The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
-
-
-
-
@DoctorJones long ago, perhaps already years...
-
@DoctorJones said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I'm going to be that guy on the internet who says "bullshit".
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I'm going to be that guy on the internet who says "bullshit".
Maybe he only counted from Bachelor's upwards. If he only allocated 3 for the Master's degree proper, then it's sorta semi-plausible.
And for anyone else wondering what we're talking about, well, there's a saying:
"Only Chuck Norris can pass a German university in 5 years."
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I'm going to be that guy on the internet who says "bullshit".
You might be used to parts of the world that let you lollygag around, but some of us are actually encouraged to stop fucking around and graduate/finish writing up.
-
@dkf there's not fucking around and finishing up, and there's getting PhD by the age of 24. You need to super-fast-track your courses to have any chance of that. Or be one of those stolen-childhood kids who start college education at 14.
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf there's not fucking around and finishing up, and there's getting PhD by the age of 24. You need to super-fast-track your courses to have any chance of that. Or be one of those stolen-childhood kids who start college education at 14.
3 year first degree, 1 year masters, and 3 years to do a PhD (which is about as fast as anyone can do it; it takes at least a year to understand what your thesis will be about). If someone's birthday is late in the academic year (), then it's just about practical to get past the viva before turning 25. The graduation ceremony will be later.
Most PhD candidates take a bit longer (either because they want to do more research or because they have to do corrections post-viva). They're not encouraged to take more than a year longer; that's a sign of fucking around and has significant financial downsides for the student.
-
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
1 year masters
Where the hell can you do that!? All Master's programs I ever heard of are at least 2 years. I even checked Wikipedia before posting, and every country there is said to have either 2 or 3 year Master's degrees.
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Where the hell can you do that!?
Lots of universities in the UK, where a MSc or MA is usually a one year taught course (whole year; don't expect to have the summer off!) and an MPhil is about one year of research and a shorter write-up than for a PhD. There is some stuff on the wikipedia page about 4 years, but that's for integrated courses where the degree at the end of them is a masters instead of a bachelors. The total amount of time is about the same either way. (Scotland is different, but they structure schooling differently too.)
-
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I'm going to be that guy on the internet who says "bullshit".
Maybe he only counted from Bachelor's upwards. If he only allocated 3 for the Master's degree proper, then it's sorta semi-plausible.
And for anyone else wondering what we're talking about, well, there's a saying:
"Only Chuck Norris can pass a German university in 5 years."Also may have subtracted breaks. Although college students all should take courses all summer, many do not.
-
My PhD (which did not require a MS first) was 5.5 years (average length for the program). And that was on the short end of the middle chunk of physics PhDs--many of the "big names" take on average 10 years. Because that way the professors can get lots of low-paid labor out of you after you're trained.
2 years of course work, then you do your qualifying exam (ie basically your dissertation proposal, some disciplines also have an exam at that point), then 3-4 years research.
-
@Benjamin-Hall said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
My PhD (which did not require a MS first) was 5.5 years (average length for the program). And that was on the short end of the middle chunk of physics PhDs--many of the "big names" take on average 10 years. Because that way the professors can get lots of low-paid labor out of you after you're trained.
2 years of course work, then you do your qualifying exam (ie basically your dissertation proposal, some disciplines also have an exam at that point), then 3-4 years research.
Well yeah, but as a sucker, your experience may not be representative.
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
1 year masters
Where the hell can you do that!? All Master's programs I ever heard of are at least 2 years. I even checked Wikipedia before posting, and every country there is said to have either 2 or 3 year Master's degrees.
When I went to university, we had 1 year masters.
-
@Benjamin-Hall said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
My PhD (which did not require a MS first) was 5.5 years (average length for the program).
We go with 3 years if we can (assuming a masters of some kind first) but 4 years is more common. Take longer than that and you become unpaid and are relocated to the writing up “dungeon”, a very boring office with no view of the outside world and where you've got no excuse. You also won't have a budget for experiments or going to conferences. (Extensions are possible if you need to take a break for family reasons, but then you're not getting your stipend isn't getting paid to you while you're on that break. One of our students has just taken advantage of that for 3 months due to a family emergency.)
