The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
And his ass fell off.
I... see.... Ha. Ha. Ha.
Did I ever tell you the story of The Man With The Shaggy Dog?
Me, personally? Not according to my recollection. Is it a bad joke though?
If you want to understand shaggy dog stories, read Nate the Snake.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
With me so far?
I am comprehending...
So this guy decides to take his dog for a walk. Now, mind, this was an extraordinarily and problematic shaggy dog. He can't take him anywhere with water, the chance of all this fur, or even a fair portion of it, getting wet, presents an unsurvivable downside of wet dog smell. So that rules out two out of three of the nearby parks, and anywhere that has to cross the creek. The dog park itself is out of the question, given the preternaturally (well, naturally, but a lot of it) fascinating smell of this shaggy dog to other dogs - given the amount of dog to smell, progress through the dog park is impeded, severely. The third park has no water features and only a small chance of encountering more than one other dog.
Still with me?
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@Mason_Wheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
And his ass fell off.
I... see.... Ha. Ha. Ha.
Did I ever tell you the story of The Man With The Shaggy Dog?
Me, personally? Not according to my recollection. Is it a bad joke though?
If you want to understand shaggy dog stories, read Nate the Snake.
I dunno, seems to make an awful lot of progress per unnecessary description.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Still with me?
Maybe? IMO "wet dog smell" isn't that bad. However this owner apparently seems determined that the activity "Walk dog" can only be accomplished in "Park" so my anticipation is low...
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Still with me?
Maybe? IMO "wet dog smell" isn't that bad. However this owner apparently seems determined that the activity "Walk dog" can only be accomplished in "Park" so my anticipation is low...
Since you have any concern over the owner's level of concern over the level of the smell in the air over this dog, when wet, given its shagginess, I feel that I have not adequately explicated the staggering shagginess of this dog. Each hair contributing, in a way, aided by each other hair, and seemingly more of them, that together combined to produce a degree of dog shag that no breed has targeted nor would any other dog-owner likely endure. It would be more accurate to model the dog as an undifferentiated mass of hair for many simulation purposes.
The dog owner had of course considered other options. A walk through the local market, however, was out of the question. He had received sufficient complaints from vendors of products contaminated with hair, even after trips where he was fairly certain he had not passed by the vendor in question.
On the vexed subject of shedding, the situation was as one might expect were it possible to sufficiently imagine the degree of shagginess involved. Although the owner lived with the dog, it would be equally accurate from a perspective of mass distribution to say that he lived inside the dog. A self-woven mat of hair covered every available surface, and half of the unavailable area as well.
And of course, there was the nature preserve, but unregulated foliage would quickly combine in entirely foreseeable ways with the unregulable shag.
In any case, the third park it was, until it began to rain.
Still with me?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
until it began to rain.
Because of course it would.
So he stayed home!
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
until it began to rain.
Because of course it would.
So he stayed home!
You mean, inside his shagging dog? Naturally.
Ha. Ha.?
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@Tsaukpaetra the thing about these jokes is that they deliver amusement the other way around.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra the thing about these jokes is that they deliver amusement the other way around.
Is it, though?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra the thing about these jokes is that they deliver amusement the other way around.
Is it, though?
Yes. I have removed some of your amusement, and now I have it
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
removed some of your amusement
This assumes I had any to remove....
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@Tsaukpaetra you had at least some, I got a chuckle or two.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra you had at least some, I got a chuckle or two.
Did you, though?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra you had at least some, I got a chuckle or two.
Did you, though?
As far as I recall. However, I doubt that I could provide adequate documentation of this, and it would not at this time be feasible to point out which parts amused me most.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra you had at least some, I got a chuckle or two.
Did you, though?
As far as I recall. However, I doubt that I could provide adequate documentation of this, and it would not at this time be feasible to point out which parts amused me most.
Ah! I know this one! The joke part.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra you had at least some, I got a chuckle or two.
Did you, though?
As far as I recall. However, I doubt that I could provide adequate documentation of this, and it would not at this time be feasible to point out which parts amused me most.
