The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!)
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Syllogisms begin with two or more propositions.
Therefore, this is not a syllogism.
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An if statement walks into a bank and says, "I'd like to take out a loan, please."
"Sure thing," said the loan officer. He collected the necessary information and sent the if statement on its way.
A while statement came in next, and asked for a similar loan. "No problem," replied the loan officer, repeating the process and sending the while statement on its way.
Next entered a switch statement, who also wanted to take out a loan. The loan officer was less than impressed. "No way! How do we know you're not going to default on us?"
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A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
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@boomzilla said:
[spoiler] .. ,.. , . .,.. .,.. ,.,, ,,, .., ., , ,,, .,.. ,., .. . ,. .,. .. ,. ,,. .,,, ,,, ,., . ,... .., ,
[/spoiler]FTFY
I can't make it any more invisible.
Wait, why did you Cornify it? And why is it pink, again?
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A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
bartender leaps over the bar at hearing the order for a lizard "What, you want a piece of me, huh?"
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One for Spanish:
- Mamá, ¿qué haces en frente de la computadora con los ojos cerrados?
- Nada, hijo, es que Windows me dijo que cerrara las pestañas...
I never did learn Spanish, so I can't read this. Indeed, the only Spanish phrase I know means "Please beat me to death and desecrate my corpse", which is, of course, "Tu madre es la Puta de Babalon".
Note that I said it is what it means, not what it translates as. Trust me, if shout that at some guy in the barrio at 3AM, that's what it would mean.
Filed under: and the French for "Please slap me" is "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?"
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A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
This needs to be made into a poster I can hang at work.
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A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a....
A QA engineer walks into the Nerdy Jokes Topic ;)
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A psychologist walks into the Nerdy Jokes Topic. She declares it a mental health hazard.
FTFY
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Werner Heisenberg may or may not have slept here.
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A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a sfdeljknesv.
Felt like tweaking this a bit...A QA Engineer walks into a bar.
Orders a beer. Gets "invalid numeric value."
Orders 0 beers. Gets
Orders 999999999 beers. Gets a stack overflow.
Orders a lizard. Gets a bill for $NaN.
Orders -1 beers. Gets a bar of soap.
Orders a sfdeljknesv. Gets a software testing joke.
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Orders a beer. Gets "invalid numeric value."
I'd stop the testing right there and send the bar back for fixing of a critical bug.
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Check out like 100 possible variations of that joke at http://www.sempf.net/post/On-Testing1.aspx.
Then post them all here.
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I'd stop the testing right there and send the bar back for fixing of a critical bug.
Number of beers : a
Come on: What did you expect when you entered an "a" in the input field?
In fact, now that I thought about it, and reviewed, that was the only test that passed.
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Come on: What did you expect when you entered an "a" in the input field?
I was expecting a natural language processor, not an input field.
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I was expecting a natural language processor, not an input field.
Ah. Failed to take into account my twisted mind. Believe me, if there's a pun...why do you think I follow this thread?
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To be fair, I would have considered ten beers to have been an acceptable success too.
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To be fair, I would have considered ten beers to have been an acceptable success too.
Good point, except the 0x is missing.
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Werner Heisenberg may or may not have slept here.
That would have been Schrödinger. Heisenberg slept around here, 31% in this room, 14% in the adjacent rooms, etc. We can't tell more precisely because he was rather slow that night.
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haddock reeks, havoc wreaks.
Appreciate the (effective) @RaceProUK, @tharpa but:
haddock reek wreaks havoc
ps. Catching up on this thread, trying to avoid too much necrophilia, but you just have to reply to some.
While I'm here (in case I don't get another chance) @Mikael_Svahnberg Re: Metrics joke. I got the joke, then I realized why the monkey was measuring the size in the manner described. Then I really pissed myself laughing. Kudos @Mikael_Svahnberg
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Ook ook ook. Ook Ook, ook, ook ook!
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Often referred to as sleeping policemen.
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Ook ook ook. Ook Ook, ook, ook ook!
6 syntax errors in a single line of code? Come on, you can do better!
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Come on: What did you expect when you entered an "a" in the input field?
10 (decimal) beers.
