What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?

heterodox

@boomzilla said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

I think he's assuming the list is legitimate, like the radio thing that Lorne signed up for or ads from an online store from which you purchased.

This is business. They can be legitimate and still resell your email address.

boomzilla

@heterodox Then they're already doing that, because you gave them money (or you signed up for something). But you can legitimately get them to stop sending emails to you.

Source: I have unsubscribed from legitimate email lists.

heterodox

@boomzilla Ah, I see what you're saying; if they've verified your email address, sure. There are still a number of cases where they may not have verified your email address yet, though I'll grant those are getting fewer and farther between (supplied it when brick-and-mortar shopping, placing food delivery orders, etc., most things where you don't have to create an account).

As always, YMMV. Most of the time I can't remember how a business would have gotten my email address so I don't confirm it active just in case.

LaoC

@e4tmyl33t said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

No, only the black text should be the subject. The grey stuff is a preview of text in the body, and most "email marketing" places put the "View this in your browser if your email client is crap" and other useless things first before doing any of the styling so that's all you end up seeing in the preview.

Those are the worst, and I'll go to great lengths to annoy them back if they do that. If you absolutely have to include your HTML vomit in email, fucking include a plaintext part. If you're too stupid to do that, leave it out completely and my mutt will take care of extracting something resembling text from the HTML. Plaintext that effectively says "read the vomit so I can include my fucking web bugs to create PowerPoints for marketing and sell the database with your preferences sexual and otherwise to other spammers" is not acceptable.

Lorne Kates

@twelvebaud said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

Actually, I get those inside a mostly-white envelope with no company name and Big Red Scary Letters that say "IMPORTANT DISCOUNT WARNING NOTIFICATION". From @Weng. Sort of.
Which I shove directly into the shredder without opening, because like all spam, they targeted so, so wrong.

Whenever I get unaddressed spam mail, I stuff it right back into the "outbound mail" slot. (We have community mailboxes here). If the post office can take money to deliver unwanted shit, then they can be responsible for cleaning it up after.

Lorne Kates

@gąska said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

TRWTF is people who can't configure tgeir spam filter properly.

You're assuming the emails I'm not reading are spam.

Lorne Kates

FYI. Every their plaintext sectino is useless.
(snipped the headers because the post was too long)

MIME-Version: 1.0

--ybUJS94zj5zA=_?:
Content-Type: text/plain;
	charset="us-ascii"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit



http://view.mail.rogersdigitalmedia.com/?qs=d361d2d567b5944aa52d6e252eac55d3de6c83a116ddca72395349dc9c3261da92b5cd8842f3c3db7e427dcc0897c427d8b35d042f2c6ff9702d43b9be69fe1832eaaa243f169f51b1bce99a5fa2b557 
View it in Browser 
 Wednesday, May 02, 2018 

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Listen Live 

 

 
Funeral to be held today for one of the victims of Toronto van attack
 
Anne Marie D'Amico will be laid to rest after a service at a church in Toronto later this morning.
 

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Police are investigating after gunshots rang out overnight near the St. Lawrence Market.
 

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North York neighbourhood blackboard filled with positive messages
 
A community blackboard that mysteriously appeared in a North York neighbourhood two years ago is filled with positive messages, much to the delight of those passing through.
 

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Toronto police partner with charity in effort to track down wanted fugitives
 
Toronto police are partnering with a charitable organization in an effort to bring some of Canada's most-wanted to justice.
 

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Lorne Kates

@lorne-kates and the html version, which I still have to trim because their fucking email is over 32kb. And it has inline styles to fuck aroudn with the email client what the fuck?!?!

edit oh my fuck they copy and pasted it from Word.


