The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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Depends on the height among other things. I'm about 187 cm and I wasn't looking very fat when I was under 100 kg. The ideal would be somewhere around 85 like I was in high school.
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You Euros and your meaningless units of weight!
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I'm ~65 kg and 187 cm...yeesh....
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One could say I'm more than twice the man you are.
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meaningless units of weight!
Metric forever!
I'm sure your stones and feet and stuff are entirely meaningful and based on perfectly regular stones found in nature and standard-issue human feet.
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@mott555 said:
meaningless units of weight!
Metric forever!
I'm sure your stones and feet and stuff are entirely meaningful and based on perfectly regular stones found in nature and standard-issue human feet.I thought stones were also a Euro-unit? We definitely don't use it around here.
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I thought stones were also a Euro-unit?
After some wikipaediaing it turns out you are right - I guess whenever I encountered it previously it seemed so confusing that I naturally assumed it would fit well with am/pm, middle-endian dates, feets and inches, pounds and the rest of the stuff you guys still use that the rest of the civilised world has long ago left behind
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wikipaediaing
This word made me laugh.
middle-endian dates
These are definitely an abomination. I use YYYY/MM/DD which also sorts nicely when treated as text, but I'm in the minority for sure.
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YYYY/MM/DD
If you replaced slashes with dashes you would even be ISO compliant.
But that one is fine with me - at least it's unambiguous (I hope, I've never seen YYYY/DD/MM so far, but I wouldn't be hugely surprised if there is someone not only using that, but fervently defending its benefits).
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On Windows it would be YYYY\MM\DD
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MS-DOS date format?
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I use YYYY/MM/DD which also sorts nicely when treated as text, but I'm in the minority for sure.
I'm with ya, @mott555! Go big-endian!
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Wait, you people only perceive a single moment in time?
Wow. Weird little creatures.
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Are you in the Discoverse?
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Wow, suddenly your attitude makes more sense. Are you Castle Heterodyne?
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@Lorne_Kates said:
Wait, you people only perceive a single moment in time?
Wow. Weird little creatures.
Yes, but we perceive it well. You Archanans just perceive things superficially and think you know it all.
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@mott555 said:
You Euros and your meaningless units of
weightmass!Weight is expressed in Newtons.
Your mom is expressed in Newtons.
"She's the weight of at least five Isaac Newtons!"
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I was going to edit this reply to @offbyone to to add "But I get the joke " but it had been already liked by @obeselymorbid and curtsy dictates that that sort of thing should not be done. Seriously :)
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If you'd like, I still can revoke the like, let you edit the post and then decide whether I still like it afterwards after a thorough review of your changes.
Please let me know before the like revocation timer expires.
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She's the weight of at least five Isaac Newtons!
Isaac Newton: Great, I'm a unit of measurement.
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curtsy dictates
I didn't realize that a curtsy dictated anything. I understand that it is used as a greeting, and may indicate a sign of respect, but I really don't think that a curtsy dictates anything.
Now courtesy on the other hand …
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I didn't realize that a curtsy dictated anything.
The curtsy is a harsh mistress. She beckons with her temptation of being easy to learn and a classy thing to pick up, but she's a wicked one, difficult to properly master and hell on the knees.
A small example:
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The diagram seems to be missing the bottommost arrow pointing to William
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The curtsy is a harsh mistress.
But it isn't the curtsy doing the dictating. It is the rules of the monarchy dictating the curtsy. ;)
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Do you see the angle of those knees?! That's not the monarchy, that's the curtsy itself :)
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From now on, Kate must curtsy to "blood princesses" when William isn't around. When he's there, they curtsy to her.
Too bad William's not the trolling type."Here I am! Now I'm gone. Now here I am again. I'm leaving... no, I'm not! I'll just stay over there by the doorway, shall I?"
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No, he's too nice for that. Harry, though...
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That's the public explanation. Really, he doesn't want to risk being left with blue balls.
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Sounds oh kay to me, so I see know raisin why I should bow to pedantic pedant tree
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What do you call a side-dish made out of noodles, that's on the other side of the table?
Pass The Salad.
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Friends are holding a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night called Chinese-Burns Night.
He wasn't keen but she twisted his arm.
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Don't forget spacemelon.
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My employer has a lot of WTFs. You could say they have them daily.
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I walked into an insurance agency and ask them if they had a policy covering jokes. Hilarity insured.
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These are so bad that they cannot even be replicated here.
TB;DC
1."I find it very easy to skim read a non-friction book."
2."I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone. Then it dawned on me."
- "Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?"
4.Q: Who was the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms5.Q: What’s a transistor?
A: A nun who's had a sex change.6.Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In a prism.7.Q: Before docking with the International Space Station, what must the pilot of a space module first do?
A: Put money in a parking meteor8.Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?
A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.And finally, one to get you really thinking...
9.Einstein gets on a bus heading into town. He asks the driver:
“Excuse me, does the central library stop at this bus?”
Jokes from Jim Al-Khalili, presenter of The Life Scientific.
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Oh no, vegetarian road kill!
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http://www.reuters.com/article/us-joke-odd-idUSKUA14785120080801
The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.
It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton Thursday.
A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
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Did you include the feet for scale?
You know what they say about men with big feet? And big noses? Wearing large pants?
[spoiler]They are clowns, usually[/spoiler]
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Today someone told me my actions would have grim repercussions.
I thought 'aren't they what Death sits on?'
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Surely that's Death's drum kit??
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Doesn't parse that way, there's extra 're' then.
Also, don't call me Shirley.
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Excuse me for trying to make a bad joke...
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In the bad jokes thread?! That is simply unacceptable! There will be grim repercussions for doing so.
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@OffByOne said:
Weight is expressed in Newtons.
Your mom is expressed in Newtons.
"She's the weight of at least five Isaac Newtons!"
Or about 18,000 Fig Newtons.