The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
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They call it Bridge?
A lady applied for the position of a house maid. Asked why she left her last employment, she said:
"Sir, the wages were good, the living conditions were quite comfortable, but it was the most ridiculous place. They played this game they called Bridge. Last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring the refreshments, I heard a man tell a lady:
"Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got."
Another man said:
"I have strength, but not much length."
Yet another man told a lady:
"Take your hand off my trick!"
I dropped dead when a lady said:
"You forced me. You jumped me twice, but you didn’t have the strength for even one good raise."
Another lady was talking about protecting her honour and one lady told another:
"Now it’s my turn to play with your husband; you play with mine."
I packed my bags, took my hat and coat and was leaving, when I heard a young man say:
"I guess we can go home soon. This is the last rubber."
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@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
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@tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@rhywden said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
0_1506710972267_steamroller.mp4
Okay, how does one embed this video properly?
Or
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@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Did you ask beforehand?
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@dragoon said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Did you ask beforehand?
I did ask for my wisdom teeth and I think I asked for the cyst.
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@atazhaia said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@tsaukpaetra Noooo mode would be a very good description of it, as I am yet to find any sane environment that runs without operator precedence in maths.
Microsoft Calculator in "Standard" mode. "Scientific" mode invokes the non-Noooo mode.
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@karla
Well, those bastards.
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@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
My xgf was given her gallstones. They looked like tie-dyed gamer dice. Mind you, she was a nurse in the hospital where it was done, so she might have been able to pull a few favors other patients wouldn't be allowed.
I've had a couple of things taken out that they made a point of showing me afterwards, but they never let me keep them. The neuroma that came out of my hand looked like a sliver of raw shrimp, all pink and glisteny, which I took as a sign that it was not diseased tissue (it had just been sitting on top of a nerve, leading to sort of an auxiliary funny bone at the base of my little finger that was becoming a nuisance).
(And now I'm pissed off because I can't find Gahan Wilson's cartoon of a doctor holding up an entire humerus, radius, ulna and skeletal hand, all attached, and saying "And this, Mr Henshaw, was what we found in your arm.")
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@da-doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
My xgf was given her gallstones. They looked like tie-dyed gamer dice. Mind you, she was a nurse in the hospital where it was done, so she might have been able to pull a few favors other patients wouldn't be allowed.
I've had a couple of things taken out that they made a point of showing me afterwards, but they never let me keep them. The neuroma that came out of my hand looked like a sliver of raw shrimp, all pink and glisteny, which I took as a sign that it was not diseased tissue (it had just been sitting on top of a nerve, leading to sort of an auxiliary funny bone at the base of my little finger that was becoming a nuisance).
(And now I'm pissed off because I can't find Gahan Wilson's cartoon of a doctor holding up an entire humerus, radius, ulna and skeletal hand, all attached, and saying "And this, Mr Henshaw, was what we found in your arm.")
Yeah, I was shown the cyst, and on my hip surgery the showed me the bursa.
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@masonwheeler I'm guessing something like "Someone was hula hooping, and then the boobs came out"
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@hungrier said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@masonwheeler I'm guessing something like "Someone was hula hooping, and then the boobs came out"
I would think.
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@karla Yeah, but where did you find this? (And why do so many people on here upload images rather than linking them, which destroys any contextual clues about where they came from?!?)
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@masonwheeler Some random fan page that posts funny images on FB. When I get home I will see if there was anything interesting in the text with the image.
ETA: I don't link on FB because historically it never worked.
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@masonwheeler said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And why do so many people on here upload images rather than linking them
I'd prefer that people upload the image and link the source, so that when the source inevitably disappears, the image still works and the source URL gives context.
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@ben_lubar said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@masonwheeler said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And why do so many people on here upload images rather than linking them
I'd prefer that people upload the image and link the source, so that when the source inevitably disappears, the image still works and the source URL gives context.
Now if only there was an easy button for that...
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@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
ETA: I don't link on FB because historically it never worked.
Blocked at work where I do the majority of my browsing here, so all I get is a grey "failed to load" box
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@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dragoon said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Did you ask beforehand?