Ah! I know this one! The joke part.
Perhaps you still don't quite get how shaggy this dog was.
Hirsute
would imply a state of being in which there was an option, an iota, of potential not to bear fur still present. No-one, in the presence of this dog, could comprehend anything but purest shag.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
purest shag.
I have the feeling that you're fucking with me.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
purest shag.
I have the feeling that you're fucking with me.
And that's a shaggy dog story.
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In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
It wasn't the same elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming BS stories.
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How does a punch-press operator order 3 beers?
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra the thing about these jokes is that they deliver amusement the other way around.
When you amuse a dyslexic, you make an ass out of you and me
and it falls off
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@hungrier said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
and it falls off
As true today, as it was, when it was written.
Having a lot of trouble placing the additional paralogosus to one of the gymnomalic issues we had with the brain thingie early on. The dyslexia thing we sorta had the kinks mostly out of, since the spontaneous combustion thing hardly happens these days, but skipping the entire relational chain from one topic to another is anaxiotroposic and ༼0>༜-relative epelsuress. anyway, sometimes your asses fall off. sorry.
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This one's for the mechanical engineers... so there was this guy, and he found a mismarked slide rule.
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Kids are like farts.
You only like your own.
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Me: Earth isn't flat!
Fiat earther: Yes, you're right.
Me: Ah, so you agree?
Fiat earther: Of course. It's shaped like an Italian car.
Me: Huh?
Fiat earther: You read my name wrong, didn't you?Edit: of course I had to make a typo on the *one place it mattered*
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@hotcereal said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"That's called a Butter Diet."
it may work on vegans, sure, but to be fair you could say the same about any overweight woman you would potentially find attractive given weight loss. I'm sure there's some kind of male equivalent, but I'm too lazy to google it.
Paula and Paul Deen.
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Did you know, the band Queen, now has an official food range?
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for anyone who doesn't get it:
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@loopback0 and I thought we had a tradition of not explaining the joke!
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I declare @DoctorJones the King of the bad jokes topic.
He post most of the jokes in this thread
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@TimeBandit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I declare @DoctorJones the King of the bad jokes topic.
He post most of the jokes in this thread
The joke is on all of us he
torturesblesses with them.
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@TimeBandit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I declare @DoctorJones the King of the bad jokes topic.
He post most of the jokes in this thread
Doctor Jokes.
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@DoctorJones dad not guaranteed to be your own. Dad characteristic customization can be accomplished through sandal orientation and color scheme. All rights reserved.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Dad characteristic customization can be accomplished through sandal orientation and color scheme.
Not all dads will respond to socks.
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The best part is, despite telling lots of dad jokes, I'm not actually a parent. That makes me a faux pa!
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@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Meanwhile, I am wearing socks in sandals despite not being a dad. Also, it pisses my sister off heavily! But I find it comfy when it's warm, but not quite warm enough for sandal Better than regular shoes imo.
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@DoctorJones said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The best part is, despite telling lots of dad jokes, I'm not actually a parent. That makes me a faux pa!
Or Dominican in my neighborhood.
I occasionally do it, because I am wear socks inside, and I am just running out for a minute or two and it is too cold to take the socks off and to put on an actual sneaker.
My husband hates it. Though I think he's blanked out that part of his brain and doesn't say anything to me about.
Still complains when I wear white sandals past Labor Day.
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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Botswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorian, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivian, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...
The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai.”
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@boomzilla My son:
I'm not going to read that. I just read the punch line, and I hate it. I really, really hate it. I'm leaving. Walks out of the room.
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@HardwareGeek always happy to harass the younger generations.
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@boomzilla "Thanks, Dad. Exploiting my pain for internet pointz. I see how it is."
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@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla "Thanks, Dad. Exploiting my pain for internet pointz. I see how it is."
Gotta make up for all those room & board expenditures somehow.
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian,
The word is "Monégasque", not "Monacan".
You also left out "Macanese", for a native or inhabitant of Macao.
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@da-Doctah Also, "a Turkish".