📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™
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Ben, you're getting so many of those emails, it's almost like your email is posted publicly somewhere
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@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
I'll be sure to swap out the cloths.
Don't use the one you wipe the servers with!
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Amazon vendor error in my favor! Collect $560 dollar lampe.
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@boomzilla said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Amazon vendor error in my favor! Collect $560 dollar lampe.
That can't be amazon. Not enough ugly orange and black.
That's better.
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FBI informs me that the previously received message from the Bank of America is legit.
Which also makes me think the FBI is psychic, because the message they refer to arrived four weeks later.
Also, Mr. Jeff Anderson must have an awful lot of Gmail accounts.
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(I sent CodePen, GitHub, and GitBook a report of the spam.)
What puzzles me is that they somehow made a virus that adds bluetooth speakers and LED-based giant flightless birds to a free video game about aliens.
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Considering the capitalization of Him, I can only assume they're telling me to ask God for this information.
So I am to contact Barbara Dean on Mark Phil's e-mail? They couldn't afford to give her her own account? Really? How can I trust they really have those $8.3M in my contract/inheritance/Award Winning claim now!
I got an ATM? Looks like a very expensive one too? Is it gold-plated and diamond-encrusted? And where would I place it? Also, if it only dispenses USD I'm a bit unsure about its use here where that isn't the local currency.
And also a letter from the embattled Gaddafi's wife, who is embattled. She fled to the "neighboring country" of Nigeria. For a very lenient definition of neighbor, as Nigeria is ~1000km from Libya with a different country inbetween. Also, according to her Wikipedia page she fled to Oman. I am starting to think this may not be the true Safia Farkesh!
"First of all and short introduction am I miss Mary Camara 19 years and my late parents daughter and mr Matsuno Camara"
Again translating late (deceased) into late (not on time), which is the usual for spam messages translated into Swedish. Plenty of family members who are bad with clocks here! Also, this Mary apparently is a transvestite considering she seems to have a second identity as a Mr. Matsuno.
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@Atazhaia said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
this may not be the true Safia Farkesh!
Not only that, but her daughter may not have given birth to save their lives!
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@Atazhaia said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Also, this Mary apparently is a transvestite considering she seems to have a second identity as a Mr. Matsuno
No, her parents are named daugher and mr.
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@Atazhaia said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
I got an ATM? Looks like a very expensive one too? Is it gold-plated and diamond-encrusted? And where would I place it? Also, if it only dispenses USD I'm a bit unsure about its use here where that isn't the local currency.ATM stands for other things than Automated Teller Machine, as a quick search at xhamster.com would tell you.
Just saying.
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@da-Doctah said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
ATM stands for other things
like Automatic Turd Machine!?
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@da-Doctah said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
ATM stands for other things than Automated Teller Machine, as a quick search at xhamster.com would tell you.
Just saying.
That would have to be a really awesome ATM to be worth $12.9M. And I still think I'd prefer the money regardless.
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@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Maybe these two accidentally replied all trying to talk to each other?
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@Atazhaia said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
She fled to the "neighboring country" of Nigeria. [...] Also, according to her Wikipedia page she fled to Oman.
Well obviously if she was fleeing she'd want to throw people off the trail.
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@Atazhaia said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@da-Doctah said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
ATM stands for other things than Automated Teller Machine, as a quick search at xhamster.com would tell you.
Just saying.
That would have to be a really awesome ATM to be worth $12.9M. And I still think I'd prefer the money regardless.
Well, that ATM actually costs $13M. So you still have to pay them 100K for it... No refunds. No returns. All sales are final. etc/etc...
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@ben_lubar Man, you're getting some rude spammers.
Mine just offer me "hot single ladies in your area".
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@anonymous234 said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@ben_lubar Man, you're getting some rude spammers.
Mine just offer me "hot single ladies in your area".
Same! So long as my local area is Germany or something...
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Technically, I have my password, and I am someone.
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With all due respect, the only reason I know Togo exists is that John Oliver sent some t-shirts of Jeff the Diseased Lung in a Cowboy Hat there and they sent back a video of a bunch of men wearing them and yelling "Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!"
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Yeah, fuck tuberculosis.
Also, I asked my sister but it's 01:38 and she's asleep and I don't want to wake her up.
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Both links go to
mailto:[the address in the red bar]
. Just in case your email client doesn't support replies.
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I think you forgot to put the email address in the empty subject line.
