The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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/me wonders how many folks here have ever seen any of Bob Freer's appearances on Animal Cops Miami or Venom One
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More than one week previously:
Enter Cow Orker A, Cow Orker B, and @magus.
A: Yeah, I kind of liked the Hunger Games
B: How about Divergent? I heard that was good.
A: It's interesting how people frequently compare them. Admittedly, they do start similar, bu-
@magus: -but then they DIVERGE!?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@ScholRLEA said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Juranasshole Park
Nice. Totally going to use that one in slightly modified form.
It's a better pun than someone putting "Fu Ling Yu" on their takeout order...
TBH, I came up with the 'Isla Nutbar' pun first, followed by the Juranasshole Park bit. The rest practically wrote itself.
Still waiting to see if anyone is going to bother to decipher all that Dog Latin.
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@ScholRLEA said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Still waiting to see if anyone is going to bother to decipher all that Dog Latin.
I got the drift, but what's the point of translating it to a post out of context? Doesn't mean anything out of context (unus removetur).
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@CoyneTheDup said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I got the drift, but what's the point of translating it to a post out of context? Doesn't mean anything out of context (unus removetur).
Perhaps, but if you actually look at them, the real context is this forum in general, at least with regards to four of its members.
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http://indy100.independent.co.uk/article/11-jokes-only-smart-people-will-understand--Wygs002Fgb
1. What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
8. Two women walk into a bar and discuss the Bechdel test....
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@PJH Meh, none of those were actually funny. Well, maybe the "what do you get if you cross" one.
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@PJH Why is the image Nigel Farage? Is he the ultimate joke only smart people will get?
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@FrostCat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Well, maybe the "what do you get if you cross" one.
I think it might have been funny if I'd not had to Google it first
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@PJH said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
- What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
- Two women walk into a bar and discuss the Bechdel test....
I don't know why anyone would bother with the first joke.
And the 8th one is lame, lame, lame; a no-brain joke written solely to get points for passing the Bechdel test.
(The others were all good, though.)
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@PJH Just paste them here instead of linking them, they took them all from a reddit thread anyway.
- What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
- Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
- I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
- What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
- What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.
- Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation.
- A German asks for a martini. "Dry?" says the bartender. "Nein, just one."
- Two women walk into a bar and discuss the Bechdel test.
- Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings. Pavlov gasps, "Oh no, I forgot to feed the dogs".
- How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
- I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
They're good (except for number 2, that one sucks), but "so utterly above the average IQ range"? Either that was sarcastic, the author of the article is an idiot, or she's just trying too hard to flatter the audience.
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@anonymous234 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
They're good (except for number 2, that one sucks), but "so utterly above the average IQ range"? Either that was sarcastic, the author of the article is an idiot, or she's just trying too hard to flatter the audience.
Yeah, my own reaction was to sincerely hope they were wrong about what the average (or even median) person would understand, because some of those jokes are pretty basic, despite their mildly intellectual bent. Jokes #3 and #4 are ones I'd expect most people to have heard before, for that matter, and it doesn't take much German to know what the word for 'three' is.
As for #2, I would have used the similar "Werner Heisenberg may or may not have slept here" one.
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@anonymous234 You sure there isn't a fourth explanation?
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Oh. Y'all want harder ones.
Two fermions walk into a bar. The first says “I’d like a vodka martini with a twist.” The second says “Dammit, that’s what I wanted!”
Silver and Gold walk into a bar.
Bartender says "'ey you, get outta here!"
Gold leaves the bar.
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@CoyneTheDup said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Silver and Gold walk into a bar.
Bartender says "'ey you, get outta here!"
Gold leaves the bar.Ey gee, what a joke
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@CoyneTheDup said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Oh. Y'all want harder ones.
Two fermions walk into a bar. The first says “I’d like a vodka martini with a twist.” The second says “Dammit, that’s what I wanted!”I feel so excluded now.
Silver and Gold walk into a bar.
Bartender says "'ey you, get outta here!"
Gold leaves the bar.See, you just can't make a joke like that about, say, copper. Where's Johnny Thunder when you need him?
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Since I didn't get the
ego-stroking I wantedresponse I was hoping for from the Trollodile Hunter post, here are the explanations of the pseudo-Latinate binomials:Mobileimpilium blakei - the second part should be obvious, the first is 'Mobile' (puppet) + 'impilium' (sock) -> Blakey Sockpuppet
Vulpes chupapenes - 'vulpes', fox; 'chupa' (Spanish slang for 'suck' or 'sucker') + 'penes' (penises) -> do I need to spell it out?
