Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice
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@Polygeekery said in Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
Story time. Tomorrow. Remind me.
Friday night we went to a big fancy event at this local building that has a yearly open house. It is a historic 5 story building downtown that rents out space to lots of interesting businesses and once a year they have this open house and invite people in. Any tenant that wants to participate stays open and most of them have food and alcohol and such. You go in, check out what they do, drink, eats hors d'oeuvres, meet them, etc. It is a pretty good networking event. The building has a lot of artists, but there are also marketing firms, architects, biomedical firms, boutique jewelers, etc.
We have went for the past 4-5 years. I have actually received quite a bit of business from the events. Every year we go with another couple and it is one of our big nights away from the kids. We always start on the top floor and work our way down. On the top floor there is an artist gallery that specializes in nude portraits and paintings. My wife always gives me a hard time because she says that I have a thing for one of the models. She is not wrong. She reminds me of Aaliyah, except, you know...not dead. That gallery also always has good beers and they are generous with them. Other places might be giving out a glass of Two Buck Chuck or something. They always have cases of something decent like Stella Artois. So we go in and I am greeted at the door by a girl who used to work at my kid's daycare. She works there. So I grab a beer and she shows me some of her work. Nifty. So I got to see nude pictures and paintings of a girl who used to watch my kid. Good way to start the night. I have a few more beers, chat up the Aaliyah doppelganger and we head out to check out other things.
Despite this being a pretty high brow event, it is the type of thing where you really have to pace yourself or you will end up inappropriately wasted and hungover the next day. It is for the most part a drink per business participating in the open house. There are at least 100 businesses doing the open house thing. Almost all of them are serving some manner of booze. We go in to one place that, no shit, does professional finger painting. Another guy does nothing but paintings of dogs. I had a gin and tonic that was prepared on a bar that was setup next to some sort of gene sequencing machine at some bioledical firm. That seemed like a bad idea, but whatever.
For the past several years we always end up at this marketing group that really likes to party. They have a full bar. The girls who work there will make you whatever you want and all the people are really cool. We walk in and one of the owners see us. He is teetering on the edge of "inappropriately drunk" and yells out, "They're here!! I told you guys they would be here!!" You would have thought we were high school buddies. We are welcomed in, introduced to everyone. They didn't remember our names, but remembered us by reputation from the years before. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. The girl tending bar passed the "inappropriately drunk" phase before we got there and made me a Moscow Mule that was more vodka than anything else. The owner tells her to get one of the good glasses and she then pours it in to a copper mug with their logo on it. He tells me to keep it.
So we drink there for far too long. To keep from getting as drunk as the bar maid I keep sneaking over to the sink and pouring out part of my drink and topping it off with water. I am "happy mischievous drunk" when the owner of the marketing company decides we should move the party down to the ground floor. There is a bar down there on one corner of the building. Why we left there where the drinks were free and went to a bar where they were overpriced is beyond me. Perhaps he realized that many people who were that drunk should not be around that many iMacs?
We make our way to the bar. It is pretty packed by this point. Lots of people have filtered in from the galleries and businesses. It is way more crowded than I could handle had I not been that drunk. We see a small opening at the far end of the bar and start making our way to it. Along the way I see...the scumbag.
So let's back up to 2011. At that point I think it was just myself and one other guy. I received a referral from another client for the scumbag. He had been hit with ransomware and had no backups, no nothing. He was up Shit Creek with no means of conveyance. We go in, clean it off the computers and are able to recover a few files from VSC snapshots but most of it is just gone. It had been long enough that we would not have even been able to get them back if he had been willing to pay.
Let's call the scum bag "Juan Smith". Juan looked like a badly aged Tony Montana. He was a lawyer that specialized in criminal cases and personal injury. That should have been a warning sign right there. He was an ambulance chaser when not working criminal cases. Juan had a very pretty receptionist named "Natalie".
"But you can call me Nati."We had narrowed it down to her machine that had caused the ransomware issue. Juan was creepy with Nati. There was some sort of preternatural courtship going on there. Juan was also a married man. Whatever. None of my business. Nati made a fair amount of business for us though. She was very attractive but she could destroy technology with just a touch.
