The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
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@Zecc said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
they tuned the 1969 VW Bettle to travel up to 2096 miles on a single tank of fuel
I Didn't Read Much More Of The Article Because The Title Case Was Getting On My Nerves.
I didn't read any of it, but just parsing the quoted run-on and comma-spliced sentence gave me a headache.
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@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@topspin Bah! He didn't even mention how the ocean will never give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you!...
Oooooocean, you don't have to put on the red light.
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@obeselymorbid if I saw polar bears in that place I'd be VERY worried.
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@Atazhaia said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@GuyWhoKilledBear said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
365 miles
I could do 365 miles in my 35l gas tank Suzuki Swift. Ok, it’s a modern car, but still… it’s not like it’s the most fuel efficient car of its class either.
That's close to go to Rochester (upstate, NY) from NYC. That is definitely not enough miles to through half or most of North America.
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@Gąska Can English speakers read English (aloud)?
The poem below is called "The Chaos" and was written by G. Nolst Trenite, a.k.a. Charivarius (1870-1946). See: http://www.wordsmith.org/awad/english.html
Read it aloud:
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
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@dcon said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
: I see the previews after the commercials are about to start. Do you want me to order you another one?
Me: No, I want a vibration alert on my phone when the actual movie starts. Now shut up while I put these headphones and blindfold on. This is prime meditation time you're wasting.
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@boomzilla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Their whole marketing scheme seems to be to confuse you with stuff that's kind of off
Are any marketing schemes different?
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@Karla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@boomzilla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Or cilantro.
He said “arbitrary”.
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@loopback0 First I heard that story it was Nigel (the cat) and Human Nigel.
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@Zecc one of the few stories I heard online that I actually believe could happen independently to multiple people.
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@Gąska Right, happened to me. In the role of the dog name-alike.
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@xaos who the fuck names their dog Xaos?
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@Gąska I assume that he doesn't use his real name on the forums.
I knew one dog whose name is usually translated to English as Jack. And yes, it's also one of the most common male names for humans born around 1970-1980. There were several people in the neighborhood with the same name.
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
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@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska I assume that he doesn't use his real name on the forums.
Speaking of dog names, my brother, being an abnormally unimaginative person, gave his dog a name that roughly translates to Doggo.
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@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska I assume that he doesn't use his real name on the forums.
Speaking of dog names, my brother, being an abnormally unimaginative person, gave his dog a name that roughly translates to Doggo.
I once had neighbors who named their Dalmatian, "Boy."
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@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
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@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
I wanted to say something but I did quick research first and there are far less Jackies than I thought. And they're much older too.
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@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@xaos who the fuck names their dog Xaos?
While indeed not the name I am usually called in person I do know quite a few dogs (and other animals) that would befit it.
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@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
I wanted to say something but I did quick research first and there are far less Jackies than I thought. And they're much older too.
Did you just use pink for the boy's name and blue for the girls' name?
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@PleegWat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
I wanted to say something but I did quick research first and there are far less Jackies than I thought. And they're much older too.
Did you just use pink for the boy's name and blue for the girls' name?
Just like it used to be until the colors switched genders
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@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
There is another kind of "fix" that would avoid the dog-having-a-litter issue...
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@izzion said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@PleegWat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
I wanted to say something but I did quick research first and there are far less Jackies than I thought. And they're much older too.
Did you just use pink for the boy's name and blue for the girls' name?
Just like it used to be until the colors switched genders
Real story: in the hospital I was born in (90s Poland), they'd had color-coded blankets for newborns - blue for boys and pink for girls. But there was one old nurse who very consistently used them the other way around. Because red means Jesus and blue means Mary.
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@PleegWat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
I wanted to say something but I did quick research first and there are far less Jackies than I thought. And they're much older too.
Did you just use pink for the boy's name and blue for the girls' name?
Doubtful. Looking at the pink peak I'd guess it corresponds to Jackie (Jaqueline) Kennedy.
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@boomzilla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
bad grammar in Nigerian spam
Why did I read "Nigerian sperm"? Do I assume that it is encoded in their genes?
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@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
a name that roughly translates to Doggo.