--ybUJS94zj5zA=_?:
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<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
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img[class=colimg2ad] {
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/*IPHONE STYLES*/
@media only screen and (max-width: 480px) {
a[href^="tel"], a[href^="sms"] {
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	color: #0a8cce; /* or whatever your want */
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}
.mobile_link a[href^="tel"], .mobile_link a[href^="sms"] {
	text-decoration: default;
	color: #0a8cce !important;
	pointer-events: auto;
	cursor: default;
}
table[class=devicewidth] {
	width: 300px!important;
	text-align: center!important;
}
table[class=devicewidthinner] {
	width: 260px!important;
	text-align: center!important;
}
img[class=banner] {
	width: 280px!important;
}
img[class=colimg2] {
	width: 280px!important;
}
img[class=colimg2ad] {
	width: 280px!important;
}
img[class=colimg3] {
	width: 280px!important;
}
img[class="col3imgFeature"] {
	width: 260px!important;
}
td[class=mobile-hide] {
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}
td[class="padding-bottom25"] {
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}
}
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                                <span style="text-align:right;color:#000000;text-decoration:none;" class="date"> Wednesday, May 02, 2018 </span></td>
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                                      <td align="center" style="background-color:#02A856; font-family: Helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; color: #ffffff; text-align:center; line-height: 20px;">Be the first to know with 680 NEWS. Here's what's making news right now:</td>
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                      <td><table width="560" align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" border="0" class="devicewidthinner">
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                              <td style="font-family: Helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; color: #000000; text-align:left; line-height: 30px;" st-title="fulltext-heading">Funeral to be held today for one of the victims of Toronto van attack</td>
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                              <td style="font-family: Helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; color: #000000; text-align:left; line-height: 30px;" st-content="fulltext-content">Anne Marie D'Amico will be laid to rest after a service at a church in Toronto later this morning.</td>
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                            <!-- End of content --> 
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                              <td width="100%" height="20" style="font-size:1px; line-height:1px; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">&nbsp;</td>
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                              <td style="text-align:right !importand;" align="right" st-content="fulltext-content"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" border="0" bordercolor="" width="100%" bgcolor=""><tr><td valign="top" align="center"><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;" align="center"><table width="100%" bgcolor="#ffffff" border="0" bordercolor="" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0"><tr><td style="font-family:Arial; font-size:13px"><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;" align="center"><a href="http://click.mail.rogersdigitalmedia.com/?qs=2460b7d7a41ee0eafab82c1aab02cb42ed5625af82468d0516465ed2684f413988f8d685e7819bb8171882604356cb74093717f31f052dc1" title=""><img id="image-placeholder" src="http://image.mail.rogersdigitalmedia.com/lib/fe8d1274746c027871/m/1/btn-readmore-daily.jpg" title="Button - Read More" mdid="474209e2-48c2-4015-9ec3-6eb01fb17191" border="0"></a>
</p></td></tr></table></p></td></tr></table></td>
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                            <tr>
                              <td style="font-family: Helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; color: #000000; text-align:left; line-height: 30px;" st-title="fulltext-heading">Cavaliers strike first, beating Raptors 113-112 in OT</td>
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                            <!-- End of Title --> 
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                              <td width="100%" height="20" style="font-size:1px; line-height:1px; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">&nbsp;</td>
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                              <td style="font-family: Helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; color: #000000; text-align:left; line-height: 30px;" st-content="fulltext-content">The Raptors missed 18 shots over the final 10 minutes of regulation before losing 113-112 to the Cavaliers in overtime.</td>
                            </tr>
                            <!-- End of content --> 
                                <!-- spacing -->
                            <tr>
                              <td width="100%" height="20" style="font-size:1px; line-height:1px; mso-line-height-rule: exactly;">&nbsp;</td>
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                            <!-- Spacing --> 
                            etc

Steve_The_Cynic

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

/IPAD STYLES/
@media only screen and (max-width: 640px) {

But my iPad has a much wider screen than 640 pixels. (Mini 4, with 2048x1536 pixel screen.)

/IPHONE STYLES/
@media only screen and (max-width: 480px) {

My iPhone 7 has a 1334×750 display. What's this 480px nonsense?

Lorne Kates

@steve_the_cynic said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

My iPhone 7 has a 1334×750 display. What's this 480px nonsense?

Given that only old people listen to the radio, maybe they're targeting flipphones.

boomzilla

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

Given that only old people listen to the radio, maybe they're targeting flipphones.

I listen to it when my alarm goes off in the morning!

Oh.

Steve_The_Cynic

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@steve_the_cynic said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

My iPhone 7 has a 1334×750 display. What's this 480px nonsense?

Given that only old people listen to the radio, maybe they're targeting flipphones.

Except that it says *IPHONE* styles.

Just checked. the original iPhone was, indeed, a 480-wide display.

Um. If you turned it sideways, otherwise it was 320-wide and 480-high.

Jaloopa

@steve_the_cynic Your mistake is assuming that CSS pixels bear any relation to actual pixels on a screen. There are fudging factors built in

Onyx

@laoc said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

leave it out completely and my mutt will take care of extracting something resembling text from the HTML

I noticed KMail will do that too, producing something that vaguely resembles Markdumb, but not quite.

Steve_The_Cynic

@jaloopa said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@steve_the_cynic Your mistake is assuming that CSS pixels bear any relation to actual pixels on a screen. There are fudging factors built in

There are, indeed fudging factors: 1, 2, or 3 hardpixels per CSSpixel, depending on which generation of iOS device you're talking about.

Stephen.io

Apparently, by the logic in the email, my iPhone 7 is not an iPhone because its max-device-width is 667px. And NO iPad is an iPad, because iPads (except Pro) are max-device-width 1024px.