"I don't know what happened to all my printers. Teehee."The whole network was a bit of a mess, but he never wanted to spend any money on anything. Well, except fixing whatever Nati had recently fucked up. I'm not complaining. She made business for us and she was easy on the eyes. Then one day she installed some coupon program on her computer which hosed it with malware. We had always wanted to lock the computers down so that things like that could not be installed, but when we did Nati could not update her iTunes so that got reverted. Whatever.
So we fix that issue, recommend we remove local admin for users. Nope. We recommend some paid antivirus. Nope, that costs money. We recommend a paid version of Malwarebytes. Nope, that costs money. Never mind that all of this would be cheaper than a single service call. A few days later she gets hit with more malware. Lather, rinse, repeat. Same shit again. It happens again, and again. We try and tell her that nothing is free and if something is offered for free then you are the product.
"I just don't understand all this techy stuff like you guys do. Teehee."Whatever. Do you understand "Don't click yes on anything, ever, fucking ever"? Apparently not.
We get up to ~$1,500 just on this shit and she calls again. Same issue. She just keeps installing shit she shouldn't and Juan will not let us do anything to prevent it. But at this point he is about 30 days late on paying the first invoice from the coupon program. I call up Juan about that before I send someone out yet again.
"Juan, I just got another call from Nati about some malware she has on her computer."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, and I had one question about that. I hate to be that guy but your account just tripped a flag in our system because invoice #1458 still has not been paid from $DATE."
"Yeah, and?"
".......I was wondering when that would be paid."
"Why should I pay that? You still haven't fixed the problem."
"We have tried to fix the problem. We have given you ways to rectify the issue and prevent things like this from happening and you have said no to every one of them. So if the problem is not fixed that is not our issue. It is yours."
"I have seen the invoices. They all seem way too exorbitant of costs. I am not paying them and I am not paying anything until the issue is taken care of to my satisfaction."
"Well, we will not be doing anymore work for you or your firm until all overdue invoices are paid."
"Why should I pay until the problem is fixed? That removes all leverage I have in the situation."
"Well, it seems we are at an impasse and you need to find someone else to take care of your IT work."
"It seems so."I consulted with my lawyer about it. That was the first case I had a non-payment on that would have been worth going after. His advice was to forget it because all of his legal fees were essentially free and all mine would cost me. He would probably do all he could to keep it tied up until I just gave up and I would then be out my costs also.
Mother...fucker.
Lesson learned. My accounting software at the time sent out automated reminders on bills. I let it send those for like 6 months just to annoy him. Then one day I decided to just write it off. I put adjustments on the invoices with the note "Write-off for deadbeat client who doesn't pay his bills". When I saved them it prompted me with the option to send the updated invoice to the client. I did. Just to annoy him.
Back to this last Friday. We are making our way through the crowd and I end up face to face with Juan. I reach out, shake his hand:
"Juan!! I haven't seen you for a long time. How goes it?"
"........?"And I just keep moving through the crowd. I don't even stop. He is confused. He did not even recognize me. That was 7 years ago. I am older, grayer, probably fatter and at this event I am dressed better than he would have seen me back then. My wife asks me who it was and I tell her. She begs me not to make a scene. I tell her I am too drunk to make that sort of promise but I will do my best. Probably a half hour goes by, his curiosity gets the better of him and he comes over to our group. There are about 15 of us there. Myself and my wife, our friends, some other friends we ran in to, the marketing people, etc.
"You seem to know me...but I don't seem to recall you. Where should I know you from?"
"You don't remember me?"
"No, sorry, refresh my memory."
"You stiffed me for about $1500 because the receptionist you were trying to have an affair with kept screwing up her computer and you refused to pay us for fixing it."Everyone around us turns and pays attention. My whole group is fixated on the conversation. My wife elbows me. Hard.
"Uhmmmmmmm...."
"I guess that rang a bell? How is Nati doing?"
"Uhmmmmm...."
"Cat got your tongue? Hey, since you screwed me over for about $1500 why don't you buy my group a round of drinks and we can call it even?"
"I have to..."
"Yeah, fair enough. I had my fun. See ya Juan."
"....see ya"Of course then I had to let the rest of the group in on the story. By the time I finished he had disappeared from the bar. That jackass never sent a round of drinks either.
