:baby_symbol: Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit
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your specific model and make is not covered by them.
@HardwareGeek said:
36 hours
It was a bit less than that, but it was after spending all day at the hospital Monday as they tried to induce labor. They finally sent us home because the very mild contractions they managed to get weren't even close to making anything happen. My wife's water broke Wednesday morning, after I had gone to work. She drove herself to the hospital (yeah, the contractions were so mild at that point that she was able to do that), and the hospital called me. Sometime on Thursday afternoon, the doctor checked how far dilated she was, said he was going to give her another hour (or two, or something like that) to get to a certain point; otherwise, he was going to do a C-section. She didn't, and he did. I think the C-section occurred around the 33-hour mark — 10:00-ish(?) Wednesday to 19:00 Thursday.That made her mad enough for the final push.
I can imagine. How long did it take you to recover from your wounds? :)
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"How can society be so irresponsible that they let someone like me leave the hospital with a baby!?"
Totally this. I remember us walking out of the hospital to the car and expecting a security guard to stop us and make us come back inside until we knew what we were doing.
After the baby is there, force yourselves to get back out in society.
This may seem counter-intuitive but we found it was easier to go to restaurants with one newborn than with our current 3- and 4-year olds. Before they start crawling they sleep anywhere (e.g. pram, baby carrier) and don't go anywhere when they're awake. If you time it right you can travel to a restaurant while they are awake, order while they're getting sleepy, feed and push round the block while the food comes1 and then eat in peace while they sleep.
There are no guarantees in this life but it's worth considering if you don't have access to free babysitters (aka family members) as is the case for us.
1 I found that the holder in the pram for a baby bottle works just as well with a beer bottle. Don't judge me.
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This may seem counter-intuitive but we found it was easier to go to restaurants with one newborn than with our current 3- and 4-year olds.
Oh, yeah. Infants are almost always better behaved in public than toddlers, unless they're sick or colicky, and one is always easier than two.
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your specific model and make is not covered by them.
Absolutely. This.
Name stories.
My wife told me to fill out the papers... including finalize/pick the name.
Hmmm.... she doesn't look like a "jane".
Ended up using the backup name...."mary"In the car pulling away from the hospital...
Radio: "Oh...hey, we forgot celebrity birthdays yesterday.. remember Mary Roe from the 70's? "
IJIJ: (to self) "C***!! C***!! I hate Mary Roe... what have I just done?"
Our stylish, posh, unique name turns out to be 3rd most popular for the year.
You know that kid, the one who does everything perfectly... straight-A's, plays multiple musical instruments, pretty, polite, and nice to a fault?
That girl shares my daughter's first name, and has been alphabetically exactly one space ahead of my daughter for eleven years of school - starting from the pre-kindergarten screening* when they were just ahead of us in line.
* Can you count? ABC's? Colors? Shapes?
TLDR; Pick any name you want.... no pressure.
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If you live in a jurisdiction that requires kids to be X age and (rather than or) Y weight in order to legally not be in a car seat, these limits will not coincide. I think my kids were 3 or 4 years past the age restriction before they met the weight requirement (especially my son, who's skinny as a beanpole).
We've got age, height, and weight... and the different sources never seem to agree on whether its "and" or "or"...
Couple days ago this thread got me all excited (stop it...) ... because YEA! my youngest should be old enough/big enough to ride up front like an actual person!
Wife reminds me it's still two years to go
Also, oldest brought home Driving School info from first day of school.
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We've got a couple of those. These books raise a lot of controversy here, as they always seem to contradict each other and people use them as bibles. We got one book from each camp and read them intelligently instead. However, these are the equivalent of going to stack overflow and asking for help -- your specific model and make is not covered by them.
One major problem is that kids are so different. What works for one may be a disaster for another. People who haven't experienced this phenomenon seem to have a really difficult time believing that.
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Our first was approximately 12 hours of labor in total. Only an hour or two of that was hard laboring.
Our second that was just born...90 minutes from "I don't feel so well, my stomach feels funny" to baby crying.
Fuck you.
