The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread
-
Q. Is mud expensive?
A. No, it only has sedimental value.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
@Benjamin-Hall Sigh. That makes the second joke in less than a week that thinks that "Buddha" is a name.
-
@jinpa said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@Benjamin-Hall Sigh. That makes the second joke in less than a week that thinks that "Buddha" is a name.
The sell-by date on a cartoon I once did has long since passed. In the wake of Letterman's one time hosting the Oscars, and his poorly received "Uma, Oprah" joke, I had two fat bald guys facing each other, one in bib overalls and the other in saffron robes, with Mr Gaptooth Host smiling between them and making the introduction: "Buddha, Bubba".
-
@da-Doctah said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@jinpa said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@Benjamin-Hall Sigh. That makes the second joke in less than a week that thinks that "Buddha" is a name.
The sell-by date on a cartoon I once did has long since passed. In the wake of Letterman's one time hosting the Oscars, and his poorly received "Uma, Oprah" joke, I had two fat bald guys facing each other, one in bib overalls and the other in saffron robes, with Mr Gaptooth Host smiling between them and making the introduction: "Buddha, Bubba".
Ohhh, that's even worse. You confused Hotei with the Buddha. Like confusing Santa Claus and Jesus.
Not quite sure why he his "Uma, Oprah" passing quip was a big deal. Hey, it was funnier than most of his stuff. As was your comic.
-
@jinpa said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
Like confusing Santa Claus and Jesus.
Doesn't basically everybody? In the more civilised places () it's (baby) Jesus himself that brings the presents¹ on Christmas Eve—after all it's his birthday—while St. Nicholas brings presents on the eve of his own saint's day (and his presumed actual birthday), the 6th December.
¹It's never said just how he brings the presents as still a baby. Presumably he just conjures them up, but when I was a kid, I thought he must have a rocket ship to make it in time.
-
@jinpa said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
confused Hotei with the Buddha
But Hotei was a Buddha, wasn't he?
Buddha … Jesus
And was Jesus a Buddha?
-
@Bulb said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@jinpa said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
confused Hotei with the Buddha
But Hotei was a Buddha, wasn't he?
It depends who you ask. "The" Buddha always refers to the real historical Buddha. Even if someone simply says "Buddha", as if it was a name (which it is not), if it is unqualified it refers to the real, historical Buddha. Chinese Buddhists (part of the Mahayana tangent) believe that Hotei will be the next Buddha, Maitreya (Pali: Mettaya) Buddha. Furthermore, Hotei is sometimes referred to erroneously as "The Laughing Buddha".
Buddha … Jesus
And was Jesus a Buddha?
No.
-
-
-
There was once a lake bordered by three different kingdoms. In the center of the lake was an island that all three kingdoms wished to claim. Unable to resolve their differences peacefully, they sent soldiers to the island.
The first kingdom sent a dozen knights with their squires. The second kingdom sent twenty knights with their squires. But the third send only one knight, their greatest champion. (With his squire of course.) They resolved to have the battle for control of the island in three days' time.
The first day, all the knights of the first kingdom were busy training and preparing all day, while their squires saw to their horses and gear. DItto the contingent from the second kingdom. The champion of the third kingdom likewise spent the day training, while his squire prepared food, with a cooking pot he hung over a fire from the branches of a large tree, with a rope tied in a slip knot.
The second day likewise passed much like the first.
On the third day, it was time for the battle, but all the knights were exhausted from two days of training, so they sent their squires out to fight first while they rested up. The squires of the first two kingdoms, seeing the third kingdom only sent one squire to fight them, decided to all gang up on him and take him out first.
To their great surprise, he managed to fight them all to a standstill, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides!
-
@Mason_Wheeler that's the worst pun I've ever heard. Bravo!
-
-
@boomzilla said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@Gąska I think @PJH posted that in the nerdy jokes thread a while ago.
Jan '17.
-
@Mason_Wheeler said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
There was once a lake bordered by three different kingdoms. In the center of the lake was an island that all three kingdoms wished to claim. Unable to resolve their differences peacefully, they sent soldiers to the island.