Or you might get lucky and find that a professor lets you stay somewhere else in the department, but that's really not something to count on.
Because that way the professors can get lots of low-paid labor out of you after you're trained.
We've cracked down on that hard. Students are strictly limited in how much teaching work they can take on; they are there first and foremost to do their research, not to be teaching dogsbodies.
-
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Benjamin-Hall said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
My PhD (which did not require a MS first) was 5.5 years (average length for the program).
We go with 3 years if we can (assuming a masters of some kind first) but 4 years is more common. Take longer than that and you become unpaid and are relocated to the writing up “dungeon”, a very boring office with no view of the outside world and where you've got no excuse. You also won't have a budget for experiments or going to conferences. (Extensions are possible if you need to take a break for family reasons, but then you're not getting your stipend isn't getting paid to you while you're on that break. One of our students has just taken advantage of that for 3 months due to a family emergency.)
Or you might get lucky and find that a professor lets you stay somewhere else in the department, but that's really not something to count on.
I think it depends on funding. Those really long ones were cases where they were being paid out of grant funding. Even then, most sane universities want you to go on and go elsewhere.
Because that way the professors can get lots of low-paid labor out of you after you're trained.
We've cracked down on that hard. Students are strictly limited in how much teaching work they can take on; they are there first and foremost to do their research, not to be teaching dogsbodies.
It wasn't teaching that they were being used for, at least not in the horror stories I heard. It was research, paid for by grant money. In some of the bigger labs, they figure it takes a couple years just to get you trained up, then they want to get as much
slave laborproductive research out of you as they can before having to train someone new. Those are the paper-mill groups. But if I go any further here, it's going to be a rant. So I'll stop.Those who weren't on grant money were strictly limited--the university would cut you off after a certain time.
-
@BernieTheBernie said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones long ago, perhaps already
yearshalf a washing machine's warranty period...FTFY
-
@obeselymorbid said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@BernieTheBernie said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones long ago, perhaps already
yearshalf a washing machine's warranty period...FTFY
Maytag units or Kenmore units?
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
1 year masters
Where the hell can you do that!? All Master's programs I ever heard of are at least 2 years. I even checked Wikipedia before posting, and every country there is said to have either 2 or 3 year Master's degrees.
I did mine in 1 yr at USC (Computer Science). No thesis required.
-
I did thorough research and in the end still got contradicted by people's living experiences. At this point I'm afraid to say that water is wet without a bunch of disclaimers.
-
Got mine in 2 years (no thesis), there were certainly tracks for 12 and 18 month completions but imo you missed out on a lot of the fun classes doing that.
I had worked for a few years after my bachelors, so I knew how much I could spend on grad school and still walk away without debt, so 2 years was within my budget.
-
-
@Dragoon said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Got mine in 2 years (no thesis), there were certainly tracks for 12 and 18 month completions but imo you missed out on a lot of the fun classes doing that.
I didn't have much choice - not if I wanted work to pay for it! They (AT&T) offered a one year on campus (no work, 60% (I think) pay) and a local part time (part time school, work 20hr/wk, 2 yr to complete) option. But by summer, I only had one class left to complete, so that was pretty relaxed...
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I did thorough research and in the end still got contradicted by people's living experiences. At this point I'm afraid to say that water is wet without a bunch of disclaimers.
Surface wetting does not actually occur even in all liquid water applications. Nor is the majority of water in liquid phase, cosmologically speaking. You did well to hold your foolish, foolish tongue.
-
-
-
-
-
@El_Heffe said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I thought it was going to be about his best friend being a horse. Well played.
-
@dkf Let phrase his argument in a different way:
Back when I was a student, the average time for graduation from the Department of Software (to MSc) was 6.5 years. And this wasn't (entirely) because of students dragging their heels. Some of my peers calculated the hours of work per credit for some courses, and ended up with a number sometimes double the official conversion factor. To graduate in the nominal 5-year schedule, from Tampere University of Technology, you'd need to pull 50-60 hour weeks for the whole time.Courses mandatory for graduation might or might not be available over summer. But it's a bit of a moot point, since most students can't afford to not work for money during that time.
