:baby_symbol: Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit
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@kazitor said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@Karla said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:My daughter just asked me how the first person spawned.
A fascinating tale.
Once upon a time, there were the Arthropods, Molluscs and Chordates, and everything was Good.
The Chordates sought new heights and realms to inhabit, thus their Tetrapods found ways of life beyond the seas. To cement their independence, a group called the Amniotes made eggs that could endure outside water, and thus the Amniotes could inhabit lands far from the seas.
But the Amniotes grew lofty and conceited. In their complacency, some managed to become Shit, and hence the Synapsids arose. By the time they noticed what had happened, the Shitness was innate to their being. Scorned by the Sauropsids, who had remained True, the Synapsids decided they would endeavour to become the Most Shit.
And hence, the Mammals were born. They distinguished themselves by disgusting habits that even they themselves were put off by when spoken of without euphemism.
But even the Mammals could not delude themselves about how well the world had gone on in spite of their Shitness, and so they drafted a dastardly plan: if the Mammals were to make everything else Shit, they would no longer suffer alone or be so painfully reminded of how they had fallen.
To accomplish these goals, the Mammals developed their Shittest specimen yet, one that could effect the massive undertaking that would be to make the whole world as Shit as them.
And thus, the first person was spawned.
She's 7 so I kept it simple:
I said that some people believe God made us this way (I'm agnostic, raised Catholic, she is baptized for the grandparents sake).
I said your body is made of little cells. In the beginning (LOLs intended), little cells spawned (we don't know why the first one did) and then they decided to team up.
Then blah, blah, blah, genetic mutations, environmental pressures, reproductive fitness, then the first human spawned, from a slightly different human-like spawn.
Though, in defense of your explanation, she is a fan of dinosaurs.
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@Karla “In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
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@GOG said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:On a completely unrelated note, the wife and I just had a brief conversation about Children's Stories That Will Scar Them For Life. H.C. Andersen, for example, is one author that I'd hunt down with extreme prejudice, if he weren't dead.
My mom had a 3-tome collection of Andersen's fables. When I was like 8, I binge-read them and was absolutely fascinated and not at all repulsed. I guess I wasn't old enough to register there's anything wrong with those people. Edit: I remember reading The Little Match Girl multiple times, and it really didn't occur to me that it's about a homeless orphan starving to death on Christmas Eve.
And remember, nothing will scare them more than the mandatory school reading of Prus's Antek. Specifically that part where Antek's sister falls ill and their grandma decides the best treatment is to put her in the kitchen oven - I repeat, put the sick child in the kitchen oven - for the duration of rosary prayer. (Spoiler: the sister died.)
You can't save your children from literature. You can only delay the inevitable.
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@PotatoEngineer said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:Well, it's been a month, and she's not going to sleep easily. It usually takes 1-2 hours for her to fall asleep after we start putting her to bed at 8pm. She knows the score, and she knows that she can play once I walk out of the room. The only good news is that I'm no longer going in every 5 minutes; instead, it's every 15 minutes (because my wife persuaded me to concede), and I'm playing Fallout 4 while I wait.
And now my daughter usually goes straight to sleep after I put her in bed. She's getting about an hour more sleep than she used to. Children are crazy.
Or maybe it's just that the playgrounds have reopened, and so she's doing a lot more running around and getting tired during the day.
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@Benjamin-Hall said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:I count up.
Usually, I give a stern,
ONE!
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@Karla said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:I count up.
That would be scarier - they don't know where you're going to stop this time.
EDIT: Then again, I count up, too. I never make it to three before they listen.
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@abarker said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@Karla said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:I count up.
That would be scarier - they don't know where you're going to stop this time.
EDIT: Then again, I count up, too. I never make it to three before they listen.
Yeah, I've never told her what my limit was and I've never made it to three.
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@abarker I count to 10, after letting them know what will happen if I reach it. That gives time to slow down if they are making the effort, and to speed up so they just finish on time and feel the exhilaration
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@Jaloopa My mum used to do something similar to get us (my brother and myself) to clean up our room. She'd take a large broom and push stuff in a pile in the middle of the room, saying that everything left in the pile would be thrown out. As we scrambled to tidy up the room and pick up everything we could from the pile, she would spend an inordinate amount of time trying to sweep one corner of the room, or under one bed, to give us more time. When it became clear that we'd had picked up everything we cared about and what was left in the pile was just random bits of paper or broken toys, she'd suddenly announce that she was done.
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Lil'Dude was in the other room playing with his Batman figurines and he starts repeating something over and over again. He will be five soon, and he's in speech therapy because he has issues pronouncing some things, but he appears to be saying:
"Sig heil, Sig heil, Sig heil!!"I look at the wife, she looks at me.
