The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?
[spoiler]His name[/spoiler]
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How do you call a dog with no legs?
[spoiler]You don't. You must go grab him.[/spoiler]
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That works better in Indian English, where you commonly hear "how do you call" instead of "what do you call" when asking about a name
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It works pretty well in American English too, where "how do you call" might be answered, "Yell it's name" or "whistle". It probably works in most variants of English. Call is a pretty well-understood word.
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Yes, but see, "how do you call this dog" in AmEng means "How do you summon the dog", whereas in IndEng it'd mean "What is the dog's name". Which leads to the unexpected punchline based on the double meaning, and lets it blend in better with the previous name-based jokes.
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Which leads to the unexpected punchline based on the double meaning, and lets it blend in better with the previous name-based jokes.
And people blamed me of trying to see things that weren't there.
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What animal(s) is(are) capable of jumping higher than a house?
[spoiler]All animals that jump, because houses don't.[/spoiler]
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What do men and women have in common?
After watching a good movie both need a handkerchief.
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I can't crop this, but whatever...
Are you into fitness?
[spoiler][/spoiler]
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?
[spoiler]A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.[/spoiler]
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@blakeyrat said:
nobody knew what "breaking bad" meant.
"Inside baseball"... so it's probably a Northeast thing?
I grew up in New England and never heard it.
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heard this one in the office today:
What's the difference between a republican senator and a democrat senator?
[spoiler]What colour tie they wear[/spoiler]
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I grew up in New England and never heard it.
Note the date in the URL; Safire claims in the article that the term is at least a decade older than that, and Wikipedia says the term derives from a style of baseball play whose roots go back into the 1890s.
Also, heck of a onebox.
http://www.nytimes.com/1988/06/19/magazine/on-language-inside-baseball.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm
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I think it's generally more like 'Whether they equate the word "left" or "right" with Satan.'
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Left is indisputably sinister.
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"This is your captain speaking" - says the voice. - "We're currently on a collision course with the ground, our engines are down, and we have to evacuate."
"I already did that when you told me we were crashing."
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Apparently the guy who wrote Breaking Bad was surprised to learn that nobody knew what "breaking bad" meant.
Something to do with a missed putt, right?
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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
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A alphabetically be in organized sentence should words.
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This one's from my pastor (after probably too many beers, considering...).
What's the difference between Jesus and a whore?
[spoiler]Their faces when you nail them[/spoiler]
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That's quite incredible.
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I read this as faeces. Time to go to sleep.
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And then there was the prosecutor's opening statement:
"The accused not only disguised himself in a red suit and a fake white beard. He then proceeded to call my client -- not once, not twice -- three times a prostitute!"
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Three women eating ice-cream.
The first is holding a cone and is licking it up and down, sometimes nibbling on the top.
The second has a popsicle on a stick and is putting its tip between her puckered lips and sucking it gently.
The third has two chocolate balls on a cup and is scooping with a spoon.
Which one of them is married?
[spoiler]The one with a wedding ring.[/spoiler]
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Three women eating ice-cream.
I first heard that sorta joke, it was slightly expanded:
Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."
Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"
Teacher: "Sure."
Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."
Little Johnny: "[spoiler]No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.[/spoiler]"
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That's how I first heard it too, but I like them short and to the point.
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"One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Last time we were at the rifle range, we noticed there were a ton of birds foraging in the grass a couple dozen yards ahead of the firing line. We were shooting over their heads the entire time, and not a single one flew away or even so much as flinched. And this joke was the first thing that came to mind when I realized it.
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They may have experience of being around the range. I'd expect they'll scamper off quickly if one of their number drops dead.
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They may have experience of being around the range. I'd expect they'll scamper off quickly if one of their number drops dead.
Seems likely. There's a rabbit that runs around at twilight around my apartment building, and it annoys me because it's not really afraid of people--it'll ignore you unless you get close. But it drives my dogs wild, who want to GET it.
