The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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I wonder if spoilers will ever be visible on windows phone... Since they're breaking the raw button, I'm really going to be out of luck.
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[spoiler] Now that you mention spoilers ... ­ Yeah .... [/spoiler]
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You can
alwaysexpect being able to reply and quote to see the raw.Edited for @Magus
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Are you sure that will still work? I know I'm not.
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Actually it's The Elder Scrolls Online.
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Fucking seriously?
(I don't know how to capture it with Snipping Tool, but if you mouse over that, it actually says "you may need to restart your computer." You idiots REALLY should've managed to figure out how to get a couple more letters in the actual window...
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When I saw it yesterday, I thought it was a real attempt at humour...
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I don't know how to capture it with Snipping Tool, but if you mouse over
Open Snipping tool, hover over whatever window it is, ctrlN for new snip. The hover text will be kept when you move your mouse for snip selection
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Useful!
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Moar bad jokes from the bowels of FB:
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
A Roman walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a martinus."
The bartender replies, "don't you mean a martini?"
The Roman replies, "if I had wanted a double I would have asked for it!"
Entropy isn't what it used to be ....
There's a band called 1023MB, but they've got no gigs.
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Once you're out of the room, don't forget to shout until your voice is hoarse, then get on that horse and ride away.
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
Half Man Half Biscuit, from the song "Fuckin' 'ell It's Fred Titmus"
@HMHB said:
Stevie nicks books about kleptomania
Filed Under:Not saying Half Man Half Biscuit are a bad joke though
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This morning a joke came to me while still drowsy. Here it goes:
What do you call a person whose skin has been cut just enough to expose their internal organs?
[spoiler]Grazed anatomy[/spoiler]
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"I caught my twelve-year-old son looking up women's skirts today," I told the barman after my second whiskey.
"That's pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn't it?" he asked.
[spoiler]"Not on eBay it isn't!" I said.[/spoiler]
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Transmisogynist! You are the literal devil.
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Maria Sharapova needs to stop all this screaming.
One of these days she'll be getting murdered and nobody will bat an eyelid.
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If you ever feel useless then remember: it's somebody's job to fit indicators to BMWs.
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And somebody else's job to retest them every year!
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"It's working — it's not working — it's working — it's not working —"
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Open Snipping tool, hover over whatever window it is, ctrlN for new snip. The hover text will be kept when you move your mouse for snip selection
Chrome gives me a new tab, so I simply prtscr it and paste to an image editor, then crop.
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@Jaloopa said:
Open Snipping tool, hover over whatever window it is, ctrlN for new snip. The hover text will be kept when you move your mouse for snip selection
Chrome gives me a new tab, so I simply prtscr it and paste to an image editor, then crop.
After some experimentation, it seems this only works if you uncheck "Show screen overlay when Snipping Tool is active." Otherwise, the hover text disappears as soon as Snipping Tool grabs control. However, PrtScn + Gimp (or Gimp's screenshot tool) is my traditional method.
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bad joke: Discourse fucking with me and insisting I'm several hundred posts behind.
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I'm not sure if it counts as a bad joke if it's true and not actually intended to target you specifically?
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A boat builder is showing his son one of his forests.
He turns to him and says, "Son, one day all this will be oars"
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Have any of you heard of the pirate named "the Fruum?" F-r-u-u-m: it's an odd-looking, odd-sounding name, like vacuum. When someone once dared to ask what it meant, he's supposed to have smiled evilly (as he did often) and said that, in the language of his homeland, it literally meant "small-clothes". Today, of course, we would translate this as "underwear." A really strange name for a pirate: "Horrors, it's the dread pirate ... Underwear."
Anyway, he was a terror of the high seas; sank, robbed, seized, and/or terrified hundreds of ships. Murdered, ransomed, enslaved, or even worse, thousands of victims. Every port on every coast feared he would appear and rob, raze, or seige them.
Of course, he accumulated a massive treasure but no one knew where he kept it; in fact, he swore no one would ever find his loot.
Finally, he was brought low by a tooth infection, which used to happen a lot back in the olden days before dentists. Since his passing, people have looked everwhere for his treasure. They've looked on remote islands. high on mountains, and deep in caves; they've dug up half the plains, hoping to become rich.
But, search as they might, so far no one has found the loot of the Fruum.
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I'm not sure I get the joke...
[spoiler]Are you making some underhanded reference to Fruit of the loom for their underwear (it took a lucky Google query to find it)? Can't say I've ever heard of that brand, as I'm not an American.[/spoiler]
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Yes, that's the joke.
Didn't know the company hasn't globalized.
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@riking said:
You can now [...] more powerful spam flags, and lots more likes per day
Grammar, what is it good for?
She keeps grampar happy.
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Can't say I've ever heard of that brand, as I'm not an American.
I've seen it in the UK...
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Years ago, a mate and I got caught climbing the fence at Glastonbury. [spoiler]They made us go back inside and watch the rest of Coldplay.[/spoiler]
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I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory
It was sole destroying.
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Print Screen can capture a screenshot with a tooltip visible.
Alt-Print Screen can not, because the tooltip will disappear when you press Alt.
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I walked up to the girl at the cash desk in IKEA with three t-shirts.
First she scanned a green one, then she scanned a red one and then she Scandinavian.
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That one made me shudder.
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This is what happens when you try scan a blue t-shirt with a blue laser
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My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.
Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."
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If you ever feel useless then remember: it's somebody's job to fit indicators to BMWs.
Just found out all this nonsense about BMW drivers not using indicators is totally uncalled for.
Why only this morning I saw one with all four flashing at once while he was parked on a pavement blocking a wheelchair ramp while he made a phone call and ate his lunch.
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BMW has announced that the new 5 Series will have a ‘Self Park’ option.
How about: Self not indicating
Self pulling out into traffic when there is no gap
Self tailgating and flashing headlightsThis would then allow the BMW driver to use their iPhone almost uninterrupted and more time to pose like the c@&t$ they are.
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/other/transport/bmw-has-announced-that-the-new-5-series-will-have-265865#ixzz3gboHL6h6
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Hey!, That link was "added": Feature Request for Discourse :)
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That link was "added": Feature Request for Discourse
Report to @riking - he's doing stuff with the clipboard at the moment.....
(I usually delete that crap; The Daily Fail appends stuff like that as well.)
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My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.
Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester."
Ah, a cleaned up version of the old classic:
My girlfriend and I were making out in a parked car and she whispered "kiss me where it smells bad."
So I started up the car and drove her to New Jersey.
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Just found out all this nonsense about BMW drivers not using indicators is totally uncalled for.
What's the difference between a BMW and a male stripper?
With a BMW, the cock is on the inside.
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What's the difference between a BMW and a male stripper?
With a BMW, the cock is on the inside.
Similar to:
What's the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog?With a hedgehog the pricks are on the outside
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What's the difference between a
BMWPorsche and ahedgehogporcupine?There is such a thing as sonority, you know.
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Shhhhhh!!.......
Don't tell anyone......
I'm gonna go down on you....
...And you're gonna love it...........
........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........
....Then I'm gonna come back up again and fuck you big time.....Lots of love,
[spoiler]Petrol prices xx[/spoiler]
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Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest....
It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
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