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This is exciting. I was called "daddy", friendzoned, called a stranger, and complimented all in one spam email!
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This spam lacks vital information such as who wants me in a bed and where their bed is located.
At least there's some blue text that says I can unsubscribe...
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Okay, so the only dauther of some some Abidjan prince or something wants to have me do a legal, truethful and Godly relationship with them.
Apparently, my bank account needs to be "nominate" so they can transfer me 15% of the total sum (1+2+20+3), or $3.90
I have to be their Dearl and start a bank account for them, adopt someone 2 years younger than me as my
daughterdauther, and make arrangement for them to come over toSUBJECT COUNTRY HERE
to continue their education in "real estate management" or "hotel management".Wait, was this email supposed to go to the president?
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@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
With all due respect, the only reason I know Togo exists is that John Oliver sent some t-shirts of Jeff the Diseased Lung in a Cowboy Hat there and they sent back a video of a bunch of men wearing them and yelling "Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!"
For just pennies a day, you can help provide US Americans with maps and reduce their reliance on John Oliver.
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Sweet! A bed to go with my new lamp.
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@boomzilla said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Good questions.
Good questions.
Jackie you may have changed email address, but that's not enough to stop me!
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Not even trying.
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B and S, you say?
The
onmicrosoft.com
is a nice touch.
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@boomzilla said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
The
onmicrosoft.com
is a nice touch.The sad thing is that now most botnets are just trial accounts on cloud hosting services.
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@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
The sad thing is that now most botnets are just trial accounts on cloud hosting services.
Don't worry, it's changing to IoT devices.
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TBH I don't like my girls smoking. Usually indicates a failure of some kind, and a lot of repairing ahead for me...
You know, the Internet has told me the reverse...
In other news, apparently someone sucked up Google+ profiles? These spams are starting to include my last name (finally)...
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Oh Doug, you dirty dog, you.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
TBH I don't like my girls smoking. Usually indicates a failure of some kind, and a lot of repairing ahead for me...
Plus, it makes them smell bad.
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@anotherusername said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@Tsaukpaetra said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
TBH I don't like my girls smoking. Usually indicates a failure of some kind, and a lot of repairing ahead for me...
Plus, it makes them smell bad.
Maybe if they're using their mouths to smoke.
Yeah, yeah, NSFW thread is : arrows:
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@boomzilla the smoke smell will get on their clothes no matter which body part they're using.
...okay, maybe not their clothes, but their skin and hair...
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@anotherusername said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@boomzilla the smoke smell will get on their clothes no matter which body part they're using.
...okay, maybe not their clothes, but their skin and hair...
As I libertarian I realize this is somewhat hypocritical. I like the Bloomberg laws about not smoking in restaurants and bars.
I've never smoked. Always hated the smell but before the bans I would come home smelling like an ashtray. It was gross.
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Um, she's not a real person, you know.
and yes, my spamcatcher email is mackozbogdanca@gmail.com , please subscribe me to every spam list imaginable, that's what it's for and I know it's stupid for those who speak Polish, I was like 13 when I made it, shut up
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@Maciejasjmj said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
and I know it's stupid for those who speak Polish, I was like 13 when I made it, shut up
Could someone who speaks Polish please explain the joke for the rest of us?
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@Maciejasjmj said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
mackozbogdanca
:D
That's OK, I made mine when I was 13 and it's totally unoriginal, just my initials, a short-term, and the current year.
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YOU.
NEED.
TO.
THIS.
IMPORTANT.
FOR.
YOU.
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I love it when WALMART. sends me a mystery shipping status! What could it be?
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Google needs me to unsubscribe from this.
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They're right: Avast does not judge URLs, so they did not find a virus in this plain-HTML email:
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I'll store my $5,500,000 dollars with my ÂŁ2,000,000 pounds on a shelf over there.
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THEY HAD TWO MORE SEX THAT DAY
AND THEN THEY SEX AGAIN IN THE MORMING
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@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
THEY HAD TWO MORE SEX THAT DAY
AND THEN THEY SEX AGAIN IN THE MORMING
The word "Times" is in there. To my eyes it seems decent English.
Oh, "mormimg", ok.
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@Zecc said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
THEY HAD TWO MORE SEX THAT DAY
AND THEN THEY SEX AGAIN IN THE MORMING
The word "Times" is in there. To my eyes it seems decent English.
Oh, "mormimg", ok.
I would like one and a half sex, please.