The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@Deadfast You got 'd by this in the good jokes thread, by almost half a year:
Don't remember who posted it. I just saved the image to the "entertain visiting family" folder.
(It's either this or talking politics.... I like the collective picture-viewing better.)
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@dcon said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@acrow said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
And intelligible to foreigners to boot.
I'm guessing that that is the committee's problem?
Could be. I'm not sure if they could make any less dumb proposals if they tried. And Finnish borrowed a lot from our closest neighbors since long ago anyway. So the most reasonable explanation for the whole committee's existence is a cold-war era effort to thwart foreign intelligence through sheer stupidity.
@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Wow that sounds ridiculous, but, without sounding like too much of a prima donna, I feel I must point out that I wasn't being serious. It was a joke, implying that I thought "je ne sais quoi" was English in origin.
I know.
Many English speakers use foreign words and phrases all the time without even realising.
Yes. Very:
Etymology
From Middle English foreyn, forein, from Old French forain, from Vulgar Latin *forānus (“outsider, outlander”), from Latin forās (“outside, outdoors”), also spelled forīs (“outside, outdoors”)Displaced native Middle English elendish, ellendish (“foreign”) [...]
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@acrow said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Deadfast You got 'd by this in the good jokes thread, by almost half a year:
There also was one in one of the garage threads (I think?) about the "rule of 6" COVID restrictions in the UK. I couldn't find it because searching, NodeBB etc. but it went along the line of "police, how many of you inside? 6! Let us in so we can check! No, if I did we would be more than 6 inside."
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@remi Yeah, I took a copy of that one too.
Saved it on the work computer though. to dig that laptop out of the bag to post it now.
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My wife just shared this one with me:
: I realized I was in a toxic work environment yesterday when, while eating lunch, one of my coworkers came up to me, grabbed the sandwich literally out of my mouth, started chewing on it himself, and then punched me in the face.
:: That's awful! You should quit, right away!
: I can't! I'm a mom!
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia: a Phillips screwdriver.
Vodka and prune juice: a Pile driver.
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The exhaust it pitched a bit low, but it performs really well for 1 horsepower
https://imgur.com/gallery/jT7aSh9
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@dcon steady there mate, that's like a whole year's worth of material!
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@DoctorJones I was going to make an appetizer from Indian flatbread, but it was a naan starter.
(This has the advantage of being one I actually came up with myself and didn't copy from someone else's joke site.)
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@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@DoctorJones I was going to make an appetizer from Indian flatbread, but it was a naan starter.
(This has the advantage of being one I actually came up with myself and didn't copy from someone else's joke site.)
And yet I feel like I've read that before. Perhaps you've pasted it yourself?
Edit: Hah! And they say NodeBB search doesn't work.
@da-Doctah said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
I once had the idea of serving Indian flat bread as an appetizer.
But that was a naan starter.
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@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@dcon steady there mate, that's like a whole year's worth of material!
That's how Farcebook works...
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@acrow said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@dcon said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@acrow said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Many English speakers use foreign words and phrases all the time without even realising.Yes. Very:
Etymology
From Middle English foreyn, forein, from Old French forain, from Vulgar Latin *forānus (“outsider, outlander”), from Latin forās (“outside, outdoors”), also spelled forīs (“outside, outdoors”)Displaced native Middle English elendish, ellendish (“foreign”) [...]
The Germanic elendig/elendish means miserable, wretched, rotten or terrible. Obviously that had to be changed for reasons of PC.
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@LaoC said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The
GermanicDutch ellendig/elendishmeans miserablestep 1 learn Dutch
step 2 voel je ellendig
step 3 ...
step 4 Profit!
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@Luhmann said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@LaoC said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The
GermanicDutch ellendig/elendishmeans miserablestep 1 learn Dutch
step 2 voel je ellendigIt's pronounced "fool", isn't it?
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@Luhmann said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
step 1 learn Dutch
Now that's a naan starter.
Filed under: Merging two bad jokes
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@LaoC
Only if you have enough golden chains around your neck
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Heard in a movie:
[Big boss]: Pencil Dick, you're fired!
[Assistant's assistant (to assistant)]: well, pencils can be any length, or girth, so the joke's on him.
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If you keep giving your dinner to an enemy you might eventually acquire a fat friend.
