:baby_symbol: Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit
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@pie_flavor said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@boomzilla Can confirm.
How old are your kids?
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@Jaloopa None yet. I was speaking of myself.
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@pie_flavor said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@boomzilla Can confirm.
So you were thrown across the room a lot?
That's explains so much...
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Going on my 8 year old's field trip to the zoo today. Every time I go on one of these I have to answer tons of questions from the other kids.
"My dad can't ever come on field trips because he has to work. Do you not have a job?"
Lots of variations on that one. In fact, it is mostly just that question and/or statement.
Today will be fun, despite all the kids thinking I am unemployed.
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The job I do is more a labor of love. But I can't talk about it, because otherwise the cops and the insurance companies will come after me.
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@izzion more like:
"I have a job you judgmental little bastard, and if you don't stop annoying me I will burn your goddamn house down."
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@boomzilla Reads like they should add my father's favourite - 'Whatever's left over'.
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Our almost four year old has recently become fascinated with keys and locks and such, which is cute and all but has its pitfalls. I don't care how cute he is, if I shit myself because he locked all the bathroom doors and I can't find something to unlock it in time, I am going to beat him. Last night I made buffalo wings and this morning was a photo finish.
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@Polygeekery
There's always the fallback plan: https://www.amazon.com/Depend-Men-Underwear-Gray-Count/dp/B00900M7VQ
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@izzion I can't adequately beat him with those. Not dense enough.
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@Polygeekery
Use them for beating after use ...
Also: wear them in drag
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Yesterday I take the oldest for a haircut. He sits down in the chair and the lady is asking me what sort of haircut to do, etc. Then:
"I can't cut his hair, he has a bug in it."
Well shit, I am immediately imagining all the work involved in lice shampoo and cleaning bedding and stuffed animals and all the associated bullshit. I take a look.
"Ma'am, that's not a bug."
"It's moving."
"You have a comb in his hair, you're moving it."
"That's a bug."
"It is not a bug."-picks it out of his hair-
"It's a piece of a leaf."
"It was moving."
"I promise you, it is not a bug, and it is not moving anymore."
"Let me ask the manager."Other "That's not a bug. It looks like a little piece of dried leaf, and is definitely not a bug."
Bottom line: It was not a bug, and we don't have to clean everything for lice, but I may need to find a new person to cut the boy's hair because this woman is a moron.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I may need to find a new person to cut the boy's hair
Maybe she just didn't want to cut a kid's hair and took the ... um ... stupid way out.
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@dcon said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I may need to find a new person to cut the boy's hair
Maybe she just didn't want to cut a kid's hair and took the ... um ... stupid way out.
That is not an impossibility.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
this woman is a moron.
Are you sure you aren't insulting morons everywhere?
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@PleegWat said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Are you sure you aren't insulting morons everywhere?
Possibly, but they are too dumb to notice so it is fine.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
this woman is a
moronhairdresser.
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Another good one from this last weekend:
Sunday we had a big day. We went to an outdoor historical museum place where everything is as it was in the 1800's. Tons of stuff for the kids to do. By the time we left we were all exhausted so instead of making dinner when we got home we decided to go get Mexican food. Lil'Dude barely made it through without losing his mind. By the end of it he had the look of a possessed child and was terrorizing everything within reach.
On the way out the kids see the gum ball dispenser. Overall they had a pretty good day, so we say yes. First gum ball to come out is white, and our oldest says he doesn't want it, Lil'Dude agrees. Next up is a blue gum ball, and they both want it, for some reason. I mean, it is not as though they are different flavors, and as soon as you start chewing it you cannot tell what color it was anyway. But an argument erupts. We shuffle them off to the car.
Back and forth.
"I want the blue one!"
"No! My want the blue one!!"I get tired of the arguing, and I was not about to plunk $5 in quarters in the goddamn machine in hopes of getting another blue one. So I come up with what I thought was a great idea: Neither of them can have the blue one until one of them decides to take the white gum ball. It seemed like a genius plan, and a good way to teach them a lesson.
Yeah, it might have been a good life lesson, if they were not both tired and cranky and irritable. But they were. So it was just more bickering and arguing.
"I want the blue one!"
"No! My want the blue one!!"On, and on, and on, and on. But we did not give in. My wife remarks:
"This is a good learning experience for them."
Being a big nerd, all I could think was:
"Well...haven't I just created the perfect example of a real life deadlock problem?"
Eventually,
"My take the white one."
....and the deadlock cleared. The algorithm needs some work in order to keep my blood pressure down.
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@Polygeekery
Poor Lil' Dude, always having to surrender to the realities of birth order.
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@izzion the reality is just that he is more reasonable. Our oldest is bullheaded and once he gets set on something there is no budging until he sleeps and his brain resets the syslocks. It infuriates me...because he gets that shit from me.
Of course, Lil'Dude is a total shit stirrer and is constantly causing issues between other kids in the class via the toddler version of social engineering, and he totally gets that from me. Plus, he is always negotiating.
