The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@karla getting back to the topic of this thread, some truly bad jokes in Spanish:
Q: ¿Cuál era el último animal que creó Dios?
A: El delfín.
Q: ¿Cuántas estrellas hay en el cielo?
A: Cincuenta.
Q: ¿Qué hay si una bomba explota en el Vaticano?
A: Puré de papas.
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Explanations for the jokes (for those who don't know Spanish and are too lazy to look them up, but don't want to feel left out):
Q: ¿Cuál era el último animal que creó Dios?
Q: What was the last animal that God created?A: El delfín.
delfin = dolphin
fin = end
Q: ¿Cuántas estrellas hay en el cielo?
Q: How many stars are there in the sky?A: Cincuenta.
cincuenta = 50
sin cuenta = without count
Q: ¿Qué hay si una bomba explota en el Vaticano?
Q: What happens if a bomb explodes in the Vatican?A: Puré de papas.
papa = potato
El Papa = the Pope
puré de papas = mashed potatoes/(gibbed popes)
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@djls45 said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
A: El delfín.
delfin = dolphin
fin = endIf I'm not mistaken:
A: El delfín.
el d'el fin = the one of the end
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@zecc Yes, that's a more accurate translation, and better conveys the spirit of the joke.
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The latest study reveals dolphins are the second most intelligent creatures, right after man.
Leaving the women in the third place.
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Courage, determination, honesty.
Three main effects of being drunk.
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"Honey, I went shopping today and I didn't have enough for all my purchases. I went to your office, but you weren't in. I took a thousand dollars from the jacket on your chair, I hope you aren't mad."
"Of course not, darling. I moved to another department last month anyway."
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@yamikuronue said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@abarker said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@coldandtired I've always pronounced it \ˈbü-ē, but i've heard both pronunciations with about the same frequency. It's probably regional.
I think the kind that sounds like "boy" belongs to certain accents.. I want to say it'd sound that way in Boston?
I've heard it both ways even in Massachusetts.
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How do you stop bacon curling in the pan
Take away its tiny brooms
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@pjh Now I want bacon
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: Please insert password with minimum of eight characters
: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
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@raceprouk I always want bacon...
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@benjamin-hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@raceprouk I always want bacon...
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@accalia Must... resist... urge... to... lick... screen...
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@raceprouk said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@accalia Must... resist... urge... to... lick... screen...
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My wireless headphones love it when I walk to dinner.
It really turns them on.
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What do you call bears with no ears?
Answer
B
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@coldandtired said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
What do you call bears with no ears?
Whatever you want. They can't hear you!
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So, George Bush and his son George W. Bush critizised Trump.
As a result, Trump will build a wall around Georgia.
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Apparently the winner of some joke festival (heard on the beeb this morning):
I don't like the new £1 coin. But then again, I hate all change.
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@remi was that Tim Vine? It's the usual level of awful pun he does so well.
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@arantor I... don't remember. I was still half-asleep at the time, so I don't remember much apart from the pun itself.
They also mentioned a couple of other ones that I quite liked, I forgot them all, except one that went roughly: "Rhetorical questions are useless. What's the point?" Except it was actually funny when I heard it.
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And the other one was "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" which is much better.
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@remi that's because Alexei Sayle is actually funny. I see Tim Vine still made the top 15 list.
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@remi said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
The dumb thing is, Ken Cheng freely admits the joke is bad, and usually gets groans instead of laughs. Yet it still won
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@raceprouk I posted in the bad jokes thread for a reason...
Still, it's funnier than the second one (I don't like a lot Frankie Boyle, but this one is really not that good even for him).
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@remi You have to like offensive humour to find Frankie Boyle funny, because that's pretty much all he does.
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@remi For what it's worth I liked these much more than the winner:
I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated.
I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine.
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When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my dad. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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haha oh god these are so dumb but I laughed so hard
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@yamikuronue I didn't find any of them funny
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@raceprouk
Did you try usingmlocate
on them instead?
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@raceprouk said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@yamikuronue I didn't find any of them funny
Too busy trying to find a semicolon?
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@boomzilla Not in what I'm working on at the moment: C# flags missing semicolons as syntax errors.
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@raceprouk BOOOOOO
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@boomzilla No, not Boo, C#. Put your glasses on :P
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@raceprouk said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@yamikuronue I didn't find any of them funny
I was distracted by the font size 200 and the green + violet text.
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@yamikuronue said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
haha oh god these are so dumb but I laughed so hard
A SQL query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables, and asks, "mind if I join you?"
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Why should you never wear Ukrainian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fall out.
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@accalia said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
for @Kaelas
How many teens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you need a pretty big lightbulb to fit them in.I used to tell a similar one regarding the Mage: The Ascension RPG. Those familiar with the game can guess how it went; those unfamiliar with it won't care, because they can already guess that it's a terrible joke:
How many Ecstatics can screw in a lightbulb?
With enough Correspondence, you can fit as many as you want.
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@scholrlea said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@accalia said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
for @Kaelas
How many teens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but you need a pretty big lightbulb to fit them in.I used to tell a similar one regarding the Mage: The Ascension RPG. Those familiar with the game can guess how it went; those unfamiliar with it won't care, because they can already guess that it's a terrible joke:
How many Ecstatics can screw in a lightbulb?
With enough Correspondence, you can fit as many as you want.How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
We don't know. We've never seen them attempt to change a lightbulb.
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@pjh said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
How do you stop bacon curling in the pan
Take away its tiny brooms
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What do you call a male deer's favorite prostitute?
John's Doe
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There was a comedian named George Miller who passed away several years ago. At his funeral, his girlfriend told a story:
George and his girlfriend had a big fight, so one day he went to her apartment when she wasn't home and trashed the place. She suspected George did it and called the police. They went to George's house and asked him "Do you know anything about this?"
George said "No, what happened?"
The police officer said "Well, among other things, someone wrote an obscenity on the picture of Jesus that was next to her bed".
George said "Oh, I thought it was Dan Fogelberg".
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@masonwheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
An animal clinic near me had a sign once that said
Don't Litter
Spay and Neuter
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VIP: Very Important Person
vip: very insignificant person