The first kingdom sent a dozen knights with their squires. The second kingdom sent twenty knights with their squires. But the third send only one knight, their greatest champion. (With his squire of course.) They resolved to have the battle for control of the island in three days' time.
The first day, all the knights of the first kingdom were busy training and preparing all day, while their squires saw to their horses and gear. DItto the contingent from the second kingdom. The champion of the third kingdom likewise spent the day training, while his squire prepared food, with a cooking pot he hung over a fire from the branches of a large tree, with a rope tied in a slip knot.
The second day likewise passed much like the first.
On the third day, it was time for the battle, but all the knights were exhausted from two days of training, so they sent their squires out to fight first while they rested up. The squires of the first two kingdoms, seeing the third kingdom only sent one squire to fight them, decided to all gang up on him and take him out first.
To their great surprise, he managed to fight them all to a standstill, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides!
Once there were two knights who came across a huge ogre who refused to let them pass. This ogre, rather than being belligerently menacing, kept winking at them, blowing little kisses, and making sexual innuendos about what he wanted to do to the knights to let them go on through his lands.
The first knight turned to the second and whispered: "So what do we do?"
The second knight whispered back: "Promise him anything, but give him our page."
For you young whippersnappers out there:
-
Once there was a kingdom where the princess had been kidnapped by a renegade knight who was in league with an evil sorcerer. In a panic, the king implored his knights to go and bring her home, promising her hand in marriage to whoever could rescue his daughter.
Several brave knights volunteered for the task, but as they headed out of the castle and began to cross the drawbridge, a giant, fuzzy yellow hand reached up out of the moat, grabbing each one and dragging them down to drown in the water below.
After the first few all perished this way, no other knight wanted to risk it, even after the king berated them for their cowardice. But one daring young page decided to take his chances. Taking a dagger from the armory, he ventured out of the castle. Up came the giant yellow hand to grasp him, but as he was small and nimble and not encumbered by knightly armor, the light-footed page was able to slip between the fingers of the hand and make his way to the other side.
He followed the trail of the renegade knight, making his way to the knight's manor, where he waited until nightfall, then slipped inside, finding the princess and setting her free. He guided her back to the castle before her captor even realized she was gone, then led her back across the drawbridge, showing her how to evade the yellow hand's grasp.
The king was overjoyed at seeing his daughter returned to him safe and unharmed. She and the bold page were married within a week, and they lived happily ever after.
The moral of the story is, let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers!
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
@Mason_Wheeler For those of us who grew up with a different cultural background, what sort of cake or cookie is that?
-
-
@Mason_Wheeler "Ring Ding – Ding Dong conflict" is the best Wikipedia section name I've ever seen.
-
-
@Gąska
I get my ding-a-dongs from a different song
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Where do you go to get measured for new pants?
-
-
@Benjamin-Hall
for
-
@izzion said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@Benjamin-Hall
forI have an uncle who basically only posts two types of things on Facebook:
- Mason-related stuff
- Puns
- Bonus: wildlife photos when he lived near Yellowstone.
And #2 outweighs the others (combined) 10:1
-
@Benjamin-Hall said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
Mason-related stuff
Your uncle is related to @Mason_Wheeler?
-
@HardwareGeek said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@Benjamin-Hall said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
Mason-related stuff
Your uncle is related to @Mason_Wheeler?
No, he's part of the "secret masters of the world" Masonic organization.
-
Everyone knows that the Knights Templar are the one true master secret society.
-
@Benjamin-Hall said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@HardwareGeek said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@Benjamin-Hall said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
Mason-related stuff
Your uncle is related to @Mason_Wheeler?
No, he's part of the "secret masters of the world" Masonic organization.
A Mason Wheeler is like an apprentice or a caddy to a mason. He doesn't get to cut stone himself, he just rolls him and his tools around in a wheelbarrow. cf. dogsbody.
-
@Dragoon said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
Everyone knows that the Knights Templar are the one true master secret society.
I thought that was Eckankar?
-
@HardwareGeek said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
@Benjamin-Hall said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
Mason-related stuff
Your uncle is related to @Mason_Wheeler?
This was my first thought as well, and I was like, but 1 and 2 are the same.
-