The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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(1) Complete the syllogism:
"Knowledge is power." --Francis Bacon
"Power corrupts." --Lord Acton"Be stupid" --Random internet user
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This made my chrome tab crash -_- (using hoverzoom to view it)
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What's brown and sticky?
[spoiler]A stick[/spoiler]
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28SnMHurhXI
Side note: 0:52 mark was made for this site (you'll have to pause it real quick).
Filed under: Long overdue for a topic derailment.
Also Filed under: $ of Jokes
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I counted 112 racist posts to a new topic: The bad words and counting topic
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:Back and forth with my sons very WTDWTF-like:
Suddenly my daughter hollers :"STOP splitting hairs!!"
IJIJ: "...we're not splitting hairs...we're arguing about semantics...."
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What do you call a local network in Australia?
[spoiler]A LAN down under[/spoiler]
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Why was the computer tired when it got home from work?
Cos it had a hard drive.
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What is the best way to make sure your computer keep going?
[spoiler]You boot it with internal drive.[/spoiler]
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How do you make your computer more sociable?
[spoiler]Give it networking capability[/spoiler]
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Apparently, when the Queen was at school, her strongest subject was the Gym teacher.
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That is so bad, it should be taken out and shot :)
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Life was so simple before I got married.
I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge...
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Apparently, when the Queen was at school, her strongest subject was the Gym teacher.
Maybe this makes sense if you're English.
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subject = any person under the rule of the queen
gym = Pys Edschool subject would be like maths, or geography or science
to "be strong in a school subject" is to be good at it
does that help? 'cos the next bit is kinda difficult to explain simply 'cos you have to "change track" halfway through the sentence.
:)
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Derp, it was the ambiguity of the word "subject" I didn't get, since we don't have that here.
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Glad to help.
It is the verbal equivalent of this:
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]Which is guaranteed to blow every fuse you have if you concentrate on it too hard
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That is weak sauce for a Langford's basilisk.
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I shall have to add Mr Langford to my reading list. His stuff looks interesting
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Derp, it was the ambiguity of the word "subject" I didn't get, since we don't have that here.
How sure about that are you?
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Derp, it was the ambiguity of the word "subject" I didn't get, since we don't have that here.
Yeah, I had to think about it for, I dunno, maybe 10 – 15 seconds before I realized that. At which point my reaction was, "I guess. That sorta makes sense. Too bad the joke wasn't funny enough to be worth that much thought."
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No, but we act more and more like it.
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We (Subjects of the British Empire or any other State for that matter) don't call ourselves a lots of things. But that don't mean that we aren't "one" them or won't be referred to, or be considered as "one" of them.
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I've tried, but it seems to be impossible to find royalty free images of the Queen.
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Please, do not encourage, you are reinforcing the behaviour with positive reward. It is just this sort of thing that gives bad jokes their good name.
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Well at least the weary Greeks are getting a respite today - looks like they've got a Bank Holiday.
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My blonde wife thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case USA fails.
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My blonde wife thinks that USB is a back up plan just in case USA fails.
Is that like the two Spanish firemen: Jose and Hose B?
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Why did the paranoid hipster shoot his stereo?
[spoiler] Because it wouldn't stop looking at him [/spoiler]
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I was watching an interview with Frank Sinatra where he was asked if he had any children.
"Rugrats? I've had a few," he said.
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I've opened a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet" .
Kid's meals are £250.
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I've opened a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet" .
Kid's meals are £250.
Well worth the price, provided they're made out of real kids.
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I like kids; couldn't eat a whole one though.
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I like kids; couldn't eat a whole one though.
Wouldn't that depend on the kid? Younger ones do tend to have less to eat.
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The younger ones are ground up to make baby oil.
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Wouldn't that depend on the kid? Younger ones do tend to have less to eat.
Considering we are constantly being told kids are getting more obese these days, I don't think that matters.
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Laura Bassett wasn't lying when she said in the pre-match interview that one of her goals was to go to Japan.
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"So, now I'm the one who has done everything wrong? I worked my ass off..."
"I have only done my duty! For all of us! For you, too! Don't you read the newspaper?"
"Only the ones with small letters. Listen: We need more children.""Not 'more child'."
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The inventor of the anagram has died. His flea run will be tundra Soya.
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tundra Soya
It took me a while to realise it was Saturday, not Sunday. I was really stumped to parse "t-r-o-a" to a word
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Double blow for Val Doonican's family today.
Not only has he died but there's no way they'll be able to shift those jumpers in this weather!
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I started a school to teach philosophy to prostitutes, but it was short lived. Turns out, you can't [spoiler]put Descartes before the whores[/spoiler].
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A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”
“I was stung by a bee!” she said.
“Where?” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.
He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
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When my wife told me she was leaving me because of my obsession the Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face.Actually, she’s leaving me because of my compulsive lying and my eleven-inch penis
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How did Darth Vader know his son was coming home for Christmas?
[spoiler]He felt his presents.[/spoiler]
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How do you turn a duck into a famous singer?
[spoiler]Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers[/spoiler]
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Well at least the weary Greeks are getting a respite today - looks like they've got a Bank Holiday.
Greece.
Setting a world record for the most Bank Holidays in a year....