The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!)
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Paging @Groaner, because that's what these are.
The other day, I was at a math talk where the speaker was talking about functions whose first derivative was always positive or negative. As much as I tried to get into it, it was all so monotonic.
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Wenn ist das Nunstueck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiderhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
For the non-Python fans:
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Why was the brownian ratchet sad? Couldn't produce net twerk.
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A termite walks into a bar and asks "where is the bar tender?"
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I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning. The man getting served in front of me asked for a mocha.
"Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas."
The guy was fuming. "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!" he raged. "I'll just have to have a latte!" He went and sat down.
I went to the counter and said, "I'll have a large latte too, please."
They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.
So I told them my name was Mocha.
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that is evil!
i like it!
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Dave Gorman did a thing on Modern Life is Goodish about over familiarity at coffee shops where he did things like that, or just made up drinks or used drinks like "Rum and coke" and gave them as his name.
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That reminds me of the one where the person complains about the idiots at Starbucks getting their order wrong, “and they got my name wrong too".
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Something for the brits:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor.
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<I'd tell you a TolkeinRing joke, but. ...>
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Robber: your money or your life.
Guy: Sorry, I'm a software developer.
Robber: so?
Guy: I have neither money nor life.One for Spanish:
- Mamá, ¿qué haces en frente de la computadora con los ojos cerrados?
- Nada, hijo, es que Windows me dijo que cerrara las pestañas...
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If the correct answer is 50%, you'll have a 25% chance of being right.
If the correct answer is 25%, you'll have a 50% chance of being right.
If the correct answer is 60%, you'll have a 25% chance of being right.Therefore, you have a 0% chance of being right.
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i had one of that sort of question in my stats midterm in college.
i simply write "There is no spoon" next to the options and moved on.
turns out the professor made a mistake in the test (there was supposed to be a correct answer) and ended up striking the question from the test proper, but gave us 3 bonus points if you had indicated that you had recognized that there was no correct answer.
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i simply write "There is no spoon" next to the options and moved on.
turns out the professor made a mistake in the test (there was supposed to be a correct answer) and ended up striking the question from the test proper, but gave us 3 bonus points if you had indicated that you had recognized that there was no correct answer.
I had that on my first driving test. It was just after the US had instituted a nationwide 55mph speed limit "to conserve fuel" and they hadn't updated the written test forms yet, so 55 wasn't one of the choices (I think the pre-crisis limit was 75). We were told to write what the limit was now and if we felt like it circle what it used to be.
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B is the only one that lays eggs.
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Wasn't there something on Not Always Right about a woman who complained about their order being wrong because each of her two sons got the exact order the other wanted?
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A is the only whose name does not start with a C (in English).
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A is the only one that's not kosher.
D is the only one that won't fit easily into a Chevy Impala's trunk. Alternately, it's the only one not commonly kept in people's homes, if you assume the pig is a pot-belly.
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D is the only one that's a cow.
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Ohh, I've got it! The answer is E, because it's the only one not shown in the graphic.
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what about F then?
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Probably got removed by Jeff.
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D is the only one that won't fit easily into a Chevy Impala's trunk. Alternately, it's the only one not commonly kept in people's homes, if you assume the pig is a pot-belly.
Actually, D is the only one that wasn't involved in my breakfast this morning.
(A is the only one that's male. And B is the only picture that shows more than one thing.)
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A is the only one that's not kosher.
C is kosher? Is kosher/not-kosher a category that applies to non-food (and non-food preparation) things?
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I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure non-edibles aren't considered not-kosher in the same way they're not considered kosher. They're null
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Not
FOOD_NOT_FOUND
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Is kosher/not-kosher a category that applies to non-food (and non-food preparation) things?
Yes. Zip-Loc bags are kosher. There was also a question once on Hollywood Squares about the existence of kosher pencils (they're used by butchers to mark the meat when they cut it).
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Yes. Zip-Loc bags are kosher. There was also a question once on Hollywood Squares about the existence of kosher pencils (they're used by butchers to mark the meat when they cut it).
That makes sense; they're used in the storage or preparation of food. You'd have to keep separate ones for meat and dairy (or in the case of something disposable like Zip-Loc® bags, just dispose of them). But chairs never (intentionally) come in contact with food.