-
@Benjamin-Hall said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dkf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Benjamin-Hall said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
My PhD (which did not require a MS first) was 5.5 years (average length for the program).
We go with 3 years if we can (assuming a masters of some kind first) but 4 years is more common. Take longer than that and you become unpaid and are relocated to the writing up “dungeon”, a very boring office with no view of the outside world and where you've got no excuse. You also won't have a budget for experiments or going to conferences. (Extensions are possible if you need to take a break for family reasons, but then you're not getting your stipend isn't getting paid to you while you're on that break. One of our students has just taken advantage of that for 3 months due to a family emergency.)
Or you might get lucky and find that a professor lets you stay somewhere else in the department, but that's really not something to count on.
I think it depends on funding. Those really long ones were cases where they were being paid out of grant funding. Even then, most sane universities want you to go on and go elsewhere.
Because that way the professors can get lots of low-paid labor out of you after you're trained.
We've cracked down on that hard. Students are strictly limited in how much teaching work they can take on; they are there first and foremost to do their research, not to be teaching dogsbodies.
It wasn't teaching that they were being used for, at least not in the horror stories I heard. It was research, paid for by grant money. In some of the bigger labs, they figure it takes a couple years just to get you trained up, then they want to get as much
slave laborproductive research out of you as they can before having to train someone new. Those are the paper-mill groups. But if I go any further here, it's going to be a rant. So I'll stop.Ah, with us we're not allowed to do that (we can fund PhD studentships from grant money, but they have to be on the same terms as all the others). What we can do is give them a fixed-term post-doc position after they write up. And we've done exactly that recently, where we want some of the students to continue with the line of their research and integrate it more strongly into our core hardware and software.
Status meeting with them right now are “Have you finished your writing up? No? Then why are you here instead of writing?” (They're almost done.)
-
@Dragoon said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
there were certainly tracks for 12 and 18 month completions but imo you missed out on a lot of the fun classes doing that
You don't need classes to study fun stuff.
-
@acrow said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Back when I was a student, the average time for graduation from the Department of Software (to MSc) was 6.5 years.
And we push people really hard (and are careful with course scheduling) so that we're strictly 4 years to MSc, with the final year being a year (and very intense). You'd need special permission (or a suitable placement) to go on longer.
It's only at MPhil/PhD level that we're more flexible. Those have almost no classes (just a few at the start on how to do research, how to give presentations, and how to write up).
you'd need to pull 50-60 hour weeks for the whole time
Yep. If you're going to push people that hard, keeping it shorter is a financial benefit.
-
@DoctorJones nobody starts their title on the backflap!
-
@Gribnit said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones nobody starts their title on the backflap!
You're right. I fixed the first panel. Now it's your turn.
-
@El_Heffe said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gribnit said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones nobody starts their title on the backflap!
You're right. I fixed the first panel. Now it's your turn.
it. Ghost orthography is allowed to suck, since, and moreover, they're not bound by conventional causality. Also, it could be the edgy side project "B00B13Z", since, who knows what lies beyond the veil of death.
ed. coward
Alright, Ed, what do you think?
ed. maybe a möbius strip
ibid. try putting the
b
on the back of the centerfold maybeWho the fuck is this, Ed?
-
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
At this point I'm afraid to say that water is wet without a bunch of disclaimers.
Now you've done it...
-
Status: Wondering how many man can find the zipper.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/862430544465625089/886412285684375572/image0.jpg
-
@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Gąska said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
At this point I'm afraid to say that water is wet without a bunch of disclaimers.
Now you've done it...
-
-
-
@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Status: Wondering how many man can find the zipper.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/862430544465625089/886412285684375572/image0.jpg
Ye gods, this one is easy... (and from a neural-psych model, this makes perfect sense)
-
-
-
@DogsB a gentleman never tells!
-
-
@DogsB With great power comes great megalomania.
-
-
@DogsB said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I think they meant "nucular".
Fun fact: 30 years after the Berlin wall you still have a fair chance to guess where someone is from by looking at how people change at a German beach. The ones who faff around with towels and stuff are the westerners; the easterners just get nekkid and then maybe put on a swimming suit if they have to, maybe not because why.