The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!)
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I'm not insane; my hammer told me so!
May I borrow your hammer? I need it to do things. Hammering things.
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May I borrow your hammer?
Hmm… I dunno…
@abarker said:I need it to do things. Hammering things.
…you're not planning to hurt my beloved again, are you?
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…you're not planning to hurt my beloved again, are you?
I promise it shan't be used on anyone you know.
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Hey. No violence in my thread!
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A ruling has been passed.
Sorry, @abarker may not borrow my hammer.
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Hey. No violence in my thread!
I just promised not to use it on anyone that @RaceProUK knows. If I used it in here, that would violate my promise.
I can't believe you think so little of me. :'(
@whiteBox said:
There, there!
@yellowBox said:
It's ok!
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It was a general warning. The reply button below your post was the closest to my mouse pointer.
Also, I snagged post 1000 with my IRC log. Disapointing, really
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Oooh, it's updating. Is this a Discourse version of a movie?
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Oooh, it's updating. Is this a Discourse version of a movie?
You can believe that if it makes you feel better.
@yellowBox said:Oooh! Let's go see a movie! I hear there's a new one about us coming out!
@whiteBox said:It's still in production, moron.
Cool it, you two.
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I need a hammer for my new project: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Time.
It's a web app that reaches out from the screen and punches people in the throat when they post stupid things online.
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It's a web app that reaches out from the screen and punches people in the throat when they post stupid things online.
*slides his chair far away from the screen*
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That's exactly what I need the hammer for! When people try to get away!!
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I need a hammer for my new project: Maxwell's Silver Hammer Time.
It's a web app that reaches out from the screen and punches people in the throat when they post stupid things online.
I was hoping it would involve baggy pants...
Filed under: No, not the guy from Tolkien...
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl-yszPdRTk
Isn't that you, behind his right elbow?
It's hard to tell, without the hat, but I think he's wearing your suit...
You bought a new tie, tho.
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Isn't that you, behind his right elbow?
It's hard to tell, without the hat, but I think he's wearing your suit...
You bought a new tie, tho.There's a reason why I picked this particular recording.
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I promise it shan't be used on anyone you know.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Button,Button(The_Twilight_Zone)#Short_story
In the original short story, the plot is resolved differently. Norma presses the button, and receives the money—after her husband dies in a train incident where Arthur is pushed onto the tracks (the money was the no-fault insurance settlement, which is $50,000 instead of the $200,000 in the Twilight Zone episode). A despondent Norma asks the stranger why her husband was the one who was killed. The stranger replies, "Did you really think you knew your husband?" which leaves the reader questioning what Steward meant.
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Man I miss that show. And Tales from the crypt.
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I like it. How do you plan to monetize it ?
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How do you plan to monetize it ?
By leveraging cloud synergies into effective business outcomes, of course!
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I invented a grammar joke
- "Knock knock"
- "Who's there?"
- "To"
- "To whom?"
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you need to see more sillicon valley
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I prefer the version from here:
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That's rhombic :/
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I was going to eat a nice sandwich made of sirloin beef inside a sesame bun with lettuce and dressing.
But on a whim I've added pickled cucumber. I think I've made a big mac-steak.
I'll show myself out.
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That's rhombic :/
Not really. The curvature of the right side prevents it from being truly parallel with the left side. This lack of parallelism breaks the rhombic mold. Also, the sides never truly meet at the lower left corner as they are separated by the presence of the trunk. Even were that to be discounted, the two sides still wouldn't meet since they are offset in a third dimension. This failure to intersect further destroys your claim of a rhombic shape.
As for the original "Square Root" joke, one could argue from the picture alone that the two upper angles – especially the upper-left angle – are right angles. However, without being able to measure said angles in person, it is difficult to be person. Even then, you would need to determine how to measure the angle:
- Inner edge of the root?
- Outer edge of the root?
- Along the middle of the root?
Also, how close to the angle must the direction of the root be accounted for? The average direction in the last foot? The last six inches? The last two feet?
Despite these difficulties, the two corners being approximately square angles is sufficient enough to deem this joke as legitimate.
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I never switched this thread back to tracking, so I should have gotten a notification for this. I didn't which confused me greatly.
Until now. I just got one. Only 14 minutes late.
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The rabbis have nothing on bhikkhus. The primary difference is that the Vinaya only applies to bhikkhus, not householders.
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No, havoc is wreaked, it does not wreak. It may, however, reek (when the garbage pail is spilled).
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While I can see what you did there, I think you ought to reconsider giving that picture an alternative marque:
@abarker _stump_ of approval...
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The stamp is a pre-made layer I have saved on a jump drive. Your request would take about 5 minutes to employ. Not really worth the one shot laugh.
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#REJECTED_NOTASQUARE
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What? It's a Discosquare!
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Race condition jokes.
(Shamelessly stolen from a coworker)
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You know what never gets old?
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Considering the joke, I think my favorite part of the likes I got is this:
(Diagram fixed...)
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Wut? I am not @locallunatic!
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I think you're confused …
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Wut? I am not @locallunatic!
I think you're confused …
Oops, I was careless with the lines, but the point stands. :-) Diagram fixed.
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A group of Polish tourists were taking a sight-seeing flight over the
Grand Canyon. At one point, the pilot said over the intercom, "Looking
out on your left, you will be able to see Bright Angel Falls." All the
tourists, eager to see the sights, moved over to look out the windows
and see the falls. Unfortunately, this caused a dynamic instability and
the plane went out of control and crashed. The moral of the story is to
keep the Poles off the left side of the plane.
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Back in the American Wild West days, there were 3 neighboring Indian chiefs, whose wives all were pregnant at the same time.
The 1st chief’s wife had her baby. It was a baby boy, a great thing, a boy to carry on his line. The chief threw a big party and on the night of the party, he presented his wife with a new tee-pee. This tee-pee was made of antelope hide.
The 2nd chief’s wife had her baby. It was a baby boy, a great thing, a boy to carry on his line. The chief threw a big party and on the night of the party, he presented his wife with a new tee-pee. This tee-pee was made of buffalo hide.
The 3rd chief’s wife had her baby. BUT, he wouldn’t tell anyone what the baby was. Instead he planned a huge party, the biggest celebration anyone had ever seen, a 3 day celebration with everyone invited. On the
last night of the party, the chief unveils the tee-pee he built for his wife. It’s a two-story tee-pee, and made of hippopotamus hide!The chief stands before everyone and hushes the crowd. He offers the fastest horse to anyone who can tell him what child his wife had.
Everyone stands up hoping to be chosen to answer the question. The chief picks one, “What child did my wife bear?”
The reply from the chosen, “A boy.”
The chief smiles and says, “No! Who else wants to try?”
Now everyone wants a try, there is only one answer it could be. Another person is picked, “What child did my wife bear?”
The reply, “A girl.”
The chief smiles and says, “No! Who else wants to try?” Dead silence. Everyone looking at each other. Finally one Brave stands up, “Chief, I know what your wife had. Your wife had twin boys!”
The chief looks at him smiling a knowing smile, and says, “There have been two wrong guesses, so you must also tell me HOW you know.”The brave says, “It’s easy. The squaw of the hippopotamus, is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”