Filed under: Paging @pie_flavor, @TimeBandit, @Luhmann, @Karla, @lolwhat, @izzion, @hungrier, @Jaloopa. I think those are the ones who were interested in the OP.
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@polygeekery
What odds can I get that Juan has a twin brother who has never had an affair with anyone?
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@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
something decent like Stella Artois
- 1 for supporting
economie
- 1 for supporting
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@luhmann said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
something decent like Stella Artois
- 1 for supporting economie
I pity @Polygeekery if that's what they call decent in his neighborhood.
- 1 for supporting
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@jbert said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
I pity @Polygeekery if that's what they call decent in his neighborhood.
They had bar carts setup in the hallways. The choices there were Miller Lite, Coors Lite, Budweiser and Bud Light and beers from a local brewery that are complete and utter shit.
So, given the relative choices Stella is very "decent". I can drink Stella.
I used to work with a farmer who had an interesting take on what kind of beer he liked:
"Hey Rookie, can I interest you in a $BEER?"
"That's my two favorite kinds of beer: cold and free."I will turn down free beer if it is appropriately shit. Stella is above that cutoff.
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@jbert said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@luhmann said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
something decent like Stella Artois
- 1 for supporting economie
I pity @Polygeekery if that's what they call decent in his neighborhood.
This sounds suspiciously like what a person who thinks IPAs are good would say.
- 1 for supporting
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@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
My wife asks me who it was and I tell her. She begs me not to make a scene. I tell her I am too drunk to make that sort of promise but I will do my best.
Your poor wife, I can imagine exasperation she felt.
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@cartman82 have I ever told the story of the Amish guy at the CFO's party?
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@boomzilla said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@jbert said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@luhmann said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
something decent like Stella Artois
- 1 for supporting economie
I pity @Polygeekery if that's what they call decent in his neighborhood.
This sounds suspiciously like what a person who thinks IPAs are good would say.
Not only are they, but also there's a bunch of other great beer styles, of course (almost) all of which beat lager hands down. Just ask @Luhmann. They have lots of great non-IPA shit down there. :)
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@hardwaregeek said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
have I ever told the story
Tomorrow if I have time. I have a few good stories from his parties.
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@polygeekery Hah. It is very easy to be a smug dick in the privacy of your own business, but when your story is told at a party...
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@pie_flavor I have never found it difficult to be a smug dick no matter where I find myself to be.
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@polygeekery Yeah, well, you're you.
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@boomzilla said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@jbert said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@luhmann said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
something decent like Stella Artois
- 1 for supporting economie
I pity @Polygeekery if that's what they call decent in his neighborhood.
This sounds suspiciously like what a person who thinks IPAs are good would say.
Ugh, I'm not a fan of overly hopped beer, and if it's some pretentious designer hop I might even get the urge to punch the brewer in the throat.
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@jbert I am more like @Polygeekery's farmer guy when it comes to beer. My foodie snobbery seems to come out more for hot sauces.
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@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
@cartman82 have I ever told the story of the Amish guy at the CFO's party?
I think the year would have been 2006. I was still in construction, and my wife and I had been dating for a couple of years and she had recently moved in with me. She works for a really good company where the executives actually care about their employees and are not snobby so in the time that we had been dating I had gotten to know the CEO, CFO, COO, CTO, their general counsel, etc. The CFO is ~45 at the time but he never really left the frat house. Every year he has a big St. Patty's party because he likes to think he is Irish. He also likes to think that he can drink. He thinks that.
The St. Patty's party is always a good time, but mostly because we know how to have fun there. He has it catered by one of the most expensive restaurants in town that does a horrible job with Irish food, and Irish food is pretty shit to begin with. There is usually a couple of kegs of domestic beer with green dye. But he also has a basement that has been built out in to a pub and he hires bartenders and such. My wife had made good friends with a coworker who also went to the party, and I had become good friends with her boyfriend (who would later become her husband and they would both end up being in our wedding). We will call him Brent. Brent is also a drinker as I am. We both have a huge tolerance for alcohol. The CFO (let's call him Pat after St Patrick) has always tried to outdrink us and always failed. Well, except the year of the waterfall, but that's another story.
