terrible video games that should never be made
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@ben_lubar 3D first person shooter where one of the characters is from a 2D side scrolling game... Duke Nukem 3D ;)
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@arantor said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@ben_lubar 3D first person shooter where one of the characters is from a 2D side scrolling game... Duke Nukem 3D ;)
I'm pretty sure what I meant by that is that the character would be invisible because they'd be perpendicular to the screen at all times.
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@ben_lubar eh, the Duke don't care about that, he just rotates 'em 90 degrees so the sprites always face the camera, job done.
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@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Eh, I dunno. If there was an amnesia or schizophrenia component to the game, I could see it being interesting.
Kinda like Fight Club...
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Take a beloved franchise, then throw away almost everything that made that franchise beloved and shoe-horn the characters into a Ratchet & Clank clone. Build it for PS3 and XBox 360 using CryEngine, then cram it onto the Wii U without taking the time to fix all the shit first or even check CryEngine will even work on the Wii U (spoiler: it doesn't).
Thankfully, no-one's stupid enough to try that.
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Take a hugely popular game character, remove his most obvious defining feature (his speed), and cram him into an isometric game with insanely tight time limits and music that sounds like nails being dragged over a chalkboard.
Thankfully, no-one's stupid enough to try that.
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I'm not even going to hide this one.
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@raceprouk wait, Sega managed to double down on the mess that was Sonic 3D? (I love Sonic 2D games. 3D... no.)
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Take a beloved (but younger) franchise that is a side-scrolling puzzle game about lots of small cute creatures needing to be saved from cliffs and other dangers, and turn it into an isometric action game about shooting paintball guns.
Thankfully, no-one's stupid enough to try that.
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Take a beloved (but younger) franchise that is a side-scrolling puzzle game about lots of small cute creatures needing to be saved from cliffs and other dangers, and turn it into a 3D version of itself where the camera doesn't properly fit into some of the levels' designs, meaning that not only is it a puzzle game in figuring out how to use the scarce tools to save the creatures, and executing often highly precise moves at just the right time and position, you have to juggle a 3D camera into the mix too. And have a level in the game where the third-person camera doesn't fit so you have to give the player a first-person view for the creatures too.
Thankfully, no-one's stupid enough to try that.
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@arantor said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Thankfully, no-one's stupid enough to try that.
Keep these ideas coming! We need more ideas for our level designs!
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@arantor said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@raceprouk wait, Sega managed to double down on the mess that was Sonic 3D? (I love Sonic 2D games. 3D... no.)
The dumb thing about the 3D Sonic games is that the ones that work best are the Boost Formula games (Unleashed, Colors, and Generations), where even the full 3D sections are controlled with a system that feels very 2D (in a good way too).
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@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
A 3D multiplayer game based on youtube commentaries. Your player avatar is a live stream from your camera. You walk around commenting on things you see. The bosses are famous youtubers and you defeat them by... fuck if I know.
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@anonymous234 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and you defeat them by...
ignoring them entirely.
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@ben_lubar a mod to a third person shooter that is based on an engine where the main games are first person shooters. Also include 0 zombies and don't charge money for it.
Filed Under: Only ukranians would be foolish enough
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An old school text-only adventure game where instead of typing in commands you have to talk to a digital assistant AI on the level of Siri.
Every time you try to do something impossible or the AI misunderstands, it says "Let me google that for you", and opens a new window. Even though the game is 100% voice based, you have to manually close the window to continue.
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@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
It's been done. It sucked.
spoiler:
Heavy Rain
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@yamikuronue That's fake news. He didn't.
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Also, another dumb game idea: Worms 3D. Because everything gets better by making it 3D, right?
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@anotherusername I'm 75% sure that's the plot of Murdered: Soul Suspect.
There was also that Xbox 360 game, Condemned, about the cop who was investigating a murder by walking into random condemned buildings and shooting hobos, which might have been building to that. But I didn't finish either game because they sucked.
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@yamikuronue there was a movie like this too
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Lego Fifty Shades of Grey
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@nedfodder said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Lego Fifty Shades of Grey
Two girls, one Pokémon.
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@pjh said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@nedfodder said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Lego Fifty Shades of Grey
Two girls, one Pokémon.
Which Pokemon?
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@anotherusername Based on recent trends, Gardevoir. Or Pikachu.
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@anotherusername Muk.
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@anotherusername said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@pjh said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@nedfodder said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Lego Fifty Shades of Grey
Two girls, one Pokémon.
Which Pokemon?
One of these, possibly: https://geekysextoys.com/product/pokemoan-dildo-range-gotta-get-em-all/
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@anotherusername said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@pjh said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@nedfodder said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Lego Fifty Shades of Grey
Two girls, one Pokémon.
Which Pokemon?
Regigigas.
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@raceprouk said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@anotherusername Based on recent trends, Gardevoir. Or Pikachu.
Or Lucario.
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@tsaukpaetra said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@anotherusername said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@pjh said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@nedfodder said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Lego Fifty Shades of Grey
Two girls, one Pokémon.
Which Pokemon?
Regigigas.
Too normal.
