The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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Is it about cows and capitalism? That's the one I get if I try GISing for the image I can't see, apparently Google still can :)
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Ok, this was converted by the first free on-line converter I found so it probably has a payload.
Edit: @accalia & @obeselymorbid Prophylactic removed, you have been warned. And wash your (metaphorical) hands/paws afterwards.
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Just use this: http://cdn1.matadornetwork.com/blogs/1/2014/11/worldwide-capitalism-cows-600x2220.jpg
I can barely read the title on your picture.
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and because of the spoiler we can't pop the big version of the image open to make the text readable.....
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That's OK, I understand. On a more serious note, I have often found myself interpreting for two (or more) ESL / ETL speakers. From different countries obviously
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The Russian Capitalism joke depressed me so much I had to start drinking.
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pissing myself whilst I was at it +1 zillion Internets, and 1 discolike (applied post submit).
Not that 1 discolike is worth a zillion Internets, it just the maximum (official) currency transfer I can make per post without waking up the discorevenoors and causing them to get all "compound interest on my ass"
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Addendum to German capitalism:
You can't marketing them, not to mention their milk, before they are compliant with all applicable German and EC standards. Some of these standards are yet to be defined. Your cows die of old age before the standards for breeding and/or cloning them become effective.
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Why does Karl Marx only drink Lipton?
[spoiler]Because all proper tea is theft.[/spoiler]
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It's always funny to me how Lipton tea is seen as a joke in the US, since over here it's one of the more exclusive and expensive brands...
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You must have some really bad tea, then.
...Typically, though, it's because they mostly sell awful iced tea here.
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It's always funny to me how Lipton tea is seen as a joke in the US,
It mostly isn't. Most people here don't
know muchcare about tea.
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My mother-in-law likes birds so much she says she wants her head transplanted into the body of one.
Oh well, whatever makes her harpy, I suppose.
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Not allowed per IT security policies. The official explanation is it used to be the most targeted browser for attacks or something with even less sense.
I bet they allow IE, though, right?
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encourage IE
FTFY
However Firefox is allowed, so there's that at least.You can get a written permission to install other browsers if your job duties require it (read web designers/programmers).
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We had to use Internet Explorer to access a VERY secure website!
my response: https://twitter.com/riking27/status/639860869891919872
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I hate my Scottish grandfather: for Christmas he was supposed to get me a Wii U, instead he got me a miniature sheep.
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I hate my Scottish grandfather: for Christmas he was supposed to get me a Wii U, instead he got me a miniature sheep.
If you don't mind the order being a little backwards, Ringo will take care of you:
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I am not terribly surprised about Jared Fogle, he was always trying to get into smaller pants.
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My son was doing his homework and asked what Armageddon was. He got upset when I told him I didn't know.
I thought to myself, fucking hell, it's not the end of the world, is it.
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I was walking through my local park when I saw an upset man sat on a bench stroking a piece of dog turd.
I walked up to him and said "Are you OK there, mate?"He looked up at me and replied "Well, as you can see, I'm feeling shit."
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As usual, Discourse turns out to be the bad joke while I'm trying to read that:
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504. 504! 504, DAMMIT. 504, OK?????.
OK
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You want to hear a bad joke?
Are you sure you want to hear it?
Once you hear it you can't unhear it, are you really sure you want to hear it?
Alright then... You can't say i didn't warn you....
[spoiler]Discourse[/spoiler]
OI! i did warn you!
-sigh-
they never are prepared for a joke that bad...
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Blur effect is probably getting chopped by the post div, wouldn't you think?
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test:
[spoiler]test test teat[/spoiler]
.[spoiler]blabbity yak yak yak[/spoiler]
Not in preview, but happens when half-baked.
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Blur effect is probably getting chopped by the post div, wouldn't you think?
ah.... seems to be a side effect of the
overflow:hidden
rule i asked to be added to defeat the zalgotext.
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Ahh. Yes. No. But. Only the prostitute can get banged up in an alley
Huh? A bowling ball can't get banged up in an alley? I thought that's why bowlers polished their balls.
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Ok I think there is a joke in there, but to be on the safe side: In some English speaking cultures, to be banged up is to be pregnant.
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Ok I think there is a joke in there, but to be on the safe side: In some English speaking cultures, to be banged up is to be pregnant.
I think this is a Yank vs. Brit thing.
My puzzlement was about the word "only", because both are expressions in American English.. The most common meaning of "banged up" means to scuff, like you would do with a bowling ball, or a car that had been in several accidents would be described as "banged up".. "Banged" also means the act that produces pregnancy, so by extension "banged up" would be rather obvious, though not necessarily pregnant. I also find it endlessly amusing that gang members are now commonly described in the news with a straight face as "gang bangers". In the 1970's, "gang-bang" meant a "bang" with several men and one woman.
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My mother-in-law likes birds so much she says she wants her head transplanted into the body of one.
Oh well, whatever makes her harpy, I suppose.
Just in case anyone doesn't know about this yet: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2015/09/10/worlds-first-head-transplant-patient-schedules-procedure-for-2017/
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Agreed.
If I were looking at a car (say) with a view to buy and it was "scuffed" I would use "banged up". Equally you can be "banged up" in prison.
But that is the phun of puns.
Some of my fun is watching the faces of this multicultural community trying to figure out just has been said. And I am totally sure that they are watching mine when I become their victim.
The best bit is when somebody from the same culture who also gets the "joke" helps twist the knife in
INB4 I am aware that there is a very fine line in this where it stops becoming funny, or was not even funny before it started. The subtly is in realising this and executing an acceptable exit plan
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Agreed.
If I were looking at a car (say) with a view to buy and it was "scuffed" I would use "banged up". Equally you can be "banged up" in prison.
So there is yet a third use, unless you made that up for the sake of "equality".
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How many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh?
[spoiler]Ten. Ten - tickles![/spoiler]
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How can you tell a male golfer from a female golfer?
By the hole in one.
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We need another thread which is beneath the Bad Jokes topic for jokes like that.
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No, I think that is about it if you apply the 80/20 rule. Meaning there may be others, but of a lower "denomination / usage"
:)
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As part of my sentence for sexual assault, I was made to attend a Rape Victims' Empathy Course.
I had no choice and didn't enjoy it.
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@boomzilla said:
CITE YOU'RE SHIT
Who is Cite and why are they shit? :P
Reminds me of something a father told me about his son:
"If you were to ask my son if he's heard of Shakespeare, he would respond: "Who is this guy Shake and what's he doing with a spear?'"
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In the 1970's, "gang-bang" meant a "bang" with several men and one woman.
In the 2010's, it also means several men (usually) with
gunsfirearms that go bang.
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Did you hear about the hexagon that went out for dinner and had a huge meal?
It had six sides.
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"If you were to ask my son if he's heard of Shakespeare, he would respond: "Who is this guy Shake and what's he doing with a spear?'"
My grandfather did jokes like that. Like if you passed a place called Buffalo Cleaners, he'd say "that's good, because nobody likes a dirty buffalo". (We had to keep him away from Apache Cleaners.)
Or the very first thing he said to every new minister: "If all the people who slept in church were laid end to end...they'd be a lot more comfortable".
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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
You look at your X and think Y?