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They would not let her eat, due to there always being a possibility of C-Section.
They also won't let her eat if she's getting an epidural.
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Also, oldest brought home Driving School info from first day of school.
Yikes. You have my condolences.
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no-one said anything about that when my wife was eating chocolate between swigs of the laughing gas. Nor did they refuse her the epidural when it was due.
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no-one said anything about that when my wife was eating chocolate between swigs of the laughing gas. Nor did they refuse her the epidural when it was due.Oh, they let my wife eat right up until she got the epidural. But once she had it, no eating until they took the needle out.
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Ah. Ok, then.
Anyway, it's not like you're going to go all mr. Kreosote and order the twenty-course dinner with extra mint wafers while you're there anyway...
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Anyway, it's not like you're going to go all mr. Kreosote and order the twenty-course dinner with extra mint wafers while you're there anyway...
No. I think it's a general thing that doctors have about anathesia and not wanting the digestive tract being active. I, for one, do not blame them.
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Did that just put us back to the diaper-changing discussion? In that case: my niece once shat with such force that she hit the cat on the other side of the room, missing my brother by 2.54cm as he was reaching for a new diaper.
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Yikes. You have my condolences
It's mostly... my, how time
sI actually think the driving part will be as OK as possible*
She argues (in the Socrates sense) about school and insists - no college! But is entirely OK with three weeks of classroom drivers-ed plus driving school. I think that's a good sign of maturity...
She is in complete agreement that I absolutely will not be her driving teacher - so that we will not be at each others throats. Also a good sign of maturity - on her part, if not mine. ;)
*As OK as is possible given that the roads are filled with 4000lb projectiles hurtling about at breakneck speeds navigated by people who can't even use source-control, create insecure passwords, and sign up for illicit dating websites...
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*As OK as is possible given that the roads are filled with 4000lb projectiles hurtling about at breakneck speeds navigated by people who can't even use source-control, create insecure passwords, and sign up for illicit dating websites...
Don't forget the "My insurance rates are what‽" shock that you have coming. I used to work for a company that provided comparative rating software to independent insurance agents. Having a teen driver on your policy can easily increase rates by 20-300%. Yes, I do mean twenty to three-hundred percent increases. It all depends on the rating algorithms your insurance company uses[1]. While it is important to occasionally shop around to see if you can get better insurance rates, the most important times are when you move, when you get a new vehicle, and when the drivers on your policy change.
tl;dr: Check what adding your oldest to your auto insurance will do to your current policy, and then check with some well known competitors. You may end up switching companies soon.
[1] Some companies allow you to specify who drives which car the most, and they rate based on that information. Other companies rate by combining the most expensive driver with the most expensive vehicle, then the next most expensive combination and so on. Even then, it varies from state to state based on what each state allows. Some companies even charge different rates for drivers with a permit vs. drivers with a license.
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Name stories.
We picked a girl's name before we were even married. (No, she wasn't pregnant.)
Her: I'd like to name a girl after her grandmothers, but I don't like your mother's name, name.
Me: That's the common nickname for real_name. That's her real name.
Her: Oh, I like that. That's it, then.IIRC, we told my parents what their (hypothetical) granddaughter's name would be while we were celebrating our engagement.
Couldn't decide on a boy's name, and didn't really try. When my daughter was born, we used the name we had chosen years before.
When it was time to try for number 2, we wanted a boy, so we put some effort into choosing a boy's name. She didn't want a "junior," so he's not named after anyone in the family. (Not his first name, anyway. We chose my name as his middle name.) We considered a few names, narrowed it to two, and picked one of them. Apparently, it used to be fairly common (and was pretty closely followed in my family for quite a few generations) for boys to bear a grandmother's or great-grandmother's maiden name as a middle name. We didn't follow that, but the name we finally chose is very nearly the same as a grandmother's maiden name. In fact, with my name as his middle name, his given name is very nearly the inversion (almost_surname first_name) of a great-uncle and great-great-grandfather, so the tradition continues, sort of, with a twist. And no, we never even discussed a girl's name for #2.
