Stupid human tricks
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Most people have a skill or two that is pretty cool, but almost completely useless. The type of thing that might have landed you on David Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks" segment. One of mine is that I am really, really good at claw machines.
My average is probably better than 80% success rate. I can usually just look at them and figure out which items are winnable and get them. While we were on vacation we went to an arcade and they had a machine with all sorts of cool stuff in it, including those expanding balls:
I won two in a row for my boys.
A couple of years ago we went to a Dave and Buster's and they had a huge claw machine with full-size basketballs in it. I won 3 of them with only a miss or two in the middle.
So what are your stupid human tricks?
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@polygeekery said in Stupid human tricks:
So what are your stupid human tricks?
I have a perfect technique for opening beer bottles with my teeth. Wait, no, that's actually useful sometimes...
Can you actually win at claw machines? I was under the impression that if the machine's RNG wanted you to fail, it'll make sure you fail.
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I can clasp my hands behind my back, then move my arms up and over my head to the point where I'm clasping hands in front of my chest, without ever releasing my hands.
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@polygeekery said in Stupid human tricks:
which items are winnable
Shouldn't that, at least in theory, be all of them?
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@antiquarian said in Stupid human tricks:
Shouldn't that, at least in theory, be all of them?
In theory, theory and practice are the same.
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@maciejasjmj said in Stupid human tricks:
Can you actually win at claw machines? I was under the impression that if the machine's RNG wanted you to fail, it'll make sure you fail.
That depends on where you live. In our area such things would be illegal to do. Elsewhere I am sure it is probably the case.
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@maciejasjmj said in Stupid human tricks:
I have a perfect technique for opening beer bottles with my teeth.
That hurts to even think about...
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At La Ronde, they used to have a game where, to win, you had to toss a plastic softball on a wooden board placed on an easel, and have the ball fall in the basket under it. If you managed to do it, you won the biggest stuffed Teddy bear they had. It costed just $2 for a ball, but it was really difficult. Most people spent a lot of money trying to win.
I knew exactly how to throw the ball, so I almost always had it on the first try.
If only they didn't limit winning to once a week.
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I can, or at least could ~6 months ago, link elbows (meaning like this) with myself behind my back. I can't figure out whether I've gotten less flexible or my back's just gotten too fat.
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@antiquarian said in Stupid human tricks:
@polygeekery said in Stupid human tricks:
which items are winnable
Shouldn't that, at least in theory, be all of them?
There would be a lot of them that are blocked by other items on top of them.
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@antiquarian said in Stupid human tricks:
@polygeekery said in Stupid human tricks:
which items are winnable
Shouldn't that, at least in theory, be all of them?
No. On the stuffed animals they pack them in tight enough that a lot of them cannot be picked up by the claw. Not enough grip.
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I think I'm just unreasonably good at dealing with situations where my hands are occupied.
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@magus said in Stupid human tricks:
I think I'm just unreasonably good at dealing with situations where my hands are occupied.
???
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@masonwheeler said in Stupid human tricks:
I can clasp my hands behind my back, then move my arms up and over my head to the point where I'm clasping hands in front of my chest, without ever releasing my hands.
As a 38 year old man with rotator cuffs that grind like rock crushers, I am envious.
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@polygeekery Yeah, some people get really freaked out when they see me do that, and ask how it's even possible to perform some of the moves. I'm not double-jointed or anything; I'm just really flexible in my arms. :P
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@polygeekery No, but I did expect that response. I can open doors and stuff really effectively without hands, mostly.
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@masonwheeler said in Stupid human tricks:
I can clasp my hands behind my back, then move my arms up and over my head to the point where I'm clasping hands in front of my chest, without ever releasing my hands.
I can do that too, for a loose-ish definition of 'clasp'. My hands certainly don't ever lose contact with each other, but I label it sorcery if you're fully 'holding hands' with yourself the whole time.
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@pie_flavor Yeah, I do the "sorcery" version.
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@pie_flavor The only truly difficult part of the move is the very first part: to pass your right elbow behind your left forearm. Once you do that, you can easily continue to rotate it until it's pointing straight up, and then slip it over your head and the rest is simple.
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My stupid tricks tend to be more of the "can turn my eyelids inside out", "can play the hand flute", "can ride the unicycle" variety.
I don't own a unicycle, though, and the last time I rode one was years ago.
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@masonwheeler said in Stupid human tricks:
@pie_flavor The only truly difficult part of the move is the very first part: to pass your right elbow behind your left forearm. Once you do that, you can easily continue to rotate it until it's pointing straight up, and then slip it over your head and the rest is simple.
Nah, it's passing the left elbow back in front of the right forearm once your arms are in the front.
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I trained my cat not to walk on my keyboard. But that may be more because I have a really good cat than a real skill.
Uh... I can pack stuff into a fridge. I have never yet found a fridge to be full, provided I have complete license to move stuff around within, even if it's been declared full by someone else. My parents always get me to put the Christmas grocery shop away.
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I can flap my ears.
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@pie_flavor said in Stupid human tricks:
@masonwheeler said in Stupid human tricks:
I can clasp my hands behind my back, then move my arms up and over my head to the point where I'm clasping hands in front of my chest, without ever releasing my hands.
