The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@Boner wrong topic, that was a good joke
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 (ph) chickens. How many didn't?
Can someone explain this one? Is it some pun hard for non-english speakers?
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@fbmac said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 (ph) chickens. How many didn't?
Can someone explain this one? Is it some pun hard for non-english speakers?
Speech to text says: "There are thirty cows in a field. Twenty ate the chickens. How many didn't?"
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Why do people dry grapes?
For raisins.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@fbmac said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 (ph) chickens. How many didn't?
Can someone explain this one? Is it some pun hard for non-english speakers?
Speech to text says: "There are thirty cows in a field. Twenty ate the chickens. How many didn't?"
I didn't get it...and I am an English speaker. I think the "(ph)" threw me off.
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@Karla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@fbmac said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 (ph) chickens. How many didn't?
Can someone explain this one? Is it some pun hard for non-english speakers?
Speech to text says: "There are thirty cows in a field. Twenty ate the chickens. How many didn't?"
I didn't get it...and I am an English speaker. I think the "(ph)" threw me off.
I think so, too. And I've heard this joke before! :P
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@Karla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I didn't get it...and I am an English speaker. I think the "(ph)" threw me off.
I wasn't sure how to put this into text. You really have to hear the joke.
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"There are thirty cows in a field. Twenty ate
thechickens. How many didn't?"Yes, since it's the bad jokes thread, the joke relies on "twenty eight" and "twenty ate" sounding alike. The listener is primed to think about the number of animals in the field and assumes that the joke teller is saying that there are 30 cows and 28 chickens in the field. But really there are just 30 cows, 20 of whom ate chickens.
America's Funniest Videos did a segment of a bunch of people asking this question to people and the people having no clue about the answer. Neither did we, watching it, until it sunk in.
They had one a while back where someone was talking to a guy, asking him, "What does Y, E, S spell?" And of course, he'd answer, "yes." Then they'd ask, "What does E, Y, E, S spell?" And he kept answering "eee-yes," getting more frustrated and angry each time he was asked. Because, again, his brain had been primed with the word "yes." Obviously, that one doesn't work in written form, either.
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Q: If you're clutching a bee in your fist, what do you have in your eye?
A: Beauty.
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Did you know that diarhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans.
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This post is deleted!
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@thegoryone said in The official 2017 death pool:
Martin McGuinness is dead as of this morning.
A Chinese man goes into a bar in Ireland, orders a Guinness, drinks half, puts his pint down and goes to the toilet .
When he's gone a man gets up and farts in his drink. When he comes back he's just about to take a drink when the barman stops him and says "That bloke just farted in your Guinness."
The Chinese man turns and says to the man "You fart in my Guinness?"
The man replies no I'm Gerry Adams
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@RaceProUK said in Full disk encryption:
@Tsaukpaetra All I see is
**********
Use asterisks as the password in a server, so when a coworker needs the password, you can send an e-mail telling the password is ******
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@thegoryone said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@fbmac Asterisks? It shows as "******" on my screen
What's your point?
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@fbmac said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@RaceProUK said in Full disk encryption:
@Tsaukpaetra All I see is
**********
Use asterisks as the password in a server, so when a coworker needs the password, you can send an e-mail telling the password is ******
Set up Asterisk to call you and dictate the password to you?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
8
I mean, it's not incredibly common, but I'm sure a cow has done this at one point in time.
Cattle have indeed been known to eat small animals when their fodder is lacking the necessary nutrition.
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@pydsigner said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
8
I mean, it's not incredibly common, but I'm sure a cow has done this at one point in time.
Cattle have indeed been known to eat small animals when their fodder is lacking the necessary nutrition.
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@homoBalkanus
Paging @Onyx
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@PJH http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Achilles
Achilles is the name of Captain Phoebus' horse in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He appears in both the original film and the sequel, being much snarkier in the sequel and answering rhetorical counting questions Phoebus poses by tapping his hoof.
His name was purely based around one joke- the "Achilles, heel!" line in the original movie. He quite nearly ended up nameless, but due to that one play on words, he received his name.
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My girlfriend must be psychic.
My battery died so I called her from my buddy's phone and she answered straight away with "Hi honey".
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I woke up from a blowjob today.
Serves me right for falling asleep on a subway with an open mouth.
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Why did the partially blind man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
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@Karla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I didn't get it...and I am an English speaker. I think the "(ph)" threw me off.
I was trying to remember my alkaline and base scales. I still don't know what it was there for.
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Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
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@chozang
(ph) is a short hand for "phonetic" - a way to write "this joke only makes sense if you read it aloud"
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An idiot decided to try to break the record for the fastest swim across the English Channel. He started out doing well. But then he got tired at the halfway point, so he turned around and went back.
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@djls45 The good jokes thread is
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I'm practicing for the real world. I've decided that I'm subconsciously terrified of interacting with people physically, and "girding up my lions" practicing online.
If you use the example people show you on WTDWTF in the real world, I anticipate problems.
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@tharpa said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
online.
If you use the example people show you on WTDWTF in the real world, I anticipate problems.
In particular, anything involving boobs coming out.
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@antiquarian said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@tharpa said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
If you use the example people show you on WTDWTF in the real world, I anticipate problems.
In particular, anything involving boobs coming out.
Well, this is where the boobs come out.
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Question:
What is this called?int independence;
Answer
The Declaration of Independence
From my wife (a non-programmer).
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The husband comes home from visiting his mother-in-law in the hospital.
"Honey, I think your mom wants to live with us."
"Why?"
"The doctor said to me we have to prepare for the worst."
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"Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"
"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
"Thanks dad"
"No problem Alan"
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@Boner said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"
"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
"Thanks dad"
"No problem Alan"
Who names their son after an anagram of Nala????
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@Boner said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"
"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"
"Thanks dad"
"No problem Alan"
So the daughter is named for an anagram of what the mother loves, which means the son is named for an anagram of what the father loves. Which leaves us with just one question:
Who the hell is Lana?
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
This joke was created by my brother, when he was about 6.
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A man calls his family doctor:
"You need to come over here quickly. I think my wife has appendicitis."
"That's impossible. I removed your wife's appendix myself a couple of years ago. You can't get a new appendix."
"But you can get a new wife."
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@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
This joke was created by my brother, when he was about 6.
If he really created that when he was 6, I think he must have been a smart six year old. Did he live up to his potential?
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@chozang said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
This joke was created by my brother, when he was about 6.
If he really created that when he was 6, I think he must have been a smart six year old. Did he live up to his potential?
He is pretty smart, but my family is pretty witty, too. (And we all have really good relationships with our in-laws. That includes our parents and their in-laws.) And yes, he appears to be living up to his potential. He's about to the point he'll go to college if he wants, but I think he'll be successful no matter where he decides to go.
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@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
An idiot decided to try to break the record for the fastest swim across the English Channel. He started out doing well. But then he got tired at the halfway point, so he turned around and went back.
@antiquarian said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@djls45 The good jokes thread is
Better version here:
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Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one.
He's never gonna give you Up.
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Sex. It must be a bad joke, because I don't get it.
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Why did the programmer quit his job?
Because he didn't get arrays.
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@Zecc I don't get it
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