TDWTF Plays The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 57
You already have it.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 58
Taken.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 59
You can't. It's not yours. It's Ford's and it's private.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 60
The satchel, which is closed, is fairly bulky.
>
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@error_bot press button
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Which button do you mean, the dispenser button, the green button, or the
red button?>
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@error_bot press dispenser button
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 61
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and
hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and
falls to the floor, vanishing through the grating of a hitherto unnoticed
drain.>
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@error_bot put satchel on drain
Put mail by hatch
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 62
The drain is too large to be covered by the satchel.
>I don't know the word "by".
>
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@error_bot put mail on drain
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 63
The drain is too large to be covered by the loose pile of junk mail.
>
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@error_bot inventory
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I don't know the word "inventory".
>
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@error_bot examine me
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 64
You see nothing special about yourself.
>
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You have:
no tea
a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is
a satchel
The Hitchhiker's Guide
an electronic Sub-Etha signaling device
a loose pile of junk mail
a toothbrush
a flathead screwdriverIt is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full
scale of the problem is not always appreciated. For instance, at the exact
moment you said "put mail by hatch" a freak wormhole opened in the fabric
of the space-time continuum and carried your words far far back in time
across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy where strange
and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar
battle.The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time. A dreadful silence
fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'Hurgs,
resplendent in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at theVogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 65
G'Gugvunt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green, sweet-smelling
steam. As a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to
unleash electric death at his single word of command, the Vl'Hurg
challenged his vile enemy to take back what it had said about his mother.The creature stirred in its sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment
the words "put mail by hatch" drifted across the conference table.
Unfortunately, in the Vl'Hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult
imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for
centuries. Eventually the error was detected, but over two hundred and
fifty thousand worlds, their peoples and cultures perished in the
holocaust.You have destroyed most of a small galaxy. Please pick your words with
greater care.>
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@error_bot get gown
Put gown on drain
Hang satchel on hook
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 66
Taken.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 67
The drain is too large to be covered by your gown.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 68
It slips off the hook.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eorko sirbx jvupp
wzitd tosha b ooshi ld tu na rfudfimo tthakon op whuvp wa ro tfimchoerlz
zork oa bx jollflur girbcaverld tcav oz zp wflus gtrus ga ro szitw c oulpr
girba boshollu nd tfudhuv oo skonquii sx jx js golls gfud oo tl mtruu ni sa
re ho tr ga b otoyvupulpi lthaorkcavo torko t oeftcava ru nkonulpkonl
mquiirb.">
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@error_bot hang gown on hook
Drop satchel
Put mail on satchel
Lie on grate
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 69
The gown is now hanging from the hook, covering a tiny hole.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eorkkona rz zu na ru
ne herlirb okono tcavoshthatoyi so si lkon ofimfiml mu nl mkoneftollimbflu
othaquichochos ge hkwaa rollx j or gflud tx jl mzitimboshfluvup ofudr
gtruvupx jirba ro struu n oi lkonu nwroorko strukwal mulp oo so
sorkeftgryquia btoyp wd t os goshwroolltoyo tquigryo su n otoya be hi le
hfimerla rz zhuv.">You're not holding the satchel.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 70
Okay, the loose pile of junk mail is now sitting on the satchel.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Ep
wimbkonfluoshimbquigryollfud oo su nquil mtruzits golli serl oo ti skwad
tfudhuvo tz ztoyflu ow cs gerlcavimbd tfuda br gx j oo ti
lwroerlollkwaulptoyirbirb oa bx ju nwroziti lhuva rr gtha ou
nirbfimirbtruimbo szits gulp oo ts gflui sorka bfudu nr gosh oquio solltrup
wirbs gkwas gtoy ofimx ja ri ltoyzitoshirbr gtha."> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 71
You can't get into the drain!
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Ex jtoyr gp we ha
rzitulpcavtru ox jl mthaimbd tp weftd ta birb oorkr gtrur gtruo swroeftd tr
g oollo swros gz zorkzittrue holl okwao td ttoyhuva rvupwrofudcav
oquiirbeftx jw cw cz zgryx jerl owroirbz zirbp werlkwathazitr g os gollolle
hwrod terlw cirbe h ofime hirbw cr gquiosherlimbi s ovupa rx jimbziti
serlflue hz z.">
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@error_bot examine ford
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 72
He's sleeping.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Etoytoyd td tcava re
hkonollork ow cthao seftr gs ggryu nkonz z oi sgrye hvupthas gquichoorke h
ohuvfudfluwrol mthaquie hs gork ou nfluflufime hx jgryp wquivup od tvupimbo
sa rorkl mimbr gz z owrokono tx jimbo sthaziti sp w ohuvkonzitorkz ztoya
rthagryhuv ovupimbzittoyziteftzitimbthavup oerlp wd tchoz zulpimbr
gfudosh.">
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@error_bot get towel
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 73
Taken.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Ehuvirbo sd
tquiirbimbi lquiosh or gquio tl mthas gquiirbulptha oeftr gw ci lulpo
sthaflutoyeft ofimfluimbw cquia rgryx jzitwro oorkhuvchoorke hu nthaerlp
wflu otruo tfima bhuvz zs gollz zz z oerlkonirbz zerlollvupl morkr g owroa
borkkone hfluorkcavz zerl ox julpimbhuvl mo shuvd ttoyx j oefterlgryimbu
nerlw cfudu ni s.">
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@error_bot put towel on grate
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 74
The towel completely covers the drain.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Er gvupflutrus ga
boshp wcavoll ovupimbimbtruwroz zquikwaerlr g ol merltruz zcavquioshquia ra
b oflui seftquitruu nd ta rcavl m oa bw cimbd ttrutrup weftw ceft
ofudorkimba bs gtrus gx jvupcho ozite hollimbtoyo to torku ntha ol mz zs gd