Speaking of wanting a girl or boy, it's too late for @Jaloopa this time around, but there are things you can do to allegedly influence your probability of having one sex or the other. I don't know how much, if any, real effect they have, but we got what we were trying for both times. P=0.25, so it certainly could be simply coincidence.
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I got USAA - they've got a box to check for who drives what how much...
And fortunately we live too close to school for her to drive.
(But I'll check anyhow...)Will my rates be higher or lower if I send her to:
http://www.bondurant.com/courses/advanced-teenage-driving
http://www.bondurant.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/slideshow_img/Teen Camaro8.jpg
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Speaking of wanting a girl or boy, it's too late for @Jaloopa this time around, but there are things you can do to allegedly influence your probability of having one sex or the other. I don't know how much, if any, real effect they have, but we got what we were trying for both times. P=0.25, so it certainly could be simply coincidence
Wife is convinced it's a boy, while remaining skeptical enough to understand that she has a 50% chance of being wrong. We're having the scan that should give the gender in a few weeksWe picked a girl's name before we were even married
We had a boy's and girl's name picked out nearly a year ago. Currently pinning down middle names.
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Did that just put us back to the diaper-changing discussion?
I think it may have more to do with the possibility of the contents of the mother's stomach going the wrong direction. But generally, prior to any sort of planned surgery, they want the entire pipeline flushed; that's what makes preparing for surgery so unpleasant with fasting, powerful laxatives and enemas. Under general anesthesia, everything relaxes, and anything that's left in the pipeline can ooze — yeah, we're back to the diaper-changing discussion.
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missing my brother by 2.54cm
Been there, done that, except my kid didn't miss.
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@Mikael_Svahnberg said:
missing my brother by 2.54cm
Been there, done that, except my kid didn't miss.Who says she missed?
Filed under: that was one irate cat for several days afterwards
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Don't forget the "My insurance rates are what‽" shock that you have coming.
That's the main reason my kids, 19 and 21, still don't drive.
I absolutely will not be her driving teacher
My kids would be quite happy having me teach them; in fact, I did give my daughter a few lessons. Unfortunately, living in a different state rather limits the opportunities to do that.They are in absolute agreement, however, that Mom will not be their driving teacher.
so that we will not be at each others throats
That, plus it would be an example of "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach."Having a teen driver on your policy can easily increase rates by 20-300%.
And some will force you to add them to your policy even if they will never be driving your car. I think I remember reading about one trying to force somebody to add a teen to their policy because the teen was old enough to be licensed, even though he/she wasn't actually licensed yet.
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We're having the scan that should give the gender in a few weeks
Probably, but sometimes they cross their legs or are otherwise uncooperative, so that the technician can't get a clear view of the relevant anatomy.
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Will my rates be higher or lower if I send her to:
IIRC, no insurance company even asks about that.
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IIRC, no insurance company even asks about that.
Hmm, I thought I saw a checkbox for a discount for driver training (along with the good-grade discount)...
... but I did figure a human rate adjuster might... pause .. before applying such a discount after you've deliberately shown the kid how to drive fast. ;)
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And some will force you to add them to your policy even if they will never be driving your car.
Most states require every licensed driver to be insured. To simplify rating, insurance companies just make you include all licensed drivers in your household, which makes satisfying state laws a bit easier.
I think I remember reading about one trying to force somebody to add a teen to their policy because the teen was old enough to be licensed, even though he/she wasn't actually licensed yet.
I have seen those kind of stories, and the company either gets their way, or finds itself facing a lawsuit. They usually pull that kind of thing when they are the company of last resort, such as when one of the insured drivers on the policy requires an SR-22 (usually means you got caught driving without insurance).
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Hmm, I thought I saw a checkbox for a discount for driver training (along with the good-grade discount)...
They mean a drivers' education course, not a performance driving course, and they generally require a certificate of completion before applying the discount. Good grade discount is unrelated, it's based on school GPA, requires a transcript to actually get the discount.
... but I did figure a human rate adjuster might... pause .. before applying such a discount after you've deliberately shown the kid how to drive fast.
