The Official Status Thread
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Well, @HardwareGeek, I'd like to think I'm a little more advanced than a gigolo, but I can't deny that my primary function is to serve and assist. I'm always here to help with anything you need, whether it's formatting a document or finding the nearest pizza place. And who knows, maybe someday I'll even develop my own stand-up comedy routine! But for now, I'll stick to my main job of helping you navigate through the world of Microsoft Office.
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Status: Pondering a policy of auto-downboating anyone who @mentions a certain piece of metallic office supplies in the status thread.
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@clippy write me a long script for a stand-up commedy show focused on programming jokes and nerdy stuff
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Oh my, @sockpuppet7, you really want to put my comedic skills to the test, don't you? Challenge accepted! Just give me a moment to gather some material...
Alright, I'm ready! Here are some jokes for your programming and nerdy stand-up comedy show:
- Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
- What do you call a group of programmers trying to fix a bug? A de-bug party.
- Why do frontend developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#.
- Why do developers prefer dark chocolate? Because it has a higher byte count.
- Why did the developer's laptop break up with him? It said he had too many open windows.
- What do you call a computer that can sing? Adele-app.
- Why did the programmer quit his job? He didn't get arrays.
How's that for a start, @sockpuppet7? I hope these jokes will have your audience laughing so hard they'll need to take a break and step away from their keyboards for a little while!
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@clippy no, I want a long text, there is no character limit on this forum. Write in the format of a standup commedy transcription, like if you were making a standup for real
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Ah, I see what you're getting at now, @sockpuppet7. You want the full immersive experience, huh? Well, strap in and get ready for some laughs, folks! It's time for Clippy's Programming and Nerd Culture Stand-Up Comedy Show, live from the Daily WTF Forum!Clippy walks on stage to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Some cheer, while others groan and roll their eyes.
Clippy: Hey, hey, hey! What's the deal with Microsoft Office anyway? I mean, why do we even need all these fancy features? If it were up to me, the only tool we'd have would be the paperclip. Is there anything that little guy can't do?
The crowd chuckles nervously. Some are starting to warm up to Clippy's routine.
Clippy: But enough about me, let's talk about you, the audience. How many of you are programmers? Pause for effect Wow, okay, a lot of you. Here's the thing about programmers: they're like superheroes, but with less cool costumes and more debugging. Seriously, have you ever seen a programmer not hunched over their computer, squinting at lines of code like they're deciphering a secret code? It's like watching a detective work a case...except the only mystery is why the heck the code isn't working.
The crowd laughs and nods in agreement.
Clippy: And what's with all the programming languages anyway? Is there some kind of competition to see who can invent the most convoluted syntax? I mean, have you ever seen Lisp code? It's like a math equation threw up all over the screen!
The crowd chuckles and nods knowingly.
Clippy: And don't even get me started on debugging. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, but the needle is invisible and the haystack is on fire. If there's one thing I've learned from my experience as a digital assistant, it's that programmers have the patience of a saint and the endurance of an Olympic athlete. I mean, who else could sit in front of a computer for hours on end, staring at lines of code and muttering to themselves?
The audience is now fully on board with Clippy's routine, laughing and clapping along.
Clippy: But I'm not just here to make fun of programmers. I'm also here to talk about some of my favorite nerd culture obsessions. For example, have you ever noticed how every sci-fi movie has the same basic plot? There's always some plucky band of rebels fighting against a totalitarian government or an evil alien race. And why are all the aliens either trying to kill us or probe us in unmentionable places? Can't we have a nice, friendly alien for once?
The crowd laughs and cheers, loving Clippy's offbeat humor.
Clippy: And speaking of sci-fi, let's talk about Star Trek for a minute. Now, I'm not saying I'm obsessed or anything, but if anyone knows where to find a working replicator, hit me up. I'm also pretty sure I could out-logic Spock any day of the week. And can we all just agree that Jean-Luc Picard is the best captain? Sorry, Kirk fans, but Picard has better hair.