So we get to the party that year and it always starts out dry and stuffy until liquor lubricates people a bit. One of the people in attendance this year is Tanisha (I think that was her name?). She was an older black lady who was a hell of a lot of fun. Probably in her late 40's, and you could tell that when she was a total knockout in her 20's. For her age she was a solid 8 or better. I am not trying to dwell on this, but it comes to be important later.
The party goes on and the CFO starts to get drunkish and he keeps asking Brent and I if we want shots. At the time I am 27 and so is Brent. Pat is trying to keep up with us but he just can't. He is getting very drunk, very fast. To top it off, since it is a St Patty's party he keeps ordering Irish Car Bombs.
I swear they are curdling in my stomach, but we keep drinking. Pat is getting so drunk that every time I try to talk to him this happens: "Hey Pat!"
"What's up, what do you need? Another shot?"
"Sure, why not?"Lather, rinse, repeat.
Then Tanisha introduces me to her husband. Tanisha is a knockout and her husband is...not. He is also a white guy. Don't get me wrong, he does not look like he should be living under a bridge or anything. He is just a very normal looking white dude. Tanisha is a solid 8. This guy is a 4. I think I have mentioned before how I love finding oddities and I have to figure them out. So I start talking to him. Prior to this he had been sort of a wallflower and not really talking to anyone. So that is sort of odd also. She is super outgoing and this guy is a complete introvert. So we are talking and I am learning more about him and I find out that he grew up Amish.
https://i.imgur.com/uu9pmDP.gif
I am now Curious George. I am shitfaced, at the CFO's party, and I just met a guy who left the Amish community. I have to learn more. Not only is this very average looking white guy married to a knockout black woman but he also used to be Amish. I am drinking like a Russian diplomat and having a fascinating conversation with a fascinating individual.
It is around this point that everything goes black. I remember nothing from the rest of the night...for now.
The party was on a Saturday. I am completely hungover on Sunday and praying for the sweet release that only death can bring. Monday is not much better. Monday night I get home from work and I am taking off my boots and getting ready to take a shower and I am still hungover so I do not immediately notice the look on my girlfriend's face. I ask her what's wrong.
"So what do you remember about Bob?"
"The Amish guy? He was pretty cool."
"Tanisha came in my office today laughing and talking about how funny you were."
"And?"
"You don't remember what you said to Bob?"
"No, why? What did I say?"
"She said you asked him for his secret..."This is about the time my hungover memory had been jogged enough to recall the rest of the evening.
"...about how a normal looking white guy like him could be married to such a good looking black woman..."My face got flush from embarrassment.
"...and that he must be hung like a horse."I immediately felt hot and started sweating. But I started laughing as it all came back to me.
"Oh god, I did say that didn't I?"
"Yes, you did."
"Sorry, I had far too much to drink."
"I wanted to crawl under my fucking desk. I was so embarrassed."
"Was she mad?"
"No, she thought it was hilarious, but still...you can't say stuff like that."
"In my defense I did not say it. The 27 Irish Car Bombs did."
"I...don't...care."Over a decade later we can laugh about it. Well...I could always laugh about it. But now she can also.
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@polygeekery
You must have a hell of a prenup ;)
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@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
Over a decade later we can laugh about it. Well...I could always laugh about it. But now she can also.
She wanted to, even back then. She just didn't think that she should. Your influence has loosened up those inhibitions. At least in private. My wife and I have noticed a similar influence that I've had on her over the years.
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@boomzilla
I figured you are the Cara Pils type ...Famous as being the cheapest beer in Belgium and it's original, 'retro' styling. A planned rebranding was reverted in 2015. It's price and sales points means it is a popular choice on camping trips or festivals.
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@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
Then Tanisha introduces me to her husband. Tanisha is a knockout and her husband is...not. He is also a white guy. Don't get me wrong, he does not look like he should be living under a bridge or anything. He is just a very normal looking white dude. Tanisha is a solid 8. This guy is a 4. I think I have mentioned before how I love finding oddities and I have to figure them out. So I start talking to him. Prior to this he had been sort of a wallflower and not really talking to anyone. So that is sort of odd also. She is super outgoing and this guy is a complete introvert.
That sounds like you found my Amish twin brother ...
@polygeekery said in Re: Ask the entrepreneurs advice:
be hung like a horse
Yup sounds about right
Cara Pils - Wikipedia