I did ask for my wisdom teeth and I think I asked for the cyst.
One of my brothers once literally shattered his left tibia (I think it was in six pieces). The doctors used a titanium rod to get the bone to heal straight.
After the surgery to remove the rod again, it had magically vanished. Since we had paid for it, it was actually our property.
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@polygeekery
That guy really got balls of steel ... going cycling on a wet and cold road with a race bike only wearing summer gear ... kudos
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@luhmann said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@polygeekery
That guy really got balls of steel ... going cycling on a wet and cold road with a race bike only wearing summer gear ... kudosThe picture may not be 100% authentic. Jus' sayin'.
On the other hand, I have seen people cosplaying as bananas on bicycles in weather like that.
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@anotherusername said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@r10pez10 said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
But then that's backward. You're supposed to notice the hot chick first... she's supposed to be on the left.
There's only one hot chick?
Although I do agree that the rtl reading order is a mistaken interpretation of the image. It already is ltr (or null reading order).
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@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@luhmann said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@polygeekery
That guy really got balls of steel ... going cycling on a wet and cold road with a race bike only wearing summer gear ... kudosThe picture may not be 100% authentic. Jus' sayin'.
On the other hand, I have seen people cosplaying as bananas on bicycles in weather like that.
For all we know, it's 70F out... I've ridden my bike in conditions like that before. (I've also ridden in conditions where you better pick a good gear at the beginning because the rear shifter froze from slush.)
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@boner said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
"1 in 5 teenagers"
Shows 6.
I guess learning basic counting also puts you on the danger course.
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@boomzilla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
He should consider the Dashing Swordsman specialization.
Filed Under: Don't for get to put points in Witty Rejoinders, Scathing Put-downs, and Pithy Parting Lines.
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@scholrlea said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
He should consider the Dashing Swordsman specialization.
Swordmaster Faren?
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@ben_lubar I actually was thinking of Elan the Bard from The Order of the Stick (who went from a bumbling idiot to an actually pretty badass idiot when he leveled up in that), but sure, go with that.
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@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@benjamin-hall it would be a mercy killing. Just let @karla get her family out first.
Just her family? What have you got against @Karla?
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@rhywden said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Since we had paid for it, it was actually our property.
Did you check the EULA it wasn't actually on lease?
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@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Do you have children?
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@xaade said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Do you have children?
It's... complicated....
After they discovered they were in a jar, things became... difficult...
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@tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@xaade said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Do you have children?
It's... complicated....
After they discovered they were in a jar, things became... difficult...
That's why you don't put your sperm in a chicken egg.
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Your open plan office is boring ? Bring some fun with one of this puppies
POWERUP 3.0 Smartphone Controlled Paper Airplane![0_1507097494317_powerup2.SR300,300.jpg](Uploading 100%)
[red toaster with server error; refresh, image does not show]
Kudos for the chap, got 1.2M on Kickstarter, and selling on Amazon now.
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@cabrito Don't know what picture you wanted to upload, but here's two:
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Apparently, this is a real person
https://i.imgur.com/5jihXKV.jpg
From 1996 - 1998, Speed worked as an advance-man for President Clinton, traveling the country and the world to set up Presidential visits. After that, he settled into writing science pieces for magazines, from Discover to National Geographic Adventure to Playboy, among many others.
Speed moved to Los Angeles in 2004 and quickly fell in love with television writing, which has been his career since.
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@xaade said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Do you have children?
LOL That wasn't surgery.
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@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@xaade said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Do you have children?
LOL That wasn't surgery.
Meh, I flipped a coin. It could have been.
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@xaade said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@xaade said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How not fair, I've never had a surgery where they allowed me to keep what they took out.
Do you have children?
LOL That wasn't surgery.
Meh, I flipped a coin. It could have been.
It was still funny. Perfectly appropriate for the thread.
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I saw this and thought of you guys
Sauce: https://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/windows/desktop/ms681382(v=vs.85).aspx
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@doctorjones said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I saw this and thought of you guys
Sauce: https://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/windows/desktop/ms681382(v=vs.85).aspx
It's not wrong...