabbed the sheet of paper from him, rolled it up and shoved it into a pencil sharpener. Naturally, the entire building turned into a mushroom cloud, due to the assembly of a critical mass at ground zero.
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@chozang .... Wow.
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Q: What do you call the chief policeman?
A: The Big DoughnutI know; you were thinking of 'top cop', but you're WRONG!
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@El_Heffe said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I only have one leg, so I'm allowed to laugh at this.
I have two, I'm allowed to laugh twice as hard.
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@Zecc said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@El_Heffe said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I only have one leg, so I'm allowed to laugh at this.
I have two, I'm allowed to laugh twice as hard.
I have four. I'm allowed to laugh until someone notices I'm a dog
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I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
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Mr Cameron went on to regale guests with an anecdote in which junior health minister Simon Burns’s driver reversed into the Speaker’s car in a Parliament courtyard.
The Prime Minister described how the diminutive Mr Bercow appeared and told Mr Burns: “I’m not happy!” To which Mr Burns replied: “Well, which one [of the seven dwarves] are you?”
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Silvio Berlusconi, Italy’s prime minister, told a “Why did the chicken cross the road?” joke at a summit. The punchline was so filthy the interpreters refused to repeat it, Mr Cameron said.
The curiosity is killing me.
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@Luhmann said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Vault_Dweller said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"Well, then which one are you?"
Grumpy
XD
My siblings have already had the conversation about who's which dwarf, and they all agree that I'm Doc.
(Of course, my sister is Snow White.)
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@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My siblings have already had the conversation about who's which dwarf, and they all agree that I'm Doc.
(Of course, my sister is Snow White.)Your sister is twice as tall as you?
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@RaceProUK No, she just likes s.
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Two men are stood outside a pet shop looking in the window. One points inside and says "there's the one I'd get". A few seconds later a cyclops came out and punched him in the face.
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@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My siblings have already had the conversation about who's which dwarf, and they all agree that I'm Doc.
I once wrote an internal memo for Disney looking to downsize some of the dwarves. Just about everyone was untouchable (they valued Doc's medical training, Dopey was protected under a disability clause, Grumpy might come back to the workplace disgruntled if let go, etc). The only one I couldn't find an excuse to keep was Bashful.
The final paragraph hinted that another memo would follow outlining plans to reduce the number of Dalmatians to forty at most.
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@RaceProUK said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My siblings have already had the conversation about who's which dwarf, and they all agree that I'm Doc.
(Of course, my sister is Snow White.)Your sister is twice as tall as you?
lol! No, she's the only girl, though, and there's seven boys, including me, so the numbers work out.
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@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@RaceProUK said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My siblings have already had the conversation about who's which dwarf, and they all agree that I'm Doc.
(Of course, my sister is Snow White.)Your sister is twice as tall as you?
lol! No, she's the only girl, though, and there's seven boys, including me, so the numbers work out.
:gigg--- oh wait....
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@PJH said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Reports are coming in of an explosion in a French cheese factory.
Initial indications are that there's nothing left but de Brie.
I should have filed copyright on this 3 years ago. This is the second time now I've seen it this year after never hearing anyone else tell it.
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@Boner said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Two men are stood outside a pet shop looking in the window. One points inside and says "there's the one I'd get". A few seconds later a cyclops came out and punched him in the face.
...
...
...
/google/
Ok, I don't get it.
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@pydsigner I'm Princess Whoosh, and I got it :P
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@RaceProUK said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@pydsigner I'm Princess Whoosh, and I got it :P
Is it some Odyssey joke?
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@pydsigner there's the one-eyed git (pronounced "get" in the north of England).
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A guy's sitting at a bar, drinking a beer and minding his own business, when the guy sitting next to him nudges him.
"Hey?"
"Huh?"
"Hey, guess what? Up on the roof here, there's this spot where the wind from the alley is just right, that if you jump off, the draft will blow you back up to the roof!"
The guy rolls his eyes. "You've had a few too many," he says, and turns back to his beer.
"No, no, I'm serious! It's totally real! I'll show you! Go outside and watch as I jump!"
The guy looks a bit weirded out, but he goes outside and looks up, and the other guy climbs up onto the roof, takes a running start, and leaps off. Sure enough, he falls a few feet, then suddenly reverses direction and floats back up to land atop the roof again.
"See? Wanna see it again? Watch!" The man takes a running start, leaps... and floats up to the roof. "It works every time!"
So the first guy, seeing it actually demonstrated in front of his eyes, decides he's gotta try it for himself. He goes back in, makes his way to the roof access, and climbs up to find the other guy waiting for him. He shows him exactly where the point to jump from is, so he steps back, takes a few deep breaths, runs towards the edge, leaps...
...and plummets to the concrete below, breaking every bone in his body.
The second guy goes back down, sits at the bar again, and orders another beer. The bartender looks at him and shakes his head slowly, sighing at him. "You sure are a jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
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@masonwheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"You sure are a jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
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@loopback0 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
get
noun
British informal dialect a person whom the speaker dislikes or despisesNot a slang term I'm aware of. I know get has an archaic use of (possibly extramarital) child
Anyway, thanks for explaining it, I had no idea
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@Jaloopa Yeah, I knew about git - Linus didn't use that name for his source control system for no reason, after all - but having get mean the same thing is news to me.
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@lolwhat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
but having get mean the same thing is news to me.
Regional variations in pronunciation.
Like how southerners put extra R sounds in certain words that the northerners don't. Grass/Grarss, Newcastle/Newcarstle, Bath/Barth.
The Git/Get variation is just another example.
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Obligatory:
Git is a term of insult with origins in British English denoting an unpleasant, silly, incompetent, stupid, annoying, senile, elderly or childish person.[1] As a mild[2] oath it is roughly on a par with prat and marginally less pejorative than berk. Typically a good-natured admonition with a strong implication of familiarity, git is more severe than twit or idiot but less severe than wanker, arsehole or twat when offense is intended.[2][3][4]
The word git first appeared in print in 1946, but is undoubtedly older.[citation needed] It is originally an alteration of the word get, dating back to the 14th century.[citation needed] A shortening of beget,[5] get insinuates that the recipient is someone's misbegotten offspring and therefore a bastard.[6] In parts of northern England, Northern Ireland and Scotland get is still used in preference to git;
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@coldandtired said in In other news today...:
@anotherusername said in In other news today...:
Man critically injured after vehicle crashes about 20 feet into building
That's because normal cars have tyres and not feet.
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@Boner said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@pydsigner there's the one-eyed git (pronounced "get" in the north of England).
Thanks. I guess I can blame my left-pondian brain.
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He's a superjerk!
Am I the only one who hears Rick James sing this?
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@Karla Not anymore.
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A friend of mine told me he ran a marathon yesterday.
I asked him what position he finished in. He said "like this "
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@obeselymorbid That was waaay too long.
C-, for effort.
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@obeselymorbid tldl
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@obeselymorbid Amateurish. I'm sure I already posted the longest joke in the world.
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@Magus The "Nate the Snake" thing? Or did you find something even bigger?
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@masonwheeler No, that's definitely it.
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Highlighter pens are the future...
Mark my words.