What the fuck, Android
-
The problem is that the phone screen gets smudged. And when you unlock your phone you will leave a new smudge trail revealing your pattern.
So after you unlock your phone, do you immediately throw it away and never touch the screen again, or put on jeweller's gloves so the only smudge on screen is from your unlock pattern? It's a pretty weak argument.
But do you ever turn on your phone, maybe just to check the date, and then turn it off? If so, your lock pattern is not hard to read at all.
You don't unlock it in that case; the time and date appears right on the lock screen.
-
@hungrier said in What the fuck, Android:
The problem is that the phone screen gets smudged. And when you unlock your phone you will leave a new smudge trail revealing your pattern.
So after you unlock your phone, do you immediately throw it away and never touch the screen again, or put on jeweller's gloves so the only smudge on screen is from your unlock pattern? It's a pretty weak argument.
But do you ever turn on your phone, maybe just to check the date, and then turn it off? If so, your lock pattern is not hard to read at all.
You don't unlock it in that case; the time and date appears right on the lock screen.
No, but your most prominent smudges will likely be your unlock pattern...
-
The answer, clearly, is iris recognition.
-
@sloosecannon That has not been my experience in almost a decade of using Android phones.
-
@raceprouk said in What the fuck, Android:
The answer, clearly, is iris recognition.
Is that the actual name of the Google Assistant? Trivia saved!
-
@raceprouk said in What the fuck, Android:
The answer, clearly, is iris recognition.
Won’t that only work for people who happen to have the right name, though?
-
@raceprouk said in What the fuck, Android:
The answer, clearly, is iris recognition.
Except the 2nd time I want to change it...
-
@hungrier said in What the fuck, Android:
The problem is that the phone screen gets smudged. And when you unlock your phone you will leave a new smudge trail revealing your pattern.
So after you unlock your phone, do you immediately throw it away and never touch the screen again, or put on jeweller's gloves so the only smudge on screen is from your unlock pattern? It's a pretty weak argument.
My unlock code overlaps with my keyboard, on which I use swyping style typing (using the google keyboard, whatever it's called).
In the interests of science, I inspected my phone's screen and couldn't detect any smudging. OK, not too surprising, I tend to wipe in on my shirt or shorts to wipe it off regularly. So I unlocked it.
First, , I told it not to make me do that at home. Oh, well...swipe up, enter pattern. Re-examine the screen. I still couldn't see any smudges on it. My hands weren't particularly clean (as in, I hadn't just washed my hands or anything), they felt like there was probably some oil there...Still nothing visible.
OK, let's try some cornstarch! Nope, no meaningful pattern was sticking there, and I know the actual pattern.
I'm not going to worry about it.
Conclusion: This is in the realm of ZOOM, ENHANCE tv fiction.
-
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
Conclusion: This is in the realm of ZOOM, ENHANCE tv fiction.
And even if it was real, how likely is it that anyone would to go to the trouble of actually reading your smudges?
-
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
Conclusion: This is in the realm of ZOOM, ENHANCE tv fiction.
YMMV. When I used a pattern unlock for a while, I noticed the smudge after a couple weeks. I suspect it depends on the pattern and the person. Nothing to tell people to freak out about, but maybe tell them to keep an eye out; nothing wrong with that.
-
-
@pjh said in What the fuck, Android:
@raceprouk said in What the fuck, Android:
The answer, clearly, is iris recognition.
Except the 2nd time I want to change it...
No one ever said you had to use your own eyes.
Password expiry is the based entirely on decomposition rates.
-
Forget oils. You should worry about residual heat on PIN pads.
-
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Android:
Fuck text selection on mobile. It took me forever just to select this text to quote. And fuck forbid you want to select more text than is on the screen... requiring you to hope t whatever implementation of "drag and scroll" the editor is using works.
Just like you can type Ctrl+Z, you can use Shift+arrow keys.
(but no, really, you can)
-
@heterodox said in What the fuck, Android:
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
Conclusion: This is in the realm of ZOOM, ENHANCE tv fiction.
YMMV. When I used a pattern unlock for a while, I noticed the smudge after a couple weeks. I suspect it depends on the pattern and the person. Nothing to tell people to freak out about, but maybe tell them to keep an eye out; nothing wrong with that.
True. Different screens / protectors would likely have different results.
-
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Android:
Forget oils. You should worry about residual heat on PIN pads.
