The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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What do you call a dog with no legs?It doesn't matter. He won't come when you call him.
Frisca and Fresca, 2 famous Polish scientists, were conducting an experiment with a Frog.
They would say: "Jump! Frog, Jump!"
The Frog would jump 3 feet.
So they cut off the right front leg.
Then they would say: "Jump! Frog, Jump!"
The Frog jumped, but not as far.
So they cut off the left front leg.
Then they would say: "Jump! Frog, Jump!"
The Frog jumped a short somersault.
So they cut off the left rear leg.
Then they would say: "Jump! Frog, Jump!"
The Frog jumped an inch.
So they cut off the right rear leg.
Then they would say: "Jump! Frog, Jump!"
Nothing.
"Jump! Frog, Jump!"
Nothing.
Conclusion they came to: As you cut off each leg, the Frog became progressively deaf.
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After an attempted mugging a few years ago, I started carrying a knife with me.
Since then all my mugging attempts have been successful.
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I was at an important job interview today, and was asked..
"Are you on Facebook?"
"No, I'm not." I replied.
"Are you on Twitter?"
"No."
"Instagram?"
"Nope."
"Look, just put the fucking phone away, will you?"
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",,, Facebook ,,, Twitter ,,, Instagram?"
Some things are just more important than others. Your wife's surgery, you kid's car accident, meh. Facebook/Twitter.Instagram...that we understand.
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I wouldn't know. Never had an account on Facebook, have never been on Instagram (hardly know what it is).
I have a twitter account which I haven't visited in years. I've only followed my sister and two comedy accounts and never posted a single thing.TDWTF is as social as it gets for me.
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TDWTF is as social as it gets for me.
Same here.
But evidently the interviewer thinks those social sites are more important than anything else you might be doing with your phone.
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- It's a joke.
- You should probably excuse yourself if there's really accident or surgery happening.
- Discourse lists still don't respect numbers I input.
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Well, if I totally missed the point, then you'd better whoosh me.
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I don't think you missed the original point, if there ever was one.
On the other hand maybe I missed your point. I'll defer my judgment until I've had my coffee.
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The six elder dragons of Tyria:
- Zhaitan (deceased)
- Mordremoth
- Kralkatorrik
- Primordius
- Jormag
- Steve
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Volcanoes erupt to no good.
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Sorry, (but you left yourself wide open for it)
It shows
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My colleague can no longer attend next week's seminar on innuendo.
Now I have to fill her slot.
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My colleague can no longer attend next week's seminar on innuendo.
Now I have to fill her slot.
I believe innuendo is Italian for colonoscopy.
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Late, but:
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That's not a ton, that's a tonne.
THE COMIC DOES NOT WORK.
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Oooh ... I want a trolling cap!
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I have no idea why that site is blocked for me, but I have to assume it's for my own benefit.
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I have no idea why that site is blocked for me
Blocked here in office because "Adult themes". Was fine in the morning at home.
They tend to block websites if there's any potentially problematic content anywhere.
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They only block useful resources here, i.e. Github and Google Docs.
Oh and I guess inappropriate images.
At least we have Github back :3
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Github and Google Docs
I wouldn't care if they blocked those.
Anyway the whole point of blocking shit for IT specialists is kind of just building feel-good that don't actually do anything useful. HTTPS is obviously not blocked (my company is not that evil to perform some MITM fuckery with certificates), and if the site doesn't have it, you can use SSL proxy.
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TIL my employer of 8 years actually has porn on the blocklist.
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I like how the reply button is disabled while Uploading but ctrl + return still works
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Stop me
for God's sake before I kill againif you've heard this one (you probably have):A guy walks into a tavern. There's a horse tending the bar, and on the counter behind the horse is a goldfish bowl full of 5 dollar bills. The guy asks the man next to him, "What the hell is going on?"
The man says, "We have a contest going. You put a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and if you make the horse laugh, you win all the money!"
The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 5 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, whispers something to the horse, and the horse cracks up. The guy takes all the money out of the bowl and leaves the bar.
A few months later, he walks into the tavern again. The horse is still tending bar, but now the goldfish bowl is filled with 10 dollar bills.
The guy asks, "Well, what's the contest now?"
The same man answers, "You have to make the horse cry!"The guy goes behind the bar, puts a 10 dollar bill in the goldfish bowl, and leads the horse out the back door. A few minutes later, they walk back in and the horse is in tears. The guy takes all the money out of the goldfish bowl, and just as he's walking out, everyone demands that he explain how he did it!
"The first time" he explains, "I told the horse I was hung better than he was. This time I showed it to him!"
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@obeselymorbid said:
You know you live in progressive times when 'transparent' means your mom used to be your dad.
The bad jokes thread is .
My science teacher said he was going to show me his transistor.
Imagine my surprise when a woman with a dick showed up.
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Don't show your "clock" to anyone else.
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A guy is walking alone really late at night. Suddenly, he hears behind him an ominous bump... bump... bump.
He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.
Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run. He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer. Bump... bump... bump.
The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man's horror, it is an upright casket, bumping down the sidewalk.
He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the casket only pursues more quickly. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP!
He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the casket reaches his front steps. He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.
Bump... bump... bump.
There is a moment's silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.
Suddenly... Bump... bump... bump... bump... BUMP! CRASH!He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges. Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the casket races after. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!
Terrified, he backs into a corner in the bathroom and starts frantically looking for something he can use as a weapon but the only thing within his reach is a bottle of cough syrup.
Desperate, he throws it at the casket, [spoiler]and the coffin stops.[/spoiler]
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'd for future Cub Scout campfire story.
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Did you hear about the french feminist programmer with excellent oral hygiene who quit a GPL project because of gender in equality?
She couldn't get elle in FOSS.
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My friends and I reached the point, for a time, of just using 'like camping' when we meant the other word.
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There has been a huge explosion at a French cheese factory.
There was nothing left but the Brie.
In other news, there's was also an explosion in a French warehouse full of floor covering materials.
[spoiler]There was a lot of Linoleum BlownApart[/spoiler].
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In other other news, a French dam also exploded.
Fortunately there wasn't much flood damage because the water was l'eau.
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The terrible jokes thread is....no, wait...
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The terrible jokes thread is....no, wait...
We don't have one of those, just a bad joke thread.
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That's terrible
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That's terrible
I've already started a bunch of long-running threads, why don't you start this one.
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That would encourage them, they would think that they had a safe home environment and be encouraged to settle down and replicate more of them.
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That would encourage them, they would think that they had a safe home environment and be encouraged to settle down and replicate more of them.
Too late!
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There are much worse things going on on this forum than potential terrible jokes threads.
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Much worse than that.
I will not post further on this
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Not...
#Git?