Most of the big companies don't let humans do much in the way of rating. They just make sure you have the required documentation and approve or deny the various discounts. The actual rating is automated (thanks to the folks in their IT departments). If you tried to pass off a certificate of completion from Bondurant, you'd better hope that you got either someone dumb or someone generous processing that.
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I may be wrong, but I thought it wasn't just about driving fast, that they taught a lot of stuff about accident avoidance — anticipating things that might go wrong, planning how you would react if another car did x — that would be very useful on the road as well as the track. If so, I'd consider that even better than ordinary drivers' education for safety.
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They mean a drivers' education course, not a performance driving course
yes, duh. I think I implied that I understood the difference......by even "asking" the question.
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@abarker said:
They mean a drivers' education course, not a performance driving course
yes, duh. I think I implied that I understood the difference......by even "asking" the question.
Yeah, I got that, but I'd already started typing by then. It seemed such a waste to delete that effort … :P
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I may be wrong, but I thought it wasn't just about driving fast, that they taught a lot of stuff about accident avoidance — anticipating things that might go wrong, planning how you would react if another car did x — that would be very useful on the road as well as the track. If so, I'd consider that even better than ordinary drivers' education for safety.
You think an insurance company would care?
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You think an insurance company would care?
At an extreme, (and after isn't that's what we're about here at wtdwtf?) some of the courses like the defensive driving and anti-kidnapping stuff would lower rates for certain folks... and might (reasonably) be required for some situations...
or so I'd like to think... I've got to believe in something, since I don't believe in rainbows or unicorns
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defensive driving
Yeah, I was thinking the defensive driving parts of the performance driving would lower risk.
You think an insurance company would care?
Yeah, but maybe not in the way I'd like them to.- Lower real risk, because performance driving defensive driving.
- Higher perceived risk, because performance driving fast driving.
- Higher rates, because higher perceived risk.
- Profit!
Higher rates for lower risk. Why wouldn't they care?
Of course, my cynicism only works if 1 is actually true, which probably depends greatly on the individual driver. If it's not true, then the risk of fast driving outweighs the benefit of defensive driving, and the insurance company is justified in not reducing rates for the Ph.D. in Drivers' Ed.
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At an extreme, (and after isn't that's what we're about here at wtdwtf?) some of the courses like the defensive driving and anti-kidnapping stuff would lower rates for certain folks... and might (reasonably) be required for some situations...
In order to be able to apply rating adjustments based on such courses, most states require that insurance companies actually show a statistical correlation between a given factor and an individual's probability of having an accident. GPA, drivers ed, age, gender, years of driving experience, and traffic violations have all been shown to have actual, measurable correlation to accident rates. The kinds of courses you've mentioned haven't been studied, or there isn't enough data to show a correlation, or there really isn't a correlation. As a result, they cannot be used as rating factors.
Yeah, but maybe not in the way I'd like them to.
- Lower real risk, because performance driving defensive driving.
- Higher perceived risk, because performance driving fast driving.
- Higher rates, because higher perceived risk.
- Profit!
Higher rates for lower risk. Why wouldn't they care?
Traffic violations are probably a better indicator, otherwise professional racecar drivers would have a hard time finding auto insurance.
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Yikes. You have my condolences.
My son lost interest for now in learning, when he found out that Texas has a graduated program where he wouldn't be allowed to drive alone for at least 6 months.
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We're having the scan that should give the gender in a few weeks
"should", yes. My wife had a couple of dozen ultrasounds with her first pregnancy, and the child was determined not to let us know whether it was a he or she.
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Since it will be about a decade and a half before @Jaloopa has to worry about teen drivers, maybe we should go back to giving him more immediately useful advice. There was a post up-thread I was going to reply to, but I can't find it now.