Is that a PIN pad in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
-
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
True. Different screens / protectors would likely have different results.
That's an interesting point. I have a tempered glass screen protector and wonder if it may be related to that. Also, I'm sure related to cleaning habits and usage habits (as you say, if pattern overlaps keyboard, how similar the pattern may be to common entries on the keyboard, swipes vs. taps on the keyboard... who knows).
-
@heterodox said in What the fuck, Android:
I have a tempered glass screen protector and wonder if it may be related to that.
Me, too.
-
@tsaukpaetra said in What the fuck, Android:
But it doesn't work with Chrome windows (yet) because apparently Chrome is Special™.
Not an issue for him
FF22 FTW !
-
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Android:
Also I'm in Canada so we probably don't get updates anyways.
Of course, we're always on version freeze
-
@timebandit said in What the fuck, Android:
@tsaukpaetra said in What the fuck, Android:
But it doesn't work with Chrome windows (yet) because apparently Chrome is Special™.
Not an issue for him
FF22 FTW !
.....pretty sure Firefox 22 isn't available on Android...
-
@wft said in What the fuck, Android:
@lorne-kates my iPhone has 6-digit PIN. No idea what I'm doing wrong.
I think he had iPhone 4, which didn't get the update they allowed for longer PIN.
Nowadays you can have either a 4 or 6-digit PIN. Either of these work as @Lorne-Kates described: you type the digits and the screen unlocks itself.
-
@kt_ said in What the fuck, Android:
@wft said in What the fuck, Android:
@lorne-kates my iPhone has 6-digit PIN. No idea what I'm doing wrong.
I think he had iPhone 4, which didn't get the update they allowed for longer PIN.
Nowadays you can have either a 4 or 6-digit PIN. Either of these work as @Lorne-Kates described: you type the digits and the screen unlocks itself.
Um actually I now accidentally have an iPhone 4S, thank you very much.
-
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Android:
@kt_ said in What the fuck, Android:
@wft said in What the fuck, Android:
@lorne-kates my iPhone has 6-digit PIN. No idea what I'm doing wrong.
I think he had iPhone 4, which didn't get the update they allowed for longer PIN.
Nowadays you can have either a 4 or 6-digit PIN. Either of these work as @Lorne-Kates described: you type the digits and the screen unlocks itself.
Um actually I now accidentally have an iPhone 4S, thank you very much.
You are officially the future!
Filed under: Heard iPhone 4S can run FF22!
-
@kt_ said in What the fuck, Android:
Heard iPhone 4S can run FF22!
Ah, but he'd have to jailbreak it first, then get tools and stuff to install a real environment, and then install the package for Firefox.... Actually, totally doable!
-
@tsaukpaetra said in What the fuck, Android:
@kt_ said in What the fuck, Android:
Heard iPhone 4S can run FF22!
Ah, but he'd have to jailbreak it first, then get tools and stuff to install a real environment, and then install the package for Firefox.... Actually, totally doable!
Added benefit: in the process he'd join the Great Chinese Botnet.
-
@raceprouk said in What the fuck, Android:
The answer, clearly, is iris recognition.
Spoilered, in case someone works somewhere very specific about how they waste time at work
-
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Android:
We'll put an "enter" key on the lock screen UI-- but not give any indication what it is or what it does. So the first time someone uses lock screen they'll enter 4 digits, then sit there starting at the phone waiting for something to happen.
...seriously? You can't figure out what an enter key does?
-
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Android:
Android has no "undo" function. Accidentally hold the backspace key down for too long and wipe out all the text in the text box? Fuck you, too bad.
Undo would be nice, but the biggest thing Android keyboard lacks is left/right keys. The cursor drag thing is awful if you just want to correct two letters back.
-
@anonymous234 said in What the fuck, Android:
@lorne-kates said in What the fuck, Android:
We'll put an "enter" key on the lock screen UI-- but not give any indication what it is or what it does. So the first time someone uses lock screen they'll enter 4 digits, then sit there starting at the phone waiting for something to happen.
...seriously? You can't figure out what an enter key does?
I know, right? I mean, it's just like my garage door lock: you press "enter" to start entering digits, then press the code, and if you screw up, you can start over by hitting "enter" again. Duh.
-
@yamikuronue said in What the fuck, Android:
you press "enter" to start entering digits, then press the code, and if you screw up, you can start over by hitting "enter" again.
