π The Evil Ideas thread
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@Arantor said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@HardwareGeek you and I are on a very aligned wavelength.
Seems nothing will phase you.
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@Arantor said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Benjamin-Hall as a staunch Brit, I have no words for this travesty.
"Infusion"
Edit: , of course.
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@Gribnit said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
Eternal Cricket
Maybe like a 13Khz piezo, chirp for a very short time, then random sleep for anywhere from a day to a year, rinse repeat, on an isotope battery. Should end up about the size of a bottlecap, or less, these get easier and easier to miniaturize. Generations of fun for whole families.
Coupled with a light sensor: when ever you switch off the lights, the thing gets activated. When you switch on the lights in order to search for it, it will stay silent.
Place it in ****'s bedroom.
Have fun!
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@HardwareGeek said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
And if you don't like the word "tisane", call it an herbal infusion or herbal beverage or whatever; just don't call it tea
or call it
AufguΓgetrΓ€nk
. Prost!
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@HardwareGeek You're right. It should be
HeiΓaufguΓgetrΓ€nk
.
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@BernieTheBernie Now I feel like making a batch of gluhwein and it's nothing like the right kind of weather for that.
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@boomzilla said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
That's probably more evil to the employees than the employer. (But there's still plenty of evil to go around.) You just know that some of the employees' time-off requests are going to be revoked while they're in the middle of their holiday.
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@PotatoEngineer said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
You just know that some of the employees' time-off requests are going to be revoked while they're in the middle of their holiday.
: Why didn't you return to work???
: You know I don't look at email when I'm on vacation.
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@dcon One of the reasons I won't do business with (much less work for) Amazon is employees getting angry 03:00 phone calls because they haven't responded to emails sent at 02:00 and getting disciplinary action because the place they went on vacation didn't have a good enough internet connection to work remotely.
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@dcon said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@PotatoEngineer said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
You just know that some of the employees' time-off requests are going to be revoked while they're in the middle of their holiday.
: Why didn't you return to work???
: You know I don't look at email when I'm on vacation.Yeah, but you know they're going to start texting and calling shortly afterward. Mind you, I'm assuming this is retail, or restaurant, or call center, or some other low-wage job with coverage requirements where management invasiveness and head-up-assedness tends to be higher.
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As a note, I pulled the "you turned in your homework?" gag on a student that didn't even have one of my classes. It was incredibly amusing (in a sadistic way) to watch her stumble, panic, and then realize that it wasn't actually a thing.
Or the old "ready for your test today?" when they walk in the door. Even if they know better, it still causes their heart rate to go through the roof and panic to set it.
Yes, I'm evil and a troll at heart.
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@Benjamin-Hall said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
As a note, I pulled the "you turned in your homework?" gag on a student that didn't even have one of my classes. It was incredibly amusing (in a sadistic way) to watch her stumble, panic, and then realize that it wasn't actually a thing.
Or the old "ready for your test today?" when they walk in the door. Even if they know better, it still causes their heart rate to go through the roof and panic to set it.
Yes, I'm evil and a troll at heart.
And I just think that's mean. Probably because I would react just as you want.
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@Karla said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Benjamin-Hall said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
As a note, I pulled the "you turned in your homework?" gag on a student that didn't even have one of my classes. It was incredibly amusing (in a sadistic way) to watch her stumble, panic, and then realize that it wasn't actually a thing.
Or the old "ready for your test today?" when they walk in the door. Even if they know better, it still causes their heart rate to go through the roof and panic to set it.
Yes, I'm evil and a troll at heart.
And I just think that's mean. Probably because I would react just as you want.
The best part about kids is that they react so well to button presses. I tried to only do it to people who could take it--the super fragile, super serious kids got a lighter touch.
Another favorite thing was to stand at the front of the class as they were coming in with a sheaf of papers held (visibly) behind my back, as if I were holding a test. And wait until someone noticed and started freaking out.
Or put blank pieces of paper on their desks, as if for a pop quiz. Although that actually was a real quiz several times. Gotta keep them on their toes so they don't get complacent.
Or there was the day we had a "bring your pet to work day" (a bad idea, FYI). I don't have an animal. But I do have one of those big Russian fur hats, and brought it that day. So when someone asked "where's your dog", I could say "I used to have a dog, but she was disobedient. So I had her turned into something useful." And with that, put on the hat. Oh, the glares I got. It was great.
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@Benjamin-Hall said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Karla said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Benjamin-Hall said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
As a note, I pulled the "you turned in your homework?" gag on a student that didn't even have one of my classes. It was incredibly amusing (in a sadistic way) to watch her stumble, panic, and then realize that it wasn't actually a thing.
Or the old "ready for your test today?" when they walk in the door. Even if they know better, it still causes their heart rate to go through the roof and panic to set it.
Yes, I'm evil and a troll at heart.
And I just think that's mean. Probably because I would react just as you want.
The best part about kids is that they react so well to button presses. I tried to only do it to people who could take it--the super fragile, super serious kids got a lighter touch.
See I don't think I would come off as a super fragile, super serious kid.
I was probably super serious throughout elementary and middle school. Very rule following, teacher's pet type.
If I did react, I would probably run to the bathroom or something to hid my reaction.
I never liked to appear weak.
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@Benjamin-Hall said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
Or the old "ready for your test today?" when they walk in the door. Even if they know better, it still causes their heart rate to go through the roof and panic to set it.
