:baby_symbol: Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
There is more in common between dog training and bringing up a child than you ever want to know.
Even at the early stage I'm at, I can see that. My wife used to work with autistic children and she says the same about them. Positive reinforcement is pretty universal really
Rules, boundaries, and limitations.
That sounds horrible! I'm not sure what the alternative is, but that's just horrible.
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
you suck at that
I hear sucking is the way to do it, yes
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@Karla Quick scan of that says it looks pretty sound.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
then jumped when she realised it was me, squirmed out of my wife's grip to get to me
Molly's just started that. The first day I went back to work after the Christmas break. I guess she got used to Dad being home. Then I wasn't. Then suddenly I came home. She perked up, squirmed, reaching for me, and wouldn't stop screaming and fussing until I picked her up. Awwwwwwww.
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
There is more in common between dog training and bringing up a child than you ever want to know.
Even at the early stage I'm at, I can see that. My wife used to work with autistic children and she says the same about them. Positive reinforcement is pretty universal really
Rules, boundaries, and limitations.
That sounds horrible! I'm not sure what the alternative is, but that's just horrible.
Cesar Milan is full of shit. Victoria Stilwell has much better methods, and as a bonus she has a sexy teacher air to her
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@Lorne-Kates said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
then jumped when she realised it was me, squirmed out of my wife's grip to get to me
Molly's just started that. The first day I went back to work after the Christmas break. I guess she got used to Dad being home. Then I wasn't. Then suddenly I came home. She perked up, squirmed, reaching for me, and wouldn't stop screaming and fussing until I picked her up. Awwwwwwww.
If she's in the living room when I get home, she gives me an enormous smile and walks to the baby gate to greet me. It's a wonderful age
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
There is more in common between dog training and bringing up a child than you ever want to know.
Even at the early stage I'm at, I can see that. My wife used to work with autistic children and she says the same about them. Positive reinforcement is pretty universal really
Rules, boundaries, and limitations.
That sounds horrible! I'm not sure what the alternative is, but that's just horrible.
Yes, well, the Do as I say or I'll crush your larynx and break your upper vertebrae school of persuation works well on adult humans too...
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
There is more in common between dog training and bringing up a child than you ever want to know.
Even at the early stage I'm at, I can see that. My wife used to work with autistic children and she says the same about them. Positive reinforcement is pretty universal really
Rules, boundaries, and limitations.
That sounds horrible! I'm not sure what the alternative is, but that's just horrible.
Cesar Milan is full of shit. Victoria Stilwell has much better methods, and as a bonus she has a sexy teacher air to her
I was just saying where the phrase comes from.
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@Jarry said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Well. Alcohol poisoning is too much. But a couple of drinks is a really useful tool sometimes
#RapeCulture
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@izzion said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
following through on every promised consequence
From everything I've heard, that's the key. We'll see how my resolve holds as Sienna is just over 11 months and starting to be able to throw proper tantrums when told No
If you are doing parenting of a 11-month old correctly, they will start to think that their name is "No".
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
There is more in common between dog training and bringing up a child than you ever want to know.
It is a very good primer. It even helps with skepticism towards the actions of cute things. When our male dog was a puppy being housetrained, he learned that pissing outside got him a treat and pissing inside got him a stern "NO!!". Smart little fucker started peeing just a little bit at a time, 5 minutes apart, just to get more treats.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Lorne-Kates said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
then jumped when she realised it was me, squirmed out of my wife's grip to get to me
Molly's just started that. The first day I went back to work after the Christmas break. I guess she got used to Dad being home. Then I wasn't. Then suddenly I came home. She perked up, squirmed, reaching for me, and wouldn't stop screaming and fussing until I picked her up. Awwwwwwww.
If she's in the living room when I get home, she gives me an enormous smile and walks to the baby gate to greet me. It's a wonderful age
When they get older they get a bit more fickle. Sometimes I get a big happy scream and she comes running to give me a hug. Other days...she scowls, "Nooooo!"
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa Yup. Right now I am using clicker training to get my kids to pick up their dirty laundry and put it in the laundry bin.
... This works on students too, BTW.
Pair the clicker training with treats. See if you can get them to the point that the clicker makes them salivate.
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@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
their superbly crafted fibs
My favorite of those was a few years ago when my son told me that he did not get out all of his toys and make a huge mess in his room. The horse did it.
We live in the city. We don't have a fucking horse. I have no idea he was talking about.
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@abarker said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa Yup. Right now I am using clicker training to get my kids to pick up their dirty laundry and put it in the laundry bin.
... This works on students too, BTW.
I just snap my fingers for my kids. ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
That is your interrupt. Back to @Mikael_Svahnberg and dogs being a good primer for kids, I learned with the dogs that having some way to interrupt their actions and get them to pay attention is crucial for when their little minds are mush and they are unable to pay attention at all.
