terrible video games that should never be made
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@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@powerlord said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Seeing as how this topic was already bumped...
@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
I know of multiple games this could be describing already, but Murdered: Soul Suspect (which Blakey named) isn't one of them. Although, in fairness I never finished that game and both of the other games I've played with this plot didn't reveal it until the end.
I meant it in more of a "who stole the cookies from the cookie jar" thing except it would have more severe crimes like murder and tax evasion.
I played a game recently where the person investigating 5 murders committed all 5 murders... although, to be fair, he didn't realize he was doing it (yay curses?).
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@powerlord said in terrible video games that should never be made:
I played a game recently where the person investigating 5 murders committed all 5 murders... although, to be fair, he didn't realize he was doing it (yay curses?).
Xenogears?
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(Catching up on some old threads)
@blakeyrat said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@anotherusername I'm 75% sure that's the plot [he committed the crimes himself] of Murdered: Soul Suspect.
Given that he's investigating his own murder, unless there's a plot twist at the end that he committed suicide, no.
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@ben_lubar >a crime solving game where the player character who is solving the crimes also committed all of them
I'm sure I've seen something pretty close... except the POV is the detective's assistant instead of the detective himself. :P
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@tsaukpaetra said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@zecc said in terrible video games that should never be made:
players must complete that journey in real time.
So.... Euro Truck Simulator, but before its time?
I just want to point out the distances between cities in ETS are like 50 times smaller than real world, and time goes 50x faster.
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@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@tsaukpaetra said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@zecc said in terrible video games that should never be made:
players must complete that journey in real time.
So.... Euro Truck Simulator, but before its time?
I just want to point out the distances between cities in ETS are like 50 times smaller than real world, and time goes 50x faster.
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
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@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km
Yes.
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
I don't know how it works exactly, but IIRC it takes no more than 20 minutes to go from Frankfurt to Madrid.
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@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km
Yes.
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
I don't know how it works exactly, but IIRC it takes no more than 20 minutes to go from Frankfurt to Madrid.
Then that's still done in real-time and not with (much) time-compression. Because driving distance (not a direct line) from Frankfurt to Madrid would be ~1800 km. That would compress to 36 km. Which would take 27 minutes at 80 km/h.
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@hardwaregeek said in terrible video games that should never be made:
(Catching up on some old threads)
@blakeyrat said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@anotherusername I'm 75% sure that's the plot [he committed the crimes himself] of Murdered: Soul Suspect.
Given that he's investigating his own murder, unless there's a plot twist at the end that he committed suicide, no.
There is a pretty big plot twist in that direction, but I don't want to spoil the game...
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@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km
Yes.
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
I don't know how it works exactly, but IIRC it takes no more than 20 minutes to go from Frankfurt to Madrid.
Then that's still done in real-time and not with (much) time-compression. Because driving distance (not a direct line) from Frankfurt to Madrid would be ~1800 km. That would compress to 36 km. Which would take 27 minutes at 80 km/h.
But these 27 minutes take 20 hours.
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@anonymous234 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
I don't want to spoil the game
Thanks. I may or may not ever resume playing the game, because %@$#%(&#$@!%$! QTEs. One in particular, I could almost but not quite get right, the respawn point was something like 2 QTEs previous, and it's been so long since I played that I don't remember the strategy for getting through them.
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@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km
Yes.
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
I don't know how it works exactly, but IIRC it takes no more than 20 minutes to go from Frankfurt to Madrid.
Then that's still done in real-time and not with (much) time-compression. Because driving distance (not a direct line) from Frankfurt to Madrid would be ~1800 km. That would compress to 36 km. Which would take 27 minutes at 80 km/h.
But these 27 minutes take 20 hours.
Either you compress space or yor compress time. Both would make you warp in seconds through all of Europe.
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@hardwaregeek In the meanwhile, enjoy these other great plot twists!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LGu1sOvxYs
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@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km
Yes.
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
I don't know how it works exactly, but IIRC it takes no more than 20 minutes to go from Frankfurt to Madrid.
Then that's still done in real-time and not with (much) time-compression. Because driving distance (not a direct line) from Frankfurt to Madrid would be ~1800 km. That would compress to 36 km. Which would take 27 minutes at 80 km/h.
Terrible video games that should never be made: a version of Euro Truck Simulator where the time goes 50x slower instead of 50x faster.
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@anonymous234 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km
Yes.
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
I don't know how it works exactly, but IIRC it takes no more than 20 minutes to go from Frankfurt to Madrid.
Then that's still done in real-time and not with (much) time-compression. Because driving distance (not a direct line) from Frankfurt to Madrid would be ~1800 km. That would compress to 36 km. Which would take 27 minutes at 80 km/h.
