Fun responses to spam phone calls
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Best one I've come across was the guy who wanted to sell my dad a conservatory - a sort of extension to a room that is almost a room itself.
First of all, my dad lived in a block of flats at the time and he was on the floor above the ground floor (first Floor Flat but clarifying for those who use 1-based indexing)
Secondly, I answered the (landline) phone, was staying there that weekend. Caller verified the surname was right, that I was Mr Arantor, but didn't verify that I was the correct Mr Arantor. He did go through all the address details, which was fun. He even recognised it as a flat, and the odds of being able to build a conservatory on a flat are pretty slim.
But we went through the options, material choices, sizes, colours, gave me a guide price and everything. Then I said, "how much to build all the supports to connect it to a first floor flat?"
Shock. Confusion. "This is a flat on the first floor, to connect it to my wall it needs supports about 10ft high."
"Oh." (Click)
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@masonwheeler Some of these assholes are spoofing Caller ID, so it isn't that easy. Also, local cops generally don't care about nuisance crimes like this, especially when it would take an "immense" amount of effort to work the case anywhere near properly. They give zero fucks, none, not a goddamn one; they have better things to do, like write speeding tickets during rush hour along roads with stupidly low speed limits.
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@thame90 said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@accalia Only a week? I somehow remember seeing it a bit longer ago :o
hmm.... maybe? the days do blur together....
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@arantor said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
Caller verified the surname was right, that I was Mr Arantor, but didn't verify that I was the correct Mr Arantor. He did go through all the address details, which was fun.
It's so fun having your father's name, with the only difference being the suffix (which few ask for anyways).
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@accalia said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@thame90 said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@accalia Only a week? I somehow remember seeing it a bit longer ago :o
hmm.... maybe? the days do blur together....
I'd be dreaming if I thought it was me that caused that.
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@tsaukpaetra not quite what I meant. As is custom I share my father's surname, and they only asked to speak to Mr Surname, not Mr D Surname. I'm Mr P Surname in this situation and I am indeed Mr Surname when asked. If they don't clarify I'm the right Mr Surname, ain't my problem.
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@arantor said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@tsaukpaetra not quite what I meant. As is custom I share my father's surname, and they only asked to speak to Mr Surname, not Mr D Surname. I'm Mr P Surname in this situation and I am indeed Mr Surname when asked. If they don't clarify I'm the right Mr Surname, ain't my problem.
Dagnabbit let me one up someone for a change!
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@tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
It's so fun having your father's name, with the only difference being the suffix (which few ask for anyways).
I find giving a kid the same first name as a parent profoundly disturbing. Are you trying to found a royal dynasty or what? Let the kids have their own identity, for fuck's sake!
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@khudzlin I think it would be funny to either call your child {your name} III or {some other name} III. In the second case, you'd have to hope they had the sense of humour to call their child the Second
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@jaloopa We don't call kids Junior around here, much less III (at least I've never heard of it these days). The closest I've seen is using a grandparent's name (my first name was my mother's paternal grandfather, and I got my own paternal grandfather's first name as a middle name).
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@khudzlin said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
It's so fun having your father's name, with the only difference being the suffix (which few ask for anyways).
I find giving a kid the same first name as a parent profoundly disturbing. Are you trying to found a royal dynasty or what? Let the kids have their own identity, for fuck's sake!
@Tsaukpaetra, the son of @tsaukpaetra, daughter of @tsaukpaetra, who slew the Dragon at Sundeen's keep?
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@tsaukpaetra Obu Obu Obu
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@tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@khudzlin said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
It's so fun having your father's name, with the only difference being the suffix (which few ask for anyways).
I find giving a kid the same first name as a parent profoundly disturbing. Are you trying to found a royal dynasty or what? Let the kids have their own identity, for fuck's sake!
@Tsaukpaetra, the son of @tsaukpaetra, daughter of @tsaukpaetra, who slew the Dragon at Sundeen's keep?
Harumph. You'd better not let a certain dwarf hear you tease her like that. Because dwarves have a saying. 'When your enemy towers over you, their groin is at teeth height.
:-P
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@accalia said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@khudzlin said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
It's so fun having your father's name, with the only difference being the suffix (which few ask for anyways).
I find giving a kid the same first name as a parent profoundly disturbing. Are you trying to found a royal dynasty or what? Let the kids have their own identity, for fuck's sake!
@Tsaukpaetra, the son of @tsaukpaetra, daughter of @tsaukpaetra, who slew the Dragon at Sundeen's keep?
Harumph. You'd better not let a certain dwarf hear you tease her like that. Because dwarves have a saying. 'When your enemy towers over you, their groin is at teeth height.
:-P
But I'm a halfling. :P :P :P That'd be a serious makeout session I think...
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@jaloopa said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
I was drunk, high and not even licensed to be driving a school bus
I have such a good story...that I can tell as soon as the statue of limitations runs out.
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@polygeekery said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@jaloopa said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
I was drunk, high and not even licensed to be driving a school bus
I have such a good story...that I can tell as soon as the statue of limitations runs out.
Why? Did you scare her away?
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@dreikin no, but those jokes aren't nearly as much fun without @HardwareGeek to annoy with them.
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@polygeekery where did he go?
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@arantor no clue. I assume he is just busy.
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One of my friends likes to blast Air Horns through the phone at 'people' like this.
He also has done an impression of the Devil and stated 'Thank you for calling Hell, Inc. How may we condemn you today?".
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Did anybody post the link to the Jolly Roger Telephone Company again?