Gadofilum lambda - 'Gadus' (cod) + 'filum' (carve or dissect) -> 'filet of cod' (where cod = penis or groin, as in the word 'codpiece'); 'lambda' for both lambda calculus and lambda as a symbol for the LGBT community -> Lisp-loving Transsexual (i.e., me)
Bacilligraphites conlang - conlang, short for 'constructed language', a term for artificial languages such as Lojban; 'bacillus' (rod) + 'graphites' (graphite), as in a graphite moderator rod such as those used to in some nuclear plants to slow neutrons so as to catalyze the chain reaction - > conlang-obsessed moderator who makes things go out of control faster rather than keeping a lid on them.
Filed Under: Mentioning the historical records which show that viticulture played a major role in the economies of the northern Aegean Greek islands during the Hellenic period is considered triggering
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@ScholRLEA said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
ego-stroking I wanted
Much talent! Good show! Many appreciates.
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You like me! You really really like me! crying from happiness
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Today George Lucas announced that he has found 'fresh blood' to invigorate the scriptwriting team for the next Star Wars movie. The new team is to be led by E.L. James, with contributions by Tara Gilesbie, Byron Hall, Stephanie Meyer, and Nancy Stouffer.
In other news, SF fandom was shocked and troubled today by the simultaneous suicides of J.J. Abrams, Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher, Timothy Zahn, and Michael Stackpole.
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@ScholRLEA said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Timothy Zahn
Good riddance! The guy only knows how to write invincible mary sue space sherlock holms generals.
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@Magus Sure, but do you really want to have a lead character who is a 'goffic' cutter that get seduced by a prostitute-obsessed BDSM rapist, and then sues a glittery vampire for copyright infringement of a unpublished novel on the basis of a single shared word?
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@ScholRLEA said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Magus Sure, but do you really want to have a lead character who is a 'goffic' cutter that get seduced by a prostitute-obsessed BDSM rapist, and then sues a glittery vampire for copyright infringement of a unpublished novel on the basis of a single shared word?
Well, it'd be something different, wouldn't it?
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Coroners are the biggest workaholics.
They go to their workplace even after they're dead.
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@Zecc On what planet is that less awkward??
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@Zecc Is that a Moomin?!
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@Boner said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Zecc On what planet is that less awkward??
Japan, where everyone is really weird.
I dine alone quite frequently and have never once thought of it as awkward or in any way unusual.
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@El_Heffe Yes, I wouldn't care either, because fuck everyone else tbh. I wonder if this is more for everyone else in the place who may feel awkward for some reason.
- Awkward situation.
- Add a giant stuffed Papa Moomin.
- ? ? ? ? ?
- Profit
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@Boner
We should file a petition for a :moomin: emoji!
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You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for... Times New Ramen!
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@Zecc I could go for a Curry New right about now!
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@lolwhat We need the right font for this:
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@dkf the heretical fronting thread is
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@Yamikuronue said in Javascript code "encryption":
shitty lock
Reminded me of this joke:
My girlfriend and I were driving in my car. My girlfriend asked me: "Why is it that when a man sleeps with a lot of women, he is considered a legend, but when a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she is considered a slut?" I replied: "If a key can open lots of locks, it is called a 'master key', but if a lock can be opened by many keys, it is considered a shitty lock". That shut her up.
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I hooked up with a girl who told me she could only get off when dressed as a schoolgirl.
But when we got to getting it on, she insisted on keeping the lights off. I didn't see that one coming.
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@flabdablet said in TIL (about the Dark Arts of HTML):
@accalia said in TIL (about the Dark Arts of HTML):
no power source is renewable forever
EXCEPT ONE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8HOfcYWZoo
Celine Dion is immutable. CELEBRATE HER ENTIRE CATALOG!
What is
Celine DionWhitney Houston's favorite coordination?Hand-eEEEYYYyyyeeee...
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@Zecc Wouldn't that joke work better with Whitney Houston?
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@coldandtired said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Zecc Wouldn't that joke work better with Whitney Houston?
Damn. You're completely right.
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a recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it
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Why don't snails respect slugs?
Because slugs are nothing but shell-outs.
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What's long, hard, and contains cum?
A cucumber!
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@ben_lubar
thanks for ruining another vegetable ...
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@Luhmann said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@ben_lubar
thanks for ruining another vegetable ...You didn't know about that little trick? Come on, even Engine figured that one out!
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@Tsaukpaetra It's not a vegetable, it's a melon.
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@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra It's not a vegetable, it's a melon.
I didn't call it a melon, @Luhmann did.
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@Tsaukpaetra
I didn't!