The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!)
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What's the average maths teacher like?
Mean.
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The Evolution of British Maths Teaching
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Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit? -
Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or £80.
What is his profit? -
Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80.
Did he make a profit? -
Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20. -
Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: how did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. ) -
Teaching Maths in 2020
ومسجل يبيع حمولة شاحنة من الخشب مقابل 100 جنيه استرليني. له تكلفة الإنتاج 4/5 الثمن، و 80 جنيه استرليني.
ما هو الربح له؟
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Fortunately I mostly learned my maths in the 1980s before it got too braindead.
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ومسجل يبيع حمولة شاحنة من الخشب مقابل ١٠٠ جنيه استرليني. له تكلفة الإنتاج ٤/٥ الثمن، و ٨٠ جنيه استرليني
ما هو الربح له؟FTFY
Filed under: 's not Japanese
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Ta. Meant to do that but forgot...
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TBF, it does make the joke more comprehensible.
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Which? My version with Arabic numerals or yours with, erm..., Arabic numerals?
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Your version, natch.
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Do Pakistanis use Arabic script and their funny numbers?
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To the best of my knowledge, they use a variation of the Arabic script with some additional characters and - possibly - the same numerals.
Then again, I only remember English language signs and such from my brief visit to Pakistan.
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I don't get it.
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I don't get it.
Are you whooshing or trolling to nominate someone else for a whoosh award by giving a straight answer?
If not the latter, then it's sort of a shaggy dog story. People talk about how they "hacked" someone's facebook by making a post like that, when all they really did is discover that person forgot to log out.
I had a boss once who disabused people of doing that by firing up Outlook and sending "fuck you guys, I quit!" emails to everyone in his department...until I did it to him.
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The post I'm replying to reminded me of a silly joke I came up with a long ago but I never really put "on paper":
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Shouldn't that be "you" instead of "me." I hate it when authors can't keep that shit straight.
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I think he's saying he has sex with your mother but doesn't make jokes about it. Putting "you" instead of "me" there makes things even worse...
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137447.93 for a phone?
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Gender? Absolutely. Sex? Sure, that too. The relation between sex and gender, and the possible values they can take? Not a road you want to go down unless you really really have to.
Filed under: Anal
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Alternatively, you can substitute "Sex jokes" with "You".
Edit before communication failure: implying the person reading the diagram is a joke when it comes to sex.
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Another joke: if attacked by a group of clowns, go for the juggler.
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I've heard that one before, but I just now got it.
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tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173
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tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173
traceroute -m 100 216.81.59.173
if you happen to run linuxalso what's the joke? i tried it and all i got was:
[code]
accalia@Devbox2:~$ traceroute -m 100 216.81.59.173
traceroute to 216.81.59.173 (216.81.59.173), 100 hops max, 60 byte packets
1 10.0.2.2 (10.0.2.2) 0.210 ms 0.160 ms 0.132 ms
2 10.0.2.2 (10.0.2.2) 4.276 ms 4.233 ms 4.201 ms
accalia@Devbox2:~$
[/code]
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Find a Windows box.
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oooh. that endpoint.
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I'll just paste my results here for posterity and to save traffic
[code]
C:>tracert -h 100 216.81.59.173Tracing route to read.more.at.beaglenetworks.net [216.81.59.173] over a maximum of 100 hops
1 4 ms 3 ms 3 ms 192.168.1.1
2 11 ms 13 ms 30 ms 10.204.96.1
3 13 ms 12 ms 13 ms 10.127.42.57
4 36 ms 36 ms 32 ms prs-bb1-link.telia.net [80.91.254.120]
5 143 ms 130 ms 130 ms ash-bb3-link.telia.net [80.91.252.36]
6 124 ms 127 ms 168 ms atl-bb1-link.telia.net [80.91.251.86]
7 142 ms 137 ms 140 ms atl-bb1-link.telia.net [62.115.137.69]
8 142 ms 146 ms 139 ms hurricane-ic-138358-atl-bb1.c.telia.net [213.248.71.66]
9 150 ms 143 ms * 216.66.0.26
10 * * 184 ms Episode.IV [206.214.251.1]
11 181 ms 181 ms 187 ms A.NEW.HOPE [206.214.251.6]
12 183 ms 188 ms 183 ms It.is.a.period.of.civil.war [206.214.251.9]
13 191 ms 179 ms 179 ms It.is.a.period.of.civil.war [206.214.251.9]
14 186 ms 181 ms 178 ms Rebel.spaceships [206.214.251.14]
15 176 ms 180 ms 181 ms have.won.their.first.victory [206.214.251.22]
16 184 ms 179 ms 180 ms against.the.evil.Galactic.Empire [206.214.251.25]