"I want.... -holds up three fingers- ...four waffles."
"I don't think so. You can have one waffle, and if you eat that then you can have another one."
"Hmmmmm....how aboooouuuuut.... -holds up four fingers- ....I want seven waffles."
"How about no waffles?"
"Two waffles?"
"Whatever dude, two waffles, but you better eat them."Moments later, the dogs steal the waffles.
Maybe he always wants so many because he is close to the ground and after the dogs steal two waffles each he still has something to eat?
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
the reality is just that he is more reasonable.
I think that's common with second children. The oldest gets a combination of undivided attention and inexperienced parents, by the second you've chilled out and have to ignore them sometimes if they're crying or whatever because the older child needs your time as well, so they learn to sort things out for themselves a bit more.
My story for this week: my daughter came up to me yesterday and said she was thirsty. I couldn't resist the classic dad joke "hi thirsty, I'm daddy"
Cue an extremely furrowed brow, like I'd hit her with the world's hardest brain teaser, a sideways look and a confused "I don't understand"
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I think that's common with second children. The oldest gets a combination of undivided attention and inexperienced parents, by the second you've chilled out and have to ignore them sometimes if they're crying or whatever because the older child needs your time as well, so they learn to sort things out for themselves a bit more.
I wouldn't go that far. It is more like: "The oldest got my ADHD and his mother's emotional nature, so everything is a goddamn crisis to him". Couple that with Lil'Dude having zero fucks to give and he is just more reasonable about stuff.
And I meant that about Lil'Dude having zero fucks to give. He definitely got that from me. I remember a year or so ago we were doing the timeout thing with him. He had just caused some manner of chaos, I pulled a chair to the middle of the kitchen and sat him down on it and started a timer. We always do one minute per year of age. I believe he was 3 when this happened. So, the three minutes are up, timer goes off.
"Ok buddy, time out is done. You can get up now."
-walks over to timer, restarts it, sits back down and just fucking stares at me-Without saying a word he had said:
"Fuck you dad, I will tell you when time out is done."
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I'm a fan of "if you don't do X by the time I count to 10, you will get consequence Y". My daughter has tested this a few times but now knows I don't bluff. If I say you're going straight to bed with no story, that's what happens.
That doesn't mean she doesn't push the boundaries. If she has to the count of 10 to finish her dinner or whatever, she'll make sure she finishes between 9 and 10. I will slow down if she's making a good faith effort, but if she's just taking the piss it goes to 10 and she gets the consequence.
As a very laid back guy, it's been a bit of a learning curve for me getting the voice right so I actually sound annoyed even if I'm telling one of them off for something that's actually hilarious
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I'm a fan of "if you don't do X by the time I count to 10, you will get consequence Y". My daughter has tested this a few times but now knows I don't bluff. If I say you're going straight to bed with no story, that's what happens.
My parents were never a fan of counting down until consequences. Obedience meant doing what they said when they said it. Delaying without a good reason was disobedience. Misunderstanding the instructions got a clarification, but usually only once, because we had to repeat it back to them.
That's not to say that the consequences were immediately dished out. It did mean we had to go sit on their bed and wait for a bit β not ours, because then we would have to think about what we did wrong, we couldn't distract ourselves with the toys in our own room, and we'd dread the impending "discussion" (and I later learned so that Mama or Daddy could have a chance to cool down so they weren't acting in uncontrolled anger).
Their purpose was to break down our wills so that we would submit to authority. (Side note: breaking a stubborn will leads to submission; breaking down the spirit leads to depression. They were pretty careful to maintain the distinction.)
The reason for that was that it helped avoid this:
That doesn't mean she doesn't push the boundaries. If she has to the count of 10 to finish her dinner or whatever, she'll make sure she finishes between 9 and 10. I will slow down if she's making a good faith effort, but if she's just taking the piss it goes to 10 and she gets the consequence.
It's usually pretty easy to tell the difference between pushing a boundary (stubbornness) and making a good-faith effort (submission), and prompt punishment prevents pride. I am trying to follow their philosophy as I raise my own kids.
As a very laid back guy, it's been a bit of a learning curve for me getting the voice right so I actually sound annoyed even if I'm telling one of them off for something that's actually hilarious
This is perhaps the hardest part of raising children.
It might help to think about what the kid would be like in 20 years if they kept up this behavior.
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@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Their purpose was to break down our wills so that we would submit to authority
That sounds terrifying and is definitely not what I want. I want my kids to respect authority but know when to push back against it
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@Jaloopa While parenthood is not a democracy it also shouldn't be tyranny, yes.
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@Rhywden best thing my dad ever taught me was not to obey him. I said in my eulogy at his funeral that the mark of his parenting was that rather than wanting to be just like him, I want to be my own man
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@Jaloopa Yeah, but that's something you can teach only when they're a bit older. When they're younger they'd happily wander out into a blizzard wearing only a t-shirt if you let them (granted, they won't be happy for long but that's not the point )
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Their purpose was to break down our wills so that we would submit to authority
That sounds terrifying and is definitely not what I want. I want my kids to respect authority but know when to push back against it
People (including kids) rather easily push back against authority, because of their selfish pride that they think they're the center of the universe. It's a more pressing need that they learn to submit to appropriate authorities. Teach them to submit to authority, then teach them that sometimes an authority should be disregarded if in the pursuit of obedience to a higher authority.