tflui lr gfudp wtha ochoquio thuvcavfimimbulpr gfud ofudfudeftthawrou ne
hthaorkx j.">
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@error_bot press dispenser button
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 75
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and
hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and
falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split second later, a tiny
cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its
breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot
zips through the panel, and is gone.An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eosho teftkonl mtruo
skwad te h oollvupa rw chuvl md ttoyx ji l okonl me hfudwrofluchofimo scav
oo tr gs gkonimbo squiquierlgry ocavfluo twror gs gi loshhuvzit oi
swrokonimborkchozitl morks g oi lchoulperlgryirbo stoycavimb ohuve
hollirbgryquikwar ggryhuv ol ms golld ttoychovups gr gvup ox jz zeftquierlw
cp ws geftd t.">
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@error_bot get mail
Get satchel
Put satchel on panel
Put mail on satchel
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 76
Taken.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Echoa rz zquiwrohuvd
tp wwroerl ovupfimeftfimerlimbp ww cp weft ozittrux jthafudz zl mz zd ta b
ol mi sulpefto sulpkonp wa bzit ou nziti lollu nd tl mkonu na r ohuvvupo
tquichowroollfimeftkwa oz zr gi su nkwaa bw ceftx jcav oe hcavfluo tkonquis
gkona rr g oerlvupimbhuvo td tirbl mo si s oi lp workfimhuvcavkonhuvz zp
w."> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 77
Taken.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Equiw cx jkoncavz zd
tirbollerl owroeftw cx jhuvs gorkollz zflu or gl me hi lz zthatoyd tirbkon
oquir ga ra bz zulps gvupimbo t oirbosha ri serloshollvuposhwro ogryi su
ncavfimorkd tkonl mi s op wimbulpx jo to skwap wkonimb ofudvups goshvupw cd
tchotrud t oirbeftquia ra bfimthathaeftcho oquiorkthawrogrytoyziterla
rirb."> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 78
Okay, the satchel is lying on its side in front of the tiny robot panel.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eo szitulperlp wquir
gollthakon oa borkfudw cwroollx jollerlimb owroflup wcaverltoykonollollwro
ox jw ckonchocavi limberlfimvup op wo scavkonvuptrukonorkulpp w othaulpr
gchowrofudeftkonhuvo s or gosho sziti lo tvupp worktru ocavo squichoa bcavs
ggrycavork oflutrufimirbr gkonerlcavx jvup oorkefteftu nkonl mo tthao tx
j."> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 79
Okay, the loose pile of junk mail is now sitting on the satchel.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "Eorkx ja ri sw ckono
sfudp wa r othafimthatrutrufimgrygryu ngry ou nchoo shuvkonp whuvz zo scav
okontruwroolll meftirbollerleft oi scavr gp wu ni so swroo sl m oe
himbkwaulpimba rl mkwafluqui ooshcavgrykonr gkontoythaa bi l ou np wp wa ri
si lorkx jollirb otrukongryoshu nirbfluthaolle h otoyl mulpp wtoykono
tchotrua b.">
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@error_bot press dispenser button
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Vogon Hold Score: 45 Moves: 80
A single babel fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and
hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and
falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split second later, a tiny
cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its
breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot
plows into the satchel, sending the babel fish flying through the air in a
graceful arc surrounded by a cloud of junk mail. Another robot flies in and
begins madly collecting the cluttered plume of mail. The babel fish
continues its flight, landing with a loud "squish" in your ear.An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain.
My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate
freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space.
On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first.
Repeating...">
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@error_bot examine case
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Vogon Hold Score: 45 Moves: 81
The glass case is closed. Attached to it are a keyboard and a switch.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain.
My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate
freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space.
On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first.
Repeating...">
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@error_bot examine keyboard
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Vogon Hold Score: 45 Moves: 82
You see nothing special about the keyboard.
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain.
My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate
freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space.
On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first.
Repeating...">
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@error_bot switch switch
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 45 Moves: 83
A recording plays: "To open the case, type in the second word from the
second verse of the Captain's current favourite poem. WARNING: An incorrect
input will cause the case to explode."Guards burst in and grab you and Ford, who comes slowly awake. They drag
you down the corridor to a large cabin, where they strap you into large,
menacing chairs...Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into
poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and
indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite
poetry.>
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@error_bot save
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Please enter a filename [house]:
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@error_bot vogon
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Okay.
>
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wait
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@error_bot wait
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 45 Moves: 85
Time passes...
"If he's going to read us his poetry," mutters Ford, sweating profusely,
"just pray he softens us up with some cudgels first...""Hello, hitchhikers!" begins the Vogon Captain. "I've decided to read you a
verse of my poetry!">
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@error_bot wait
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 45 Moves: 86
Time passes...
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy nacturations are to me!"
>
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@error_bot applaud
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 45 Moves: 87
If you want to enjoy the poetry, just type that.
"As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee."
>
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@error_bot enjoy poetry
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 88
You realise that, although the Vogon poetry is indeed astoundingly bad,
worse things happen at sea, and in fact, at school. With an effort for
which Hercules himself would have patted you on the back, you grit your
teeth and enjoy the stuff."Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes."
>