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Take a beloved franchise that's known for intricate storylines, beautiful graphics, complex gameplay, and memorable villains. Produce a new installment on new hardware that you have no idea how to program graphics for, and make everything ugly. Dumb down the gameplay severely by removing the majority of equipment options for party members and adding a new stat-and-skill-growth mechanic that virtually eliminates unique traits between party members. Screw up the story with a bunch of incomprehensible mind-screwiness. Make the villain a whiny emo bishounen with an Oedipus complex who wants to destroy the world just to make his pain stop. And just for good measure, take one of the most interesting mechanics in the series, and make them annoying instead of fun by giving it animations that just go on and on and on.
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@masonwheeler you forgot the obligatory "thankfully, no one is stupid enough to try that" footer in its full glory.
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After ruining a beloved franchise with a sucky installment, take the next one and double down on everything that was annoying about it. Well, make sure to get the graphics right, at least, now that your developers have had enough time to learn the hardware. Distract everyone with how gorgeous it is and they might not notice that the storyline is even stupider, character uniqueness is even less than before, the villain makes no sense whatsoever, and the freaking summons take even longer plus you added a new mechanic that forces you to pay attention during the interminable CGs, just to rub salt into everyone's wounds.
Definitely a terrible video game that should never be made. But who would be dumb enough to try something like that?
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@masonwheeler you're meant to make the closing punctuation in the "stupid enough" footer be a link to the time someone was indeed stupid enough, because I don't actually know what game you're talking about...
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@arantor It's a purely hypothetical situation, obviously.
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@masonwheeler hypothetically humans aren't that stupid? Who'd be stupid enough to believe that?
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@masonwheeler That sounds a whole lot like it may be the seventh of the ultimate imaginations!
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@atazhaia Purely coincidental, I'm sure!
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Take a beloved franchise. Make a solid game in regards to plot. Up the challenge, even giving the final boss a reputation for being the most challenging in the series to date. Add plenty quality of life and useful online connectivity features.
Then make it run slow as walking through molasses. Insert delays between actions. Make the HP bars slowly increase/decrease on healing/damage. Make it all unskippable, so you'll have to sit through 5+ seconds of the bar slowly draining from an OHKO attack if unlucky. Really make the player dread getting into fights, but also with the feeling of needing to do them for the exp.
Also make really cool free minor DLC for the game, but never release it, leaving the events they would have unlocked forever inaccessible in the game code.
But... don't think anyone would do that, as that would be a terrible idea.
Although, they could make up for it by releasing an updated version a couple years later I suppose. Where they make the game run at normal speed. Add some more to the storyline, explaining the villain's motivations better. Also actually release two of the three event DLCs for players to enjoy. But that's a good idea and therefore out of scope for this topic.
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One that didn't make it.. Or at least as originally intended (for those, again, that weren't aware):
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Take a complex game developed by an industry leader in the genre. The complexity is managed by an included powerful map editor with UI simple enough that an average user can, with some effort, produce custom maps full of custom events and rules. One such creation, a player vs. player map, becomes so popular that it spawns a genre in itself. Players develop a "meta" consisting of two-character codes to communicate various aspects of game state to one another, as a kludge for the limitations of playing a game inside of another game.
Take a group of enthusiasts who like the idea so much, they decide to develop a standalone game using the best game platform ever, Adobe AIR. These enthusiasts love the original idea with all its kludges and warts so much, that they keep the gameplay as is, forcing new players to learn the mostly-indecipherable letter codes much as lusers are forced to learn Unix commands. The gameplay is also tilted such that players taking a risk by going on the offensive are punished for it, despite several hundred years of sport concluding that the initiator should be favored (e.g. fencing). Also, early mistakes can have a positive feedback loop that can quickly snowball out of control. Given these factors, and that this is a game by fanatics for fanatics, the playerbase becomes incredibly intolerant of player mistakes, or simply of not even winning an unranked match. The designers are so self-congratulatory that they write what resembles a fanfic every time they introduce a new character. You half expect the newcomer to pop a 787 Dreamliner-sized boner by the end of it.
Thankfully, no one is stupid enough to try... oh, wait... an industry-leading game developer with a prominent DRM platform bought the IP rights to the original custom map and developed a sequel, spending a few minutes thinking, "Hmm, since we're developing a game from the bottom up, and not a game within a game, we can do whatever we want. What should we fix?" Not surprisingly, they ended up with a better product.
Then the original industry leader that made the original platform for the custom map catches their breath from rolling on the floor laughing, takes the recipe, removes a lot of needless complexity and blows everyone else out of the water.
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@groaner Is anybody reading any of these? Goddamned.
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@groaner said in terrible video games that should never be made:
blows everyone else
Pics or it didn't happen.
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@atazhaia said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Take a beloved franchise. Make a solid game in regards to plot. Up the challenge, even giving the final boss a reputation for being the most challenging in the series to date. Add plenty quality of life and useful online connectivity features.
Then make it run slow as walking through molasses. Insert delays between actions. Make the HP bars slowly increase/decrease on healing/damage. Make it all unskippable, so you'll have to sit through 5+ seconds of the bar slowly draining from an OHKO attack if unlucky. Really make the player dread getting into fights, but also with the feeling of needing to do them for the exp.
Also make really cool free minor DLC for the game, but never release it, leaving the events they would have unlocked forever inaccessible in the game code.
But... don't think anyone would do that, as that would be a terrible idea.
Although, they could make up for it by releasing an updated version a couple years later I suppose. Where they make the game run at normal speed. Add some more to the storyline, explaining the villain's motivations better. Also actually release two of the three event DLCs for players to enjoy. But that's a good idea and therefore out of scope for this topic.
You're forgetting quick time events.