The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!)
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Works.
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I'd make a UDP joke but I'm not sure you guys would get it.
"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."
"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."
"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."
"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"
"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."
"Ok, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last
10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a
punchline.""Ok, I am ready to get your TCP joke that will last
10 seconds, has two characters, does not have an explicit setting, and ends
with a punchline.""I'm sorry, your connection has timed out. Hello,
would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
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If God meant for us to eat fish he wouldn't have made them taste awful.
I used to believe this, but I started eating them because they're healthy, and discovered that they (at least some) actually taste good. Only cooked, though. Raw fish:
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...fish taste awful to you?
Yes.
I'm so terribly sorry, because you're missing out...
On awfulness, I know. It's great.
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If God meant for us to eat fish he would
n'thave existedBecause the last religion flame war went out
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Not a sushi fan then?
Haven't really had much of it. I think some sort of salmon or tuna thing or something. Fortunately, it didn't taste much like fish that I recall. Which is high praise for fish, as I understand it, and why wouldn't it be?
Doesn't taste like fish!
This stuff doesn't taste like ass at all!
You know what doesn't taste like rotten flesh? This food!
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Because the last religion flame war went out
I guess people realized there was only fish left to cook and went and looked for some food.
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If God meant for us to eat fish he wouldn't have made them taste awful.
Wasn't fish one of the things Jesus fed to the masses?
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Wasn't fish one of the things Jesus fed to the masses?
Better to give it away than eat it himself.
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Wasn't fish one of the things Jesus fed to the masses?
Yeah, there's a bit in the bible where he's teaching 5000 people and they're all like "we're hungry." Jesus asks, "what food do you all have?" A young boy comes up and says, "I've got five loaves of bread and two fish." So Jesus blessed the fish and bread, split it among some baskets, and had his disciples take it among the masses. Everybody ate until they were full, and then the disciples went and filled 12 baskets with leftovers.
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Can you imagine the smell if you left enough fish to feed 5,000 people lying around?
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before or after you fed them?
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Can you imagine the smell if you left enough fish to feed 5,000 people lying around?
Does nobody read anymore?
It wasn't just fish:
"I've got five loaves of bread and two fish."
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before or after you fed them?
If the fish are lying around, you probably can't feed them.
It wasn't just fish:
Yes, but I wasn't objecting to the bread, and @Keith wasn't pestering me about it. It's what you might call a red herring. Except those, if they were there, would have been relevant to the discussion.
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If the fish are lying around, you probably can't feed them.
clarification. are you talking about the smell of the fish before or after you fed them to the humans?
cause that's two different smels and neither one is pleasant.
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clarification. are you talking about the smell of the fish before or after you fed them to the humans?
Frankly, either one if you just left them sitting out.
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I suspect you're a mutant! Your mutant superpower is… not liking the taste of fish.
OK, that's a crappy superpower, but it beats the common mutant superpower: dying of a horrible genetic disease.
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An engineer told a joke that offended an astronomer. Enraged, the astronomer challenged the engineer to a duel, to take place in exactly one day. "Don't be late," he warned the engineer.
The next day, the engineer arrived at the agreed location and saw the astronomer waiting for him. The astronomer shook his head. "I should have expected you'd be 3 minutes and 56 seconds late. Now, shit just got sidereal."
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I guess that the anti-GMO/paleo/organic/whatever crowds do seem normal compared to the billions on this planet that base their dietary restrictions on arbitrary idiots thousands of years ago.
"Can we eat locusts?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
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(Reddit is leaking again)
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car.
They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
As they often do, the comments continue the joke: "Ohm just doesn't want to face such strong charges." "He took the law into his own hands." "He doesn't know how to conduct himself." "Next he'll be impeding the resulting police investigation." "With potential to increase the current charges " "Might even end up in circuit court." "On the next episode of The Wire..." "I think it is the Current episode ..."
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Pretty good joke, but it's a shame Pauli was excluded.
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As they often do, the comments continue the joke:
"Ohm just doesn't want to face such strong charges."
"He took the law into his own hands."
"He doesn't know how to conduct himself."
"Next he'll be impeding the resulting police investigation."
"With potential to increase the current charges "
"Might even end up in circuit court."
"On the next episode of The Wire..."
"I think it is the Current episode ..."
The comments are often the best bit in /r/Jokes.
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the billions on this planet that base their dietary restrictions on arbitrary idiots thousands of years ago.
If you're talking just people currently living, I'd like some data to back up that "billions" figure. If you're including people who've died, I'll accept it as a WAG that is probably right.
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"I'm sorry, your connection has timed out. Hello,would you like to hear a TCP joke?"
Hey if any one of you guys hears a good ICMP joke, ping me.
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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If you're talking just people currently living, I'd like some data to back up that "billions" figure. If you're including people who've died, I'll accept it as a WAG that is probably right.
I'd like a Ferrari. I saw 4 of them this weekend (at separate times).
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Me too!
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Damn you @mott555, what have you started?
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429 Too Many Requests
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Does anyone want to hear a DDoS joke?
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Does anyone want to hear a DOS joke?
C:\dos C:\dos\run run dos run
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iptables -i INPUT -i eth0 -s 224.0.0.0/4 -j REJECT --reject-with icmp-admin-prohibited
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Filed under: It was just a plain old DoS joke before.
I realized that after I posted it. Thanks for correcting it instead of badgering for badges!
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Do @TheDailyWTF want to hear a broadcast joke?
I wish groups could be mentioned and there was an all-inclusive group...
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I wish groups could be mentioned ...
http://what.thedailywtf.com/t/groups/2134/33?u=pjh
... and there was an all-inclusive group...
http://what.thedailywtf.com/t/groups/2134/35?u=pjh
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I suspect you're a mutant! Your mutant superpower is… not liking the taste of fish.
This is possible.
OK, that's a crappy superpower, but it beats the common mutant superpower: dying of a horrible genetic disease.
Yes, definitely better. Plus, I'm more likely to eat good stuff!
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If you're talking just people currently living, I'd like some data to back up that "billions" figure.
Islam (1.8b) has lots of strict stuff. Catholics (~1B?) have a lot fewer restrictions, and they've changed over the years. Hindus (1b), obviously. I'm sure there are other dogs and cats in there, but the Muslims and Hindus alone cover multiple billions.
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Err, that converges to 2 beers. Hardly alcoholism.