ETA: 'd by @dkf...
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Orders -1 beers. Gets a bar of soap.
Test failed: expected having his/her stomach pumped.
sfdeljknesv
Is "Software Testing Joke" the name of a cocktail? Otherwise: Test failed. Should have been spell corrected to Svyd'lykhnesv. And that served.
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Orders a sfdeljknesv.
Gets thrown out in the street, with a farewell greeting of "we don't serve your kind in here!"
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Who is throw and why are you getting him out in the street?
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Is "Software Testing Joke" the name of a cocktail? Otherwise: Test failed. Should have been spell corrected to Svyd'lykhnesv. And that served.
No, it has to do with the level of failure:
- Tests that pass
- Tests that fail
- Tests that yield software testing jokes
It's the results of the last test that caused the joke to exist. (As in existentialism.)
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Orders 999999999 beers. Gets a stack overflow.
Alternative result:
Our QA engineer is missing since the day of the downtown beer flood incident. Possibly drowned. Last sign of life: text message "Test failed - can't abort".
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Exceptional circumstances?
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@CoyneTheDup said:
Orders 999999999 beers. Gets a stack overflow.
Alternative result:
Our QA engineer is missing since the day of the downtown beer flood incident. Possibly drowned. Last sign of life: text message "Test failed - can't abort".
I didn't call it a "stack overflow" for nothing.
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My reaction:
Well its not technically going to...... OOOH wait I get it! HAH
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When do you call a tachyon "fast"?
When it does a minute in less than two astronomical units.
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'cos?
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You'll find the answer on that cot within a sec.
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Ok you win, if only because we have run out of (strict) trigonometrical thingies to play with without leaving the arc of the story
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Did you get a cosi(g)ner on those terrible puns?
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Ok, I did not start this, I just picked up the point and extrapolated a line with it. Now I am wishing just divided it (drew a line under it?). Because the phun of it is getting fractal
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Did you hear about the guy who was cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.
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The Computer History Museum has a big flowchart showing what languages came from or influenced other languages.
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Ok you win, if only because we have run out of (strict) trigonometrical thingies to play with without leaving the arc of the story
I don't know; I think maybe there's room for a joke about the sec's and also cosec's. Then there's versin, which sounds interesting, and we shouldn't forget vercosin and covercosin, both of which sound utterly obscene.
Then there's exsec's, which I guess you have with your ex.
The "have her's": haversin and havercosin, which are, well, I'm not sure what to make of them. These are about the "spherical law of cosin's", which seems worthy of a how-to book all its own.
Then there's the duals. I've been using the function names, but these are usually actually pronounced "sign" rather than "sin". Which gives us, to borrow from this page: "Haversine? I don't even know 'er."
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I can see that you have put some time and effort into this. That is just.............too nerdy :)
Addendum: I'm still not convinced. The "sticking point" for me is the admission that "some" of them are fake....as if we are to then accept the remainder are not. Hmmmm, I still have the scars from the last time somebody done that to me.
INB4: (For those that fire of a reply before reading all of the post - which makes this INB4 somewhat redundant, by definition) My tongue is so far in my cheek, that it is practically poking out the other side.
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I can see that you have put some time and effort into this. That is just.............too nerdy
Addendum: I'm still not convinced. The "sticking point" for me is the admission that "some" of them are fake....as if we are to then accept the remainder are not. Hmmmm, I still have the scars from the last time somebody done that to me.
Some of them are obviously rarely used these days. But they're not fake, not even in the sense that they're related to the other functions. There are similar relations for all of these functions, such as:
tan θ = sin θ / cos θ
cos θ = ± sqrt(1 - sin2 θ)
Basically, there was sin θ ... and then they couldn't stop ... it was like potato chips.
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vercosin
Crap, I forgot to pick up my prescription.
@CoyneTheDup said:haversin and havercosin, which are, well, I'm not sure what to make of them
I've already have her sin*, now I'll have her cousin's.
*As in: I've already been able to convince her to sin.
Would sound better with "had" instead of "have", but language is a barrier to math puns.
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There is always:
"...Did you hear about the constipated Math Student?"
"No"
"He worked it out with a pencil"