I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure non-edibles aren't considered not-kosher in the same way they're not considered kosher. They're null
That makes sense, and is what I would have assumed. But thenA is the only one that's not kosher.
would be incorrect. C would be neither kosher nor non-kosher.
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So A is the only one that's non-kosher, but not the only one that's not kosher? Makes sense.
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So A is the only one that's non-kosher, but not the only one that's not kosher? Makes sense.
I think so. Also, as I understand it, it's not really accurate to say the animals themselves are kosher. The food from the chicken and cow may be kosher if prepared in accordance with the laws, but not if the laws are violated. For example, the cow can be used for both milk and meat, but not all parts are suitable for meat, and certain procedures must be followed in the preparation of the usable parts to be considered kosher. If you combine the otherwise kosher meat and dairy — even to the extent of cooking one in a pan that has ever been used for the other — the result is not kosher.
However, I'm not Jewish. I understand the basics of the dietary laws, but not all the subtleties.
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I'll just leave this here: #truebugswait
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However, I'm not Jewish. I understand the basics of the dietary laws, but not all the subtleties.
But if you can make a pig kosher, I'll give you a
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A kosher bacon ?
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But if you can make a pig kosher, I'll give you a
i know this one, and i'm not jewish and only have the vaguest knowledge of what kosher is. I do have friends that are jewish and they tell me that:
you cannot make pig kosher. it's one of the set of animals that is unclean by definition.
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No for you then
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Could God make an animal so unclean He Himself could not eat it?
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Could God make an animal so unclean He Himself could not eat it?
hmm.... dunno about him. that's a tricky theological question actually, given that I'm one of those people who do not believe that the judeo-christian God is the creator of the universe...
That does make it a lot harder for me to answer the question actually.
I mean one could say that the answer is no, but as he is not the ultimate creator of the universe that the big was created by the creator of the universe and for some reason she made it unclean to the point that it could not be consumed by the judeo-christian God.
That also raises the interesting question of: does a self proclaimed omnipotent and omniscient being need to eat? and if such a being needs to eat to survive are they omnipotent?
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Related to this?
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do not believe that the judeo-christian God is the creator of the universe
but you believe He/She/It exists? Interesting. Wouldn't that make God a liar? What are the theological implications of that?
self proclaimed omnipotent and omniscient
There is a school of thought that God was one of many angels, Lucifer was another of equal power and they fought a war that God won. Since history is written by the winner, this could easily lead to a self proclaimed God with similar claims to what's seen in the Bible.
Personally, as I've mentioned on here before, I don't believe in any of it but I try not to ram it down people's throats and hope they do the same with their beliefs. Actual discussion is always welcome though
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Related to this?
huh...... now that you mention it....
but you believe He/She/It exists?
it would be more accurate to say that i believe the human concept of such a being exists and i am withholding judgement on whether there is such a being or if it is only the concept.
Likewise i believe that there was a force that created the universe, but i am withholding judgement on the exact nature of that force and whether it is sentient or not. For the sake of simplicity in communicating with others i attach the feminine pronoun to it.
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A kosher bacon ?
That would be awesome. I suppose turkey bacon, or some other monstrous redefinition of "bacon," could be kosher. But real bacon made from pork, no.
you cannot make pig kosher. it's one of the set of animals that is unclean by definition.
This. Other animals that cannot be made kosher are any kind of shellfish or other mollusks (no crab, shrimp, clam chowder or escargot), or pretty much any terrestrial or avian carnivore (free-swimming, scaly fish are ok regardless of diet; sharks and other scaleless fish are not, IIRC).
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Something for the brits:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor Who is not just for Brits.
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But if you can make a pig kosher, I'll give you a :cookie
I've had Halal bacon and sausages before...
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I've had Halal bacon and sausages before...
yes, but you'll notice neither of those animals are a pig.... :-P
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[spoiler] .. ,.. , . .,.. .,.. ,.,, ,,, .., ., , ,,, .,.. ,., .. . ,. .,. .. ,. ,,. .,,, ,,, ,., . ,... .., ,
[/spoiler]FTFY
I can't make it any more invisible.
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Real mathematicians would set up a small corral and define the outside as the inside.
As seen in the second post in this thread ...