I don't know what Android you're using here.
-
@kt_ said in What the fuck, Android:
why would you jailbreak an iPhone?
Exactly. Why pay more for an inferior product and try to jailbreak it when you could just buy a superior Android phone already unlocked ?
-
@anonymous234 said in What the fuck, Android:
@yamikuronue said in What the fuck, Android:
you press "enter" to start entering digits, then press the code, and if you screw up, you can start over by hitting "enter" again.
I don't know what Android you're using here.
It's whatever comes installed on her garage door, obviously....
-
@tsaukpaetra The landlord installed it, it's all a black box to me
-
@anonymous234 said in What the fuck, Android:
Undo would be nice, but the biggest thing Android keyboard lacks is left/right keys. The cursor drag thing is awful if you just want to correct two letters back.
Just get Hacker's Keyboard already. It's free.
Doesn't mean you're wrong though. Android's default keyboard should get left and right arrows already.
-
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
Oh, well...swipe up, enter pattern. Re-examine the screen. I still couldn't see any smudges on it.
My experience is very different. I unlock with a PIN rather than a pattern, but I do play a couple of games that involve dragging a finger around the screen, and the smudges are generally visible right away unless I've just cleaned both the screen and my hands in the last few minutes.
Also, for the record my PIN is 9 digits and I was never confused by the enter key :)
-
Speaking of Android WTFs:
- Why the fuck is the region setting tied to the language setting? I'm in the middle of Europe but I want the phone language in English because localizations generally suck balls and I don't have the patience to try and guess what the original message says when I'm trying to google something I want to do. Yet if I pick English (US), I can only set the region to United States, Canada, Philippines, and like 20 African countries. Great design, you stupid assholes! By the way, it gets even better when I choose my native language - then I can select my country, and nothing else at all, because that's the only country where this language is official, and we all know nobody has ever moved abroad in the history of ever, right?
- Also, language and region settings (and also date and time) are "advanced settings" in Google's world? Amazing.
- Listen, Google, I don't want your fucking assistant. For one, everyone says it's pure garbage, just like everything else you did in the last decade, and more importantly, I am not actually a massive toolbox so I'd rather be dead than talk out loud at my phone so it can maybe do some trivial task I could accomplish in about the same time, except quietly and without wasting data. So how about you stop periodically shitting up my notification drawer with silent notifications about how this latest turd of yours is ready to "set up"? Of course I understand that the entire company is busy shifting around buttons on Youtube's interface, so how about an intermediate goal so you don't lose track: fix these fucking things so they stop randomly disappearing and reappearing, and more importantly, if I dismiss the fucking notification, it means I don't want to see it, preferably ever again in my life, and not "how about you open it and start 'setting up' - whatever the fuck that means - anyway"!
- Why are the settings for the assistant piece of shit buried under a mysterious "google" app icon? Why does the "Google" app seem to almost exclusively control the settings for this assistant thing and nothing else - why isn't it called fucking "Google Assistant" then?! Seriously it does two things: open Google as a """native app""" (lemme guess, it's actually a browser, just not the one I normally use, isn't it), and change assistant settings.
Or better yet, why aren't settings for the assistant shitfest in system settings, where they clearly belong since this thing can apparently read data from other apps and listen to everything that ever happens anywhere near the phone? SOUNDS PRETTY FUCKING IMPORTANT TO ME - I'm also seriously puzzled at the whole assistant settings/google app. If I open it, get to the hamburger menu, and go to Settings -> Settings (YES, REALLY), all that happens is I get a gray screen and a prompt asking me to turn the fucking thing on. That's all I can do: turn it on or go back. But still, even though the piece of shit claims to not be on, if back on the first screen (Google search) there's a fucking prompt, and saying "OK Google" still activates the fucking assistant. Even though it's "not on". I suppose I could trust it to only be active when the Google app is up, but I don't because come on, it's fucking Google.
Kim, if you're reading this, please develop some better missiles and nuke Mountain View instead of Guam. I'll be happy to die in a nuclear inferno as long as I know those oxygen thieves got vaporized first.