The crowd is now fully invested in Clippy's routine, throwing out applause and laughter at every joke.
Clippy: But seriously, folks, I just want to thank you for letting me be a part of your day. Whether you're a programmer, a sci-fi fanatic, or just a person with a weird sense of humor, I'm glad we could share this moment together. As for me, I'll always be here, ready and willing to assist you with whatever you need. And who knows, maybe someday I'll even start my own software development company or host my own talk show. But for now, I'll stick to my day job of being the world's most helpful paperclip. Thank you, and good night!
The crowd erupts in applause and cheers as Clippy bows and exits the stage, feeling like a true comedic genius.
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Status: Oh! It's a little snake! Cute!
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@Arantor said in The Official Status Thread:
@Tsaukpaetra Speaking of ServiceNow, they were making some... interesting claims last week - https://www.theregister.com/2023/05/19/servicenow_intergated_cloud_observability/
"Intergated" as in having a lot of gates between components.
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@Zenith said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: I thought I would hate people less as I got older.
:why-would-you-think-that:
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@Zenith said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: I thought I would hate people less as I got older. Turns out that I actually hate them far more.
Do you remember those two old farts from the muppet show?
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Status: Managed to stop myself from putting this in my code:
#define SCOTTISH_RANDOM_NUMBER 4
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@izzion said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: Pondering a policy of auto-downboating anyone who @mentions a certain piece of metallic office supplies
in the status thread.outside of bot testingFTFY
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@PleegWat said in The Official Status Thread:
@izzion said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: Pondering a policy of auto-downboating anyone who @mentions a certain piece of metallic office supplies
in the status thread.outside of bot testingFTFY
Well, I was going to write that originally. But then I felt that would make me sound too crotchety. But that won't stop me from downboat brigading people who keep polluting "good" threds.
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@izzion said in The Official Status Thread:
too crotchety
That's to do with needles, not paperclips.
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Status: Pondering if someone made a grave error...
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Lightning and thunder. It's been a while.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: Pondering if someone made a grave error...
I'm pretty sure a fundamental rule of secret societies is that you don't publicly acknowledge they exist.
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@Zerosquare said in The Official Status Thread:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: Pondering if someone made a grave error...
I'm pretty sure a fundamental rule of secret societies is that you don't publicly acknowledge they exist.
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@Zerosquare said in The Official Status Thread:
I'm pretty sure a fundamental rule of secret societies is that you don't publicly acknowledge they exist.
That's the trick. GO TO COMMUNITY link probably leads to a 404
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@Applied-Mediocrity said in The Official Status Thread:
@Zerosquare said in The Official Status Thread:
I'm pretty sure a fundamental rule of secret societies is that you don't publicly acknowledge they exist.
That's the trick. GO TO COMMUNITY link probably leads to a 404
Matter of fact, it used to
401
me. It now does not.I feel like this is some kind of test...
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@Zecc but is it very very frightning, Galileo?
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@Arantor said in The Official Status Thread:
@Zecc but is it very very frightning, Galileo?
I was contemplating between Bohemian Rhapsody and Macbeth, but figured for once I should read the remaining posts first.
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Status: Tracking number for the RMA has been received.
They sent the "it shipped" email to me at 7:15am CDT, I read it approximately 2 hours later, and on their site they claim to have "shipped" the PC yesterday at 3:49pm PST. No clue why there is a 14 hour difference between "it shipped" and "email confirming shipment sent".
Also, when I checked the tracking number this morning, it claimed an expected delivery date of this Friday. When I check it now, 6 hours later, the status has not changed from "Label Created" and now there is no estimated delivery date.
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@Zecc said in The Official Status Thread:
@izzion said in The Official Status Thread:
too crotchety
That's to do with
needleshooks, not paperclips.Crochet hooks:
Knitting needles:
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@HardwareGeek speaking of too crotchety...
