The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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Just like IKEA!
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Why does the U.S. Navy have Marines stationed on board its ships?
[spoiler]The Navy can't afford whores.[/spoiler]
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[spoiler]Seamen gotta go somewhere after being jerked around, right?[/spoiler]
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You know, when I was stationed at a joint base ( I was Army for about 10 yrs ), we could really get a bar fight going with that joke.
-SIGH- Fond memories of youth...
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Why do military police have pencils in their boots?
[spoiler]So the dog can take notes[/spoiler]
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What did the Turkish butcher keep under there?
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Why do the policemen always patrol in pairs?
[spoiler]One of them can read, the other one can write.[/spoiler]
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Given the questioner I'm going to guess the answer is something like "a pile of Armenian skulls".
Although now I'm kind of hoping that wasn't what he had in mind and he's kicking himself for not thinking of it first.
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I'm sort of hoping it's actually a case of responding to something mentioned in a post up thread somewhere (that I CBA to find) but, due to some technical issue, became a response to the thread instead.
As to why I'm hoping for this I can't say. It's not because I don't want to, its probably just down to an excuse to get the out and put my feet up for the show.
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This is the bad jokes topic, and a joke with no punch line is about the worst joke possible.
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Oh god, a meta-joke.
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Obligatory link to Jokes Explained: http://www.insaneabode.com/roboterotica/jokesexplained/whydidthechicken.html
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under where? (it's a pun)
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The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge.
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under where? (it's a pun)
#I JUST MADE YOU SAY UNDERWEAR AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH BURN!
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3NE6UuaLiY
(Love the cinematography of that video. It's incredibly visually clever. Back when OS companies shipped music videos on their OS CDs for literally no reason, this video came with one of the later Mac Classic versions, IIRC. 8.5? Or 9.0 maybe?)
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Boooo!
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Not sure if anyone will get it because... well, whatever, joke my father came up with, he's got english as second language and is very bad at it...
A dog and a cat meet. Dog says "How are you", the cat replies "Meow are you"
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A dog and a cat meet. Dog says "How are you", the cat replies "Meow are you"
If there's a joke in there, it didn't survive the translation.
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yeah, probably. in my native language we've got "hav", which is basically "bark", the sound of a dog, and it's pronounced almost the same way as english "how".
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I used to play Rugby when I was younger. I don't think I was very good though as people kept saying "nice try".
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Back when OS companies shipped music videos on their OS CDs for literally no reason
Well, wasn't playing videos on your computer still a new thing back then? Guess if you wanted to market your OS as able to play videos, you'd include a sample video to show that off.
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Dog says "how are you"
Yeah, dogs go "woof" in English.
It's still not funny, but it might make a two-year-old smile if they know that.
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Guess if you wanted to market your OS as able to play videos, you'd include a sample video to show that off.
Yeah! Got three free Midi Files, a few MPEG1 videos, and everything Just Worked in MPlayer2.exe!
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Yeah, dogs go "woof" in English.
Or “ruff”.
“How's the new kennel working out?”
“Rrruff.”
“Yeah; that's what goes with moving to a new job. How do you feel about that?”
“Rrruff.”
“And the night out, how was it?”
“Rrruff.”
“And that fancy new girlfriend… how was it with her?“
“[spoiler]Rrrather nice, actually![/spoiler]”
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How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
[spoiler]You soak it in petrol and then set it on fire[/spoiler]
How do you make a dog sound like a cat?
[spoiler]You freeze it, then run it through the bandsaw[/spoiler]
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My dad used to tell us those all the time growing up.
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Well, GUESS WHO TOLD THEM TO HIM??
Filed under: Now give me back my Zimmer frame
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I'm aisling in the rolls here
What's the difference between a person who hears a really hilarious joke and a wealthy person who hears a joke so bad it makes him sick?
[spoiler]One is rolling in the aisles; the other is ailing in the Rolls.[/spoiler]
Hey, no rotten tomatoes, please; I'm leaving.
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I like to call my twin brother describing what I did six minutes ago, or as I like to say when I was his age.
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six minutes ago
Possible, but unlikely unless your brother was rather smaller than you. The average age difference is about 17 minutes. The younger twin can take up to an hour or two if he/she is bigger. If the second twin is smaller, he/she can be born fairly quickly, but 5 – 6 minutes seems to be about the minimum. For a C-section, 1 – 2 minutes seems to be typical; anything between 2 and 5 would seem to be of dubious veracity.Filed under: Murdering jokes with ic explanations since, um, a really long time.
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I have only known two sets of twins well enough for them to declare their "age difference" one of them was 7 minutes. Go figure the odds. The thing about averages is the population, distribution / range and frequency.
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Exit signs. They're on the way out, aren't they?
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I don't think so; NFPA 101 is pretty strict in mandating their presence IIRC.
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@Arantor's right. The is strong with this one.
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Edited twice, no change between any of the copies.
DISCOURSE!@!!
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First edit is to fix the GUID hidden in the HTML comment, second is likely giving it the staff color.
You can see the first edit in "raw" mode.
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Bingo.
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Dammit, I was going for a
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Definitely the wrong thread for that
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A wrong thread for ry? On WTDWTF? Nonsense!
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The weather service said there would be fog today, but I'm looking through the window and I don't see a thing.
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Does that mean you're blocking my posts, too?
Filed Under: Actually, I checked on this out of curiosity, and they told me I'd have to lose most of my excess weight before I could even discuss the possibility of SRS... like 300lbs. (135 Kg) of it. Anyone know a good bariatric surgeon?
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they told me I'd have to lose most of my excess weight before I could even discuss the possibility of SRS...
So they're enforcing the "no fat chicks" policy?
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135 Kg
Wow, that's a fucking lot - I weigh around 140 in total (should probably drop at least 50) and I'm obese as fuck.
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Will glass coffins ever become popular?
Remains to be seen.
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I'm like 95Kg and I'm definitely overweight.