The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
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@boomzilla The Humorous Limerick thread is
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@topspin No such city, quit making stuff up.
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@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
They will throw the book at you.
They tried to do that to Gorrik but I stopped them.
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@boner I initially didn't read this, and thought the text read that this person was thanking God he had been voluntarily sterilized, which I agreed with...
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@djls45 Looks a lot like "There is no . No operations are possible on . System integrity preserved."
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@ben_lubar said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@anotherusername said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
How the fuck do they run out of mayo, though?
They ran out of no mayo.
The entire McDonald's is full of mayonnaise.
Blech...all this mayo is not funny.
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An old man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit, came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?”
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure, she returns and asks again "What would you like, sir?"
Again the old man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "a quickie, please.” This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it’s pronounced 'quiche'.
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@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
<> 16 USC §§703 and 707 do not even mention semen. The only thing applicable to semen is "or any product, whether or not manufactured, which consists, or is composed in whole or part, of any such bird or any part, nest, or egg thereof..." 50 CFR 21.30 basically requires a permit from the US Fish and Wildlife Service to possess any raptor, egg or semen for the purposes of breeding them and lays out requirements for obtaining a permit (primarily having appropriate experience handling raptors and facilities for doing so safely). If you have the appropriate permit, you can give — but not sell or barter — semen to anyone else with the appropriate permit; oddly, there are fewer restrictions on transferring a live bird (which can be sold or bartered) than eggs or semen. </>
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@hardwaregeek said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
<> 16 USC §§703 and 707 do not even mention semen. The only thing applicable to semen is "or any product, whether or not manufactured, which consists, or is composed in whole or part, of any such bird or any part, nest, or egg thereof..." 50 CFR 21.30 basically requires a permit from the US Fish and Wildlife Service to possess any raptor, egg or semen for the purposes of breeding them and lays out requirements for obtaining a permit (primarily having appropriate experience handling raptors and facilities for doing so safely). If you have the appropriate permit, you can give — but not sell or barter — semen to anyone else with the appropriate permit; oddly, there are fewer restrictions on transferring a live bird (which can be sold or bartered) than eggs or semen. </>
You live to shit all over jokes, don't you?
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@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@hardwaregeek said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@polygeekery said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
<> 16 USC §§703 and 707 do not even mention semen. The only thing applicable to semen is "or any product, whether or not manufactured, which consists, or is composed in whole or part, of any such bird or any part, nest, or egg thereof..." 50 CFR 21.30 basically requires a permit from the US Fish and Wildlife Service to possess any raptor, egg or semen for the purposes of breeding them and lays out requirements for obtaining a permit (primarily having appropriate experience handling raptors and facilities for doing so safely). If you have the appropriate permit, you can give — but not sell or barter — semen to anyone else with the appropriate permit; oddly, there are fewer restrictions on transferring a live bird (which can be sold or bartered) than eggs or semen. </>
You live to
shit all over jokes, don't you?Yes.
Also, TBH, I wasn't really paying attention to which thread I was in.
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@polygeekery Dinosaur semen might be covered by some generic law about "endangered species". Clearly you can't get more endangered than dinosaurs.
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@anonymous234 Every sperm is sacred
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@pleegwat Every sperm is goooooood
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Rather wry humor:
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@polygeekery oh man, the way he finishes the talk is amazing!
For the TLDR/"CBA to watch" guys.
The video is advocating allowing people to solicit "genital massages".
This is about a group of people imposing their morality on the rest of society. If a grown adult wants a handjob and another grown adult is willing to give one for money, then let them. That is both freedom and capitalism, and that is the foundation of our country. If you have a problem with a genital massage, then don't get one, and allow other consenting adults to do what they want. That would truly be a happy ending for everyone!
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Hell, we let proctologists spend their day fingering men and sticking things up their penis
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@bb36e ah, more "Quotes our of context" fodder.
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@doctorjones I'll let you take that one. I'm starting to get concerned that anyone searching my name will somehow end up only reading what I've posted in "Quotes out of Context", and without context (double-blind super-secret probation context?) I'd come off really perverted.
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@bb36e said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Hell, we let proctologists spend their day fingering men and sticking things up their
penisanusThat's what he said.
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@bb36e At least three takes of "Wait, I can't be that American..." before I was certain.
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@bb36e Africa looks way too small.
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@zecc More like
Hell, we let proctologists spend their day fingering men and sticking things up their ... anus
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@zecc said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@bb36e said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Hell, we let proctologists spend their day fingering men and sticking things up their
penisanusThat's what he said.
It definitely makes more sense this way, but it sounded awfully like penis.
