📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™
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Via the contact form on my personal website:
Hello,
My name is NAME. May I kindly ask you if I can advertise in your website please? I need more visitor in my website. If you can, I will pay you 310$ monthly or we can discuss about the price.
please check my website [redacted] and see if you like it maybe?
Thank you for your time!
Best regards,
Nroxy TeamAdvertising
My two favourite parts:
My name is NAME
Not $NAME or %NAME%, which makes me think this is a mechanical-Turk-style human spammer rather than a bot. Their employer said the message should start with "My name is NAME", so that's what I got.
I will pay you 310$ monthly
They could have promised a gazillion dollars per month, but $310 is apparently their "plausible" amount for the ~1 impressions per month which they'd get from me.
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... Uh-huh....
???You almost had me there!
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@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
I don't know of any way to escape emoji, unfortunately.
If you find out please do share. The fucking things are everywhere! There's even a movie coming FFS!
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Yay for old Google logo (it's centred in the original message)!
But that's not interesting, for that we need to view the source. See, I didn't know GMail will actually disable links in spam (I just don't poke around my spam enough to have noticed) so I went to see how they fucked up the links (I actually just wanted to see what URL they go to on hover). And I find this:
Don't want occasional updates about Google activity? <a shocker='shakespearian' style="color:#245dc1;text-decoration:none;" href="http://muteber.com/secrets.php">Change</a> what email Google Team sends you.
Personally, I'd go for
shocker="shatnerian"
but hey, I'm not as sophisticated as today's phishers are.
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Your CSS is showing guys. No, switching to HTML mode didn't help.
Also, why the fuck is a national-level TV station emailing me to tell me I can watch shit on their website? Are they that desperate for ad money? Yes, it is them from what I see, all links seem legit.
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@Onyx You have a Halo cooking show in ?
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@aliceif Yes. They have to fend off angry goat as they are cooking.
Bah. I wish. That might actually be entertaining.
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"Hi there!
Your site>Some site you commented on at some point in the past had a broken link in a post 8 years ago. Here's a couple of random links you can replace it with, if you want."
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@FrostCat What kind of asshole reports a broken link that old??
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@Boner said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
What kind of asshole reports a broken link that old??
A spammer looking to get links, I assume.
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@ben_lubar Now that is curious; the email address in the body and the name at the top of the message seem to match. Have the spammers stopped being quite as knuckle-draggingly dumb as they used to be?
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@dkf said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@ben_lubar Now that is curious; the email address in the body and the name at the top of the message seem to match. Have the spammers stopped being quite as knuckle-draggingly dumb as they used to be?
It was sent by cuong44110@yahoo.de
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@Boner said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
What kind of asshole reports a broken link that old??
An @fbmac sockpuppet?
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Oh Emma, Emma, I knew you'll notice me someday.
Filed under: brb, as soon as I find that cheap Viagra offer
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Some woman named Selena in my area is sending a legion of camwhores after me. I'm beginning to wonder if I accidentally her turf or something.
Hello there! What are you doing? Did you know Selena (Her Twitter is: @selenaxxxusaxxx)? She said to me that I live close to you! Selena is manager of our 18+ team. Do you want to view my live sex webcam? If so, please go directly to [link snipped] or go to [url snipped] and request Selena to add you to my private webcam, you could add her on Snapchat: selenaxxxusa, she is a cam girl too and live in USA. All's 100 % free! My nick there is sexylady004. If you intend to meet me and have sex with me, make sure you take my contact information while in my live webcam chat. In case you are not staying near me, no need to worry, Let me introduce you to many girls who are living close to you. I have a group of a lot of young ladies throughout the world. Feel free to be part of our 18+ group. Expect to see you shortly
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@Yamikuronue said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
All's 100 % free!
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Imgur is being hit by a spam wave, and apparently they are just mixing random words and hoping something will stick.
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From today's ThinkGeek
spamvery welcome advertising email:Spam, eggs, sausage, and Spam
... we're here to talk to you about Spam. The luncheon meat came onto the marketplace 79 years ago today. And without that, the world never would have been graced with Monty Python's Spam sketch. Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...Happy anniversary, Spam®.
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@anonymous234 I'd say there's a significant non-random bias in their choice of words.
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@anotherusername The nouns are obviously from a dictionary, but the grammar is @translator material. I am a young and hot what?
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@anonymous234 said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@anotherusername The nouns are obviously from a dictionary, but the grammar is @translator material. I am a young and hot what?
They are a young and hot http imgur com gallery
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And I was just ready to write up all Nigerians as bad people...
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@anotherusername Well at least he kept his name consistent, caps lock and everything!
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@anotherusername said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
And I was just ready to write up all Nigerians as bad people...
Maybe it's just how many Saturday morning cartoons I watched as a kid, but I don't think I'd trust Mr Magu.
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Received this:
Hi,
I hope you don't mind me reaching out.
Actually I do.
My name is Price – I'm with F.E.P Search Group, an executive search firm for leading Food and Beverage companies across North America. I came across your resume (not sure how old it is) in our system database and thought I'd connect regarding a position.
We are presently recruiting for an urgent requirement of a National Account Manager for a home based position.
Why TF would you have my resume in your database then?
The ideal candidate for this role would be someone who has sold ingredients to pharmaceuticals, nutraceuticals or healthcare companies. Please go through the below link for the full description:
link
If this opportunity sounds like something that might fit with your current career goals, would you mind forwarding me a copy of your most recent resume and answering below qualifying questions?
Question: 1 What type of nutritional supplement and/or pharmaceutical ingredients have you sold in the last 5 years?
Question: 2 What type of companies did you sell them to?
Question: 3 What where you sales for 2015, 2014, 2013, what were your goals and did you achieve them?
