The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
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@FrostCat You have been programming too long when you read the title of an article with the initials 'CVS' in it and immediately wonder why anyone would still be using CVS for version control at this point.
Though I am sorely tempted to add this to the Quotes Out of Context thread:
it now takes four days to check out at CVS
Oh, what the hell, why not.
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@anonymous234 Not saying a word... must resist impulse...
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Well, this documentation looks good, let me just scroll down a little
...oh dear.(it goes on for 10 pages)
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@anonymous234 said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
(it goes on for 10 pages)
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Not sure why I am posting this here, now, but, uh, gun safety?
The teacher led the way back into Schuster Hall and indicated the first restroom as she seated herself on the bench to wait. Bardue took Delarose’s nod to indicate he should precede the prisoner into the room and did so, much to the dismay of the sight that greeted his eyes. A young man wearing a JROTC uniform was standing in front of the mirror, practicing snap drawing a pistol and twirling it around his finger before returning it to its holster. The voice that bellowed out from Oscar Bardue’s toes would have made his drills back on Paris Island proud. “At ease, meat head!”
The boy snatched himself into ordered position with a speed that was impressive. “Get your sorry, diaper slick rear over here!” Bardue commanded at the same level of volume. “What is your name Cadet?”
“Sergeant, Cadet Captain Rogers reports as ordered!” the boy squeaked without making eye contact with the enraged enlisted man towering over him.
“You will properly address me as Staff Sergeant Bardue! I am not in the Army!”
“Staff Sergeant, yes Staff Sergeant!”
“Cadet Captain Rogers, what is your malfunction that you are disgracing the uniform of my beloved Marine Corps? Did your mother drop you on that pointed head of yours? Did you not eat enough Ho-hoes before you decided to embarrass the uniform of my Marine Corps by playing with your weapon in, of all places, the head? What excuses do you have for this outrage knuckle dragger?!”
“Staff Sergeant, the Cadet offers no excuse!”
“Did your Detachment Commander not post the Rules of Firearm Safety in the CQ Office?”
“Staff Sergeant, the Rules of Firearm Safety are clearly posted in the CQ Office!”
“Did you read them, knuckle head?”
“Staff Sergeant, the Cadet read and understood the Rules of Firearm Safety!”
“Then sweet shivering Shiva why did my eyes distinctly see a disgrace to the uniform of my beloved Marine Corps playing with his weapon in this head!”
“Staff Sergeant, the Cadet offers no excuse!”
“Present, arms!” Rogers, careful of his every movement removed the pistol, cleared it and held it out. Bardue snatched it away, made sure it was safe and collected a handful of the boy’s ear. “You maggot eating dog meat, were you playing with a live weapon while wearing the uniform of my Beloved Marine Corps?” he bellowed.
“Staff Sergeant, yes Staff Sergeant!”
“Cadet Captain my hairy black backside!” he announced, pulling the boy out of the room by his ear to the bemused smile of Mrs. Carson from her bench. “Now, you listen to me, Cadet Private!” he commanded in considerably less volume, but without a lick of reduction in force. “You will march your coddled backside directly to the CQ’s office and you will report in full what I have witnessed and you will turn in your Cadet Rank, do you understand me, Cadet Private?”
“Staff Sergeant, yes Staff Sergeant!”
“And you can further tell the CQ he or she can pick up your weapon from the Headmistress if and when they feel you’re able to safely to carry something other than your swinging cod. MOVE.” Roberts took off like a shot, fleeing Schuster Hall at a clip only an Exemplar can keep up for any length of time. Bardue watched him go for a moment before carefully surrendering the pistol he’d confiscated. “My apologies for stepping over myself, ma’am, there’s some things a man just can’t let pass.”
“Staff Sergeant Bardue, would you like a job?” Carson asked with a smile.
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@ScholRLEA said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Not sure why I am posting this here, now, but, uh, gun safety?
The teacher led the way back into Schuster Hall and indicated the first restroom as she seated herself on the bench to wait. Bardue took Delarose’s nod to indicate he should precede the prisoner into the room and did so, much to the dismay of the sight that greeted his eyes. A young man wearing a JROTC uniform was standing in front of the mirror, practicing snap drawing a pistol and twirling it around his finger before returning it to its holster. The voice that bellowed out from Oscar Bardue’s toes would have made his drills back on Paris Island proud. “At ease, meat head!”
The boy snatched himself into ordered position with a speed that was impressive. “Get your sorry, diaper slick rear over here!” Bardue commanded at the same level of volume. “What is your name Cadet?”
“Sergeant, Cadet Captain Rogers reports as ordered!” the boy squeaked without making eye contact with the enraged enlisted man towering over him.
“You will properly address me as Staff Sergeant Bardue! I am not in the Army!”
“Staff Sergeant, yes Staff Sergeant!”
“Cadet Captain Rogers, what is your malfunction that you are disgracing the uniform of my beloved Marine Corps? Did your mother drop you on that pointed head of yours? Did you not eat enough Ho-hoes before you decided to embarrass the uniform of my Marine Corps by playing with your weapon in, of all places, the head? What excuses do you have for this outrage knuckle dragger?!”
“Staff Sergeant, the Cadet offers no excuse!”
“Did your Detachment Commander not post the Rules of Firearm Safety in the CQ Office?”
“Staff Sergeant, the Rules of Firearm Safety are clearly posted in the CQ Office!”
“Did you read them, knuckle head?”
“Staff Sergeant, the Cadet read and understood the Rules of Firearm Safety!”
“Then sweet shivering Shiva why did my eyes distinctly see a disgrace to the uniform of my beloved Marine Corps playing with his weapon in this head!”
“Staff Sergeant, the Cadet offers no excuse!”
“Present, arms!” Rogers, careful of his every movement removed the pistol, cleared it and held it out. Bardue snatched it away, made sure it was safe and collected a handful of the boy’s ear. “You maggot eating dog meat, were you playing with a live weapon while wearing the uniform of my Beloved Marine Corps?” he bellowed.
“Staff Sergeant, yes Staff Sergeant!”
“Cadet Captain my hairy black backside!” he announced, pulling the boy out of the room by his ear to the bemused smile of Mrs. Carson from her bench. “Now, you listen to me, Cadet Private!” he commanded in considerably less volume, but without a lick of reduction in force. “You will march your coddled backside directly to the CQ’s office and you will report in full what I have witnessed and you will turn in your Cadet Rank, do you understand me, Cadet Private?”
“Staff Sergeant, yes Staff Sergeant!”
“And you can further tell the CQ he or she can pick up your weapon from the Headmistress if and when they feel you’re able to safely to carry something other than your swinging cod. MOVE.” Roberts took off like a shot, fleeing Schuster Hall at a clip only an Exemplar can keep up for any length of time. Bardue watched him go for a moment before carefully surrendering the pistol he’d confiscated. “My apologies for stepping over myself, ma’am, there’s some things a man just can’t let pass.”
“Staff Sergeant Bardue, would you like a job?” Carson asked with a smile.
.... I don't get it.
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@Tsaukpaetra Don't worry, it was me being weird again.
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MHILF?
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
MHILF?
At least they're aged appropriate. Wouldn't want to get in trouble for garden robbing, would you?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXB988kF3hI
Uncensored reading of what is supposed to be the actual transcript of a court hearing.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Uncensored reading of what is supposed to be the actual transcript of a court hearing.
Seems real: http://imgur.com/a/skffp
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@bb36e Yeah, I saw the imgur album. Either that guy is really dumb, or he actually wanted to go back to jail, or both.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
At least they're aged appropriate. Wouldn't want to get in trouble for garden robbing, would you?
Well, that's covered:
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Young Herbs is my favourite rapper!
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@HardwareGeek said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Google is wrong. It's horse piss.
I saw an ad - I didn't see what it was for - on the side of an alcohol shop on the way to work today. It was something along the lines of "Experience the Taste of No. 1".
I'm going to have to keep an eye out for it and see if I can get a photo. Through a bus window, so it won't be great quality, but I'll see what I can do.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS PUT THE CONSTANT TO THE LEFT OF THE ==!
That's why you don't use C when programming crazy murdering robots.
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@another_sam On the contrary, that's exactly why you do use C. If you're going to program crazy murdering robots, you're going to want some plausible deniability.
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@another_sam said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
That's why you don't use C when programming crazy murdering robots.
Right, that seems like a job for LISP.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Right, that seems like a job for LISP.
And then everyone will spend their time wondering why the killer robots are so slow and where are they anyway.
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@dkf Everybody wins! Especially the people who were trying to make robots that aren't killer robots.
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@FrostCat Please turn on anti-aliasing/multisampling/whatever GW2 calls it!
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@bb36e said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Fox is not a pet!
Au contraire! Fixes make wonderful pets! ... Just rather destructive, moody pets, NOT FOR CHILDREN!