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@bb36e said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Hell, we let proctologists spend their day fingering men and sticking things up their penis
I am pretty sure he said "anus", but your interpretation would be funnier.
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@polygeekery probably, I keep my volume pretty low so anuses tend to morph into penises when they hit my ear
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@bb36e said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Hell, we let proctologists spend their day fingering men and sticking things up their penis
The video started with the sound disabled. That was the exact point at which I enabled the audio. That is also the point at which I said, "Nope! I'm outta here."
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@hardwaregeek something something sounding
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the English language…not only borrows words from other languages; it has on occasion chased other languages down dark alley-ways, clubbed them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary.
James Nicoll (b. 1961), "The King's English", rec.arts.sf-lovers, 15 May 1990
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@pie_flavor Why would you downvote that story?
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@hungrier said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@pie_flavor Why would you downvote that story?
I wouldn't. This isn't my screenshot.
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@hungrier To keep the score at 11111, probably.
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@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Seattle does, and they're monorails to boot.
Plural? Has something drastically changed in the last few years?
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@da-doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
When I lived there it was dominated by Boeing. And Jimi Hendrix.
Even then, it was quite the tech place. Heck, Hendrix himself was a bit of a closet geek. Back in the day, he even had his own custom modem. It was a purple Hayes.
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@masonwheeler said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@da-doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
When I lived there it was dominated by Boeing. And Jimi Hendrix.
Even then, it was quite the tech place. Heck, Hendrix himself was a bit of a closet geek. Back in the day, he even had his own custom modem. It was a purple Hayes.
The bad jokes thread is
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@masonwheeler said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
purple Hayes.
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@masonwheeler said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Plural? Has something drastically changed in the last few years?
There's always been one in each direction, since it was built in the 60s.
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@blakeyrat I suppose if you want to be a super- about it. It's still only one route, and I've never heard locals refer to it as "the monorails." It's always been the "monrail" (singular).
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@masonwheeler said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@blakeyrat I suppose if you want to be a super- about it. It's still only one route, and I've never heard locals refer to it as "the monorails." It's always been the "monrail" (singular).
"Monorails" just sounds wrong.
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@benjamin-hall Well one of the reasons monorails kind of suck is that it's difficult to make sidings for trains to pass each other-- every time a monorail has a switch, it's a potential disaster.
Normal rail running the wrong way over a switch: nothing happens, maybe a slight bump.
Monorail running the wrong way over a switch: guarantee derailment.
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@blakeyrat Huh? Mind elaborating on that a bit, for the benefit of the non-train engineers in the audience?
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@blakeyrat @masonwheeler I should have been clearer. I was objecting to the phrase "the monorails", on purely euphonic grounds.
Also, why is the serving suggestion for ketchup a whole tomato?
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@masonwheeler said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@blakeyrat Huh? Mind elaborating on that a bit, for the benefit of the non-train engineers in the audience?
Normal track:
Now imagine what happens if a monorail accidentally goes the wrong way through a switch.
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@masonwheeler this is a diagram of an ordinary railroad switch:
This is an example of a monorail switch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Yf-7V8lZaU
The ordinary railroad switch won't result in a catastrophic derailment if a car goes over it backwards from the wrong direction.
That said... I don't think that's too much of a concern because there's no good reason why that should ever happen. On an automated rail system, it probably couldn't ever happen.
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@anotherusername said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
That said... I don't think that's too much of a concern because there's no good reason why that should ever happen. On an automated rail system, it probably couldn't ever happen.
Oh it's not, it's just an interesting thing to bring up at parties. Traditional rail switches are fail-safe, monorails are fail-disaster. (You can also talk about what really keeps trains on the rails-- hint, on a properly-built system the flange never contacts the edge of the rail.)
The reason Seattle went with a traditional light rail system instead of building out the monorail (even though voters wanted the monorail) is the expense-- laying the track for a monorail is way cheaper (especially obtaining right-of-ways) but buying the actual rolling stock is way more expensive.
There's a company in Germany that plops out the rolling stock the Sounder uses like 400 cars a year. There ain't no company that makes monorail rolling stock in bulk.
That monorail switch linked above is all 100% one-off custom-built. If they were a traditional light rail system they'd have been able to buy an off-the-shelf auto-switcher from like 6-7 different companies at a third the cost or less.
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@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
That monorail switch linked above is all 100% one-off custom-built. If they were a traditional light rail system they'd have been able to buy an off-the-shelf auto-switcher from like 6-7 different companies at a third the cost or less.
The fact that it was a 3-to-4 switch kind of gave that away, yeah.
edit: that, and monorail systems are niche enough that a 3-to-4 switch wouldn't be something that has a standard mass-produced design.