Thanks & Best Regards, Price D. Executive Recruiter F.E.P. Search Group, a Division of Sterling-Hoffman Executive Search Email: email Web: url
Have you seen the food & beverage industry's No 1 Career Site? url
Blah blah
Even tries to be CAN-SPAM compliant with an unsubscribe and an address.
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@Karla said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Why TF would you have my resume in your database then?
"Their database" means "the databases of linkedin, dice, monster, and everyone any of those have sold your information to" - they seem to go after anyone in desperation, hoping that if they spread the web large enough, someone might respond.
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@Magus said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@Karla said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Why TF would you have my resume in your database then?
"Their database" means "the databases of linkedin, dice, monster, and everyone any of those have sold your information to" - they seem to go after anyone in desperation, hoping that if they spread the web large enough, someone might respond.
I know.
I had someone attempt to connect with me on linkedin basically plagiarizing my experience. The just changed the order and the durations. Dates didn't make sense with technologies. Copied at least 4 different jobs.
And sadly they had some common connections. Some employees from my former companies fell for it.
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@anotherusername said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
And I was just ready to write up all Nigerians as bad people...
"Per-adventure"?
Huh, TIL.
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/peradventure said:
noun
- chance, doubt, or uncertainty.
- surmise.
adverb
3. Archaic. it may be; maybe; possibly; perhaps.Same as perchance, basically.
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Status: Signed into Chrome, forgot to disable a few extensions, was reading Spam and had to double-take before I realized what happened:
Hay,
Get into action! Google's top page is waiting for you! Are you wasting your
time on conventional SEO?The New Age Performance SEO is here. Forget about investing bits for your
SEO efforts. It's time to THINK DIFFERENT.Intrigued?
Give us a hoof and let us take you to your destination, i.e., Top of Search
Results.Who are we?
We are ResultFirst, a 10-year-old company that has never fallen short of
success stories to tell. Our unique SEO model attracts customers from all
geographies of the world, and we are proud to cater to the needs of every
type of business belonging to whichever industry, scale, or region.What we do?
We do "Pay-For-Performance SEO." You are the boss here! You get to pay only
when we rank your keywords on top searches.Yes, you heard it right!
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No monthly fee / No contractual payout
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FREE website analysis report.
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Dedicated 24*7 support.
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Only one time set up fee
Why us?
We are a bad business. We don't know how to earn. We believe in delivering
results and helping businesses grow. Our goal is YOUR SUCCESS.Trust us, dropping a reply won't cost you a bit! We help everypony who calls
up and we give a FREE website analysis report to every caller.Wanna give us a shot? Just reply to this email with your contact number and
an expert will call you up.Warm Regards,
Cathie Den
Marketing Manager
ResultFirst Inc.Head Office: San Jose, CA 95120
In case you are NOT INTERESTED, reply with "UNSUBSCRIBE" and you will be
removed from our database within 2 business days, don't worry!
Filed under: Thanks, Markdumb, for interpreting that as code. That's totally what I wanted...
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Consider selling your kidney as an Option. If you wish to sell your
kidney today. Message us immediately. A kidney is bought for
$50,000.00 - $300,000.00 US Dollars. The National foundation is
currently buying healthy kidney. My name is Doctor Gregory L. Kuhs, am a
Nephrologist in the kidney National hospital. Our Hospital is
specialized in Kidney Surgery and we also deal with buying and
transplantation of kidneys with a living an corresponding donor. We
are located in Indian, China, Canada, UK, Turkey, Nigeria, USA,
Malaysia, Zambia etc. If you are interested in selling or buying
kidney’s please don’t hesitate to contact us via Email
[REDACTED]Waiting for your responds....
Best Regards....
This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software.
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@Greybeard said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software.
Well obviously there are no viruses, we're talking about a Nephrologist in the kidney National hospital!
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@Tsaukpaetra said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Trust us, dropping a reply won't cost you a bit! We help everypony who calls
up and we give a FREE website analysis report to every caller.Not sure if they have a pony PR person or you just modified the e-mail...
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@Tsaukpaetra said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
The New Age Performance SEO is here.
They help your page rank using the vibratory energy of crystals, and promote it on higher planes?
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@Onyx said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
vibratory energy
yeah ... that's know to bring people to their highest
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@Luhmann said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@Onyx said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
vibratory energy
yeah ... that's know to bring people to their highest
you had my curiosity, now you have my attention.
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@JBert said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Not sure if they have a pony PR person or you just modified the e-mail...
Read his post again.
Think about it.
Spend a few minutes.
Thank about it some more.
You got it?
Ok now read it one more time to confirm that you get the joke.
Now you can laugh.
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@blakeyrat said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Thank about it some more.
Your job is thankless.
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The imgur spam has gotten worse... and weirder
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@ben_lubar said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
Thanks! Now I know 20 addresses that aren't you...
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@Tsaukpaetra nope, it doesn't do anything special to your own name in the list of addressees.
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@anotherusername said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@Tsaukpaetra nope, it doesn't do anything special to your own name in the list of addressees.
I must be special.
Either that, or I added myself to my contact list as "me".
...
Oh, right, not "me" but "Myself".
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@Tsaukpaetra okay, you know the first 10 of the addresses aren't him. It doesn't do anything special to your name in the dropdown though.
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@anotherusername said in 📧 The Official Spam Emails Thread™:
@Tsaukpaetra okay, you know the first 10 of the addresses aren't him.
Still, social engineering edicts say that every piece of information counts! ;)
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You tried
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Did you forget to say yes to a healthier you?
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Misterr Ben died apparently and I have to go to Cambodia to pick up his $7.50.
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@ben_lubar Which raises the question - why did your parents name you "Lubar"? Who does that?!?
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