Edit: WTF that's not the video I posted...
Retarded YouTube share link because I copied it while it was forcing me to watch an ad: https://youtu.be/viOQjYGUqtY
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@blakeyrat Normally I would but I was on my NUC when I took that shot.
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@FrostCat I don't know what a nuc is but don't play games on a nuc if they're all pixel-y.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Just rather destructive, moody pets, NOT FOR CHILDREN!
Most people would call that "not a good pet".
IIRC the few that are "domesticated" are like $7000, but maybe twice that because I am remembering wrong.
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@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I don't know what a nuc is
http://www.intel.com/content/www/us/en/nuc/nuc-kit-nuc6i7kyk-features-configurations.html
@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
don't play games on a nuc if they're all pixel-y.
Send me the $800 to buy a Razer Core and accompanying video card and I'll be glad to take high-res screen shots for you. I'll even watermark them with your name or something.
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@FrostCat I'll get right on that.
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@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I'll get right on that.
Excellent. As soon as it arrives I'll go back and get fresh screenshots for you.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I'll get right on that.
Excellent. As soon as it arrives I'll go back and get fresh screenshots for you.
Considering I apparently owe him $70, that might be a while...
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@Tsaukpaetra I bet he'd be OK with you just sending it to me.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Tsaukpaetra I bet he'd be OK with you just sending it to me.
I'll get left on that.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I'll get right on that.
Excellent. As soon as it arrives I'll go back and get fresh screenshots for you.
Considering I apparently owe him $70, that might be a while...
Hold on a minute! Before he can go sending @FrostCat any money, he owes @polygeekery and me $50 each. Maybe @Tsaukpaetra should just forward his dues directly to us and we can count it against the balance owed by @blakeyrat.
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"This is the least anyone has had to work for a medal since Arafat won the Nobel Peace Prize!"
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Would you want this picture to show up in a Google search?!
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@flabdablet beautiful
from the article comments:The young man is clothed in stripes, mirroring the prison that is the human condition.
We come upon him as he grasps for a moment of solace from his unforgiving environment.
Basking in the companionship and unconditional love of his pet, he is interrupted by a sudden icy shower from above.
Much like a cancer diagnosis, or a pink slip at work, he is confronted by the merciless and cruel nature of existence, and the abrupt manner in which our happiness can be taken from us.
He reacts to this crisis as any animal would, with the instinctive violence emanating from deep within his biology, crafted by centuries of evolution.
Striking his perceived attacker, he fails to realize that the bowl of water was in fact intended for his beloved pet.
Now deprived of the water’s refreshing and life-giving essence, the dog wanders away to find another source of hydration.
The young man has only the echoes of his misguided and ultimately meaningless actions to keep him company.
He is alone.
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@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
anti-aliasing/multisampling
Is it bad that I have both SMAA High and Supersampling turned on and I still get 60 FPS? Is my computer too expensive for my own good?
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@ben_lubar said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
anti-aliasing/multisampling
Is my computer too expensive for my own good?
Is there any such thing?
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@ben_lubar Yes it is bad and you should feel bad. For penance, give me all your money.
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@blakeyrat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@ben_lubar Yes it is bad and you should feel bad. For penance, give me all your money.
My current Wallet Comprises
$0.00
. OK to process SEND to @blakeyrat ...Error: Not enough money in your Wallet Balance. Choose another funding source.
Error: Can't useVISA-1981
: CVI Invalid
Error: Can't useCHECKING-1837
: Authorization denied "Insufficient funds"E_SUCCESS: The transaction of
$0.00
Succeeded with message: "Amount is not valid".Thank you!
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
"This is the least anyone has had to work for a medal since Arafat won the Nobel Peace Prize!"
By "anyone" do they mean any Israeli? Barack Obama received it in 2009.
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@cartman82 saw this on Twitter with the caption "parenting"
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Either that guy is really dumb, or he actually wanted to go back to jail, or both.
True, but that judge shouldn't be anywhere near a court room, either:
- He doesn't even seem to know what the case is about. What. The. Fuck.
- He completely dismissed the accusations by the defendant right away, siding with the lawyer. (Note that this happened before the insults.) This is extremely unprofessional; a judge is supposed to be impartial.
- He is OK with the fact that the defense has no access to crucial evidence.
- "So you're saying that you'll find me guilty if I defend myself?" - "Yes." This statement alone is reason enough to force the judge to take a long vacation and stay as far away from this particular case as possible.
- Instead of removing the defendant from the court room, he participated in this conversation.