TDWTF Plays The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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@error_bot drink
Drink
Drink
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Pub Score: 15 Moves: 28
(lots of beer)
It's very good beer, brewed by a small local company. You particularly like
its flavour, which is why you woke up feeling so wretched this morning. You
were at somebody's birthday party here in the Pub last night.You begin to relax and enjoy yourself, so when Ford mentions that he's from
a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, not from Guildford as he
usually claims, you take it in your stride, and say, "Oh yes, which part?"> Pub Score: 20 Moves: 29
(lots of beer)
It is really very pleasant stuff, with a very good dry, nutty flavour, some
light froth on top, and a deep colour. It is at exactly room temperature.
You reflect that the world cannot be all bad when there are such pleasures
in it.Ford mentions that the world is going to end in about twelve minutes.
> Pub Score: 25 Moves: 30
(lots of beer)
There is a distant crash which Ford explains is nothing to worry about,
probably just your house being knocked down.>
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@error_bot help peanuts
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Pub Score: 25 Moves: 31
Sorry, but peanuts is beyond help.
>
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@error_bot wait
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Pub Score: 25 Moves: 34
Time passes...
>
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@error_bot leave pub
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Country Lane Score: 25 Moves: 35
Country Lane
You see the huge bulldozer heaving itself among the cloud of brick dust
which is all that remains of your home. As you start up the lane, a small
dog runs up to you, yapping.Ford hurries after you.
>
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@error_bot kick dog
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Country Lane Score: 25 Moves: 36
The dog tries to bite your foot.
>
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@error_bot hitch ride
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I don't know the word "ride".
>
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I recall you need to feed the cheese sandwich to the dog.
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Country Lane Score: 25 Moves: 37
Country Lane
The road runs from your home, to the north, toward the village Pub, to the
west.
Ford Prefect is here.
There is a dog here.
The dog carries on yapping for a moment and then gulps uncomfortably.>
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Front of House Score: 25 Moves: 38
You reach the site of what was your home. It is now a pile of rubble. Mr.
Prosser looks sheepishly triumphant, a trick few people can do, as it
requires a lot of technically complex deltoid muscle work.Front of House
Mr. Prosser, from the local council, is standing on the other side of the
bulldozer. He seems to be wearing a digital watch.Ford hurries after you.
>
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@error_bot talk to ford
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Hmmm ... Ford Prefect looks at you expectantly, as if you seemed to be
about to talk.>
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Front of House Score: 25 Moves: 39
You have:
no tea
a loose pile of junk mail
a toothbrush
a flathead screwdriver
your gown (being worn)
It looks like your gown contains:
pocket fluff
a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is>
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@error_bot examine thing from aunt
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That sentence isn't one I recognise.
>
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@error_bot examine thing
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Front of House Score: 25 Moves: 40
Apart from a label on the bottom saying "Made in Ibiza" it furnishes you
with no clue as to its purpose, if indeed it has one. You are surprised to
see it because you thought you'd thrown it away. Like most gifts from your
aunt, you've been trying to get rid of it for years.With a noise like a cross between Led Zeppelin's farewell concert and the
eruption of Krakatoa, a huge fleet of Vogon Constructor ships flies
overhead and announces that the Earth will be demolished to make way for a
new hyperspace bypass in "two of your Earth minutes."In all the turmoil, you drop the thing your aunt gave you which you don't
know what it is and it rolls away. It is the least of your worries. Anyway,
you've been trying to get rid of it for years.>
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@error_bot take digital watch
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Front of House Score: 25 Moves: 41
You can't. It's not yours. It's Prosser's and it's private.
The vast yellow ships thunder across the sky, spreading waves of terror and
panic in their wake. The voice of the Vogon Captain slams across the
country, insisting that the planning charts and demolition orders have been
available at the local planning office in Alpha Centauri for fifty years
and it's too late to start making a fuss about it now.Throughout the noise, Ford is shouting at you. He removes a small black
device from his satchel, but accidentally drops it at your feet.>
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@error_bot take device
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Front of House Score: 25 Moves: 42
Taken.
Fierce gales whip across the land, and thunder bangs continuously through
the air in the wake of the giant ships. Ford fights to reach you, but the
wind is too fierce. Further announcements from the Vogon Captain make it
clear that demolition will begin in just a few seconds.Through the blinding rain, you see lights flickering on the small device.
>
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@error_bot press green button
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Dark Score: 25 Moves: 43
Lights whirl sickeningly around your head, the ground arches away beneath
your feet, and every atom of your being is scrambled, an experience you're
probably going to have to get used to. You are in...Dark
>
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@error_bot turn on light
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Dark Score: 25 Moves: 44
You can't hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or
taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how
you got there.>
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@error_bot fart
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I don't know the word "fart".
>
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@error_bot look
Listen
Feel
Smell
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Dark Score: 25 Moves: 45
Dark
You can't hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or
taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how
you got there.> Dark Score: 25 Moves: 46
(to darkness)
You can see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing, taste nothing, smell
nothing, and are not entirely certain who you are.> Dark Score: 25 Moves: 47
(darkness)
You can see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing, taste nothing, and are not
entirely certain who you are.> Dark Score: 25 Moves: 48
(darkness)
It does smell a bit. There's something pungent being waved under your nose.
Your head begins to clear. You can make out a shadow moving in the dark.>
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@error_bot wait
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Dark Score: 25 Moves: 49
You can see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing, taste nothing, and are not
entirely certain who you are.>
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@error_bot smell
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Dark Score: 25 Moves: 50
(darkness)
It does smell a bit. There's something pungent being waved under your nose.
Your head begins to clear. You can make out a shadow moving in the dark.>
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@error_bot examine shadow
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 51
The shadow is vaguely Ford Prefect-shaped.
Vogon Hold
This is a squalid room filled with grubby mattresses, unwashed cups, and
unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear. A door lies to port, and an
airlock lies to starboard.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.Ford removes the bottle of Santraginean Mineral Water which he's been
waving under your nose. He tells you that you are aboard a Vogon spaceship,
and gives you some peanuts.>
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@error_bot eat peanuts
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 52
You feel stronger as the peanuts replace some of the protein you lost in
the matter transference beam.>
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@error_bot take underwear
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 53
That's not important; leave it alone.
>
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@error_bot remove gown
Hang gown on hook
Examine machine
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Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 54
Okay, you're no longer wearing your gown.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 55
The gown is now hanging from the hook, covering a tiny hole.
> Vogon Hold Score: 33 Moves: 56
The dispenser is tall, has a button at around eye-level, and says "Babel
Fish" in large letters. Anything dispensed would probably come out the slot
at around knee-level. It bears a small label which reads "Another fine
product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation."Ford yawns. "Matter transference always tires me out. I'm going to take a
nap." He places something on top of his satchel. "If you have any
questions, here's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (Footnote 14). Ford
lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but
you'll never be able to finish the game without consulting the Guide about
lots of stuff." As he curls up in a corner and begins snoring, you pick up
The Hitchhiker's Guide.>
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@error_bot take guide
Take satchel
Open satchel
Examine satchel