"Pesio", polish pronunciating "si" like a very soft "sh". So, eventually, not much different from a french peugeot...
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@topspin "With a lot of white foam on it", an English friend of mine found that phrase the most funny part of Dickmann's adds.
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@boomzilla said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@PleegWat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
And then Jack made a litter, which made a lot of people question the owner's choise of names. Turned out he was a bit nearsighted (and hadn't thought to check between the legs). But the dog was already used to the name, so there was no changing it anymore.
If this was in English, the fix would be to rename the dog to Jackie.
I wanted to say something but I did quick research first and there are far less Jackies than I thought. And they're much older too.
Did you just use pink for the boy's name and blue for the girls' name?
Doubtful. Looking at the pink peak I'd guess it corresponds to Jackie (Jaqueline) Kennedy.
I don't know what the blue peak corresponds to, but there's a plateau in there that may correspond to Jackie (Jack) Robinson.
Also, if this chart is based on birth certificates (probably), it's going to miss the fact that Jackie is usually a nickname for someone whose actual name is either John or Jaqueline.
Which is why I'm assuming that peaks for "Jackie" correspond to a celebrity who goes by Jackie and not the baseline level of "a bunch of people are named John."
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@GuyWhoKilledBear said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Also, if this chart is based on birth certificates (probably), it's going to miss the fact that Jackie is usually a nickname for someone whose actual name is either John or Jaqueline.
Not miss. This is the whole point - making fun of people who make a nickname an actual legal full first name.
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@BernieTheBernie said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
a name that roughly translates to Doggo.
"Pesio", polish pronunciating "si" like a very soft "sh". So, eventually, not much different from a french peugeot...
Whose emblem is a lion, so perhaps not so much suited for a dog.
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@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@obeselymorbid if I saw polar bears in that place I'd be VERY worried.
About climate change?
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@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska I assume that he doesn't use his real name on the forums.
Speaking of dog names, my brother, being an abnormally unimaginative person, gave his dog a name that roughly translates to Doggo.
When we got a free kitten, my then-wife named it il gatto. She wanted to name it γάτα, but couldn't figure out how to pronounce it.
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@HardwareGeek said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
but couldn't figure out how to pronounce it.
I would pronounce it tzhaghta.
Wait, this isn't the Say My Name thread! 🤔
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@Zecc said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@loopback0 First I heard that story it was Nigel (the cat) and Human Nigel.
My mother's name was Theadora, and she was always called "Teddy" (leading to a lifetime collecting stuffed bears). My aunt's (who lived across the street from us) chihuahua was also called Teddy. I can't remember there ever being any confusion as a result.
BTW, does anyone else find it amusing that the two canonical names for dogs are Fido (meaning faithful, and presumably implying that they stay at home with you) and Rover (implying that they leave and run around)?
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@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
BTW, does anyone else find it amusing that the two canonical names for dogs are Fido (meaning faithful, and presumably implying that they stay at home with you) and Rover (implying that they leave and run around)?
Apparently there are but two types of men...
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@boomzilla Well that's one way to get some pussy.
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@Tsaukpaetra a child is required. To get some pussy, you first need to get some pussy.
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@Gąska While not recommended, one could kidnap the child. However, it's probably easier, and certainly less risky, to skip the child and just kidnap the pussy.
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@HardwareGeek but it may be chipped. It may be safer in the long run to traffic an unserialized child from a 3rd world country and transmogrify it into a ghost cat.
Wait which category are we in again?
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@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
BTW, does anyone else find it amusing that the two canonical names for dogs are Fido (meaning faithful, and presumably implying that they stay at home with you) and Rover (implying that they leave and run around)?
How about Spot?
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@Zecc said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
BTW, does anyone else find it amusing that the two canonical names for dogs are Fido (meaning faithful, and presumably implying that they stay at home with you) and Rover (implying that they leave and run around)?
How about Spot?
I had a cat named Spot. He was a tiger-striped tabby.
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@HardwareGeek said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@obeselymorbid if I saw polar bears in that place I'd be VERY worried.
About climate change?
About safety at the next zoo...
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@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I had a cat named Spot. He was a tiger-striped tabby.
Did he get in your way? Did you ever tell him "out, damned Spot"?
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