I remember my math teacher in, uh, let's call it first year of university. She was very good
butand did a lot of awful puns and some practical jokes.Like almost every time we were solving a problem and had to switch to polar coordinates, she'd quip something like "I can feel the mood of the room becoming glacial..."
She also was pretty meticulous and liked to write and present stuff very carefully on the blackboard, using different colours, underlining or framing stuff. She even managed to do free-hand italics/bold, by holding the chalk differently.
So one day during a boring lecture, she was underlining something, her face to the blackboard, and against the background hum of the class being bored, she softly says "this [slightly wavy] line is the ECG of the classroom now, and this [suddenly pulling the chalk in a huge spike across the whole board] is the ECG as I'm announcing a surprise test" and then she finished her wavy line without any comment.
In retrospect, it must have been hugely fun to witness. There was a wave of silence/shock/whispers as those who had actually listened to her realised and passed on the message, before she turned to the room with a big grin and we all understood it was a joke.
She also kept that spike across the whole board for as long as she kept the rest of the board, writing across it when she came to it as if it wasn't there, and generally not admitting in any way that she had done anything weird.
Yes, I'm evil and a troll at heart.
Aren't you more like a froghemot? Or is it a froghemot with a troll's heart?
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@remi said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
froghemot
No making up words, Frenchie. And it's not a word until we've stolen it.
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@da-Doctah There's also scouring milk. Over here in Germany, this actually passed. Only animal secretions may now be called "milk" (except for scouring milk, of course). Oh, and a "Schnitzel" may only be made of meat (of course, the term actually means the type of cut and not what is actually cut).
As a result, I'm now regularly buying "Not Milk".
Of course, said politicians also were unable to answer the question why "LeberkΓ€se" (roughly: liver cheese) is a valid name when it contains neither liver nor cheese.
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That got me wondering, what if Amazon sold hitman services? I could picture Amazon offering dozens of cartel sicarios, each with scores of contradictory reviews, for widely varying prices that fluctuate hourly according to an ingenious algorithm drawn up by Amazonβs Ph.D. economists (but might just be a random number generator for all anybody can tell).
In contrast, for $49,999, Costco would offer a name brand Blackwater hitman, alternating every three weeks with Black Cube and Wagner Group. Costcoβs Kirkland store brand trigger-puller for $44,999 would come with no information as to his providence, but heβd be guaranteed to hold the French Foreign Legionβs highest award for marksmanship.
Walmart would offer a cashiered corporal from the Myanmar Army with a .22 pistol for $3,499.
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@boomzilla said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
Walmart would offer a cashiered corporal from the Myanmar Army with a .22 pistol for $3,499.
(ammo not included)
also tags not closed
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Grow filamentous fungus into pink slime to add back "texture", and call it ReMeat.
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As an upgrade to the Shoa or Infernal Machine, the "total absence of God", I propose the Infernal Product - "the artificial scarcity of God".
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@GOG said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Luhmann said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
also tags not closed
Hey ... this is the evil idea's thread ...
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@Luhmann Fair.
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@Luhmann said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
the evil idea's thread
Which evil idea does the thread belong to?
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@HardwareGeek said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Luhmann said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
the evil idea's thread
Which evil idea does the thread belong to?
It belongs to itself, and since it is self-contained, that's fine.
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@Gribnit said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@HardwareGeek said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Luhmann said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
the evil idea's thread
Which evil idea does the thread belong to?
It belongs to itself, and since it is self-contained, that's fine.
SCP-
[REDACTED]
is not considered self contained because you know of it. Prepare for cleansing.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Gribnit said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@HardwareGeek said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Luhmann said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
the evil idea's thread
Which evil idea does the thread belong to?
It belongs to itself, and since it is self-contained, that's fine.
SCP-
[REDACTED]
is not considered self contained because you know of it. Prepare for cleansing.IA! Vvater esculpapememeamus!
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I can't believe he would waste so much potential storage space!
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@boomzilla Yeah, the previous attempt we had in this thread at least hid it in a cabinet where drawers wouldn't fit anyway, this just seems excessive.
(Also, that attempt went to more effort to imitate shriveled skin and caked on blood, bless them.)
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@boomzilla said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
I can't believe he would waste so much potential storage space!
In NYC that could be a half-bath. Placing it in the kitchen means little extra plumbing.
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@boomzilla reminds me of our proxy layer
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@boomzilla Wear your grudge like a crown, of negativity!
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London has the Shard, Beirut has the Shim.
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@ixvedeusi
Only if you calculate what we will or will not tolerate
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@Luhmann said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@ixvedeusi
Only if you calculate what we will or will not tolerateDesperate to control all and everything, are we?
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@JBert said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
TBH, I'm surprised his heart didn't explode from running 2km at top speeds.
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@izzion said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@JBert said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
TBH, I'm surprised his heart didn't explode from running 2km at top speeds.
And that the
tigerdog chased him the whole way.
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@Watson Dogs like going for a good run!
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@dkf said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Watson Dogs like going for a good run!
And, a rhinoceros' or Irishman's heart will* explode from sustained running.
*assuming initial baseline inebriation but without addition of alcohol. If given drink, they can run forever.
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@kazitor said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@Arantor said in π The Evil Ideas thread:
@HardwareGeek you and I are on a very aligned wavelength.
Seems nothing will phase you.
Multiply his inputs by -1!
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@Gribnit -1 + 3i, please!