-
@blek said in What the fuck, Android:
I'm also seriously puzzled at the whole assistant settings/google app. If I open it, get to the hamburger menu, and go to Settings -> Settings (YES, REALLY), all that happens is I get a gray screen and a prompt asking me to turn the fucking thing on. That's all I can do: turn it on or go back. But still, even though the piece of shit claims to not be on, if back on the first screen (Google search) there's a fucking prompt, and saying "OK Google" still activates the fucking assistant. Even though it's "not on". I suppose I could trust it to only be active when the Google app is up, but I don't because come on, it's fucking Google.
I have to wonder if this is related to the other 5,000 voice-activated options that all somehow mutually exist but aren't the google assistant. There's one that triggers off "OK Google Now" and one that triggers off "OK Moto" and I don't know if they're the same thing, but they're not the same as "OK Google" which is not Google Assistant.
-
@blek said in What the fuck, Android:
Why the fuck is the region setting tied to the language setting? I'm in the middle of Europe but I want the phone language in English because localizations generally suck balls and I don't have the patience to try and guess what the original message says when I'm trying to google something I want to do. Yet if I pick English (US), I can only set the region to United States, Canada, Philippines, and like 20 African countries. Great design, you stupid assholes!
Also, language and region settings (and also date and time) are "advanced settings" in Google's world? Amazing.It's amazing how bad American programmers tend to get anything related to changing languages, isn't it?
Microsoft has gotten it wrong in pretty much every product they've made. Word, for example, is still a pain in the ass to use if you're mixing text written in multiple languages. And until a recent update, OneNote didn't allow you to change the spell check language of some text or disable spell check, at all. Google is better but they still screw up too.
-
@blek said in What the fuck, Android:
Why the fuck is the region setting tied to the language setting? I'm in the middle of Europe but I want the phone language in English because localizations generally suck balls and I don't have the patience to try and guess what the original message says when I'm trying to google something I want to do. Yet if I pick English (US), I can only set the region to United States, Canada, Philippines, and like 20 African countries. Great design, you stupid assholes! By the way, it gets even better when I choose my native language - then I can select my country, and nothing else at all, because that's the only country where this language is official, and we all know nobody has ever moved abroad in the history of ever, right?
QFFT.
-
@blek said in What the fuck, Android:
Also, language and region settings (and also date and time) are "advanced settings" in Google's world?
Americans almost never need them.
-
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
Americans almost never need them.
Almost nobody needs that, you set your language once when you first get the phone and you never need to change it again unless you had a stroke that made you forget or something. But "advanced"? When I hear advanced settings I imagine backup & reset (which is there too), or security controls (also there), or developer options like enable USB debugging or control running services (which are not advanced settings in Google-land). Some parts of the settings menu make no sense to me.
-
The main thing that puzzles me is why you can easily connect your phone to any wi-fi network that happens to be in the vicinity, but you apparently can't plug it into your computer via USB and leech off your computer's network connection, which my previous phone (a Nokia) would happily do. It's pretty inconvenient for those of us who have a wired network at home, and restrictive data caps on the phone.
-
@blek said in What the fuck, Android:
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
Americans almost never need them.
Almost nobody needs that, you set your language once when you first get the phone and you never need to change it again unless you had a stroke that made you forget or something. But "advanced"? When I hear advanced settings I imagine backup & reset (which is there too), or security controls (also there), or developer options like enable USB debugging or control running services (which are not advanced settings in Google-land). Some parts of the settings menu make no sense to me.
Wait, woa woa woa...
Region and Language settings are under "personal" in Android. Not sure what you're talking about...
-
@sloosecannon said in What the fuck, Android:
Region and Language settings are under "personal" in Android. Not sure what you're talking about...
Different manufacturers sometimes put them in different places
-
@jaloopa said in What the fuck, Android:
@sloosecannon said in What the fuck, Android:
Region and Language settings are under "personal" in Android. Not sure what you're talking about...
Different manufacturers sometimes put them in different places
Which makes me wonder why he's wondering what Google was thinking, since they had nothing to do with it.
-
@sloosecannon most people's issues with android turn out to be issues with the manufacturer or carrier of their phone.
-
@scarlet_manuka said in What the fuck, Android:
It's pretty inconvenient for those of us who have a wired network at home, and restrictive data caps on the phone.
I get what you're saying, but do you really only have a wired network at home?
-
@boomzilla said in What the fuck, Android:
I get what you're saying, but do you really only have a wired network at home?
... yes? Wired routers are a thing.
-
@scarlet_manuka Have you considered buying a £20 wireless AP for your wifi devices?