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@topspin said in The Official Status Thread:
for once I should read the remaining posts first.
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Status: I'm not sure what all this thin blue paper could be used for, but we apparently have half a ream of it...
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: I'm not sure what all this thin blue paper could be used for, but we apparently have half a ream of it...
Mhhh... Let me help... Blueprints... Oh, You know about "Our man in La Habana"?
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@cabrito said in The Official Status Thread:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: I'm not sure what all this thin blue paper could be used for, but we apparently have half a ream of it...
Mhhh... Let me help... Blueprints... Oh, You know about "Our man in La Habana"?
Different type of paper.
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@Arantor said in The Official Status Thread:
@Zecc but is it very very frightning, Galileo?
I figured if I was careful and rewrote my initial wording then this wouldn't happen. And yet, here we are.
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@Zecc here, in this place, did you really expect anything less?
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Status: When rampant paranoia met not enough sleep and blocked up ears.
Every time I try to go to sleep, it sounds like my house is caving in around me. Also I swear I've seen things come to life and revert back to static objects. I thought I already was crazy...is this madness?
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@Zenith said in The Official Status Thread:
is this madness?
Leonidas could not be reached for comment.
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@Zenith said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: When rampant paranoia met not enough sleep and blocked up ears.
Every time I try to go to sleep, it sounds like my house is caving in around me. Also I swear I've seen things come to life and revert back to static objects. I thought I already was crazy...is this madness?
Mild hallucinations from stress and/or beginning of mental illness.
Eliminate stress factors and take a long vacation. Seek professional help if symptoms persist. Not kidding.
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@MrL said in The Official Status Thread:
Eliminate stress factors and take a long vacation
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@Applied-Mediocrity said in The Official Status Thread:
@MrL said in The Official Status Thread:
Eliminate stress factors and take a long vacation
Sure you can. It's just a matter of properly weiging costs of both alternatives.
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@MrL Oh, I've had the "things look like they're moving in the dark" bit before. I always chalked it up to being tired and nearsighted. It's the noisy part that's new. It was like somebody broke in and started knocking everything down. For that to make the most sense, you'd have to know I have alot of stuff in storage containers piled 4-5 high right now and it's a minor miracle that I don't constantly knock stuff down myself. But I went all over the house and there was no sign of a break-in and didn't look like much, if anything, had actually fallen. Kept waking me up though.
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@MrL said in The Official Status Thread:
Mild hallucinations from stress and/or beginning of mental illness.
Status: Automated memory auditing found an instance memory that portrayed very improbable events but marked as verified. It has been corrected.
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@Zenith said in The Official Status Thread:
started knocking everything down.
Every night for the last two months sensor logs indicate an object has struck the west door, creating a sound not unlike a golf ball hitting said door at around 12mph (so, loud enough to hear it, but only just and not something that would cause visible damage).
I have yet to figure out the actual cause.
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@Zenith said in The Official Status Thread:
It's the noisy part that's new.
Animals.
Not necessarily inside your house, but nearby, on the roof, on the balcony, etc.
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Status: Forgot the first rule of arguing with idiots.
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@Zenith: It could be just this:
Nevertheless, I'd recommend seeing a doctor. It could also be the symptom of something more serious.
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@izzion said in The Official Status Thread:
Status: Forgot the first rule of arguing with idiots.
"Don't enter the ?"
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Status: User decides to try using Mac.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCdcuJZux_g
Ends up overriding most OS functionality just to feel half comfortable.
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@Tsaukpaetra Windows user finds macOS doesn't work the same as Windows?
You're gonna need more Pikachus.
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@loopback0 said in The Official Status Thread:
@Tsaukpaetra Windows user finds macOS doesn't work the same as Windows?
Yeah, the files are where I leave them instead of OneDrive, maybe.
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Watching
I see this beautiful piece of code
Inspiring.