Terrible video games that should never be made: a version of Euro Truck Simulator where the time goes 50x slower instead of 50x faster.
That already exists and is called Traffic Jam Simulator.
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@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Traffic Jam Simulator
It does, indeed, but calling it a game is a bit of a stretch. Google gave me a bunch of results, but all the ones I looked at are talking about the same thing:
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@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
So, a drive of 1000 km would shrink to 20 km
Yes.
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
and would be done in 18 seconds (at an average velocity of 80 km/h)?
I don't know how it works exactly, but IIRC it takes no more than 20 minutes to go from Frankfurt to Madrid.
Then that's still done in real-time and not with (much) time-compression. Because driving distance (not a direct line) from Frankfurt to Madrid would be ~1800 km. That would compress to 36 km. Which would take 27 minutes at 80 km/h.
But these 27 minutes take 20 hours.
Either you compress space or yor compress time. Both would make you warp in seconds through all of Europe.
In-game kilometer is much shorter than real-life kilometer, and in-game hour is much shorter than real-life hour, so when calculating speed (km/h - note the division) it cancels out and truck speed is the same in-game as it's in real life. In other words, it takes the same number of in-game hours to go 100 in-game kilometers as it takes real-life hours to go 100 real-life kilometers.
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@anonymous234 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@hardwaregeek said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@blakeyrat said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Given that he's investigating his own murder, unless there's a plot twist at the end that he committed suicide, no.
There is a pretty big plot twist in that direction, but I don't want to spoil the game...
Did he kill his twin brother by mistake?
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Something something loot boxes.
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@zecc said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Something something loot boxes.
I like WoodenPotatoes's take on this: As long as there's a clear separation between the stuff you can get for real money and stuff you can get by playing the game, it's fine.
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Just saw this and thought of this thread:
https://i.imgur.com/FYuzCdO.jpgOf course, "a CD-i port of X" fits the topic for any game X.
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@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
I am pretty sure that this was the bug that they spent all the money for 'Clang' trying to fix. They never did.
Do You Believe That?™
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HD Remastered LJN Classics Collection
Filed Under: It would be a blank DVD
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I wonder how many unique boss fight mechanics exist across all video games...
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@hardwaregeek said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@rhywden said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Traffic Jam Simulator
It does, indeed, but calling it a game is a bit of a stretch. Google gave me a bunch of results, but all the ones I looked at are talking about the same thing:
This is unusually entertaining to me...
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@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
I wonder how many unique boss fight mechanics exist across all video games...
Shooting directly, shooting indirectly, shooting specific parts, exploding barrels, killing with own weapon, using environmental damage, and that's about it.
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@gąska There's also "simply survive until it goes away".
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@zecc That one is certainly an option when making a terrible video game, yes.
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Just because they are topical, let me revisit my Derpy Dozen posts:
The original nine ideas
An explanation of the first post
Two more bad ones and an explanation of them
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@zecc said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@gąska There's also "simply survive until it goes away".
Frequently used mechanics in multi-boss fights:
- If the bosses are located near each other, they become stronger
- If the bosses are not killed at around the same time, they revive
- The bosses activate on a timer, so if you don't kill the first before the second appears, you have to fight two at once
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@ben_lubar also, shared life bar.
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@scholrlea said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Just because they are topical, let me revisit my Derpy Dozen posts:
The original nine ideas
An explanation of the first post
Two more bad ones and an explanation of themCopying URLs to post as links: you're doing it wrong.
It's usually best to copy through the context menu when clicking on the date of the post you want to link to.
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@ben_lubar said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Frequently used mechanics in multi-boss fights:
- If the bosses are located near each other, they become stronger
- If the bosses are not killed at around the same time, they revive
- The bosses activate on a timer, so if you don't kill the first before the second appears, you have to fight two at once
If simply hearing this song doesn't trigger you just a little, you need to turn in your geek license.
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@zecc You know what? Fuck it. I have an idea for a few more for that list anyway, so I'll just repost the content re-arranged so that the explanatory links are inline rather than in a separate post.
- Atari 2600: DT: The Enlarged Liver - explore sewage pipes in search of more booze while evading the cops and the EMTs
- Arcade Games: Polycytes - you will wish it was only an urban legend.
- NES: Hyena Gals vs the Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts - platformer platformer something something bad controls
- CDi: Ignacz P. Infrinjor and the Concertina of Space - sure, let's use awful cel animation for our cutscenes!
- Sega Saturn: Virtula Kueki - because the first time wasn't bad enough.
- Nintendo 64: Stupordude 69 - because buggy ring slaloms won't ever get old.
- PS-4: Strife of Pink Panther - did they deliberately go out of their way to find the worst games to promote? Maybe. Also, IP infringement is fun!
