The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@hungrier no 2, out of 10,000 letters, were a 'k' and a 'w'? Wow. Fuck it. Not worth it. Use a double
c
, works for Lucas.
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@hungrier it's like meeting the q of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful u
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How is a Chinese restaurant like Billy and Benny Mc Creary?
One Ton Cracker
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@obeselymorbid hey, no one said it was a good joke!
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid hey, no one said it was a good joke!
The joke is quite fine but "an man" just causes physical pain.
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@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The joke is quite fine but "an man" just causes physical pain.
Show us on the post where an man hurt you
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@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid hey, no one said it was a good joke!
The joke is quite fine but "an man" just causes physical pain.
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@Applied-Mediocrity said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The joke is quite fine but "an man" just causes physical pain.
Show us on the post where an man hurt you
Pointing to his an man post is garage content
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I heard a song about a sausage.
It was a banger
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Feature request: make
:is_a_art:
an alias for this emoji.
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@remi surely
is_a_art
needs to be an emoji of the first bored ape NFT?
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@remi said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Feature request: make
:is_a_art:
an alias for this emoji.As a bonus action, you trigger me with the grammar.
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@HardwareGeek , uh, sorry, I mean .
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid hey, no one said it was a good joke!
Yeah, but that's not the point. They should have left
Irish
in.
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
This would not be completely out of character for me.
I told my husband my priorities:
Sleep
Food
Everything else
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@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@remi said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Feature request: make
:is_a_art:
an alias for this emoji.As a bonus action, you trigger me with the grammar.
Did you ever notice has only one “c” in its name?
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@kazitor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@remi said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Feature request: make
:is_a_art:
an alias for this emoji.As a bonus action, you trigger me with the grammar.
Did you ever notice has only one “c” in its name?
Took you long enough. We've had it for years.
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@Karla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I told my husband my priorities:
Sleep
Food
Everything elseSex is not at the top
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@TimeBandit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Karla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I told my husband my priorities:
Sleep
Food
Everything elseSex is not at the top
That was my point, why the I might say something in the OP.
Now if the first two are satisfied, let me sleep until I wake up naturally and don't feel like I need to sleep anymore and feed me something I like (that is more difficult than for most people).
Then we can decide where sex falls on the list of everything else. That often depends upon other things going on.
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@Karla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
feed me something I like
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Bok-bok-BECAUSE!
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What does the chicken do on the edge of a Moebius strip?
It's trying to get to the other side.
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@PleegWat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
We've had it for years.
Just barely over a year, although it feels like one that would've been there much longer
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@hungrier the pandemic has distorted the last two years of linear time into something quite different,
We’ve always been at war with covid.
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@Arantor Correction accepted: The past couple years have been approximately 500 years long
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@Arantor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@hungrier the pandemic has distorted the last two years of linear time into something quite different,
Something much more squamous and rugose, something where the many-angled ones would feel comfortable.
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@Benjamin-Hall I'm pretty sure there's QooC bait in there somewhere, but I haven't had enough caffeine to figure out how to make it funny.
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@Tsaukpaetra Kinda like how Dad always called the thermometer "Arthur". Because it was "our thermometer"
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@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Benjamin-Hall I'm pretty sure there's QooC bait in there somewhere, but I haven't had enough caffeine to figure out how to make it funny.
If it's comfy for those beyond, yeah, there's probably also room for QooC bait in there. Squamous and rugose... try Charmin?
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An Irishman and a Norwegian apply for the same job.
The job they're applying for is at an engineering firm in Dublin.
Both the Irishman and the Norwegian do so well in the interview the boss can't decide who to hire, so he sets up a small aptitude test.
Both men again score the same. 19/20 correct.After some waiting the boss comes through and says to the Irishman: "I'm sorry but on this occasion we've decided to hire the Norwegian"
The Irishman angered by this says "Surely, me being Irish would mean you would give the job to me instead of a foreigner". He went on a rant about looking after the locals etc.When he was done the boss replied. He said:
"Well it's like this. We didn't make the decision based on how many answers you got right but more on the answers you got wrong"
So the Irishman still angry says, "but we both got one wrong answer."
