The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!)
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Could God make an animal so unclean He Himself could not eat it?
Like a really big gross dirty spider or something like that?
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Spider bacon?
That could well be considered monstrous, but in the context of the rest of the sentence would be not only disgusting, but pointless, as it could not be kosher.
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...because spiders are kind of like shellfish? (Except not aquatic; but I didn't see any other classification which would exclude them, other than "carnivore"....)
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Unless I've forgotten something, which is possible, the only acceptable terrestrial animals are cloven-hoofed ruminants: cattle, goats, sheep, deer and a few others. Pigs are excluded because they have cloven hooves, but are not ruminants. Rabbits are specifically excluded because they chew a cud, but do not have hooves. Spiders, obviously, don't qualify on either count.
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Are they not all arthropoda, or did I not learn a single damn thing in biology class?
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So you start from the empty set and rule kosher things [i]in[/i], rather than excluding non-kosher things from the set of all things? TIL...
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Partly correct. Spiders, insects, crabs, shrimp and the like are all Arthropoda. Clams, mussels, snails, etc. are Mollusca. Sea urchins and the like are Echinodermata.
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I wonder if spiders taste like prawns?
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So you start from the empty set and rule kosher things in, rather than excluding non-kosher things from the set of all things?
For meat, yes, pretty much. AFAICR, there are not nearly the same restrictions for plant-derived foods. I think it's basically "if it's edible, it's kosher." But as I said above, I'm not Jewish, so I don't follow these laws and may well have forgotten something significant.
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no interest
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Thanks. I now know more than I really wanted to, especially about the goo. Ick.
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I figured that Yahoo Answers was an appropriate resource for my enquiry...
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This actually looks pretty tasty though...
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They all start with the same letter as cock except for the one that starts with the same letter as penis.
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Are they not all arthropoda, or did I not learn a single damn thing in biology class?
Yes, but not all arthropoda are treyf. John the Baptist (very much a Jew despite the modern connotation of his epigram) lived on locusts and honey in the wilderness, and locusts are just as much arthropods as lobsters. They squeak by because they're not aquatic (I think the hoof/cud business only applies to mammals). It's even been noted that otherwise identical species of crabs can be either kosher or not depending upon whether they live in the water.
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If you use literal interpretations of sentences, you're only not allowed to eat meat and milk if:
- the meat comes from the offspring of the creature that made the milk
- you are boiling the milk with the meat in it
Any other use of meat and milk is okay unless you start putting words into God's mouth. It's not like anyone does that, right?
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You just proved that there's a picture of anything you can imagine in the Internet.
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...because spiders are kind of like shellfish? (Except not aquatic; but I didn't see any other classification which would exclude them, other than "carnivore"....)
Insects were called out as non-kosher, weren't they? I know spiders aren't insects, but does ancient Hebrew differentiate between insects and arachnids?
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Insects were called out as non-kosher, weren't they?
From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_3:4
While most insects were considered unclean under Mosaic law, Leviticus 11:22 specifically states that locusts are permitted.That's one of the details I had forgotten.
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the meat comes from the offspring of the creature that made the milk
I believe the general prohibition against mixing meat and milk from the same species is sort of a blanket approach to ensuring that this never happens when you can't be sure which exact animal the meat and milk came from.
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Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk. — Exodus 23:19, Exodus 34:26, Deuteronomy 14:21
This was expanded by the Talmud (Rabbinic teachings, written 200 - 500 AD, but the oral tradition on which it is based is much older, perhaps 600 BC) to a general prohibition against mixing milk and meat from any kosher animal except fish, and later rabbis extended it even to having to wait an entire day after eating meat before eating dairy, because some of the meat might still be stuck in your teeth.
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because some of the meat might still be stuck in your teeth.
nothing a good flossing wouldn't fix.
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nothing a good flossing wouldn't fix.
Yes, other rabbis taught that clearing the table (because that indicated the end of one meal; setting it again began a new meal), saying a blessing and cleansing the mouth were sufficient to then eat dairy. Still others said you had to wait at least an hour, because otherwise it wasn't really a separate meal. The pedantic dickweedery here has nothing on rabbinic nit-picking.
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The pedantic dickweedery here has nothing on rabbinic nit-picking.
tell me about it.
no, seriously. this fascinates me.
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Sadly, I have neither the time nor knowledge — I had to research the last couple of posts — at this time. I'm supposed to be working.
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I'm supposed to be working.
never stopped me.
well actually it did... lunch time is over!
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(because I started reading it this way:)
Some rabbits just yell "Clean plates!", do a LSL1, and continue the tea party with the mad hatter.
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Yeah. It seems Jews are taking rabbinic teachings pretty damn seriously.
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@Which one does not belong said:
A Pig
B Chicken
C Chair
D CowAm I too late to add my vote for "B Chicken" on the basis that it's the only one that couldn't support my weight if I sat on it?
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[Kosher] a general prohibition against mixing milk and meat
So that's why my Jerusalem-based Liver Milk Shake business failed
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So that's why my Jerusalem-based Liver Milk Shake business failed
That's one of the reasons, but far from the only one.
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Nerdy Joke:
All animals are =, but some animals are ≡.
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<possible whoosh in answering>Equivalent to (i.e. if x ≡ f, it's true for all values of x, not something you solve to get a value for x)
In @Buddy's usage, it would be more like more equal
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That's it. Although “all animals are equal, but some animals are hamburgers” is pretty funny too.
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if yours do that just means you're making them wrong.
Yes, they should be made with beef instead.
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Yes, they should be made with beef instead.
not commenting on that one,
turkey burgers are great because the turkey lets you do amazing things with spices and other flavorings. it's hard to get the right mediteranian flavour in a burger if it's made of beef. the beef is too strong, but the turkey is mild enough to make it work.
and that's just one example!
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Point #1: kill the turkey. Don't chat with it about which seasoning it would prefer.
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Yes, they should be made with beef instead.
Or at least an animal that didn't have feathers when it was alive.
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In JS/PHP:
All animals are ==, but some are ===.
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But turkey burgers suck.
The problem is that the meat flavor doesn't come out as expected for "burger" -- ground turkey is quite fine stuff.