"What the fuck kind of YouTube videos has he been watching?"We go to the living room where he is playing and then when I see how he is playing and hear him say it a few more times I realize what he is actually saying is:
"Heave ho, heave ho, heave ho!!"One figurine is attached to a chain and other figurines are pulling him up.
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@brie said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@djls45 said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:We have some family friends who have girls around the same ages as a couple of my brothers and me. Their mom could be a walking blonde joke, except she's a brunette. Whenever we'd get together, her husband would inevitably ask her, "Can I tell them?" and she would reply, "No! You can't tell them that!" Then a few minutes later, "Can I tell them?" Eventually, she would give in and say, "You can tell them." We would get together every week after church for dinner, so you can imagine what their life was like.
I'm missing something here. Can I tell them what?
I've bolded the relevant part for you. She'd do something that you might find in a dumb blonde joke.
E.g. one day he was putting up a tire swing, and he was up on the tree branch tying off the anchor, and he asked her to hand him the rope for the tire, so she tried to lift it up to him, and she said, "It won't reach."
He looked down at her and told her, "Honey, you have to step off of the tire."
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@Jaloopa said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@abarker I count to 10, after letting them know what will happen if I reach it. That gives time to slow down if they are making the effort, and to speed up so they just finish on time and feel the exhilaration
But they don't start moving to obey until you hit 7 or 8, right? That's what I've observed most of the time people use counting.
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@Polygeekery said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:Lil'Dude was in the other room playing with his Batman figurines and he starts repeating something over and over again. He will be five soon, and he's in speech therapy because he has issues pronouncing some things, but he appears to be saying:
"Sig heil, Sig heil, Sig heil!!"I look at the wife, she looks at me.
"What the fuck kind of YouTube videos has he been watching?"We go to the living room where he is playing and then when I see how he is playing and hear him say it a few more times I realize what he is actually saying is:
"Heave ho, heave ho, heave ho!!"One figurine is attached to a chain and other figurines are pulling him up.
Walking to the playground (right after biking):
I brought water because I am so thirsty
Thirsty AF?
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@Karla for some unknown reason I'm the one that gets in trouble when the boys curse.
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@Polygeekery said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@Karla for some unknown reason I'm the one that gets in trouble when the boys curse.
That does not surprise me (or probably any other forum member).
We are both guilty. As are my big kids and some of the in-laws.
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@Polygeekery two of the Mormons on the forum upvoted that. This amuses me.
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@Polygeekery said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@Polygeekery two of the Mormons on the forum upvoted that. This amuses me.
Hey, I might not drink coffee, but I can sympathize with the feeling. Happens a lot with four kids.
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@abarker that's part of why it amused me. It is a post with almost universal appeal. Hell, people who aren't parents but have had puppies or kittens in the house can also relate.
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@Polygeekery said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:Just wait until she has kids.
Then it happens more than you want to admit.
Happens w/o kids but w/ pets as well 😕
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I leave a kid strapped in the feeding chair, and go to the toilet. I come back, and observe traces of a thick milky-white substance on the chair's table-part, and around the kid's mouth.
: Honey! What did you give him?
: What?... I haven't given him anything.
: Then what does he have on his- ...he's puked.And I thought that he wouldn't be able to do any mischief while tied to a chair. Turns out, some toddlers like to examine their tonsils. By prodding. With their fingers.
And then to entirely unrelated matters. Since I'm already here and posting.
Pro tip:
Never let your kids kick you in the groin. They grow up, and one day they'll be able to do real damage.One day, after a few more hits to the nuts, you'll notice that one of them hangs a little lower and has pain. And then you get to spend some time at the local clinic again.
Turned out to be a "varicose vein". Still probably induced by blunt force trauma. And neither nut had actually moved from their proper place. There was just some very localized swelling.
Unfortunately, since a detached nut would have got me on surgery queue, while a varicose vein will not, even if it's in the most painful place possible. So all I got was an "Eat some painkillers if it stings".
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@acrow said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:Never let your kids kick you in the groin.
True words of wisdom, there.
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@HardwareGeek It's a bit of a warning against the "frog in the heating pot" phenomena.
It starts so small; a 3-month baby dancing in your lap. Or your 1yo son running and jumping into your arms. They're tiny and sweet and incapable of hurting you.
But before you notice, you've got a 15kg+ 3yo driving a knee to your balls. From a running jump. While you're stretching your back on the floor, testes resting on a hard floor. It's like hammer and anvil, I tell you.
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@acrow said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:Never let your kids kick you in the groin.