I can do that too, for a loose-ish definition of 'clasp'. My hands certainly don't ever lose contact with each other, but I label it sorcery if you're fully 'holding hands' with yourself the whole time.
I have a cousin who could do that sourcery when he was younger.
He could also rotate his wrists 360 degrees inwards (with help from the opposing hand), at which point he would then bend his elbow outwards. Really impressive, and a little gross.
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Oh, and his dad can pull his middle finger all the way until it touches the back of his hand.
Meanwhile, I can't even get to 90 degrees.I can't pull my thumbs until they touch the forearm either.
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@zecc said in Stupid human tricks:
Oh, and his dad can pull his middle finger all the way until it touches the back of his hand.
Meanwhile, I can't even get to 90 degrees.I can't pull my thumbs until they touch the forearm either.
How about licking the tips of their elbows?
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@dcon Alas, no, and I can't wasp either.
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@pleegwat does that bug you?
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@hungrier Not particularly. Flying by flapping your ears would look dumb anyway.
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@pleegwat said in Stupid human tricks:
@hungrier Not particularly. Flying by flapping your ears would look dumb anyway.
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@dcon Congratulations, you got the reference.
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@dcon The appropriate response would have been an "I see what you did there" meme :P
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@masonwheeler said in Stupid human tricks:
@dcon The appropriate response would have been an "I see what you did there" meme :P
https://img.memecdn.com/rmx-the-elephant-of-suprise_fb_276662.jpg
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@zecc You mean pull them down? I can pull my thumbs down to touch my forearms.
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@zecc said in Stupid human tricks:
I can't pull my thumbs until they touch the forearm either.
I can, just barely, but only when going down toward the underside of my wrist, so most of the flexibility actually comes from the wrist. Trying to bend them straight back, I can't get them anywhere close to touching it.
For those who need pictures.
My left thumb is double jointed, and my right thumb is not.
With my palms flat together, I can bend my fingers backward (without pushing them) far enough that the tips of my middle fingers are a bit over 5" apart. When I actually do push them backward, I can push them back almost to right angles with my palm.
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@anotherusername said in Stupid human tricks:
For those who need pictures.
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@polygeekery hey, you clicked on it. What'd you expect?
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I can touch my shoulder with the inside of my elbow when I'm doing this stretch:
I just keep rotating my arm until it's almost horizontal.
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@pie_flavor said in Stupid human tricks:
@zecc You mean pull them down? I can pull my thumbs down to touch my forearms.
Yes, that.
This doesn't really qualify as a trick, I certainly don't want to do it again, but I once momentarily choked on a hamburger; ~10 min later I felt a blockage on one of my nostrils, and when I blew my nose a bit of egg about the length of my thumb came out.
No, I did not eat it.
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I can fold my ears, so that the ear cup is in front of the ear canal.
I think just like rotating your tounge (which I can only do from left to right, not the other way round) it's a genetic thing. For example, my brother can't do it as his ear cups are too "stiff" for that.
Other than that, I happen to be extremly good at Tony Hawk's Pro Skater for the PS1 (and it's successors as well, all the way up to Tony Hawk's Underground, which sucked). In fact, I was so good that no one wanted to play against me anymore.
My biggest talent however is, that I am very good at remembering quotes from various medias (movies, radio plays, books), up to the point that I tend to throw in quotes that no one but me understands in every day conversations. It's a bit annoying, to be honest...
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@pleegwat said in Stupid human tricks:
How about licking the tips of their elbows?
I can only manage licking my nose, and it isn't something recommended when one has a headcold…
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@anotherusername said in Stupid human tricks:
can play the hand flute
Is that what they call it these days? I prefer "bash the bishop"
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@jaloopa said in Stupid human tricks:
Is that what they call it these days?
No, that'd be "skin flute". :P
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@heterodox strumming the pink banjo?
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@zecc said in Stupid human tricks:
@pie_flavor said in Stupid human tricks:
@zecc You mean pull them down? I can pull my thumbs down to touch my forearms.
Yes, that.
This doesn't really qualify as a trick, I certainly don't want to do it again, but I once momentarily choked on a hamburger; ~10 min later I felt a blockage on one of my nostrils, and when I blew my nose a bit of egg about the length of my thumb came out.
No, I did not eat it.
One time I coughed while I was eating some mac & cheese and a chunk of macaroni went up my nose.
Months later (and we're talking at least 4-6 months), it finally came back down. I know this because despite having no texture left whatsoever it still tasted like perfectly good mac & cheese. Plus I could feel it the whole time, and actually thought there was part of it still up there. Finally went to a specialist who ran a scope up my nostril and confirmed that no, in fact, there wasn't anything still in there.
It was good mac & cheese, too. Homemade, with real cheese.
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@anotherusername said in Stupid human tricks:
with real cheese
Only in America do people have to specify that there's actual cheese in food with "and cheese" in its name
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@jaloopa remind me again, how much cheese is there in head cheese?
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@polygeekery said in Stupid human tricks:
So what are your stupid human tricks?
Mine is: Convincing humans that i am also a human.
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@anotherusername said in Stupid human tricks:
how much cheese is there in head cheese?
That would depend entirely on WTF head cheese is. All I can think of is knob cheese, which isn't food