"Son"
ignores me
"Son, hey"
ignores me
"OY!!!"
"Yes daddy?"
"Don't do that, you are (making a huge mess, breaking things, about to drive me in to an alcoholic coma)"At his birthday party this year him and some other kids were running around with something about to break it. I yelled, just to get his attention and then returned to a calm voice. Some of the other parents were aghast.
I would never yell at my kids. But sometimes I will raise my voice just to get their attention.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I had the cutest moment this morning.
I'd been up getting ready for work and was coming upstairs to have a shower and get dressed, coincidentally at the same time as the baby had woken up and my wife was getting her out of her cot.
When the baby spotted me, she squinted a bit like she was trying to work out what she was looking at (probably down to coming out from a dark room into almost daylight), then jumped when she realised it was me, squirmed out of my wife's grip to get to me and gave me a kiss. It was lovely.
When it was time for breastfeeding, she was straight back to mummy of course
Our oldest is a momma's boy. Our youngest is all about me though. The other morning he woke up and I went in and got him from the crib, changed him and was headed to the kitchen to get his breakfast and my wife was in the hall. He has his head rested on my shoulder being snuggly and was rubbing the fabric of my shirt.
"Awwwwww, come here lil' fella. Let momma give you a morning hug"
He latched on to me hard. He wanted his daddy. :)
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
My son told me that he did not get out all of his toys and make a huge mess in his room. The horse did it.
We live in the city. We don't have a fucking horse. I have no idea he was talking about.The one that came in through the time (and other dimensions) machine, of course.
(Did he have a toy horse at all? My little brother once blamed his cuddly penguin.)
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@flabdablet said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
You can help the process along by distracting, rather than escalating, when she shows signs of being on the brink of losing her shit. Once she's melting down, her tiny brain is simply not capable of reason.
Distracting or interrupting. Do something to interrupt their actions and bring their attention to you.
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@Lorne-Kates said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
then jumped when she realised it was me, squirmed out of my wife's grip to get to me
Molly's just started that. The first day I went back to work after the Christmas break. I guess she got used to Dad being home. Then I wasn't. Then suddenly I came home. She perked up, squirmed, reaching for me, and wouldn't stop screaming and fussing until I picked her up. Awwwwwwww.
That is what makes it all worth it.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Victoria Stilwell has much better methods, and as a bonus she has a sexy teacher air to her
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@CarrieVS said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
The one that came in through the time (and other dimensions) machine, of course.
(Did he have a toy horse at all? My little brother once blamed his cuddly penguin.)No, but since you mention it he has a stuffed penguin named "Baby Ella".
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I had the cutest moment this morning.
I'd been up getting ready for work and was coming upstairs to have a shower and get dressed, coincidentally at the same time as the baby had woken up and my wife was getting her out of her cot.
When the baby spotted me, she squinted a bit like she was trying to work out what she was looking at (probably down to coming out from a dark room into almost daylight), then jumped when she realised it was me, squirmed out of my wife's grip to get to me and gave me a kiss. It was lovely.
When it was time for breastfeeding, she was straight back to mummy of course
Our oldest is a momma's boy. Our youngest is all about me though. The other morning he woke up and I went in and got him from the crib, changed him and was headed to the kitchen to get his breakfast and my wife was in the hall. He has his head rested on my shoulder being snuggly and was rubbing the fabric of my shirt.
"Awwwwww, come here lil' fella. Let momma give you a morning hug"
He latched on to me hard. He wanted his daddy. :)
Mine is a Daddy's girl. My husband sometimes feels bad about that like I feel rejected. I don't take it personally.
One when she was younger and just crying and we had no idea why (which is heartbreaking) we kept passing her around to try different things. The oldest boy was able to get her. It was adorable. I simply relieved someone could make her feel better.
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Age gap advice.
Is it too early to think about trying for a second? 2-3 years seems to be a common gap, but are there things to be said for having two under 2?
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Age gap advice.
Is it too early to think about trying for a second? 2-3 years seems to be a common gap, but are there things to be said for having two under 2?
I think the hardest thing about 2 under 2 is transporting them.
Everything I've heard said around 2 years is ideal.
More than that...then it is harder for them to be playmates.
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@Jaloopa My (currently) two youngest are about 20 months apart. Most of the time, they seem to get along a little better with each other than with their older sister. Of course, that's probably because their older sister is just hitting that age where she's starting to outgrow some of her young childhood interests. She's even distancing herself from friends who aren't maturing at the same rate.
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@Jaloopa In anecdata, I could read before I started school without deliberate teaching, thanks to copying my 19 month older brother, and I attribute the fact that I could talk in sentences at 11 months to the same cause. And we were always great playmates, I think more so than we were with our younger brother (3 1/2 years younger than me).