17 180 ms 182 ms 189 ms against.the.evil.Galactic.Empire [206.214.251.25]
18 181 ms 179 ms 178 ms Rebel.spies.managed [206.214.251.33]
19 176 ms 180 ms 178 ms to.steal.secret.plans [206.214.251.38]
20 179 ms 179 ms 178 ms to.steal.secret.plans [206.214.251.38]
21 177 ms 178 ms 175 ms the.DEATH.STAR [206.214.251.46]
22 194 ms 177 ms 178 ms the.DEATH.STAR [206.214.251.46]
23 183 ms 180 ms 198 ms an.armored.space.station [206.214.251.49]
24 177 ms 178 ms 182 ms destroy.an.entire.planet [206.214.251.57]
25 178 ms 177 ms 177 ms Pursued.by.the.Empires [206.214.251.62]
26 177 ms 187 ms 295 ms sinister.agents [206.214.251.65]
27 191 ms 193 ms 187 ms sinister.agents [206.214.251.65]
28 181 ms 186 ms 184 ms Princess.Leia.races.home [206.214.251.70]
29 184 ms 184 ms 178 ms aboard.her.starship [206.214.251.73]
30 178 ms 178 ms 187 ms custodian.of.the.stolen.plans [206.214.251.78]
31 187 ms 183 ms 181 ms that.can.save.her [206.214.251.81]
32 182 ms 185 ms 180 ms people.and.restore [206.214.251.86]
33 181 ms 183 ms 186 ms freedom.to.the.galaxy [206.214.251.89]
34 186 ms 182 ms 182 ms 0-----I-------I-----0 [206.214.251.94]
35 179 ms 178 ms 181 ms 0------------------0 [206.214.251.97]
36 180 ms 183 ms 177 ms 0-----------------0 [206.214.251.102]
37 338 ms 188 ms 187 ms 0---------------0 [206.214.251.110]
38 186 ms 182 ms 183 ms 0---------------0 [206.214.251.110]
39 185 ms 201 ms 188 ms 0--------------0 [206.214.251.113]
40 182 ms 189 ms 189 ms 0-------------0 [206.214.251.118]
41 183 ms 183 ms 187 ms 0------------0 [206.214.251.121]
42 181 ms 184 ms 179 ms 0----------0 [206.214.251.129]
43 180 ms 185 ms 183 ms 0----------0 [206.214.251.129]
44 178 ms 190 ms 183 ms 0---------0 [206.214.251.134]
45 182 ms 181 ms 184 ms 0--------0 [206.214.251.137]
46 186 ms 186 ms 185 ms 0-------0 [206.214.251.142]
47 184 ms 183 ms 183 ms 0-----0 [206.214.251.150]
48 187 ms 180 ms 187 ms 0----0 [206.214.251.153]
49 185 ms 187 ms 181 ms 0----0 [206.214.251.153]
50 182 ms 186 ms 184 ms 0--0 [206.214.251.161]
51 178 ms 184 ms 189 ms 0-0 [206.214.251.166]
52 193 ms 183 ms 184 ms 00 [206.214.251.169]
53 182 ms 180 ms 185 ms 00 [206.214.251.169]
54 181 ms 184 ms 184 ms I [206.214.251.174]
55 183 ms 185 ms 186 ms Blizzards.Breed.CCIE.Creativity [206.214.251.182]
56 180 ms 183 ms 183 ms Blizzards.Breed.CCIE.Creativity [206.214.251.182]
57 180 ms 187 ms 185 ms Please.Try.Again.Tracerote.to.obiwan.scrye.net [206.214.251.185]
58 187 ms 192 ms 189 ms read.more.at.beaglenetworks.net [216.81.59.173]Trace complete.
[/code]
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What could this graph mean?
The plot thickens...
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A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a....
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Another good one on that link
QA engineers in a bar also order '; drop table Users;' beers, and order "<script>alert('XSS');</script> beers
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a mathematician enters a bar and orders 0.999999... beers
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an infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar.
the first one orders a beer,
the second one orders half a beer,
the third one a quarter of a beer,
and so oneventually the barman pours two beers and says: You mathematicians just don't know your limits.
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QA engineers in a bar also order '; drop table Users;' beers, and order "<script>alert('XSS');</script> beers
That is the third time today someone showed me that quote O.o
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Sounds like you're in good company.
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@MottBott, please make a nerdy joke.
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I caught up with that Discourse.<t1025p586>
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Maybe my tongue was also annoying.<t1025p590>
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A QA Engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a....
Orders a beef. Orders a bee. Orders a beard. Orders a boar....
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Orders a deer. Orders an ale. Orders a barleywine…
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Another good one on that link
"and then forgets to check whether the beer is actually beer.."
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Before you marry someone you should let them use a computer with slow internet connection...just to see who they really are.
I'd be liable to start troubleshooting.
There goes the relationship...
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You mathematicians just don't know your limits.
That was awesome. Reminded me of a cornified joke:
Mathematician and Engineer were reviewing the "rules of engagement" of the opposite sex. Basically, you're allowed to halve the distance to a woman as often as you wanted on approach.
The mathematician calculated that, although the limit was physical contact, he'd never get there due to the infinite motions he'd have to make.
The engineer simply quipped: "I'd get there as soon as I got within acceptable tolerance." +/- 1%. ;-)
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My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."
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QA engineers in a bar also order '; drop table Users;' beers, and order "<script>alert('XSS');</script> beers
QA engineer walks into the bar backwards. Runs into the bar. Sits at the bar overnight doing nothing to see what happens. Tries to sell a beer....
(Lots more on that link.)
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Ordering -1 beers results in a wine. Bar owner tells him that's per design.