Damn. The closest I ever got to something like that is when they were just the right height that an unexpected charge resulted in a headbutt to the groin.
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My three-year-old autistic daughter doesn't like talking. She'll do it sometimes, but it's realllly not her preferred mode of communication.
She loves being spun around, of course. Who doesn't?
But if I insist that she must ask to be spun around... well... maybe she'll ask. Or maybe she'll just decide that talking is too high of a price for some of those wonderful spins, and she'll just go do something else.
She's a master of finding something else to do. Anything but what you're asking her. Take her toy? She'll find another. Take that? There's more toys. Put her in a room with no toys? Man, her toes are fascinating. She doesn't cry, or fuss, or try to steal the toy back (much), she just... redirects. She's a wee bit on the challenging side.
(And yes, we're giving her therapy to get her talking. Zoom sucks for giving therapy to three-year-olds, by the way.)
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@PotatoEngineer my non-Autistic son was very similar at that age. Not that he didn't like talking, just didn't want to do whatever anyone else wanted to do. He's a bit better these days (13).
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@boomzilla said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@PotatoEngineer my non-Autistic son was very similar at that age. Not that he didn't like talking, just didn't want to do whatever anyone else wanted to do. He's a bit better these days (13).
So I have a tendency loudly exclaim, "DUUUUUUDE!!" when someone makes an asshole move, bikers, drivers, and pedestrians.
I make the word almost as versatile as fuck.
My husband tells me a guy on an e-bike goes up on the sidewalk right where they are standing.
DUUUUUDE!!!He said she said it just like me.
It took everything not to completely lose it for him.
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My mom just posted this on FB:
21 lessons learned by women who have little boys!
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant..
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR’s do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. ) Fire departments have a 5-10 minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids…
80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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When my youngest niece was younger (maybe 3-4?), all adults in the family knew to immediately stop doing whatever they were doing when she confidently walked out of a room saying (in a cute baby voice) "I have an idea!"
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@remi for us, the warning signal was silence. If the kids are silent too long, better figure out what they're doing before it goes really bad.
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@Benjamin-Hall That was also the case for me and my siblings when we were kids (according to my parents, at least (*)). With my niece though, there was something extra-funny about the "public announcement"-style "I have an idea!"
(*) one such time my elder brother (probably 4-5 at the time?) had apparently managed to get hold of a pair of scissors, with which he had carefully cut out an opening in the mesh of the baby playpen in which I was, because, I quote my brother, "you see mom, he couldn't get out by himself!"
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@remi said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:When my youngest niece was younger (maybe 3-4?), all adults in the family knew to immediately stop doing whatever they were doing when she confidently walked out of a room saying (in a cute baby voice) "I have an idea!"
For some reason this reminds me of a bit from Boy Meets World.
: Mommy, if my dolly's cold, should I put her in the microwave to warm her up?
: No, honey, that would be a mistake.
: *holds up melted doll* Mommy, I made a mistake...
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@Benjamin-Hall said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@remi for us, the warning signal was silence. If the kids are silent too long, better figure out what they're doing before it goes really bad.
Applies to puppies too.
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@Mason_Wheeler said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:@remi said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:When my youngest niece was younger (maybe 3-4?), all adults in the family knew to immediately stop doing whatever they were doing when she confidently walked out of a room saying (in a cute baby voice) "I have an idea!"
For some reason this reminds me of a bit from Boy Meets World.
: Mommy, if my dolly's cold, should I put her in the microwave to warm her up?
: No, honey, that would be a mistake.
: *holds up melted doll* Mommy, I made a mistake...Well, at least it wasn't the hamster.
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So this just happened:
My daughter was going over to her grandparents:
Have fun at grandma's!
You have fun with Mommy!
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@Karla said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:So this just happened:
My daughter was going over to her grandparents:
Have fun at grandma's!
You have fun with Mommy! I will!
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I too had 'mean' parents.
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@Dragoon said in
Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:I too had 'mean' parents.
Mean Moms Matter!
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My daughter finished school today and come to me crying because they took a dojo point away from her and didn't think it was fair. She is sensitive to that. I talked to her and the teacher.
They are doing live school from 7-2. I can't pay attention that long.
We don't put any pressure on her for grades or dojo points. We've repeatedly tell her it's ok to make mistakes.
These points mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Then I realized, the head of our unit posts brain teasers. I am very proud in July I was tied for first and August was first and second place was far behind. Also proud when I answer the question first.
She is so my daughter.
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My son Ares was born today
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@Jaloopa huzzah!
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Typical big sister:
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/iq95ha/sister_wants_to_sell_her_brother/