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@CarrieVS said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
thanks to copying my 19 month older brother
This is one advantage I've heard. Younger sibling wants to be like big sister, so copies them.
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I think the hardest thing about 2 under 2 is transporting them.
That's a good point, I would struggle for leg room in the driver's seat of our family car with a rear facing seat behind. My wife wants to keep rear facing until 4, because it's so much safer, so we would hit this problem anyway.
Maybe I'd end up replacing my commuting car with a 7 seater and switch to using our current family car
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Pair the clicker training with treats.
Isn't that how clicker training works?
What I read says that you must always, always, treat after the click, the clicker being not the reward, but the marker of the exact moment in time when the action being rewarded was performed.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@abarker said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I just snap my fingers for my kids. ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
That is your interrupt. Back to @Mikael_Svahnberg and dogs being a good primer for kids, I learned with the dogs that having some way to interrupt their actions and get them to pay attention is crucial for when their little minds are mush and they are unable to pay attention at all.
I've heard that some dogs can become so focussed on something (usually a smell) that they become deaf. Not like, "not listening to you", but like "no neural processing of sounds". It does sound a bit suspicious, but what's for sure is that when they get focussed on something, you need more than the usual soft call to get their attention!
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@remi said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@abarker said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I just snap my fingers for my kids. ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
That is your interrupt. Back to @Mikael_Svahnberg and dogs being a good primer for kids, I learned with the dogs that having some way to interrupt their actions and get them to pay attention is crucial for when their little minds are mush and they are unable to pay attention at all.
I've heard that some dogs can become so focussed on something (usually a smell) that they become deaf. Not like, "not listening to you", but like "no neural processing of sounds". It does sound a bit suspicious, but what's for sure is that when they get focussed on something, you need more than the usual soft call to get their attention!
Same thing happens with kids. It is not that they are ignoring you. They just become focused and functionally deaf.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Same thing happens with kids
and husbands. My wife thinks I'm intentionally ignoring her when I literally have no idea she's talking
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Same thing happens with kids
and husbands. My wife thinks I'm intentionally ignoring her when I literally have no idea she's talking
Probably happens to most any creature with minimal worry of being eaten by something else.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Same thing happens with kids
and husbands. My wife thinks I'm intentionally ignoring her when I literally have no idea she's talking
I was actually going to say this.
Men have tighter focus generally than women.
I have hearing loss and it is funny as hell when I hear something the 3 yo says that my husband didn't.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Age gap advice.
Is it too early to think about trying for a second? 2-3 years seems to be a common gap, but are there things to be said for having two under 2?
That is too personal of a decision. Everyone is different.
That being said, I told my wife I wanted our first to be completely potty trained before we had our second. I wanted a break from diapers.
That was wrong for me. It would have been better to not be reminded of what life is like without diapers. It made going to changing diapers every 20 minutes (seemingly) suck even more.
YMMV
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
That's a good point, I would struggle for leg room in the driver's seat of our family car with a rear facing seat behind. My wife wants to keep rear facing until 4, because it's so much safer, so we would hit this problem anyway.
My wife wanted to do the same. It is one of the only times I vetoed her. Ours went straight from the baby carrier plus base to forward-facing. They are happier when they can see out easily and see you. Our kids get bored rear-facing.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Same thing happens with kids
and husbands. My wife thinks I'm intentionally ignoring her when I literally have no idea she's talking
It is the key to a long marriage when you marry someone who studied journalism. Too much damn detail.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
their superbly crafted fibs
My favorite of those was a few years ago when my son told me that he did not get out all of his toys and make a huge mess in his room. The horse did it.
We live in the city. We don't have a fucking horse. I have no idea he was talking about.
He meant the WHORES.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
there things to be said for having two under 2?
Lots of things like "OMFG my breasts get these fucking parasites off!!!"
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@remi said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Not like, "not listening to you", but like "no neural processing of sounds".
Our 17 year old jackapoo has become quite selectively hard of hearing.
I mean, she really is going a bit deaf, but sometimes she just plays the old lady card a bit too hard to be plausible.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Age gap advice.
Is it too early to think about trying for a second? 2-3 years seems to be a common gap, but are there things to be said for having two under 2?
That is too personal of a decision. Everyone is different.
That being said, I told my wife I wanted our first to be completely potty trained before we had our second. I wanted a break from diapers.
That was wrong for me. It would have been better to not be reminded of what life is like without diapers. It made going to changing diapers every 20 minutes (seemingly) suck even more.
