The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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I don't know why Marvel hasn't tried to put ads on the Hulk.
I mean, he's essentially a giant banner.
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@lolwhat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I don't know why Marvel hasn't tried to put ads on the Hulk.
I mean, he's essentially a giant banner.Good show, you triggered that brief burst of homicidal rage which is the mark of a good pun's involuntary response.
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A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read:
*** "FREE SEX w/fill-up ... just guess the right number between 1 & 10.” ***
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his FREE SEX.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his FREE SEX.
The redneck guessed ‘8’. The proprietor said, "You were close. The number was ‘7’. Sorry, but no FREE SEX this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along w/his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his FREE SEX.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The redneck guessed ‘2’ this time.
The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was ‘3’. You were close, but no FREE SEX this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away FREE SEX."
Bubba replied, "No. it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."
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What's the difference between a shop that sells handkerchiefs, and Paris Hilton?
One is a hanky store...
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Mick was in court accused of being a double murderer. The judge said to him, “You are charged with beating your wife to death with a wrench.”
A man at the back of the courtroom yelled out, “You bastard!”
The judge continued, “You are also charged with beating your wife’s lover to death with a wrench.”
The man in the back yelled out again, “You total bastard!”
The judge looked at the man and said, “Sir, I can understand your anger at this crime, but I will have no more outbursts. If you have anything to say, say it now.”
The man got up and said, “For fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a freaking wrench, he said he didn’t have one!”
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I recently sat and watched all those films that supposedly "turn your life around".
Unfortunately there was an even number of the films so my life is still the same.
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A young New York City woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Hudson River. Just before she could throw herself from the bridge, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," the captain said.
Her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
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@boomzilla wow, I bet she totally went through with it after that.
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It's so annoying when you are not superstitious and don't believe in the signs,
but the traffic cop does.
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My friends dared me to only wear sandals during the rest of winter.
I said I'd do it, but now I'm getting cold feet.
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I was about to make a joke about religion here, but I don't believe it's a good one.
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@obeselymorbid I'm not superstitious, it's bad luck.
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@Gąska said in TIL (about the Dark Arts of HTML):
Eyes aren't cameras, they don't have frames.
But eyeglasses do.
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My neighbour's daughter called. She said, "Come over, nobody's home."
I went over. Nobody was home.
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@Zecc said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gąska said in TIL (about the Dark Arts of HTML):
Eyes aren't cameras, they don't have frames.
But eyeglasses do.
I like regular glasses more. Can hold more liquid.
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@Vault_Dweller said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My neighbour's daughter called. She said, "Come over, nobody's home."
I went over. Nobody was home.
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@Vault_Dweller said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My neighbour's daughter called. She said, "Come over, nobody's home."
I went over. Nobody was home.
I then promptly started fucking Nobody.
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"Who's your new boyfriend?"
"Nobody!"
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What's a neologism?
Neologism? That's a word you just made up.
Filed under: I note the category implicitly excludes funny jokes, Well played
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Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.
As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend,
"Let's go over to that bar for a drink."The lady with the Chihuahua said,
"We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us."The one with the Doberman said,
"Just watch, and do as I do."They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said,
"Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said,
"You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said,
"A Doberman?"
The woman said,
"Yes, they're using them now.
They're very good."
The bouncer said,
"OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought,
"What the heck,"
so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.Once again the bouncer said,
"Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said,
"You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog"The bouncer said,
"A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ........"A Chihuahua ?
They gave me a f..king Chihuahua ?!"
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@r10pez10 I'm wondering whether inscribing "W", "A" and "Y" on the inputs would help or ruin the joke.
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@kazitor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
would help
Considering I didn't recognize that flag until you said it...
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@Tsaukpaetra I did, but it took 1 second to load the English name, hence the delay.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@kazitor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
would help
Considering I didn't recognize that flag until you said it...
There are multiple reasons I did
If you're after maximum obscurity, you could say that "WAY" represents AND in Boolean algebra, and thus put
W AND A AND Y
before the NOR gate.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@kazitor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
would help
Considering I didn't recognize that flag until you said it...
For future reference: all the flags with crosses like that, in whatever color combination, belong to the Scandinavian countries. (You can even consider the Scottish flag a borderline example.)
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@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@kazitor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
would help
Considering I didn't recognize that flag until you said it...
For future reference: all the flags with crosses like that, in whatever color combination, belong to the Scandinavian countries. (You can even consider the Scottish flag a borderline example.)
I think England's flag is closer to the Scandinavian crosses than the Scotland's. At least visually, I have no idea about any historic reasons for all Scandinavians to have crosses.
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I'm just posting the link, don't expect me to have actual read it.
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@r10pez10 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I think some of the recent posts should go in the nerdy jokes thread. I'm not even sure what field this refers to.
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@jinpa It's from the field of computer science, so the nerdy jokes thread would be appropriate.
Here's a hint though: notice how the boxes get combined again after they were split:
@r10pez10 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
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@JBert said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
get combined again after they were split
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@JBert said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@jinpa It's from the field of computer science, so the nerdy jokes thread would be appropriate.
Here's a hint though: notice how the boxes get combined again after they were split:
Duh, thanks.
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@jinpa It took me a while, but it's both nerdy and bad.
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@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
the character's name
I like how with these obscure jokes, everyone makes such a deliberate effort not to mention specifics just so others still have to work like they did to decipher it.
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@loopback0 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@JBert said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
get combined again after they were split
Next time I'll see if I can try Charades.
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@PJH I fear I'm missing a pop culture references...
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@PJH I fear I'm missing a pop culture references...
Nope.
Canine dichromatic colour vision.
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@PJH said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
E_DIFFERENCE_DETECTED
The deuteranopic version is basically the same.
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"So you decided to marry my daughter?"
"Yes, sir."
"Are you able to provide for the family?"
"Yes, I have a good job."
"You certain? There's six of us."
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