Quick pick from their channel, haven't listened to it myself yet:
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@laoc said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
"To lick my luscious peach, press one. For chocolaty fun, press two. Please have your credit card details ready"
And remember, a charge of $29.95 per minute will be assessed against your phone bill, the first minute had already begun, big boy.
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@tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
Eh, any LDS member would instantly know you're not a missionary, that's not how Elders answer the phone.
Congratulations, Brother, you passed the test. Your faith is strong. Have a blessed day.
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@jaloopa said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
Any other good ideas for how to play with future ones?
Treat it seriously, but randomly switch with your wife. Start switching every few sentences. The every other. Then work your way into switching mid sentence.
You win if you can make it up to speaking simultaneously, like in that improv game.
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"Windows Technical Department"
Tech: "So you see the start button?"
Me: "Yes but it doesn't do anything when I press it."
Tech: "Ok but you said you see the control panel"
Me: "uh huh. It is right in front of me"
Tech: "Ok, go to network settings"
Me: "Hmmm... I don't see that button."
Tech: "It should be next to Power Settings"
Me: "I see the power button. It is set to 'high.' Could that be the problem?"
Tech: "N-no... What is next to Power Setting button?"
Me: "Why don't I read the buttons I see on this control panel?"
Tech: "Ok"
Me: "Power"
Tech: "Good"
Me: "Clock"
Tech: "yep."
Me: "Potato"
Tech: "ummm..."
Me: "Frozen Dinner"
Tech: "Wait"
Me: "Popcorn"
Tech: "stop, hold it..."
Me: "Oh, I just had a thought. My doohicky here isn't one of those fancy IoT deals. It's a some 5 year old 1000 watt one with a turntable. Could that be the problem? It's got a window though which I thought was what you wanted to see."
[Click]
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@jaloopa said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
Any other good ideas for how to play with future ones?
Route them to an ASMR video. It'll either be like nails on blackboard, or will instantly melt them down into a puddle of orgasming jelly.
In either case, it'll make an impact on the call center's calls-per-hour
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@lorne-kates said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
an ASMR video
To me, not like nails on a chalk board, no orgasms present, but quite annoying.
I guess I'm just not turned on by whisper sounds and tapping/scraping/scratching noises.
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the complete zaharia
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@Polygeekery said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@dreikin no, but those jokes aren't nearly as much fun without @HardwareGeek to annoy with them.
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@LaoC said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@masonwheeler said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
About 10 minutes later, the police arrive at his place. The two of them come out and explain the prank to the officers, and by the end of it the cops were cracking up laughing and saying that was one of the funniest things they've ever seen.
Did he try to invent self-SWATting?
Sounds like a way to get yourself put on a watch list.
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@jinpa said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@LaoC said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@masonwheeler said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
About 10 minutes later, the police arrive at his place. The two of them come out and explain the prank to the officers, and by the end of it the cops were cracking up laughing and saying that was one of the funniest things they've ever seen.
Did he try to invent self-SWATting?
Sounds like a way to get yourself put on a watch list.
Yeah, they'd be likely to find a couple of red flags at my place but I still don't want on any such list.
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I witnessed one half of this conversation:
We’re going to turn off teh internets
Oh, that means no more spam calls!
Fuck you, motherfucker. *hangs up*
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@kazitor said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
I witnessed one half of this conversation:
We’re going to turn off teh internets
Oh, that means no more spam calls!
Fuck you, motherfucker. *hangs up*I really want an IRS scammer to call.
"oh, you're sending a Sheriff?Great! He's gonna be so happy to see me!"
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@Tsaukpaetra said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
He's gonna be so happy to see me!
Are you sure it's not a banana in his pocket?
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@Polygeekery said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
@jaloopa said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
I was drunk, high and not even licensed to be driving a school bus
I have such a good story...that I can tell as soon as the statue of limitations runs out.
Five years later, how long’s that statute?
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(some number) : ring
: "Identify." (very professionally)
... : (nothing for 5 seconds)
: "Identify." (coldly peremptory)
... : (disconnects)
I have not had anyone without valid business with me say anything, as yet.
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das ist nicht tot, was ewig liegen kann
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@Gribnit you should have replied with a "no this is Mark, Maria is my dead name. How can I help you, dear?"
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I had a spam call on Friday that started "blah blah blah we can offer you medical insurance 30% lower than what you currently pay". And I asked, "how do you know how much I pay for medical insurance?" And they instantly hung up. So I called them back, somebody completely different answered. So I explain what just happened and they hung up. So I call again, explain the situation again, but they interrupt me and ask "do I know you?" So I replied, "you know me enough to know how much I pay for insurance!" Hung up. A few more calls, a few more increasingly angry responses from the guy until he stopped picking up completely.
I wonder how it'll impact my spam call volume this week.
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Not spam phone calls, but long ago there used to be a plague of gold sellers in World of Warcraft. After a while of getting annoyed by them, any time one whispered me, I would reply politely, quickly switch to a web browser and go to this site, select a random entry and start replying to the spammer with sentences copied-and-pasted from the site. Most took no more than a few replies before putting me on their ignore list.
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@Gurth There used to be a lot of spam here for WOW gold.
"Without WOW gold, you can hardly do anything." Probably earned by Chinese prisoners.
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@Gurth said in Fun responses to spam phone calls:
Oh my goodness, that is amazing. The effort some people put into counter-scamming the scammers.
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@HardwareGeek I've spent a lot of time reading that site. It's great. They've gotten scammers to give themselves tattoos, carve sculptures, one time even got a scammer to send him $25.
Some of the writers are better than others. For the founder of the site, it was truly an art form.