YMMV
And it doesn't even necessarily stick. Don't get me wrong, we did the same thing with our oldest before having our second kid, and things went fine. And the second was potty trained before the third came along, but as soon as the third was born, the second reverted. She wanted to be the baby again and go back to having all that time with mommy and daddy.
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@Polygeekery
i don't have a clue about what i was talking in that post, and i don't want to know :D
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I think the hardest thing about 2 under 2 is transporting them.
That's a good point, I would struggle for leg room in the driver's seat of our family car with a rear facing seat behind. My wife wants to keep rear facing until 4, because it's so much safer, so we would hit this problem anyway.
Maybe I'd end up replacing my commuting car with a 7 seater and switch to using our current family car
I was also thinking strollers.
I wanted to keep her rear facing too. I gave up on the last trip in which she got car sick even with Dramamine.
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@abarker said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
That's why you buy a waist high dresser that they can use for years and that can double as a changing table.
Looking back over this thread and realized I needed to thank you for this advice. We did exactly this. I built a dresser that he can use the rest of his life if he wants and I built a changing pad holder that sets on top and is rabbeted to hold it in place.
We gave away the changing table to someone on Craigslist that was coming to buy it and we just told her to take it. Random act of kindness.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@abarker said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mikael_Svahnberg said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa Yup. Right now I am using clicker training to get my kids to pick up their dirty laundry and put it in the laundry bin.
... This works on students too, BTW.
I just snap my fingers for my kids. ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
That is your interrupt.
...
But sometimes I will raise my voice just to get their attention.My dad whistled. He can do it just with his mouth, but if he needs to be really loud, he uses a finger and thumb. If he wants to be really really loud, two fingers, one from each hand. It was basically his way to call "Front and center!" or "Attention!" if we were scattered all over someplace. With 8 kids, that becomes much easier than running through all the names. I still haven't figured out how to whistle like that.
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@djls45
Clearly, you need to spawn additionalpylonschildren.
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I had the cutest moment this morning.
I'd been up getting ready for work and was coming upstairs to have a shower and get dressed, coincidentally at the same time as the baby had woken up and my wife was getting her out of her cot.
When the baby spotted me, she squinted a bit like she was trying to work out what she was looking at (probably down to coming out from a dark room into almost daylight), then jumped when she realised it was me, squirmed out of my wife's grip to get to me and gave me a kiss. It was lovely.
When it was time for breastfeeding, she was straight back to mummy of course
Our oldest is a momma's boy. Our youngest is all about me though. The other morning he woke up and I went in and got him from the crib, changed him and was headed to the kitchen to get his breakfast and my wife was in the hall. He has his head rested on my shoulder being snuggly and was rubbing the fabric of my shirt.
"Awwwwww, come here lil' fella. Let momma give you a morning hug"
He latched on to me hard. He wanted his daddy. :)
Mine is a Daddy's girl. My husband sometimes feels bad about that like I feel rejected. I don't take it personally.
One when she was younger and just crying and we had no idea why (which is heartbreaking) we kept passing her around to try different things. The oldest boy was able to get her. It was adorable. I simply relieved someone could make her feel better.
One of my brothers would only easily go to Mom, Dad, and me. There were even a few times when he wanted only me. He didn't want Mom nor Dad. Just big brother. :)
My son (19 months) is always really excited when I get home, and starts calling "Dada, Dada, Dada!" as soon as he realizes I'm there and runs over for me to pick him up.
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
we kept passing her around
We did that with my boy on holiday vacation with his grandparents and our families. He initially tried to clutch to either my wife or me, so we made a game of passing him to someone, who would pass him right back. After doing that a few times, we'd pass him to someone, who would immediately pass him to someone else, and so on, eventually ending back with me. After doing this a few times, he started getting more comfortable staying with someone else for a while.
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@izzion said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@djls45
Clearly, you need to spawn additionalpylonschildren.Got another on the way! (boy again) :)
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@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@izzion said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@djls45
Clearly, you need to spawn additionalpylonschildren.Got another on the way! (boy again) :)
Congrats!!
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@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
we kept passing her around
We did that with my boy on holiday vacation with his grandparents and our families. He initially tried to clutch to either my wife or me, so we made a game of passing him to someone, who would pass him right back. After doing that a few times, we'd pass him to someone, who would immediately pass him to someone else, and so on, eventually ending back with me. After doing this a few times, he started getting more comfortable staying with someone else for a while.
She's always been comfortable with her siblings and my in-laws. Just nothing was soothing her. Trying all the Ss.
Just a cute story:
I was
bettingpetting my dog and saying, "that's my dog," repeatedly and she's like, "no, that's MY dog." We explain she is everyone's (in the house) dog. So another time I ask her if she is my baby and she's says, "no,she isI'm everyone's baby."We also have this thing where we scream, "I love you" at each other.
EDIT - correction