- PC:
- Big Dogs: Over the Ice Sliding - dog sleds don't work that way.
- Eternally Irradiated Dude - despite the title, it would actually be more like the post-nuclear death scene in COD4 (i.e., what would actually happen to someone who tried to act like Duke Nuke'm)
- I Just Wanna Ride My Motorsickle - Master the difficult art of driving off to the right and exploding.
- Boobie Count - I feel triggered by this sexploitative Hatred clone!
- Island of Slaughtering Survival Z: Day One - because zombies.
- Sturgeon Stimulator - endless laffs as you clumsily grope around trying to turn on a cold fish - sort of like being a teenage boy on a blind date.
- Franchise Affront π;: Shadow of More Loot Crates - Skinner Boxes FTW!
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So... more parody game titles. Because that never gets old.
- Dropsy Bore: The Mistakes Get Repeated - Reboot a series no one missed? What could go wrong!
- VG Cats: Bloody Fuck - because slapping a half-forgotten license on a bad game will surely make it a good one, right? What could go wrong!
- Sploosh in the Tea-Time Ocean - uhm... yeah. That's a thing. Sure, greenlight it anyway. What could go wrong!
- VAX Scene - Sure, a faux 16-bit remake of a classic
survival horrordemoscene simulator game, what could go wrong! Forget tuning, greenlight it everywhere! - Trollin' U - An action-adventure game where most of the difficulty comes from the 'non-player companion' who is endlessly pranking and sabotaging the player. What could go wrong! That worked so well in Daikatana, after a... wait, you mean it wasn't deliberate in Daikatana? Also, if you are going to imitate a big flop from the previous year, you might want it to, uh, I dunno, fix the problems with the idea that made what was almost a great game a frustrating one, rather than making them worse.
- Project UFO: Offshore Airmen - Spend several years making a licensed game about uninteresting side characters no one gave a fuck about, lie in your trailers, and release a poorly optimized bug hunt. What could go wrong!
- Crappy Bat - Terrible controls and stolen backgrounds, what could... oh, never mind, this was actually popular. Act least until the developer had a meltdown and ragequit the Play Store.
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@scholrlea said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Motorsickle
You mean combine harvester?
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@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@scholrlea said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Motorsickle
You mean combine harvester?
I don't get it
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@gąska said in terrible video games that should never be made:
You mean combine harvester?
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@gąska That works, too.
Actually, I was just making a silly reference to Arlo Guthrie's pronunciation of 'motorcycle' in "The Motorcycle Song", which was basically a song in which he makes fun of his own hippie-dippy mannerisms, outlandish shaggy-dog stories, and rural diction. The refrain is "I just want to ride my motorcycle", but he goes out of his way to pronounce it "I jus' wanna ride mah motorsickle'. He rhymes it with 'pickle' in the very first stanza, in fact.
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"Delivery simulator". A game where you work in a warehouse. You grab one box (you can't carry more), walk through a realistically sized, procedurally generated city to the place it's going to (there's no vehicles, sorry) and drop it there. Then you walk back to the warehouse. You win when you deliver all the packages.
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@anonymous234 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
"Delivery simulator". A game where you work in a warehouse. You grab one box (you can't carry more), walk through a realistically sized, procedurally generated city to the place it's going to (there's no vehicles, sorry) and drop it there. Then you walk back to the warehouse. You win when you deliver all the packages.
What if "Delivery Simulator" was a graphical VR front-end for piloting Amazon delivery drones?
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@anonymous234 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
Delivery simulator
Reminds me of
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Ghetto Mario
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@boomzilla So apparently there are several cops here with not a single taser between them
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@mott555 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@anonymous234 said in terrible video games that should never be made:
"Delivery simulator". A game where you work in a warehouse. You grab one box (you can't carry more), walk through a realistically sized, procedurally generated city to the place it's going to (there's no vehicles, sorry) and drop it there. Then you walk back to the warehouse. You win when you deliver all the packages.
What if "Delivery Simulator" was a graphical VR front-end for piloting Amazon delivery drones?
This was my thought exactly.
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@masonwheeler said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@boomzilla So apparently there are several cops here with not a single taser between them
No, they're not allowed to shoot their guns.
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A historical fiction game where you time travel to try to stop major historical figures from eating sandwiches.
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@ben_lubar If you changed 'sandwich' to 'strudel', I would think this was a Preacher reference.
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@pie_flavor said in terrible video games that should never be made:
@ben_lubar If you changed 'sandwich' to 'strudel', I would think this was a Preacher reference.
World War 1 was started because someone wanted to eat a sandwich.
Here's John Oliver talking about how someone wanting a sandwich prevented a bridge from collapsing: