What the fuck, Apple?
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Might as well also have a thread about Apple's shitty shit as well as Androids.
I was reminded of this little anal nugget from the recent Kiosk WTF thread.
So the iPad-- big old video screen that can play videos, right? Videos. One might want to, perhaps, watch more than one video. Or even-- and this is a crazy thought-- even watch a video right after another video. And maaaaybe you want that next video to just play automatically, without touching any controls. Well, Apple says "fuck you". The iPad video player does not do that. End of video, drops back to Video browser.
Maybe Apple didn't originally think people would consume video on an iPad when it was first released. But, y'know, it's now 7 years later, and the use case for a large touchscreen are pretty clear.
Oh, but it's okay, Apple's got you covered with a Real Official Solution (fyi: I added air quotes around Solution, but they were so supermassive with sarcasm that they collapsed into a singularity and vanished from the post).
It's real easy and super obvious to figure out. Okay, so you know how you added your video files to the Videos section, and play it with the Videos app. Videos! So, here's what you do--
- first, everything you just did, fuck you. You wasted your time, you fucking moron idiot.
- Go back and add those files to the iPad AGAIN, but this time add it to the super obvious "Photos" section, you dumbfucking cocksucker.
- Alright, now open the Photos app, and longtap on a video. (FYI: There ain't a goddamn single iOS user I've ever met who even knew you could long tap)
- That brings up various options. Just look for "add to playlist"-- hahaha, just kidding you gullible simpleton. You're going to do things the Apple way.
- One of those options is "Share with". Tap that.
- Pick "Slideshow", which is totally obvious you braindead retard. Yes, I called you a retard. I'm Apple, there's literally nothing I do that's wrong or out of date, you're just doing it wrong.
- That will open up the Slideshow file picker. It won't be filtered, so your photos will be mixed in with your videos. Also, the video you just longtapped on won't be selected
- Pick the videos you want to be in this playlist. Slideshow. Whatever. Fuck you. Note that the UI is extremely shitty, so you'll only see the first few letters of the filename. Hope your thumbnails are meaningful
- Also, the UI is extremely shitty, so each time you select a file, the whole selection app slows down exponentially. Also also, because the UI is shitty, you'll accidentally select other files as you scroll. Also also also since the UI is extremely shitty, the "selected" UI change won't actually show up until after you've scrolled more, so you won't even know you accidentally selected a file.
- Once you've selected all your files, you can start your playlist. BTW: There's no way to sort the list. Hit START. Hope that you remembered to set the playlist as a loop.
- The first video will play. Maybe the next video will play when the first is done (or if you tap NEXT VIDEO). Maybe.
- You've set up a slideshow! Not a playlist, though. As soon as you exit the video, or accidentally hit the home button, POOF your "playlist" is gone. Did I mention that despite all the steps above, there's no way to SAVE the playlist?
Of course, you could try a third party app-- and hope it doesn't crash, destroy your iPad, steal your money or all of the above.
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@lorne-kates Extended testing determines that it also doesn't have torrenting, image macro creation, or the Minecraft server software either. Oh wait, people use third party apps. That's the point of having a smartphone. Especially when you're doing something weird like watching videos in a playlist. I mean, what videos would the average user want to watch in a playlist that they didn't already get from a third-party app?
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@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
smartphone
It isn't a smartphone. It's an Apple iPad.
@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
I mean, what videos would the average user want to watch in a playlist that they didn't already get from a third-party app?
Toddler. Road trip.
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@lorne-kates Children must have video blasted at them at all times.
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
smartphone
It isn't a smartphone. It's an Apple iPad.
@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
I mean, what videos would the average user want to watch in a playlist that they didn't already get from a third-party app?
Toddler. Road trip.
@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
I mean, what videos would the average user want to watch in a playlist that they didn't already get from a third-party app?
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@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates Extended testing determines that it also doesn't have torrenting, image macro creation, or the Minecraft server software either. Oh wait, people use third party apps. That's the point of having a smartphone. Especially when you're doing something weird like watching videos in a playlist. I mean, what videos would the average user want to watch in a playlist that they didn't already get from a third-party app?
Well, it would be a nice thing if you could play videos one after another in the standard app, sure.
However, what @Lorne-Kates describes doesn't look like "the official way", it looks like a dirty hack. If this is really what Apple recommends for when you want to watch videos one after another, it's a huge . They should just say "no support, fuck you, read your toddler a book you dumb piece of shit!"
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There is also this bonus WTF if you got the latest iPad and want to watch videos with the built-in speakers. Maybe you want to do something crazy like, I don't know, show a video to a friend? And you know how all videos that are not filmed by complete cretins are in landscape mode? Well, if you want that fullscreen video experience in landscape mode with stereo sound (as the iPad does have stereo speakers), Apple says you're because the speakers are mounted on the bottom of the unit based on portrait mode. So any sound-producing activities while in landscape will only have sounds coming from one side of the unit.
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@atazhaia Funny, I thought the iPad Pros (including the 9.7" versions) shipped with 4 speakers, a set at the top and a set at the bottom to deal with this specific problem.
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@arantor Yes, the iPad Pro does that. Get the regular iPad? Fuck you, you only get 2 speakers mounted in the way that makes least sense.
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@atazhaia My understanding was that the current line-up was the mini or the Pro and that the Air was effectively discontinued - but after checking they're still selling some model as 'the iPad'. Fuck Apple.
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@arantor Yeah, they dropped the Air from the model name and just call it the iPad again now. So instead of the iPad Air 3 we got the iPad (5th gen).
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Slideshow
My family members with iphones keep sending me weirdly blank messages with a video of a still image. It took me forever to realize these were 1) slideshows, which are 2) automatically created when they attach multiple images, and 3) the text of the message was a caption to the last image in the slideshow. THE least efficient way to read a message.
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@blakeyrat said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates Children must have video blasted at them at all times.
Based on our bandwidth usage and tablet stats for my five year old, this is 137 percent true.
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Make sure to punish Apple by slavishly buying the latest version every year. You never know, they might have fixed it.
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@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Especially when you're doing something weird like watching videos in a playlist.
The fact you think making a video playlist is weird explains everything.
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@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Oh wait, people use third party apps
Does Apple allow torrent apps? That would greatly surprise me.
Let me check... oh wait, Apple doesn't even allow me to see the app store unless I install iTunes.
Especially when you're doing something weird like watching videos in a playlist
iTunes supports videos and playlists. I'd expect it to support videos in playlists.
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@anonymous234 said in What the fuck, Apple?:
iTunes
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@bb36e said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@anonymous234 said in What the fuck, Apple?:
iTunes
Yes, indeed.
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Oh, but it's okay, Apple's got you covered with a Real Official Solution (fyi: I added air quotes around Solution, but they were so supermassive with sarcasm that they collapsed into a singularity and vanished from the post).
Apple TV? Why do you use iPad in place of iTV? Do you have no respect for The Right Thing an Apple fanboy would use to maximize Apple profits?
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@tsaukpaetra said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@blakeyrat said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates Children must have video blasted at them at all times.
Based on our bandwidth usage and tablet stats for my five year old, this is 137 percent true.
Is 137 a little 1337?
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@dse Only if you let it.
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@raceprouk said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@pie_flavor said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Especially when you're doing something weird like watching videos in a playlist.
The fact you think making a video playlist is weird explains everything.
Toby Faire, never done that and don't know anyone that ever ranted about not being able to do that, so I probably don't know anyone that would want to do that.
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@kt_ I've made video playlists.
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@kt_ said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@raceprouk said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@kt_ I've made video playlists.
Duly noted.
I have as well for episodic video series.
But then, I didn't use an Apple thing either.
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@kt_ said in What the fuck, Apple?:
However, what @Lorne-Kates describes doesn't look like "the official way", it looks like a dirty hack. If this is really what Apple recommends for when you want to watch videos one after another, it's a huge . They should just say "no support, fuck you, read your toddler a book you dumb piece of shit!"
It's the semi-official way, that only a deep Google will reveal on various Mac Fan forums.
The official Apple way is "Fuck you"
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@bb36e said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@anonymous234 said in What the fuck, Apple?:
iTunes
Yeah, fuck that shit. There is no iTunes on my PC. I use https://www.copytrans.net/ to copy stuff to/from the iThings. It uses Apple drivers, and has a host of utilities that to the crazy unimaginable thing of letting you easily copy music to your device. Most of the utilities are free, and the advanced ones I GLADLY paid for to avoid ITunEs.
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@blakeyrat said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates Children must have video blasted at them at all times.
Make you a deal. Go on an 8 hour drive with a 14 month old child in the back. Then do it again and again and again.
If you still think having a video player for them is bad, then I'll assume you went on the roadtrip in a limo with a soundproof back and/or drugged the child.
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Make you a deal. Go on an 8 hour drive with a 14 month old child in the back.
If I wanted something ugly and stupid that depended on me to do everything for it I'd get a cat. OH WAIT I HAVE ONE.
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Go on an 8 hour drive with a 14 month old child in the back.
We went on consecutive days of 8 hours drives, twice in a 10 day span (16 hour trip there and back) with a 14 month old.... but we timed it where they'd be asleep for 75% of the trip and didn't have much issue.
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@darkmatter that said, videos were the backup plan!
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@bb36e said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@anonymous234 said in What the fuck, Apple?:
iTunes
Yeah, fuck that shit. There is no iTunes on my PC. I use https://www.copytrans.net/
You should be using KillTrans instead!
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Toddler.
Apple only support toddlers that are wearing black iRollnecks.
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@blakeyrat said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates Children must have video blasted at them at all times.
Do you know how I know you don't have children?
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@blakeyrat said in What the fuck, Apple?:
If I wanted something ugly and stupid that depended on me to do everything for it I'd get a cat.
Sorry to tell you man, she doesn't need you. You're just... convenient.
Filed under: Not a cat person
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Also, the UI is extremely shitty, so each time you select a file, the whole selection app slows down exponentially.
Oh yeah, that also happens in the default mail app and is painful as hell.
I've got one email account that is essentially for spammy sites that insist on getting a valid email, and which therefore gets flooded with spam (even with a filter, some always gets through). I check maybe once per year, and deleting 100 or so messages in one go is impossible with their shitty UI. Batches of 10-20 is the max that is bearable.
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@remi said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Also, the UI is extremely shitty, so each time you select a file, the whole selection app slows down exponentially.
Oh yeah, that also happens in the default mail app and is painful as hell.
I've got one email account that is essentially for spammy sites that insist on getting a valid email, and which therefore gets flooded with spam (even with a filter, some always gets through). I check maybe once per year, and deleting 100 or so messages in one go is impossible with their shitty UI. Batches of 10-20 is the max that is bearable.
Apple is using a cart and 2 donkeys to move your files, with 10-20 of them you are bound to break their back! You should wait for Apple to invent the truck for 20-50 files
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That should probably have a comma after "videos"
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@onyx said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Sorry to tell you man, she doesn't need you. You're just... convenient.
He's a food source-- AND a backup food source if he dies before restocking the Fancy Feast.
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Double Tap your screen with 3 fingers
To resize the zoom, Double Tap your screen with 3 fingers, and hold the last tap. Use all
three fingers and scroll up to zoom in and scroll down to zoom outIntuitive!
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@lorne-kates Time to trot this old chestnut out again, I see.
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@scholrlea The irony is that OSes are actually kind of good right now, at least they don't crash. Now it's just the applications that universally suck.
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@jaloopa said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Scott Adams? That's the guy who draws I Love Hitler (Haha Just Joking [not joking]), right?
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Scott Adams? That's the guy who draws I Love Hitler (Haha Just Joking [not joking]), right?
Is it OK to Punch Garage Refugees Who Make Nazi Jokes?
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@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
Scott Adams? That's the guy who draws I Love Hitler (Haha Just Joking [not joking]), right?
Is it OK to Punch Garage Refugees Who Make Nazi Jokes?
No. Punch nazis instead.
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@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
I use [https://www.copytrans.net/](CopyTrans) to copy stuff to/from the iThings.
presses button
[link text](link url)
Does Firefox 22 have a new bug?
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@ben_lubar said in What the fuck, Apple?:
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Apple?:
I use [https://www.copytrans.net/](CopyTrans) to copy stuff to/from the iThings.
presses button
[link text](link url)
Does Firefox 22 have a new bug?
Pretty sure that was entered by hand, on mobile. Square and round brackets are easy to enter on keyboard, but html brackets aren't.
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(Heather) I'm just going to add this one song to my iPhone before going on my walk
(10 minutes later)
why does iTunes need to synch the whole iPhone?
(9 minutes later)
come on why is this taking so long I dont even have that many tracks
(11.333 minutes later)
done, and... Oh my god why isn't the new track there? Do I have to add it again?!?
( minutes later)
FINALLY THANK FUCK
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Did the emoji set change for And or is that just Chrome Android implementation?
I thought the emojis were .gifs?