The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@obeselymorbid Reminds me of when I went to Istanbul right before a major national holiday. Red flags of all sizes everywhere.
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Not sure which thread, so dumping this here.
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@PJH The riddle missed an option because if the logic allows for "two zero" to become "20" (and likewise "two four" => "44") then there's also "2044".
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@Rhywden And 2400, and 2420, and 4400, and 4420, and 0240, and 0440, and ...
I think what it needs is a wrong answer.
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@PJH obviously B is the correct answer.
A has two zeroes and two four.
C has two zeroes and two fours.
@Rhywden's hypothetical D has two zero and two fours.Only B has two zero and two four.
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@PJH said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Not sure which thread, so dumping this here.
Your of the options. They're missing 12024.
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I think it's getting serious with my girlfriend.
I haven't smiled in a year.
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My wife ran away with my best friend.
Who he is I have no idea, but he's my new best friend.
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Years ago when families were traditional, Teacher asked the pupils to write a small essay for Father's Day, which should be titled "You only have one Dad".
Little Joey wrote:
You only have one Dad
Dad was watching the football game last night with his friend and said "boy go fetch us two beers" so I went in the kitchen and I saw there was only one beer so I said "you only have one Dad"
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Dad asks his son "Have you already thought about who do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a pool cleaner."
"That's it, just a pool cleaner?"
"No, I also want to be a gardener, a plumber and a pizza delivery guy."
Dad thinks for a bit, then shouts to his wife "Hey honey, I think I know where that DVD we lost went."
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As Tonto said when the Lone Ranger wanted to shoot his favorite grizzly, bear with me.
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Chow: Lightbulb? Who said lightbulb? Let me at him! I'll rip his throat out!
St Bernard: I'll get right on it, but first, let's have a couple of drinks.
Dalmatian: Du-u-u-u-uhh!!!
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@masonwheeler You can bake them, broil them, fry them, boil them...
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A kid comes home from school and asks his dad to help him with his homework. They are supposed to learn the difference between hypothetically and realistically.
Dad says it's kind of difficult to explain so he'll show it by an example.
"Go ask your mother whether she would sleep with a stranger for a million dollars."
Son comes back and says she would.
"Now go and ask your sister."
He does and returns to dad saying she would too.
"Finally go ask your grandpa whether he would sleep with a stranger for a million dollars."
Son says grandpa also would do it.
"Well, you see son, hypothetically we are multi-millionaires, but realistically we have two whores and an old faggot in our family."
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A clown walks into a bar, asks for a treefort.
Bartender says, "What's in a treefort?"
"Playboy books and cigars!"
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@JBert No, that's how Johnny Cash builds a Cadillac. :P
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If Plan B is a morning-after pill, what's Cytotec?
A mourning-after pill.
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What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?
Wataaaaah!
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Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they can spend years at C!
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Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they go ARRRR...
Filed under: Way, haul away. I'll haul away me coat...
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@Applied-Mediocrity said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they go ARRRR...
Filed under: Way, haul away. I'll haul away me coat...Q: How do you spell Canada?
A: C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?
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@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Q: How do you spell Canada?
A: C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?I used to think those jokes were overblown (as I knew a bunch of people round Vancouver) but then I met someone from Toronto at a conference. It was amazing how much use that verbal tic got (and the guy was definitely not doing it on purpose).
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@dkf
So you found him pleasant to converse with, eh?
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@izzion Fuckin-eh
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@pie_flavor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@izzion Fuckin-eh
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@pie_flavor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Fuckin-eh
Almost “fuck-eh-ing-eh”. It was fascinating in a “my god, they really do that!” way.
He also ran a decent craps game. I'll never play that again; I know now that I don't like it. Watching isn't too bad though.
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Once his transformations began to become too disruptive to his daily life, Dr. Jekyll began to work on a counteragent of some sort. He made several attempts to reverse the transformation, but none of them worked for long.
After a while, he gave up on trying to reverse it entirely, and instead attempted to limit its effects. There were several failed attempts, but eventually he found a serum that worked. When the transformation took him, it would strengthen his legs significantly, and improve his breathing capacity and endurance, but that's all. No bestial form, no mental impairment, no sudden reversals of the moral compass.
In other words, he could run, but he couldn't Hyde.
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@masonwheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
In other words
I was sooo looking forward to a Bowsette ending, but sadly...
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Bowsette
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@masonwheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Bowsette
Some stupid Internet thing.
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@masonwheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Bowsette
Apparently, Nintendo said something and the Internet did the needful.
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@masonwheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Bowsette
The new Mario game doesn't have Peach in it, but Toadette can pick up a magic crown to turn into Peachette. A comic was drawn offering an alternate ending after Mario consoles Bowser at the end of Odyssey, where Bowser instead puts on the crown and turns into Bowsette, and becomes Mario's girlfriend. It's currently a trending meme.
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
A clown walks into a bar, asks for a treefort.
Bartender says, "What's in a treefort?"
"Playboy books and cigars!"
Did you get this from the classic "Louche Toddlers Of America", published in Bulgaria in 1971, finally translated for the U.S. audience in 2018?
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@Gribnit no
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@Gribnit I think it's only in the 2nd edition. They only translated the 1st.
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"Dad, is it true that in some Eastern cultures a man doesn't get to know who his bride is before the wedding?"
With a heavy sigh:
"It's like that in every culture, son."
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A guy walks in on his friend painting his dick green right before his wedding day.
He wonders why and the friend replies:
"On the wedding night I'll take my pants off and if the wife will act surprised, like why is your dick green, that's where I'll ask her 'You better tell me right now where have you seen the dicks that aren't green?' "
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"Me and my wife had been happy for 20 years."
"What happened after?"
"We met each other."
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"Dad, what is happiness?"
"You'll know what is happiness once you get married, son."
"I will?"
"Yes, but it will be too late then."