Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter
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So a few weeks ago, I reported an account in the category "Impersonating Someone Else".
I got a notification from Twitter just now:
Thanks, Twitter. I especially like how the account you found to be in violation of your policies has no visible changes to its profile page.
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@ben_lubar well, they said they found it violating the rules, but they never said they did anything about it sweat_droplets:
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@ben_lubar said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
Thanks, Twitter. I especially like how the account you found to be in violation of your policies has no visible changes to its profile page.
But at least they did not ban you.
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So I just got one of those "Your Highlights" emails from twitter. Here is how gmail displays the subject of the email:
That's the "These people retweeted" plus the text of the first tweet.
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@boomzilla typical liberal move. blame the GOP first, then turn around and retweet Jonah Goldberg's tweet.
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@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
So I just got one of those "Your Highlights" emails from twitter.
https://i.imgur.com/44NU502.png
https://i.imgur.com/lwdUzIe.png
https://i.imgur.com/q14LeMy.png
ur welcum
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oh hai @blakeyrat from september!!! izza me lorne from now
@blakeyrat said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
So what do actual Twitter users want?
A way to edit tweets without changing their URLs
ï‚™ lol nope fux u.
Twitter to get rid of the hate speech and Nazis in a competent fashion (and not, for example, ban Lowtax because a Nazi lied about him making a death threat)
ï‚™ lol nope, even though ppl have pointed out that we DO ban them in Germany, so we're just being assholes about this.
Twitter to follow its own policies in general, especially to stop making exceptions for famous people who break them
ï‚™ lolnope x10! we even changed the rules so famous ppl are exempt from all the rules about being assholes, becuz Drumpf makes us $$$
The "name certified" process to actually work. Lowtax wouldn't have been banned if his name had been certified, but his application to certified his name was rejected with no reason given despite meeting all Twitter's requirements
ï‚™ hahahaha no no no. we hired extra people tho so they can ignore ur request too!!!
I personally would like the ability to temporarily mute an account. If someone I like is sending 40 live-tweets about Games of Thrones, something I don't give a shit about, please give me an "ignore this user for 2 hours" option. Right now I can only unfollow or block him, those are permanent
ï‚™ lol noooooope! that person shuld just make a 2nd account for those tweets and you can not fallow that one yup!
Generally, people want Twitter to demonstrate some basic competence of the sort that doesn't seem to exist for any web-based products.
ï‚™ web 3.0 baby!
(best for last...)
If conversations are made by linking tweets together, for Twitter to show them in a more reasonable fashion instead of the stupid thing they currently do
ï‚™ good news we maded it worse! 'member how u could see, like, 1st 2nd ... last in thread and expand to see rest well lol fuk u! now it is in modal popup! (added bonux it will lose ur spot on the page!) u just see first tweet and "show thread" ha ha.
ï‚™ moar good news! now if uve read that threed, right, and then there is moar thread-- u get to SEE THE FIRST TWEET AGAIN! new tweets behind "show thread" so did we fuk up and show you same tweet twice or are you going crazy didn't you read this one ha ha GRUMPY CAT!
ï‚™ BEST NEWS! any thred that haz more than 1 reply is a THREAD! so 99.99999% of all threads are now:
- Funny tweet (36.2k retweets)
- show thread
- popz up to just see there is only one reply that's "omg this tweet blew up hi everyone like share subscribe!".
yez, we COULD have shown you the two (or three) tweets in a thred on a single page but each of those 140 bytes takes 11k of data to display. yez we could just send a json of every tweet that person has ever send and it'd be less tan a MEGABEET, but no, u get to see only one tweet to SAVE ON BANDWIDTH ur welcome mobile lol hahaha.
ï‚™ in conclusion FUUX U!
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@lorne-kates said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
ur welcum
Eh...if I didn't get those I'd never read anything on twitter. Well, except for the guy who writes the WSJ's Best of The Web and then tweets links because the WSJ lets twitter links through the paywall.
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@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@lorne-kates said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
ur welcum
Eh...if I didn't get those I'd never read anything on twitter.
ur welcum
Well, except for the guy who writes the WSJ's Best of The Web and then tweets links because the WSJ lets twitter links through the paywall.
Fucking leech, stealing money from WSJ, you should die.
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@lorne-kates said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
Fucking leech, stealing money from WSJ, you should die.
It's OK, I turned off my adblocker for their site.
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@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
adblocker
You deserve to be beaten to death by drunk sloths. (according to advertisers)
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@lorne-kates Sounds kinky.
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@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@lorne-kates Sounds kinky.
Depends on what the sloths are drunk on.
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Now their "What's Happening" emails want to be super wide:
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@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
Now their "What's Happening" emails want to be super wide:
but doing css iz HARD and it's not like they have an entire team of people dedicated to making a market-leading css framework.
owait https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bootstrap_(front-end_framework)
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@lorne-kates said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
adblocker
You deserve to be beaten to death by drunk sloths. (according to advertisers)
Did anyone run this by the head of the sloth committee?
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@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
Now their "What's Happening" emails want to be super wide:
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@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
Now their "What's Happening" emails want to be super wide:
Lets see what could possibly be so interesting as to email me...
So... nothing, really. Why did Twitter want me to know @ben_lubar posted something? Who knows. Maybe it thinks I like him or something...
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@tsaukpaetra said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@boomzilla said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
Now their "What's Happening" emails want to be super wide:
Lets see what could possibly be so interesting as to email me...
So... nothing, really. Why did Twitter want me to know @ben_lubar posted something? Who knows. Maybe it thinks I like him or something...
My guess: the tweet has like a billion views from me posting it in a popular forum thread.
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@tsaukpaetra also, you should definitely read this very bad thread @blakeyrat and I started yesterday:
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@ben_lubar said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@tsaukpaetra also, you should definitely read this very bad thread @blakeyrat and I started yesterday:
I think I replied to it. Maybe. Hard to tell with Twitter.
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@Tsaukpaetra I did not know that "negligent neck" was a synonym for "robot butt"
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@tsaukpaetra said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
I think I replied to it.
You're bad at Twitter and jokes and you should feel bad.
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@blakeyrat said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@tsaukpaetra said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
I think I replied to it.
You're bad at Twitter and jokes and you should feel bad.
https://twitter.com/BenLubar/status/969794480177143808
Translation: G: the man with the steel anus.
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@ben_lubar go away Ben
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@blakeyrat said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@tsaukpaetra said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
I think I replied to it.
You're bad at Twitter and jokes and you should feel bad.
All true, but at least I have Censor to keep out the bad feelings.
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@ben_lubar said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
@Tsaukpaetra I did not know that "negligent neck" was a synonym for "robot butt"
Huh. I didn't know that's what we were going for. Oh well.
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@blakeyrat In lojban that's "adjfksl; jkdf;fdj faj;fjkf jfafaj;"
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@greybeard Are you sure? That looks like an extract from sendmail.cf (or a particularly readable Perl script)…
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@greybeard said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
adjfksl; jkdf;fdj faj;fjkf jfafaj;
is this a Dwarf Fortress screenshot?
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Also, I just checked, and that account I reported for impersonating Jared Kushner almost a month ago?
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@ben_lubar update:
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And if anyone wants a text version of the story:
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@Polygeekery said in Nobody running Twitter uses Twitter:
BakedAlaska
In my trolling days I think I got one of that guy's more fraudulent alts took down. Or some other fuckhead. Iirc it was something like Adult Swim Canada or Comedy Central Canada or some other thing it totally wasn't.
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@Jaloopa But the system, is down. The system, is down. The system, is down (hork hork hork hork hork hork hork) the system, is down.