Again the boss replies calmly saying, "it's not how many wrong answers you got but the answer you gave. On question 7 the Norwegian wrote 'I don't know' as his answer.
Your answer was 'Neither do I'".
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
An Irishman and a Norwegian apply for the same job.
The job they're applying for is at an engineering firm in Dublin.
Both the Irishman and the Norwegian do so well in the interview the boss can't decide who to hire, so he sets up a small aptitude test.
Both men again score the same. 19/20 correct.After some waiting the boss comes through and says to the Irishman: "I'm sorry but on this occasion we've decided to hire the Norwegian"
The Irishman angered by this says "Surely, me being Irish would mean you would give the job to me instead of a foreigner". He went on a rant about looking after the locals etc.When he was done the boss replied. He said:
"Well it's like this. We didn't make the decision based on how many answers you got right but more on the answers you got wrong"
So the Irishman still angry says, "but we both got one wrong answer."
Again the boss replies calmly saying, "it's not how many wrong answers you got but the answer you gave. On question 7 the Norwegian wrote 'I don't know' as his answer.
Your answer was 'Neither do I'".
Neither of those answers was actually wrong.
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@boomzilla holy crap, that means they could both read and write.
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What do Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two but now you can't joke about it.
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A woodcutter was in the forest one day, cutting wood. About to swing on a fresh trunk, he heard a voice call out "Stop! Spare this tree, and I will grant thee a boon!" or similar. Sparing thusly, he sees at the base of the tree an ornate vial of green liquid. The voice continues "Thank you, good cutwoodsth! If ever you hunger, drop a drip of this before your fire!" pretty much.
Returning home, the woodcutter recalls that trees, although loggable, aren't edible, and sets about looking for food. The cupboards being bare, all porridge bowls found empty, and no amount of beating his wife resulting in dinner, he decides to try the vial.
When the viscous green drop touches the warm stone, it is replaced with a cloud of opalescent smoke, which is replaced by a fat flatfish with both eyes on one side of its head.
"Ah,
This must be absinthe - for as they say, absinthe makes the hearth grow flounder.
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@dcon Beyond chemists, it might also be applicable to people
iron
ing their laundry.
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Three girls named Daisy, Jasmine, and Cinderblock are walking in a park with their mother.
Daisy, the oldest, asks, “Mom, why did you name me Daisy?”
Mom answers, “Oh, a daisy petal fell on your head just when we took you home from the hospital!”
Curious about this, Jasmine, the middle child asks, “Then why did you name me Jasmine?”
Her mom replies, “Sweetheart, when we first left the hospital, a jasmine petal fell on your forehead, too!”
Finally, Cinderblock, the youngest, asks, “No soap, radio?”
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My cousin can build and repair small engines using vomit, feces and all sort of rotten things. This is because he has good gross motor skills.
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@Arantor said in The Official 2022 Death Pool:
@DogsB Ding dong!
Just heard this joke on the radio today:
What sound does James Bond's doorbell make?
Dong. Ding dong
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@Vault_Dweller Anyone care to explain?
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@jinpa said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Vault_Dweller Anyone care to explain?
Bond generally introduces himself as "Bond. James Bond".
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@Zecc said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@jinpa said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Vault_Dweller Anyone care to explain?
Bond generally introduces himself as "Bond. James Bond".
Because he's a filthy climber thinks he's got a title is wot - oooh, ya, Bond, I've heard of it, lovely little town - It's not even a nom de appellee de histoire for the black hatred of Paul - wot, just Bond, is it Duke Bond? Earl Bond? No, he's just Bond, soldiering on, as though we're to play along and infer some appropriate rank to slot him into the peerage - has the Order Of The British Empire become so diluted that some gadabout clerk can walk around calling themselves just whatever they like? I tell you, I certainly don't know what to say to that. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I don't.