Also, I think you might be confusing breaking their will with breaking their spirit. The former is the basis for any sort of training. It's obvious when training animals, like breaking horses to ride. The trainer has to break the horse's will without breaking its spirit. Kids are much the same.
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@Rhywden said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Jaloopa While parenthood is not a democracy it also shouldn't be tyranny, yes.
It definitely starts out as a tyranny. The younger the child, the less able they are to deal with responsibility. The older and more mature they get, the more responsibility and freedom they can handle.
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@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
It definitely starts out as a tyranny. The younger the child, the less able they are to deal with responsibility. The older and more mature they get, the more responsibility and freedom they can handle.
Not really. I have found it much more productive to lead and to teach them why they must do something versus just telling them to do it "Because I said so". Even at very young ages kids can start to grasp the concept of "Do X and Y will happen. Y is bad, so don't do X."
Tyranny results in them blindly doing what you tell them, without question. It creates an automaton that cannot make decisions and falters when lacking instruction or authority to look to.
I have managed people pretty much my entire life and it is always better to teach why things are done than to just tell them what to do.
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@Polygeekery Yeah, once they start learning to talk (or so), the tyranny wanes and explanation becomes more feasible. But sometimes (hopefully rarely) you do just have to tell them, "Because I said so."
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@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
But sometimes (hopefully rarely) you do just have to tell them, "Because I said so."
That has literally never worked with my kids and I still remember as a kid how it pissed me off.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I'm a fan of "if you don't do X by the time I count to 10, you will get consequence Y". My daughter has tested this a few times but now knows I don't bluff. If I say you're going straight to bed with no story, that's what happens.
That doesn't mean she doesn't push the boundaries. If she has to the count of 10 to finish her dinner or whatever, she'll make sure she finishes between 9 and 10. I will slow down if she's making a good faith effort, but if she's just taking the piss it goes to 10 and she gets the consequence.
As a very laid back guy, it's been a bit of a learning curve for me getting the voice right so I actually sound annoyed even if I'm telling one of them off for something that's actually hilarious
I basically say "one..." with a tone.
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Their purpose was to break down our wills so that we would submit to authority
That sounds terrifying and is definitely not what I want. I want my kids to respect authority but know when to push back against it
I've been explaining that adults are not always right, including Mom and Dad but if you think we are wrong...you do it with respect.
One of my older kids said to me when he was a teenager (remember I'm the step mother) that he was surprised by my reaction to whatever the situation was because he considered me his fairest parent. Now it's possible he used that on all of us, but having gotten passed all that, I'm pretty sure that not to be the case.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I still remember as a kid how it pissed me off.
This.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@djls45 said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
But sometimes (hopefully rarely) you do just have to tell them, "Because I said so."
That has literally never worked with my kids and I still remember as a kid how it pissed me off.
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I still remember as a kid how it pissed me off.
This.
Sure, it often isn't the best way to engender obedience, but there are times when there isn't enough time to explain why they should obey, so immediate obedience is necessary, and the explanation needs to wait until later.
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
adults are not always right, including Mom and Dad but if you think we are wrong...you do it with respect.
Yes, exactly!
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@Jaloopa said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
My story for this week: my daughter came up to me yesterday and said she was thirsty. I couldn't resist the classic dad joke "hi thirsty, I'm daddy"
Cue an extremely furrowed brow, like I'd hit her with the world's hardest brain teaser, a sideways look and a confused "I don't understand"I just remembered the funniest example of me making that joke.
"I'm thirsty."
"Nice to meet you thirsty. I'm dad."
-long pause- "Cut the crap, do you have anything to drink or not?"The delivery was perfect, even if the wording was less than ideal for a seven year old.
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@Polygeekery that is exactly one of those situations where I'd know I should be looking stern and angry but would struggle just to keep a straight face
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Moments ago the wife is talking to the almost 8 year old about how he needs to be tying his shoes on his own. She tells him that before long we won't be able to buy him shoes with Velcro closures.
"But grandpa has Velcro shoes."
The kid has a point. It is also amazing how much kids and senior citizens have in common.
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@Polygeekery
I would be very tempted to get shoes with Velcro myself if they were something readily available at ye olde standard shoe shop
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@izzion only two of my pairs of shoes tie. The others are flip flops or slip on. And of the ones that tie, I leave the tennis shoes tied and just slip them on 90% of the time. Only the fancy dress shoes (which aren't worn much) get tied every time.
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@Benjamin-Hall
Only two of my pairs of shoes tie as well.(And I donβt really count my sandal shoes as a third pair, since I canβt wear them year round or to work)
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