So last week I dug out one of my son's old Nerf guns and started shooting at it. I don't want to kill the damn thing. I just want to put the fear of people back into it, and maybe also the fear of loitering by my back porch.
Also, a bright orange Nerf gun won't make me look like a guy running around with a real gun (that is, a BB pistol) to people driving by on the street.
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Find one .22 LR subsonic round and you can have rabbit stew without disturbing the neighbors.
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"The accused not only disguised himself in a red suit and a fake white beard. He then proceeded to call my client -- not once, not twice -- three times a prostitute!"
Earlier:
The client rolled her eyes and said "What the hell sort of wh*re wears 18" of curved, sharpened combat steel at their hip?" in response to the accused's statement.
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Find one .22 LR subsonic round and you can have rabbit stew without disturbing the neighbors.
Sure, but I'd also have to find a gun to match.
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Find one .22 LR subsonic round and you can have rabbit stew without disturbing the neighbors.
Wouldn't a suppressor help with that as well?
Filed under: suppressors should be mandatory safety equipment, not borderline contraband!
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Wouldn't a suppressor help with that as well?
The point of subsonics is they're already quiet.
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Wouldn't a suppressor help with that as well?
A bit, but a .22 LR subsonic through a rifle is already pretty stinking quiet. I currently have a supply of subsonics since that's all I could find, and my 6" .22 LR revolver sounds like a cap gun with them.
Filed under: suppressors should be mandatory safety equipment, not borderline contraband!
Agreed. I heard some guy somewhere was actually going to challenge the suppressor portion of the NFA using a hearing disability argument, something about how they can reduce hearing damage and the law is unfair to people with noise-induced vertigo.
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Agreed. I heard some guy somewhere was actually going to challenge the suppressor portion of the NFA using a hearing disability argument, something about how they can reduce hearing damage and the law is unfair to people with noise-induced vertigo.
good luck to him or her that should try that....
no, serioulsy.
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Agreed. I heard some guy somewhere was actually going to challenge the suppressor portion of the NFA using a hearing disability argument, something about how they can reduce hearing damage and the law is unfair to people with noise-induced vertigo.
I wonder how police forces deal with firearm-induced hearing damage -- do the cops have earplugs in all the time?
Filed under: suppressor vs hearing aid price comparison...
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I wonder how police forces deal with firearm-induced hearing damage -- do the cops have earplugs in all the time?
No. But most cops don't ever fire their service guns except for training.
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But most cops don't ever fire their service guns except for training.
Aye -- hence the FOIA request -- there's a bit of dependent probability going on here...
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They may have experience of being around the range. I'd expect they'll scamper off quickly if one of their number drops dead.
Not necessarily. One farmer over here, for example, has taken to shoot his cows from afar with a rifle when it comes to slaughtering them - the cow thus doesn't experience fear which makes the meat taste better. Also, it's fast.
In his experience, the other cows don't make one bit of a fuss over one in their herd keeling over dead.
It's the same for another farmer who uses a similar method for his pigs - those are even licking up the blood of the dead pig shortly afterwards.
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those are even licking up the blood of the dead pig shortly afterwards.
Does that make the meat taste better?
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In his experience, the other cows don't make one bit of a fuss over one in their herd keeling over dead.
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Note the use of what is actually a clip.
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As opposed to a full length video?
No, it's a clip in another clip. But it's not clipception because they're different kinds of clips.
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@Rhywden said:
In his experience, the other cows don't make one bit of a fuss over one in their herd keeling over dead.
I was expecting this scene:
https://youtu.be/EY5bFGCDK-o?list=PLF7C4265E3C2EBA3B&t=537
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I like where he does the turkey gobble noise at the Germans.
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The guns discussion topic is— *gets shot*
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Yeah, @mott555 @FrostCat @tarunik @accalia shouldn't all this discussion of subsonic LR 22 and suppressors and rabbit stew be in the Evil Ideas thread...or at least the Bad Ideas thread?