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@obeselymorbid
Beter a fat friend then a skinny enemy
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@Luhmann said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid
Beter a fat friend then a skinny enemySomething Shakespeare something "lean and hungry look" something something
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@Benjamin-Hall We did (reading, not staged) "Julius Caesar" in 10(?)th-grade English class. I was the title character, although it was a rather minor role; I died in the first act and just watched the class do the rest of the play. (After 40+ years, I misremembered the line a little:
Beware yYond Cassius; he hathhas a lean and hungry look.)
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@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Benjamin-Hall We did (reading, not staged) "Julius Caesar" in 10(?)th-grade English class. I was the title character, although it was a rather minor role; I died in the first act and just watched the class do the rest of the play. (After 40+ years, I misremembered the line a little:
Beware yYond Cassius; he hathhas a lean and hungry look.)So much for that whole "Cassius' belly" thing I'm always hearing about...
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So, when people think vampires they think about the European vampire. But Asian vampires also exist, they drink blood through the fingers. Australian vampires hunt like a drop bear during the day. Even the new world has it's own type of vampire distinct from the rest.
The only continent that doesn't have vampires is of course Africa. It turns out this is because someone blessed the rains down in Africa.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The exhaust it pitched a bit low, but it performs really well for 1 horsepower
https://imgur.com/gallery/jT7aSh9Horses have 4 horsepower. 1HP is equal to the power of one leg of a horse.
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@Gąska uh, citation wanted?
I've always heard it defined as an average power output for the horses the codifier had on hand, based on lifting known weights a certain distance and measuring the time required.
So in that definition, 1 (average) horse == 1 hp
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@Benjamin-Hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gąska uh, citation wanted?
I've always heard it defined as an average power output for the horses the codifier had on hand, based on lifting known weights a certain distance and measuring the time required.
So in that definition, 1 (average) horse == 1 hp
Actually, the guy who came up with the idea deliberately chose scrawny horses so that the engines he was trying to sell would rate at a larger multiple of the unit of the horses' power output. One (average) horse > 1 hp.
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@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Benjamin-Hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gąska uh, citation wanted?
I've always heard it defined as an average power output for the horses the codifier had on hand, based on lifting known weights a certain distance and measuring the time required.
So in that definition, 1 (average) horse == 1 hp
Actually, the guy who came up with the idea deliberately chose scrawny horses so that the engines he was trying to sell would rate at a larger multiple of the unit of the horses' power output. One (average) horse > 1 hp.
Say Watt?
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@HardwareGeek You think that's bad, check out Shel Silverstein's famous poem about the mehoo...
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According to the book of knowledge:
In 1993, R. D. Stevenson and R. J. Wassersug published correspondence in Nature summarizing measurements and calculations of peak and sustained work rates of a horse.[13] Citing measurements made at the 1926 Iowa State Fair, they reported that the peak power over a few seconds has been measured to be as high as 14.9 hp (11.1 kW)[14] and also observed that for sustained activity, a work rate of about 1 hp (0.75 kW) per horse is consistent with agricultural advice from both the 19th and 20th centuries and also consistent with a work rate of about 4 times the basal rate expended by other vertebrates for sustained activity.[13]
But also, in regard to the factoid @da-Doctah posted, it looks like it's actually the opposite (or James Watt's PR team has been earning their pay):
A common legend states that the unit was created when one of Watt's first customers, a brewer, specifically demanded an engine that would match a horse, and chose the strongest horse he had and driving it to the limit. Watt, while aware of the trick, accepted the challenge and built a machine that was actually even stronger than the figure achieved by the brewer, and it was the output of that machine which became the horsepower.[12]
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@Mason_Wheeler Meehoo's on first?
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The other day, at a thrift store, I bought an old record album called "Sounds that Wasps make". When I got it home and played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound anything like wasp sounds". Then I realized, I was playing the Bee side.
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@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"This doesn't sound anything like wasp sounds". Then I realized, I was playing the Bee side.
That makes sense, since bees are within the wasp suborder and have every feature wasps do.
… you’re right, this is a bad joke.
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I recently bought the new U2 satnav.
It's rubbish, the streets have no names, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
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Context for bloody foreigners!
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On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
The good jokes thread is... um, do we even have one?
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@GOG Threads are free.
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@GOG said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The good jokes thread is... um, do we even have one?
https://what.thedailywtf.com/topic/12685/the-official-funny-stuff-thread, in theory, but even there, the lines between , , and get kind of blurry at times.
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@HardwareGeek hey! I resemble that remark!
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@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@HardwareGeek hey! I resemble that remark!
Filed under: @DoctorWUT