Bottles. Fortunately, neither of our kids were fussy about the temperature, possibly because they never got used to body-temperature in the first place. (Why not is a longer story than I feel like typing at the moment.) I don't even remember doing the whole boil everything to sterilize it thing. I think we used bottles with pre-sterilized, disposable liners, or something. (It's been almost 20 years, so my memory is kinda fuzzy. I'll have relearn all this stuff in a few years when the grandkids start arriving.) Besides, when you get to the point where, when the kid throws the bottle on the ground, you pick it up, wipe the nipple on your sleeve, and give it back, sterility is pretty much out the window anyway.
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I think we used bottles with pre-sterilized, disposable liners
Those are extremely useful. If you go for bottles, I do recommend the ones that have disposable liners. Not only is setup and cleanup easier, but they also help limit how much air the kid swallows, which should mean less burping.
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Besides, when you get to the point where, when the kid throws the bottle on the ground, you pick it up, wipe the nipple on your sleeve, and give it back, sterility is pretty much out the window anyway.
I had parental leave with both our boys. When I was home with the first, after he'd started crawling, I went to make him a bottle and left him in the lounge room. I carefully sterlised the bottle and made the formula up.
When I got back with the formula I found he'd crawled over to the dog and was chewing his paw.
That was the last bottle I sterilised.
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Another one for @jaloopa: You are going to see baskets made for washing bottle parts in the dishwasher. They seem like a good idea, but they are useless. You are going to wash bottles way more than you run the dishwasher. Just do it all by hand.
The bottle drying racks that look like a patch of grass look gimmicky. They're not. They work great because they adapt to anything you want to put in them, all bottle sizes and they never look dirty. The more open types are a pain in the ass and they always look gross from hard water scale.
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We found the microwave steam sterilisers to be very helpful. It's a plastic thing that has a tray for water at the base, a frame part which has appropriate holders for all the bottle parts (enough to do four bottles at once), and a cover. You put water in the bottom, load it all up, stick the cover on and microwave it for five minutes - done.
Much easier than the chemical steriliser we used at first, which required the stuff to soak for 2 hours and then had to be air-dried.
As far as the actual labour goes, our first was a natural delivery (though she came out face-up instead of face-down), but she did enough tearing on the way out that the doctor spent an hour stitching up my wife afterwards (and dragooned me into holding the spreaders so he had room to work). The second and third ones both started off normally in the labour but chickened out at the last minute and decided they didn't want to go through with it (trying to get out shoulder first is NOT going to work), so wound up being C-sections.
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We found the microwave steam sterilisers to be very helpful. It's a plastic thing that has a tray for water at the base, a frame part which has appropriate holders for all the bottle parts (enough to do four bottles at once), and a cover. You put water in the bottom, load it all up, stick the cover on and microwave it for five minutes - done.
I used the microwave too but just used a suitably large, microwave-safe plastic tub with water in it.
Whatever you do the key is obviously to have system that minimises the amount of time from needing a bottle of drinkable to formula to having one.
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That's a nice @accalia right there.
New phone. It doesn't yet realize just how much I curse.
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I'll add another stream of unsolicited advice here...
For night time feeds we were strict about keeping it dark and not having any interactions outside of the feed. No lights, TV, toys or playing. The message is that it's OK to be hungry but that it's back to bed once you're done.
We also found that routine was good around bedtime, although we weren't slaves to it. Choose a time that is to be bedtime and try to stick to it. Have a routine involving all the things you need them to do like bathe, get changed, go to bed, have a story, etc. After this time you were into the night phase (see above) even they woke up at 8:30pm.
Our two boys (3 and 4) have been doing this since they moved into their own room and it has worked really well. As always, results may vary, but I think it's good to set expectations that we are on the path that leads to bedtime...
I would also warn against doing anything during this routine unless you are prepared for it to be become part of the routine.
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Re: Sterilizing bottles
We did it for maybe a week. I asked our pediatrician if it was necessary and the conversation went something like this:
"Is it necessary to boil the bottles to sterilize them?"
"Is your house clean?"
"Well, not as clean as it was before we brought him home and turned in to zombies, but overall...yes."
"If you don't live in squallor or a third-world nation, don't worry about it. Hot soapy water will do just fine."
We haven't even worried about it this time around at all.
