The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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"Update the force, Luke"
-- Adobe Wan Kenobi
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From research on the Soylent Dude thread...
Carnac: "Sis boom bah.'"
Ed: "SIs. Boom. Bah."
The Card: [spoiler]"Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes." [/spoiler]
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As I was fucking my wife last night, I told her she had a giant pussy.
I couldn't help it, it just slipped right out.
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I used to have a woodpecker called Woody, until he attacked my girlfriend.
I still can't believe Woody would peck her.
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Prostitution is the only job you can charge more for having no prior experience.
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Bullets are the only things that do their job only after being fired.
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Once a year, David Bowie turns up at our local park & takes the kids round the lake in his boat.
He rows, just for one day.
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He rows, just for one day.
Bonus like and extra - that song is epic.
Filed under: ...when is one direction going to cover it??
no, I can't believe I wrote that and my hands haven't fallen off
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What do Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle around Uranus searching for Klingons.
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What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
[spoiler]
Their last big hit was the wall.
[/spoiler]
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What do Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle around Uranus searching for Klingons.
What do Madonna and toilet paper have in common?
[spoiler]They both get into the groove[/spoiler]
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What did the confused Magnesium Oxide say?
[spoiler]OMg[/spoiler]
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My wife came back from the doctors really upset today.
"He told me we can't have any sex for two weeks," she sobbed.
"How come?" I said, looking really concerned.
"Because he's going on holiday tonight," she replied.
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I used to be a man trapped in a woman's body.
[spoiler]Then I was born.[/spoiler]
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I made a bet with my friend I could make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
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Words that mean fuck in lojban:
- mabla
- gletu
- mamgle
- gleua
- oi'o
- oi'onai
People I've seduced using lojban:
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The nuclear family is commonly thought of as stable, but actually has a comparatively short half-life.
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Q: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
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A man walks into his office one Monday morning, obviously hung over and looking horribly ashamed of himself. "Oh, man, I am in so much trouble," he said to some co-workers, "I got so drunk last night that I don't remember a thing, and this morning my wife said she saw me blowing Chunks on the lawn next door."
"That's not so bad," one co-worker replied, "Why, one time I got so wasted I pissed my pants!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said another co-worker, "my best friend, his wife and I once got so trashed at a party that he passed out on the hosts' bed, only to wake up to find me banging his wife right next to him! Man, he never spoke to me again!"
"You don't understand!" cried the first man, overwrought. [spoiler]"Chunks is my neighbor's Labrador Retriever!"[/spoiler]
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I'm beginning to grow concerned about your hobbies and interests....
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Yeah, I got that from the same friend as the image macro, so... right.
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I once played a video game where you could cut down a tree and then apply a colour to the result
this was done in a dye-a-log dialog box
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I once played a video game where you could cut down a tree and then apply a colour to the result
this was done in a dye-a-log dialog box
I once played a video game where you had to release feathers so they fell into a container.
This was done in a drop down box
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"Doctor, doctor, you have to help me!"
"Do you have an appointment?"
"But doctor, can't you see I'm shrinking?"
"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to be a little patient."
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How, in that screenshot, does grouping differ from sorting?
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How, in that screenshot, does grouping differ from sorting?
Grouping gives you an unrollable view - each group gets a row with "+". Something like
At least if that's a DevExpress XtraGrid, which I think it is, since I've spend way too much time fiddling with this crap not to recognize it.
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That looks like …
Is that an Infragistics grid?
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It looks similar to the ones I've seen, but the group bar is a bit different.
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Ah. THat explains the not-quite-right sensation I was getting.
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Please open to Bush 9:11 inside Job.
Would be funnier, though, if Job 9:11 actually mentioned anything related to shrubbery. Or if
Job
were pronounced likejob
.
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Yeah, as it is, it sounds like it's talking about fear, with no other context.
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It's about God (so a rather different kind of fear). http://biblehub.com/job/9.htm
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No, I know, but I wanted to make a Dune reference. Seriously, you people...
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Spinning further on the joke:
When he passes me, I cannot see him; when he goes by, I cannot perceive him.
I'd say he's not doing a great job of it. The owner of the bush must be dissatisfied.
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I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
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What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?
Finding a condom in your hole!
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Finding a condom in your hole!
Without knowing how it got there, I suppose?
What is worse than an apple with a worm in it?
A half-eaten apple with half a worm in it!
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Sex is extremely difficult when you're disabled [spoiler]by pepper spray and a kick in the nuts.[/spoiler]
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This post is deleted!
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Is that a rape joke?
That better not be a rape joke, rape jokes always make me feel violated.
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In a survey, only one in ten people agreed with that sentiment.