TIL, I guess.

Gąska

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@gąska said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

TRWTF is people who can't configure tgeir spam filter properly.

You're assuming the emails I'm not reading are spam.

Why else would you not read them?

Tsaukpaetra

@gąska said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@gąska said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

TRWTF is people who can't configure tgeir spam filter properly.

You're assuming the emails I'm not reading are spam.

Why else would you not read them?

In my case: interest in the subject but lack of time to ingest the content therein.

HardwareGeek

@laoc said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

my mutt will take care of extracting something resembling text

Your mutt is smarter than the average dog!

Yes, I know mutt is the name of a mail client.

Lorne Kates

@jaloopa said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@steve_the_cynic Your mistake is assuming that CSS pixels bear any relation to actual pixels on a screen. There are fudging factors built in

So how many hardpixels equals 3 pixels?

Lorne Kates

@tsaukpaetra said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@gąska said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@gąska said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

TRWTF is people who can't configure tgeir spam filter properly.

You're assuming the emails I'm not reading are spam.

Why else would you not read them?

In my case: interest in the subject but lack of time to ingest the content therein.

Yes,

Home Depot: "Hey, we have paint on sale" {meh, delete}

Home Depot: "Big sale on power drills" {oh yeah I need a new one of those, open & read}

PleegWat

@lorne-kates

Home Depot: "Hi Lorne! We have this great sale you should know about right away! Click here to view the list of articles on sale on our website!"

dcon

@gąska said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

Maybe I'm weird, but I open every email I receive.

Yes, you are. I do keep my inbox unread-free, but I don't read all of them. I'm on some lists that can be high on the noise/content ratio - so they're not spam - but I don't want to read them.

dkf

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@jaloopa said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:
@steve_the_cynic Your mistake is assuming that CSS pixels bear any relation to actual pixels on a screen. There are fudging factors built in
So how many hardpixels equals 3 pixels?

How many hardpixels makes five?

HardwareGeek

@jaloopa said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@steve_the_cynic Your mistake is assuming that CSS pixels bear any relation to actual pixels on a screen. There are fudging factors built in

Is the fudge factor 3px wider?

HardwareGeek

@lorne-kates said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

Home Depot: "Big sale on ~~power drills~~shovels" {oh yeah I need a new one of those, open & read}

FTFDTH

heterodox

@hardwaregeek said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

Is the fudge factor 3px wider?

Insert fudge packing joke here.

HardwareGeek

@heterodox I think I already posted my story"TSA and the Package of Fudge" somewhere around here.

slavdude

@laoc said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@e4tmyl33t said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

No, only the black text should be the subject. The grey stuff is a preview of text in the body, and most "email marketing" places put the "View this in your browser if your email client is crap" and other useless things first before doing any of the styling so that's all you end up seeing in the preview.

Those are the worst, and I'll go to great lengths to annoy them back if they do that. If you absolutely have to include your HTML vomit in email, fucking include a plaintext part. If you're too stupid to do that, leave it out completely and my mutt will take care of extracting something resembling text from the HTML. Plaintext that effectively says "read the vomit so I can include my fucking web bugs to create PowerPoints for marketing and sell the database with your preferences sexual and otherwise to other spammers" is not acceptable.

And, now that Google wants to start including executables in email, I'm sure this will get even better.

LaoC

@slavdude said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

And, now that Google wants to start including executables in email, I'm sure this will get even better.

What could possibly go wrong?

topspin

@laoc said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

@slavdude said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

And, now that Google wants to start including executables in email, I'm sure this will get even better.

What could possibly go wrong?

Pretty sure we have a whole ~~forum~~ front page for that idea.

masonwheeler

@hardwaregeek said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

I know that's one of the rules my ISP checks. I thought it was a fairly strong indication of spamminess, but I just checked and it has a score of 0 — neither spam nor not-spam.

It's probably that they can't use it, because if that was considered a positive spam indicator, Facebook's "someone posted something you'd be interested in" emails would be officially spam.

HardwareGeek

@masonwheeler said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

if that was considered a positive spam indicator, Facebook's "someone posted something you'd be interested in" emails would be officially spam.

Rightly so!

LaoC

@hardwaregeek said in What the fuck can't marketing people write a proper email?:

Having different text than the HTML section can be an indication of spam,

I know that's one of the rules my ISP checks. I thought it was a fairly strong indication of spamminess, but I just checked and it has a score of 0 — neither spam nor not-spam.

What with CSS and other tricks you can use in HTML, checking that the HTML actually shows something similar to the plaintext part would probably involve rendering the whole mess and then running an OCR with some fairly smart layout detection on it. Not something you can sensibly use in a spam scanner.